CATEGORY: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
They had established a comfortable pattern. There were nights where Daniel would just drop by unannounced and they would proceed to fuck each other’s brains out. No words were exchanged or needed on those nights. No caresses were given or received either. No kisses. It was simple and mindless fucking. Stress relief. There really was no other way to describe those interludes. And he was quite sure that he didn’t want to find a different term for them. Daniel would always leave right after it. Quietly, without questions of a next time. They both knew there would be a next time. There always was.
Then, there were those nights where Daniel would come to his place and hug him without needing to explain his skin hunger. Those were the nights they would just cuddle on the couch and watch some old movies over a beer or two. Or wine, in Daniel’s case. They still wouldn’t talk. It wasn’t necessary. They simply shared a level of innate understanding that made words needless, inadequate even.
Those were the nights Daniel would stay until the morning, spooned tightly against his body. They would get up together, have breakfast together and go to the Mountain together. Still, they didn’t talk until they had actually slipped into the personas they wore around the SGC. Where “Daniel” would turn back into Jackson” and “Cameron” into “Colonel”. It was their way to protect what they shared during the night. A constant that he didn’t want to change.
Yet, one morning it did change. It had been one of those nights Daniel had stayed and had still been deeply asleep when Cameron woke up, turning slightly to watch the other man sleep. Even in his dreams, Daniel seemed to be restless. His lips were pursed, his brow drawn into a deep frown. Daniel’s eyes were rapidly moving behind his lids, and Cameron could only guess what horrors haunted the archaeologist’s sleep.
Later, he wouldn’t remember what made him cup Daniel’s face with one hand. He only remembered that he did and that Daniel’s features smoothed out immediately under his gentle touch. He made a soft, sleepy sound, turning slightly into the comforting weight of the hand. Cameron smiled, his thumb drawing idle caresses on Daniel’s skin. It was good to see Daniel relax for once. It made Cameron feel happy.
He got up to relieve himself and take a quick shower. They would have to be at the Mountain in two hours, and Cameron knew how long it would take Daniel to wake up properly. It was knowledge he shouldn’t have, but that he cherished nonetheless. Though they never talked privately, Cameron had the feeling that he knew Daniel better than anyone on base did. Quite frankly, it scared Cameron a bit, and he wondered for the first time what had brought Daniel to his doorstep in the first place.
He wiped the fog from the mirror, looking hard at the slightly blurry image he saw of himself in the glass. Somehow, he had expected to look differently, though he couldn’t pinpoint why. He should look differently, he thought. Something had shifted his perspective, his perception of himself. A change he couldn’t grasp, but welcomed nonetheless.
He rinsed his razor under the flowing water and put it next to Daniel’s. He raised his brows. When had Daniel’s things started to move into his bathroom? Then, he smiled. He didn’t care about the when or why. Only that they were there.
He wandered back into his bedroom, grinning at the picture that greeted him. One of Daniel’s hands was splayed out on the space he had vacated half an hour ago, the other arm curled protectively around Cameron’s pillow. He had his face buried in the cushion and was still deeply asleep.
Cameron shook his head, slipping into his underwear before he sat down on the bed. On pure instinct alone and before he even realised what he was doing, he leaned down and brushed his lips gently over Daniel’s. For a second, he thought he could get away with crossing a border they had unconsciously marked. Thought that Daniel would never know.
Then, he felt Daniel’s mouth moving slightly against his; Daniel was kissing him back. Cameron backed away slowly, awaiting those blue eyes to open and look at him with regret and rejection. Reckoned with Daniel telling him that—Yeah, what exactly?
Daniel stretched languidly, blinking sleepily up at Cameron. “Where are you going?” he mumbled, curling around the sheets.
“We’ve got to be at the Mountain in one-and-a-half hours,” Cameron replied quietly, afraid that he would break the spell if he spoke any louder. “And since I know how long it’s gonna take you to actually wake up properly…”
Daniel groaned, hiding his face in Cameron’s pillow once more. “Don’t wanna.”
Cameron chuckled. “Come on, sleepy head. Hop under the shower, and I’ll cook breakfast, okay?”
Daniel said something unintelligible, his voice muffled by the pillow. But eventually, he sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning widely. He slipped out of bed, rubbing his nose against Cameron’s cheek as he went. What the heck was happening here? And why wasn’t it bothering Cameron half as much as it should?
He shrugged and padded into the kitchen to cook breakfast. He put up a pot of coffee, just the way Daniel liked it: strong enough to having to use force to get a spoon into it. Next were the waffles and the eggs, which, he realised, he prepared as Daniel liked them as well.
