Guinevere Comma Not 

                                                                                                                                                     By:  Ari 




WARNINGS:  Sexual Situations, Threesome


AUTHOR’S NOTES:  Requested Element, Mitchell’s never done it with a man.



If he were Vala (he looks down: it seems more likely every second that he is) he’d learn to stop touching things. Of course, there are some people (Jack O’Neill, to name them all) who might’ve said the same thing about him, once upon a time. But he’s gotten much better about this, learned from experience, and would never dream of flicking a lever just because it was there screaming touch me. From Mitchell, he could understand it; Mitchell’s as innocent as Vala is jaded, but it wasn’t Mitchell who got them into this (though it is most decidedly Mitchell who’s going to get the blame, especially from Jack, especially if his favorite archaeologist comes back in the wrong body).




“Whoa, man, wasn’t me,” Daniel’s body says in a voice that (oh no) sounds suspiciously unlike either Vala or himself.


“Mitchell?” guesses Daniel.




“When I woke up this morning I was,” Daniel says, and swivels around slowly, not used to balancing with hips and breasts, to find Mitchell’s body.


“Well! Won’t this be fun!”


“It’s downright uncanny to hear my voice say that,” Daniel’s body (Mitchell. Mitchell in his body, Vala in Mitchell’s, and he, God help him, in Vala and God, brain, why did you have to go there?) says.


“And a bit strange to hear my voice say ‘downright uncanny,’” Daniel says. “This does raise an interesting question, though…”


“It certainly does. You’ll want to experiment with the new bodies, won’t you Daniel? I know you’ve just been dying to get into my pants and now that, well, you’re in my pants, you’ll want to have sex. Right?”


“Okay, that’s deeply bothersome,” Mitchell says, and Daniel nods his agreement. Regardless of who’s wearing the body, it’s just wrong for someone as Boy Scoutishly innocent as Cameron Mitchell to sound that seductive. It’s doubly wrong that it seems to be working.


“Other than Vala’s typically juvenile suggestion, there is an important and, er, possibly life-threatening question here. The bracelets…”


Mitchell obviously gets the point, holding up the hand that’s got Daniel’s bracelet on it. Vala gets it too, and sniggers. “Well, clearly now you two are linked and I’m free as the Jaffa Nation to do as I please. But I think for your sake, I’ll stick around a bit. I want to see how long it takes Cam to try to seduce my body when I’m not in it.”


Cameron colors, and Daniel sees that this situation is going to do nothing to ameliorate his reputation for blushing. He sighs. “Well, we’d better get back to the SGC…”


“For sex in the VIP room?”


“I was thinking more the infirmary.”


“Ooh, kinky.” Vala links arms with Daniel and gestures for Cameron to do the same, but he shakes his head, so Vala grabs his elbow too. Daniel can tell that this situation will be a boon to no one’s reputation, but given how the rumor mill at Cheyenne Mountain works, that’s hardly surprising. The only thing that would help his reputation at this point would be to drop dead – and even that’s no sure thing.


                                                                                                              * * * *

Carolyn Lam diagnoses them unfit for duty (no surprise there) and sends them to the VIP lounge to relax (no chance of that) and work through their issues (clearly she inherited Janet’s horrible sense of humor). Only Vala lounges, and Mitchell’s body sprawled ungracefully over three couch cushions is hardly relaxing to the other two. In fact, when Vala holds Mitchell’s legs up like they’re hers, lithe and graceful, and when she parts her legs…well, relaxed isn’t exactly how Daniel’s feeling.


“Stop that!” Cameron says, echoing Daniel’s thoughts. “It’s…unnatural.”


“What?” Vala asks, and the innocence sounds more believable in Mitchell’s mouth than in the one she normally uses, but is still rather farfetched, given her posture. “Don’t like it?”


“It’s really not fair to be…stop doing that.”


“You don’t like being excited by your own body? I figured, you’re male, you must do it all the time…”


“Yeah, but usually it’s just me, myself, and my right hand in the room…oh God.” Mitchell buries Daniel’s face in Daniel’s hands and Daniel feels his pain. “Vala, this isn’t easy for any of us. Do you have any notion to make it easier?”


“Not if you won’t make it easier for me,” she says, pouting. “No one’s seen to my needs; there’s no reason I should help with yours.” And with that, she leans over to unzip Mitchell’s fly, causing both Daniel and Mitchell to rush over to her in protest.


