Burning Embers Part 2 by Stacy L.

Daniel Jackson

Burning Embers Part 2

By: Stacy L.

MATTERS OF THE HEART

I have told you too much already.

How many times was he going to hear those same words in reference to Daniel? Every time he questioned about the young man he would get a little bit of information, and then he’d be told that too much had been revealed to him already. Either those he spoke with were afraid of Daniel or his “owner”, or they were highly protective of him…whatever the reason he was determined to find out.

As he sat in his cell he found himself gazing off and on in the general direction of the door aware that he was waiting for the man of his current ire to enter. Upon realizing that he was staring at that same door he cursed and jerked his gaze away feeling the anger within continue to stir. He was a fool and was a prisoner being held in a dungeon no thanks to that damned man he kept longing to see again. What the hell was wrong with him?

Feeling disgusted with himself and the chaos that fluctuated through him anytime the beautiful dancer entered his thoughts he was unprepared for the sudden surge in his chest upon hearing the door open and seeing the man enter. His breath hitched as he gazed at him feeling several emotions that he’d rather not admit to experiencing filter in before forcing his anger and rage to again take hold. The one before him had betrayed him without a second thought and here he was feeling more for him than he should. Shaking his head he forced his rage and anger to the surface sneering, “Well if it isn’t the conniving bitch returning. Come to gloat, Sarameya, or are you preparing to guide my soul to the underworld where I’ll rot no thanks to you? Oh wait let me guess you lured me here so that your master could conquer me, was it?”

“Jack, that’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair? That I speak the truth? That you used me, that you betrayed me to please your ‘master’, was it?”

“I warned you not to enter my world, Jack, and you chose to disregard the warning. I took an even greater risk in seeking Sam out and telling her of who I was, of whom I serve and what I do. I warned you not to pursue me. I warned you at great risk to my own life. I told you to stay away. I told you my world would destroy you, and it already is. Yes I betrayed you, but it wasn’t a choice for me. Had I refused him…”

“Him?”

“Yes my…”

“The one you call your master?”

“Yes. Had I refused him… I couldn’t do it, Jack. He’d know. He always knows. He would have found out. He would have found me. No matter where I run to he will always find me, Jack. Regardless of whether I want to live as I do or not I must, for no matter where I go he will find me. I’m bound to him, Jack. I’m tethered to him in a way that you couldn’t possibly understand. There is no distance great enough to separate me from him. I’m bound to him for life, Jack, for life. If I refuse him then I do so at the cost of my own life. Can you understand that, Jack? Can you comprehend that?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because everyone has choices, everyone has freedom, everyone…”

“I’m not everyone, Jack. I’m a slave and servant to my lord and master. I serve him and that is all I’m permitted to do. He rules me, Jack. He controls me. He…”

“See no, no, I won’t accept that. I can’t accept that.”

Lowering his head in frustration all Daniel could think to say was, “Very well,” before he turned and left the room leaving Jack feeling like an ass for snapping at him as soon as he saw him. He hadn’t intended on doing that, but when he saw him all his anger and rage seemed to boil to the surface and he directed it all towards the unfortunate slave. Slave? He shuddered at the word. Daniel, the beautiful dancer, the one who stole his heart was a slave. He found that extremely difficult to fathom and had no idea what that knowledge meant for either of them.

* *

Narayana glanced up as Daniel stormed into his room slamming the door loudly behind him. He quickly pursued Daniel first making certain there was no one lingering in the halls to hear their exchange before pushing open the door.

As he entered the room he searched for Daniel catching a brief flurry of red silk as the man continued to march through his living quarters to the one place he always sought out when he needed solace: his balcony. Shaking his head he drew in a deep calming breath before quietly approaching. As he likewise stepped out onto the balcony he noticed Daniel’s head tilt ever so slightly to the right. He knew that he was no longer alone yet he still sat so quietly staring out across the vastness of the planet’s colorful landscape unmoving.

He cleared his throat noting that Daniel’s only response was to haphazardly brush a stray strand of hair off his face that only continued to tease his skin as the gentle breeze continued to softly ruffle it.

He knew, or rather suspected where Daniel had just come from and he knew what Daniel was most likely feeling. Unsure of how to breach the subject he stood silently for several moments before softly stating, “You love him, do you not?”

