By: Stacy L.
CATEGORY: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, POV
TABLE FIC PROMPT: 084. Hate
COMPLETED: December 2, 2006
My hatred burns deep. There's so much hatred, so much anger deep down inside. I know I shouldn't feel this way. My heart shouldn't be full of rage, but it is. She is my balance, strange as that may seem.
We clashed from the moment we met. I had wanted to hate her, but I couldn't for hatred was so much harder for me to feel back then. She could stir me up, rouse my ire and push me to the height of frustration and beyond, but she could always, can always, temper it and trample it into cooling embers. She would drive me mad, still does, but always she's there to rein me in, draw me back, soothe my hurt and calm the storm boiling within me.
She's a counterbalance to me. We are opposites, but deep down we are so similar that it's truly scary. When I look at her I sometimes see myself in her, the man I used to be. When she looks at me she sees the woman she wants to be. Opposites attracted to each other, clashing at times, as if in a whirlwind. While at other times living in perfect harmony, one ideally complimenting the other. She has come to mean so much to me so very much that it terrifies me and I sense, I know, that she feels the same. Without each other I fear that we would both quickly become lost, for we need each other so.
As my hatred continues to build, my rage to climb, my guilt to increase I am terrified, for I see my destruction on the horizon. I see the darkness within me, the evil that stalks my every move. I'm afraid of what I could become in the face of the adversity we now find ourselves in. Sometimes I feel lost. Sometimes desolation floods me, fills my heart and taints my soul, pushing me ever closer to that darkness we all hold within, that darkness some of us still fear. Hatred, anger, frustration, doubt they all lead one on the path to failure and again Oma's words echo back to me as if to taunt or to remind: “All one can really decide is whether they are good or they are evil” and as her words of long ago whisper through my mind coldness envelopes me, squeezing my heart, driving into me, threatening to bring me rapidly to my knees...
As my body begins to shake, as fear consumes me I feel a warm hand reach out, a soft voice speak to me, tender arms wrap around me and I am quickly drawn against her. As the fear nearly captures me she whispers in my ear: words of comfort, words of love, words of wisdom and again she soothes me, lulls me, draws me back to myself, reins me in and calms me to the very core. I find I can't look at her, too strong are my emotions, too close to the surface, so instead I reach out, pull her tightly to me and wrap my arms around her in desperation afraid, so very afraid, that without her I would now be gone.
And as we cling to one another her soothing voice filling the air around us I softly voice words I dared never utter and as I give voice to them a burden lifts for I know that I truly mean them and I want her to also know that I love her...
** The End **
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