“Please don’t,” Daniel says, and the words come out with a pleasant whine that’s actually pretty attractive on Vala, less so on him, even less so when it makes Vala pout prettily using Mitchell’s mouth. Daniel feels the beginnings of an acute headache, and pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s had worse dreams than this, but most of them don’t involve body-swapping, not lately. It’s been ages since Machello…


“Headache? Can I get you anything for that? Aspirin? Cold compress? I find that sex usually cures most of my ills, and now that you’ve got my body…”


“Please don’t talk about this like it’s a permanent situation,” Mitchell begs. “I’m having enough decidedly uncomfortable thoughts to begin with.”


Vala flips herself to upright and makes her lips kiss-shaped. “Who wants it?” she asks, and since Cameron steps back first and Daniel never could resist a pretty girl (even when she’s in a pretty boy’s body, it seems), he takes the bait. He realizes in the kiss that he’s been craving these lips. His own are smaller than he’s used to, weaker, plumper, and Mitchell’s mouth is broad and male. He lets himself sink as Vala never would into Mitchell’s broad shoulders and demanding kiss. Vala’s kiss. There’s precedent for this much, though not for the hand over his groin – not Vala’s hand, either, not in any sense of the word.


“What are you doing with my body, Cameron?”


“What are you doing with mine, Jackson?”


The man’s got a point; his hand is on Cam’s ass and he’s pushing himself pretty deeply into that kiss, not to mention the way he’s responding to the hand sliding down his pants. Which is his hand. Which is weird. But not as weird as watching Vala break the kiss (“Mmm, girly”) and try to kiss Cam, who pulls away.


“Nuh uh; this is a freaky enough situation without the addition of homoerotica. Especially if the, uh, homo in question is my body.”


“Would it make you feel better if you thought of it as me?” Vala asks, but from the way Cam’s shaking, Daniel’s pretty sure the answer is no.


“Look at it this way,” Daniel tries (not sure when he started trying to convince Cameron to have sex with him and Vala, but apparently he has and while wetness and sharp nipples aren’t what he’s used to calling arousal, they definitely need to be taken care of). “If you kiss me, it looks straight but is actually gay. If you kiss her, it’s vice versa.”


“Yes, thank you, Daniel, for making what was a perfectly arousing situation sound utterly dull. Do you want your vice hot or cold, Cam? Actually,” she brushed broad fingers over Daniel’s cunt, “I think we’re both pretty hot right now.”


“Vala, my body…”


“Yes, what about it? I don’t mind if Daniel abuses my body, so long as he shares.”


“I’m kind of used to owning my own body,” Cameron says, and crosses his arms over his chest in a way that, to be honest, makes him look more like Daniel than Daniel does at the moment.


“Oh, Daniel, will you do something about him?”


Maybe it’s the body, or maybe it’s the temperature (which is rising by the minute), or maybe it’s his exposed breasts, but Daniel feels like taking risks. He’s used to Vala throwing her body at him, so it doesn’t seem so extraordinary to throw her body at someone else. He kisses Cameron, and the scratch of week-old beard, the faint taste of coffee that he’ll never get out of his mouth, the shock that turns into receptivity – those are his. Cameron’s somewhere else; he’s Vala and he’s kissing himself, tasting the innocence that he’d forgotten he used to have.


“Whoa there, boy. I think you’re enjoying yourself a little too much, if you take my meaning.”


“No such thing,” Vala snickers. “Daniel, if someone had told me how hot we look together, I’d have fucked you long ago.”


“You did,” he reminds her.


“So I did. Go it again?”


“Not so pretty with the bodies wrong,” Cameron points out.


Daniel takes a good hard look at Cameron’s body, his broad fingers and smooth chin, his muscled arms and the swagger that Vala has cold (almost as if she’s been spending a fair amount of time watching Cameron work his magic…) and shakes his head. “I think this way is pretty too,” he says, and Vala nods her head eagerly.


“If I’d known this is what it took to get you into bed again, I’d’ve switched us before now.”


“You did it on purpose!” Daniel realizes, and turns to give her a dressing-down, but since she’s already undressing, it hardly seems the right time. He lets her sling a leg around him, and is shocked to realize he’s still off-balance; before he can catch himself, he’s lying on top of her, legs straddling Cam’s broad waist. The hands on his hips can only be his own; he knows by instinct that they’ll soon be unbuttoning him, and he can feel this in his head, in Mitchell’s borrowed fingers, in Vala’s pussy. This is a first time, but it’s as familiar as books, glasses, dust, as new and as old as the shaking in his stomach when he enters a wormhole, as frightening as a first time and as delightful as rediscovering an ancient story, carved on an obelisk that only he can read, and only with fresh eyes.


Vala winks.



                                                                               ** The End ** 


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