Daniel glanced at Narayana for several moments before shaking his head and saying, “I don’t know, Narayana,” as silence fell between them once more Narayana waited certain that Daniel was not yet finished with what he wanted to say. He only had to wait a moment more before he was proven right and Daniel continued, “It could never work between us. Sure I find him attractive. I enjoy talking to him. I…feel more for him than I should, but it would never work between us.”

“Why not?”

“You know why, Narayana.”

“Ah yes because you are owned by Mara.”

“Yes and Mara will never grant me freedom, especially if he knew it was so that I could spend the rest of my days with Jack O’Neill. No, Narayana, love isn’t for me. I can’t love. I’m not free to love.”

“But you cannot ignore your feelings…”

“Yes I can. I don’t have a choice. Jack could never love me, and I could never love him.”

“Hmm, love Daniel is a very strange thing…”

“It’s a curse, Narayana. Love is a curse. It’s a foolish emotion that makes people weak…”

“Do you not love me then?”

Daniel focused intently on Narayana as he replied, “You know I do, Narayana. You’re like a father to me. Yes, I love you that’s not in question…”

“Then you are saying that you too are foolish and weak?”

“No, no I’m…”

“But you just said that love makes people weak, Daniel, and if you love me…”

“You know what I meant.”

“Yes I do, and I also know that love will find you at the oddest of times whether or not you are permitted to experience it. Your master controls you, yes. Your master owns you and you belong to him, but your master does not control your heart, nor will he ever. He may try to hinder you. He may try to discourage O’Neill from pursuing you and he may even drive a wedge between the two of you but he will never be able to stop true love if it is meant to be. He is not all powerful Daniel. He is not all knowing. He is merely a tyrant who through a series of misfortunes you now belong to. Do not let that stop you from daring to love another. If there is true love between the two of you then it will find a way. Love always finds a way, Daniel.”

“But he hates me…”

“He distrusts you because of your betrayal, but you also risked your own life to warn him and he chose to ignore the warning. You are not responsible for his captivity rather he is for daring to pursue you.”

“But I made him care for me, Narayana. I made him desire me. I seduced him and I lied to him to trap him here for my master…”

“You had no choice in the matter, and you did not make anyone care for you. You give yourself so little credit. You are far too easy to love and care for. Anyone can see that you have a good heart and that you possess a caring soul. What they cannot see is that you are oppressed by an unruly master who owns and controls your life.”

Laughing mirthlessly Daniel responded, “I’m no prize, Narayana. People like me don’t fall in love. People like me don’t deserve love. People like me are unworthy of such a gift.”

“Why do you say such negative things?”

“Look at me Narayana. I spend half my life on my back or on hands and knees serving my master. My duty when in the bed chamber is to fuck whomever he selects for me and to earn their trust so that they will confide in me their secrets, their plans. I must earn their trust or I am punished for my failure. I’m no prize. I’m a manipulator and a whore Narayana.”

“Do not speak of yourself in that way! You are neither of those things. Yes you have been ordered to do some atrocious things in the past, but you are good at heart and you always find a way to try to help others. You take great risks, yet you give yourself no credit.”

Daniel shook his head again as he responded with, “I seduce people that my master desires to own and control. I make them want me. I make them desire me. I make them love me, and then I betray them. I destroy them Narayana at the command of my master I destroy them. How could anyone ever feel anything for me other than hatred and rage after that Narayana? How…? I will never fall in love. I’ll never know love because no one could ever love someone as twisted as me.”

As Daniel lowered his head having nearly choked on his last words Narayana was quick to draw him against him holding him tightly as he hushed him. Daniel at first wanted to struggle, to fight and resist feeling he didn’t deserve anything but disgust from another but Narayana would never allow him to accept that. No, Narayana would never allow him to believe he was worthless, so as he always did, he countered with offering support, care and concern. When Daniel finally managed to relax Narayana pulled away and offered, “I will go speak with him again, Daniel.”

“No. No. It’s not worth it. Really, Narayana, there’s nothing there.”

“Hmm nothing but love, Daniel… You love him. He loves you, but neither of you can see or accept it. You humans I shall never understand.”

Daniel offered a shaky smile. Narayana responded by urging him to lay down for a bit. Once Daniel was settled he decided it was time to visit Jack O’Neill again.

* *

As he entered the dungeons again he noticed that the Colonel quickly jumped up. The moment he saw who was visiting his shoulders slumped and he sighed as if disappointed before saying, “What do you want?”

“I have come to speak with you of Daniel.”