He jumped and grinned when Daniel snuggled into his back, nuzzling his face between his shoulder blades. “You’re comfy. I think I’ll stay here for the rest of the day.”
“I think we would have a hard time explaining to Landry why you’re cuddled into my back,” Cameron replied softly, secretly enjoying Daniel’s sleepy demeanour. Of course, Cameron knew how Daniel was when he had just gotten out of bed. The only thing that was different was the way he acted towards Cameron. And vice versa. It was comfortable, intimate and cosy. Cameron loved it.
“Don’t care.” Cameron shivered when Daniel pressed a soft kiss to his spine before he released Cameron to serve himself some coffee. “Mmmmh…,” he hummed appreciatively at the first taste. “Just how I like it.”
“I’m curious. I have a hard time getting a spoon into it. How do you get the sugar and the milk into it?” Cameron asked teasingly, evading the friendly swat that was meant for his ass.
“Jerk,” Daniel muttered, taking another sip from his coffee before he wandered out of the kitchen again.
“Hey! Those are my boxer briefs!” Cameron called after Daniel, shaking his head at his archaeologist’s antics. He froze. His archaeologist? Where had that thought come from? “And hurry up! Your breakfast’s getting cold!”
Of course, he didn’t get a reply. After all, Daniel wasn’t even fully awake yet. He sat down at the counter to eat his breakfast, browsing through the National Geographic magazine Daniel had left in the kitchen. Cameron wondered why Daniel even bothered to read it. Most of the articles were about topics Daniel knew the truth about, and the articles were as far from the truth as they got.
“I’m almost don’t, and you’re still running around in your underwear. Not that I don’t appreciate the sight, but…” Daniel grinned mischievously, leaning into Cameron once more. “Explain your state of undress to Landry.”
“You’re impossible, Jackson.”
“Yeah, yeah, now it’s Jackson again. What happened to Daniel?” Daniel shot back petulantly, trying to look annoyed.
“Eat your breakfast. I’m gonna get dressed.” Cameron turned in Daniel’s embrace, wrapping his arms around him. “What’s happening here?” he asked softly, a warm feeling settling into the pit of his stomach when Daniel smiled at him.
“If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you,” Daniel replied cryptically before he kissed him briefly. “Now, get dressed. We can leave when you’re done.”
* * * *
If anyone thought Cameron’s behaviour towards Daniel strange throughout the day, they didn’t mention it. “Jackson” and “Colonel” were notably absent, replaced by “Daniel” and “Cameron”. No one said a word about their obvious need to touch each other constantly. No one commented when Cameron fixed Daniel’s backpack just before they went through the gate. And not a single sound was uttered when Cameron wrapped Daniel into his arms after the son of the local chief Daniel had begin to form a friendship with was killed in a skirmish with a rival tribe. Even Doctor Lam didn’t try to throw Cameron out of the infirmary when he insisted on waiting for Daniel. And Daniel only smiled gratefully at him when Cameron waited for him to finish in the showers before they left the base together for the first time.
Grocery shopping was quiet business, but Cameron couldn’t help but notice just how in tune he and Daniel were with each other. They didn’t have to discuss what they would have for dinner – chicken and salad. It was a silent agreement. Even the beer and the wine and the crackers went into the cart without discussing it in any way. It felt comfortable, normal even. Cameron liked it.
Their amicable silence followed them into the kitchen as they prepared their dinner. Then, suddenly, Daniel stilled, the knife he was working with poised over the bell pepper. His eyes glazed over and he sniffled. Cameron abandoned his chicken breast and pulled Daniel into his arms. “It’s alright, Daniel. I got you. I’m not going anywhere. I promise,” he murmured, kneading the tense muscles of Daniel’s shoulders with firm strokes.
Daniel didn’t reply, but wrapped his arms around Cameron, burying his nose in his neck. He didn’t know how long they were standing in the middle of his kitchen, and he didn’t particularly care. All he knew was that Daniel needed him, and that was all that mattered to him right now. “Okay?” he asked eventually, and released Daniel when he nodded against his shoulder. “Dinner?”
Again, Daniel nodded and returned to chopping his bell pepper. Before long, they were seated in the living room, watching an old movie over chicken, salad and beer. It seemed normal enough. Casual even. If Cameron hadn’t felt Daniel’s thigh against his, Daniel’s fingers caressing his hackles. It was too intimate to be truly like every other evening they had shared in a similar fashion. Cameron liked it. A lot.
Daniel plucked Cameron’s empty plate from his fingers and carried them into the kitchen. Cameron could hear that he was putting them in the dishwasher, right before he opened the fridge. He returned with another beer for Cameron and a glass of wine for himself. He took a small sip from it before he offered the glass to Cameron. Without taking his eyes from Daniel’s, he closed his hand over Daniel’s fingers and turned the glass so he could drink where Daniel’s lips had left a faint mark.