Immediately the Colonel seemed to go on the defensive as he snapped suspiciously, “Why?”

Without a moment’s hesitation Narayana answered, “You are very cruel to a man who has nothing. I do not understand why this is. I would very much like to know. Tell me, O’Neill, does it make you feel good to hurt him further?”

“WHAT?”

“Does it make you feel powerful and in control when you hurt him? You speak to him as if he is nothing, yet I sense you care a great deal for him. If I am correct in my suspicions why then would you desire to further hurt him? Has he not suffered enough already? Why do you insist on being so cruel to a man you barely know, yet desire more than you should?”

“I don’t…”

“Tell me, O’Neill, would you so callously strip a man who is free as you do a man who is a slave?”

“Well no what…”

Cutting O’Neill’s response quickly off Narayana continued his voice softening, “He has already lost everything that was ever important to him, Colonel, and has precious little left. Why can you not at least treat him with some respect and dignity? Why must you take a man who already has little and strip him of everything? Why O’Neill? Why?”

“What are you talking about? Where the hell did all this come from? Did he put you up to this?”

“No he did not. We spoke of what transpired earlier. Your words, they upset him greatly. I do not like to see Daniel so upset.”

“Why? He something to you…?”

“As a matter of fact he is very important to me, yes.”

“Oh are you one of his ‘customers’ then? One of those who will actually pay to sleep with a betraying bitch…”

“O’NEILL!”

“What? Truth hurts?”

“In your case I would have to say yes, for only one who was deeply in love with another could feel such jealousy when speaking of them.”

“WHAT?”

“You will not win Daniel’s heart by treating him with little respect. You will not win Daniel’s love by persisting in remaining angry with him for something that he has no control over. If you love him then show him how much you love him, do not insist on pushing him to see how much he will take before he breaks. You endeavor to deny all of your feelings for him going so far as to make him angry with you so that he will persist in avoiding you. You do this merely to justify your reasons why you cannot love a man you have found your heart has already been given to. I beg of you, O’Neill, do not persist in hurting Daniel. He has suffered much. He has little left. Do not try to destroy something beautiful before it even has a chance to develop. He will never tell you when you have hurt him because he believes that he is deserving of such a hurt. He knows he has betrayed you and he knows that because of that you hate him. Hatred kills him O’Neill. He cannot handle it. He does not understand it.”

“How can he not understand it?”

“This place is all he knows O’Neill. He has lived within these walls most of his life. When he was young he suffered a great loss, and has been here ever since. What he knows he has learned from Mara and the others who reside here. Hatred is not one of them, at least not the kind of hatred you exhibit towards him.”

“What are you talking about?”

Narayana shook his head dismissively before changing the subject, “If you love him as I sense you do then allow it to develop instead of destroying it. Love is a precious gift. Do not allow anger, hatred and mistrust to destroy that for either of you, O’Neill. Please.”

With that said Narayana turned abruptly and exited the room leaving Jack staring after him as his mind toyed with what had just been said.

* * * *

He thought a lot about what Narayana had said to him several hours ago and found that he wanted now more than ever to see Daniel again. Glancing towards the door he found himself wondering if it was day or night. He could never tell in the dungeon, and hoped it was still day or at least early evening for that would mean Daniel would visit him shortly. Anxious, he began to pace. He was always pacing back and forth, back and forth. He was bored and had studied every inch of his cell multiple times. Still he had no idea of how to escape. It was beginning to look like the only way out was through Daniel, by using him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that because despite how much he tried to deny it he felt something for Daniel, and though Daniel had betrayed him he couldn’t bring himself to return that same hurt. Damn it!

Shaking his head he turned to make another pass across the length of his cell pausing when he heard the door open and feeling his heart clench as he caught sight of the young man approaching. He tried to ignore the excitement he felt upon seeing him again, knowing that he should be outraged with Daniel not anxious or pleased to see him. Daniel had betrayed him…or hadn’t he?

Shaking his head he gazed intently at Daniel recalling one of their previous conversations and quietly muttered, “‘Sam told you then,’” trying to figure out why that statement seemed so important. The answer came to him when Daniel replied with, “What? What Jack?” prompting him to answer, “That’s what you said.”

“What?”

“‘Sam told you’ but how did she know? You told her, didn’t you?”

“Told her what?”

“About you, when did you tell her? Why did you tell her?”

He lowered his head before answering, “I found her. She didn’t find me. I saw her with you that first night you came to watch me dance and after you started pursuing me…I tracked her with Narayana’s help and…”

“Told her about…about you…”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because if anyone could stop you from following me I felt it was her, but apparently you didn’t listen. I tried to…”

“Stop me, you tried to stop me.”

“Yes I did.”

“And I reacted by calling you a…”

“Yes, but I understand…”

“No…”

“Yes. Jack, I have no choice in the life I lead. I’m trapped with no chance at escape. You on the other hand were free and I value that highly.”

“Narayana said you had hope…”

“I did once then it was lost. When I dared to hope again all I got in return for my foolishness was to be hated again and called a betraying bitch, so hope’s pretty much dead to me now.”

Not sure of how to respond, knowing he was the cause he said, “But Daniel without hope…”

“I never had any, Jack. I never dared to hope before and then someone actually showed care and concern for me and I lost it as quickly as I had gained it. I’ll always be Mara’s bitch hound, Jack. There is no other life for me.”

“But…”

“I have no choice, Jack. When he purchased me I was placed in a cell like you. I had limited rights and no one cared, except Narayana. He would keep me company. He would bring me food, eventually after my third escape attempt…”

“Third?”

“Yes, third… After that escape attempt Mara forced me to walk a gauntlet. He didn’t think I’d survive. No one usually does. I proved him wrong and he granted me a name. After that I was released from imprisonment but made to serve him. It was better than the alternative. The dungeons they’re not very pleasant as you no doubt have realized. Many…many suffer down here. When I became his pet I was given minimal rights. One of those rights is to visit his dungeons and tend to those who need tending. He permits me a certain amount of time each day and each night to visit. IF I behave, IF I listen he extends it. Jack, there are thousands of people down here and though I can’t visit them all in a day I can manage it throughout the week. They have no names. Some, some have been here so long that they don’t even know who they are any more. He calls them his conquered. I call them the forgotten, and I try to spend a little extra time with them when I’m able, so that they know someone at least cares for them.”

“Do you help them to escape?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because if I’m caught I’ll be executed… There’s no one else to do what I do.”

“So you’re a saint?”

“Oh no, far from it… I’m just a slave who uses his time to tend and visit with those here. I’m no saint. I have pleaded with my master to release some of his prisoners, but he doesn’t listen. Instead I’m usually punished for being so daring as to question him. My pleas fall on deaf ears and many of them die here because I’m unable to win their freedom from him. So I’m no saint. If I were I would be able to save those trapped here.”

“Would you?”

“What? What Jack?”

“Would you save them, or are you just telling me what I want to hear?”

Jack noticed the hurt flash across Daniel’s face ever so briefly before it vanished and his face was once more unreadable. He answered softly, “Yes I would save them if I could, Jack. If I had that kind of power I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

“So what’s stopping you then?”

“Don’t you listen, Jack? I’ve already told you what would happen. I’m powerless to interfere and if I dare to do more than I’m permitted I will suffer.”

“So you’ll sacrifice your soul for him?”

Lowering his head as if in defeat Daniel softly uttered, “Such is the life of a slave…”

“Such is the life of a… You’re so damned accepting of your place, aren’t you?”

Jerking his head up he responded with, “I never said that, Jack. I’ve only said that I have no choice.”

Anger tinged Jack’s voice as he tried to comprehend why anyone would be so accepting of the status of slave that prompted him to ask, “Why?”

“Because a slave has no choice and I’m a slave, Jack. I’m a slave.”

Irritated now Jack snapped, “By choice no doubt.”

Daniel shook his head before answering, “No. No. I had no choice and none were given to me. My choices were taken away.”

“By who?”

“By the one who captured and sold me.”

“Were you always a slave?”

“Do you mean was I born into this life? No. Did I have a choice in the life I now lead? No. My choices were all stolen away by those who profit from lies and deceit, by those who profit from violence and war.”

“It’s just that, well, you seem so damned accepting of your place and if you were born into this life it would explain a few things.”

“Whether I’m accepting of my place here or not doesn’t matter Jack. I have no choice but to serve him. He owns me. I’m property now. I was sold and claimed. I was marked and made what I now am. I had no choice. It was either live or die and I chose to live, to survive. Many would call this no life at all, but it’s better than the alternative. I chose life over death and this is the only way I am able to live. If I serve him I live, if I don’t I die and there’s so much more I want to do, so much more I could do if…” shaking his head he lowered it feeling sadness consume him, a sadness so profound that he could no longer look at Jack O’Neill nor remain in his presence. Without another word or backward glance Daniel strode from the room running into Narayana in his hasty retreat who immediately asked, “Are you all right, Daniel?”