Daniel flushed, his eyes darkening with something Cameron couldn’t truly decipher. He had seen lust and desire in Daniel’s eyes before, but, whatever it was in Daniel’s gaze, it was nothing Cameron had seen before. He shifted on the couch, making room for Daniel to sit between his legs. Daniel only smiled and followed the unspoken invitation, snuggling back into Cameron’s chest.
Cameron put his beer on the floor before he slipped his arms around Daniel. He loved Daniel’s weight against his body, loved the way Daniel’s stomach was rising and falling under his fingers with every breath. He closed his eyes, nuzzling his face into the crook of Daniel’s neck. Once again he asked himself what exactly was happening to him, to them. If he were honest, he knew exactly what was happening, but as they said, denial wasn’t only a river in Egypt.
“Stay with me tonight,” he murmured suddenly, his lips ghosting over Daniel’s ear. It was the first time he actually asked Daniel aloud to stay, and for a fleeting moment, he was afraid that Daniel would say no. He needn’t have worried. Daniel tilted his head a little and smiled at Cameron. He didn’t answer verbally, but his eyes told Cameron everything he needed to know. “Let’s go to bed,” he finally said, hugging Daniel tighter against him.
“You have a one-track mind, Colonel,” Daniel said teasingly, biting Cameron softly into his chin.
“It’s you, Dr. Jackson, who has a one-track mind since you automatically assume that I want sex.” Cameron shot back, grinning.
Daniel chuckled. “And you don’t want to have sex?”
“The thought crossed my mind once or twice.” Cameron smirked. Then, he grew serious again, pressing an affectionate kiss on Daniel’s mouth. “But I have a feeling that ‘having sex’ doesn’t cover what we have anymore. Does it?”
Daniel shook his head and stood up, offering Cameron a hand. “Why don’t I show you?”
Cameron accepted the proffered hand and nodded. “Sounds like a plan.” Once more, he caught Daniel’s lips in a gentle kiss. “Lead the way.”
* * * *
Cameron was in some kind of limbo. He certainly couldn’t form a coherent thought anymore. All he was able to do was feel; Daniel’s body pressed tightly against his back, their sweat mingling; Daniel’s hands on his body, everywhere and nowhere at once; Daniel’s lips on his neck and ear and face; the excruciating slow slide of Daniel’s cock into his body; Daniel.
Cameron moaned, moving back against Daniel. He tried to shift his leg up to let Daniel deeper into his body, but Daniel just put it back down. He changed the angle of his thrusts into Cameron, rubbing firmly across Cameron’s sweet spot. Cameron threw his head back against Daniel’s shoulder, gripping Daniel’s hands tighter. He desperately wanted to touch his own aching prick, but it somehow didn’t feel right. He wanted to urge Daniel to go faster, slower. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t nearly enough. Every inch of his skin seemed to be alight with a fire that wouldn’t die down, that only blazed higher with every maddening touch of Daniel’s fingertips.
Daniel pressed even closer against Cameron’s backside, cupping his face with a gentle touch. Lips were whispering across Cameron’s ear, speaking words that Cameron wanted to deny, wanted to embrace, needed to hear. The answer to all his questions, everything he ever needed to know.
He felt a sob traveling through his body, accompanied with a single word, a single name.
“It’s alright, Cameron. I got you. I’m not going anywhere. I promise,” Daniel muttered, giving Cameron’s earlier words back to him with a passion that brought tears to Cameron’s eyes. “I love you.”
Cameron wailed, his orgasm tearing through him like a knife, hurting and burning, and he still wanted more, wanted it to stop and never to end, and it was too much, too fucking much, and he jerked, trying to get away from Daniel and still closer, and he sobbed. He wanted to deny it, needed to believe it, and everything was white, so hot, myriads of colours exploding at once and catching Cameron in the current.
He felt Daniel stilling behind him, and he could swear that he felt every single shot of hot semen inside him, bathing him, soothing him, marking him, and in his haze, he heard Daniel whispering those three words again, over and over again, and he grasped them, cherished them, realising that nothing short of ‘making love’ would ever be able to depict their encounters accurately anymore.
“I love you, too,” Cameron croaked, a new wave of tears shooting through him as he realised the true depth of his words, the truth in them. His perspective shifted once more, and for the first time in a long while, the universe felt right again.
“Sleep,” said Daniel quietly, brushing the tears from Cameron’s face. “I got you.”
“Stay?” Cameron murmured, already half-asleep, but he didn’t want to fall asleep if Daniel would leave again. Never again.
It was enough.
** The End **
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