“No, no Narayana, but I will be. I will be.”

With that he fled to his room and Narayana entered the dungeons quickly approaching the colonel to demand, “What did you say to him? He is very upset. What did you say to him now, O’Neill?”

Glancing up hoping it was Daniel returning and disappointed to see only Narayana he quietly answered, “Nothing. I didn’t say anything to him.”

“He was upset about something. It was something that the two of you were discussing. What did you say to him, O’Neill?”

“I…nothing, it was nothing.”

“Daniel does not often get so upset that he must leave a room. What did you say?”

“We were talking that’s all.”

“About what were you discussing?”

“His life, how he got here, why he’s here…why he’s so accepting of his position in Mara’s court…”

Narayana shook his head before speaking again, “Do you understand what his life is like, O’Neill? Do you understand how difficult this life is for him to lead and how few choices he presently has available to him…”

“No. Yes…no, no I don’t.”

“He was not always a slave. He was captured and imprisoned. Upon imprisonment he attempted many times to escape and many times suffered for his efforts. Mara purchased him from the one who had originally captured him. He knew that when he purchased Daniel he was purchasing an untrained servant but Daniel’s beauty, his spirit, Daniel…stole Mara’s heart. Mara desired to possess and own him. He made Daniel a proposition that Daniel refused. Upon refusal he was locked in the dungeons and left here for some time. Mara chose to make him suffer ordering the other guards to provide Daniel little in the way of comfort. If he would refuse his master then he would earn nothing and he would receive nothing. Daniel was very young at the time and was offered very little. He was kept always in darkness, always in need, always in discomfort for Mara wanted to destroy Daniel, to rip him in half, to cut out his very soul and all because Daniel had refused him…”

“Shit!”

Narayana looked up a bit startled by the interruption and Jack immediately quieted awaiting Narayana’s next words. Several moments slipped by in silence before Narayana continued, “Daniel nearly lost himself down here. He still says to this day that had it not been for me he would now be as lost as those who have been long forgotten yet remain trapped here.”

“Kindred spirits…”

“What?”

“Kindred spirits… Daniel, he told me that he visits the prisoners often and takes special time out to spend with those forgotten souls who are still trapped here. He was…earlier he told me about them.”

“Yes part of the reason he spends extra time with them is because he was once in their place, though he never completely lost himself down here…”

“Because of you…”

Narayana ignored the statement and continued, “Daniel tried to escape several times and several times almost succeeded. Mara became angry, angry that he would lose the one he swore to punish for his rejection. Upon Daniel’s third escape attempt Mara had decided to end Daniel’s life, to execute him for his rejection, his defiance, his disrespect and his escape attempts. He was to be an example to the others, proof that no one escapes Mara’s dungeons, especially not one sentenced to life imprisonment by Mara. As punishment he forced Daniel to walk a gauntlet. Daniel was not supposed to survive. The guards, his army spared Daniel no mercy. They beat him without control, without reserve, without care, they beat him. They’re orders? They were told to make certain that he did not survive. He, they were his executioners O’Neill. Daniel was not supposed to survive such a brutal, vicious punishment. He was to die that day, but he did not.”

“They didn’t kill him?”

“If he made it to the end of the gauntlet and was able to cross the final line still breathing then his life would not be taken. It is the way a gauntlet is run. He had to make it to the end of the line still drawing breath to be granted his life. No one survives one of Mara’s gauntlets and those few that have usually crawl across the line. Daniel forced himself upright and walked across the line before collapsing on the other side of it. The guards they helped him rise again, several carried him to their master. Daniel had collapsed at his feet, but he was still very much alive. When Mara confirmed that he still drew breath it was then that he granted Daniel a name and permitted him to serve. His choices were to return to his cell and die there or to attend his master and willingly serve him. In exchange he would be given free run of the palace and would be granted permission to visit and tend to those who still remained in the dungeons…”

“And so he willingly serves his master because…”

“He has no other choice. It is either serve or die in a cell unable to help anyone. Daniel chose life.”

“So in the end Mara got what he wanted anyway?”

A nod of the head was Jack’s only answer and the only response he was able to form around his rage and anger was, “That’s extremely cruel…”

Narayana said nothing.

JUDGE NOT

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