As Always, Unexpected 

                                                                                                                                            By:  sorrel_rowan   

 

 

CATEGORY:  Humor

WARNINGS:  None

 

AUTHOR’S NOTES:  Some humor/fluff for hariboo_smirks.

 

 

Washington.

"But how-"

"Do be serious."

"Back at you."

A moment later, Vala's heels are in her hands. The soft, brand new and delicate Italian leather straps looped over her wrists, tangled in ill-advised, brightly-coloured bracelets, she sighs and slips bare feet into the fence links. Paused at the top, she glances towards the ground.

"Ready, darling?"

The head attached to the face behind the raised eyebrows at the bottom of the fence nods curtly and removes his hands from clenching behind his back.

Vala waits until the search lights were pointed in the other direction, thanks Samantha for suggesting the dress with the split up the thigh as the better choice, swings her leg over the fence and jumps down.

This, she thinks hurriedly and with a swallow, would be an opportune moment for an inappropriate remark, if only one would come to mind.

"We should-"

"Yes. Leaving."

Daniel carefully removes the hands that had been sitting warmly, comfortably, just above the tops of Vala's hipbones and steps back, before they begin the walk back towards the centre of the city.

"Really, Daniel, we should just give up on restaurants."

The frown of deep disapproval Daniel's been wearing ever since the first bullet in the restaurant eases slightly. He ducks his head and stops by the corner of the main street and the alley, hand going to the small of his back where a stolen standard issue was tucked under his jacket as he glances around it and Vala reintroduces her feet and her shoes.

"The bad guys do seem to think we have middle class habits."

"Well, that's insulting. We should prove them wrong by not hailing a cab."

Daniel's smile flickers back on and off again, before a whole other frown appears.

"Oh, dear."

"What?"

He turns from the light, frown in place and eyes narrowed.

"That particular-" Vala puts a fingertip on Daniel's nose briefly, then tugs his suit jacket arm. "Up. The wall's damp." Daniel follows her finger from his nose to his arm and complies, stepping forward. He blinks once, twice and pushes his glasses up his nose.

"You were saying?"

"Yes, I was," Vala grins, tilting her head and shaking out her hair in preparation for being amongst the general public, "that particular frown means we may be forced to act beyond the exacting confines of the law."

"I'd-" Daniel runs a hand through his hair and sighs, continuing in a low, expressionless tone. "I'd rather we didn't take a cab."

"Excellent! Now, I'm thinking -" Vala leans around the corner and back, "- that Porsche over there."

"No."

Vala slowly turns her head over her left shoulder, finding Daniel close behind.

"What's wrong with the Volvo?"

It's Vala's turn to blink once, and then twice. "Daniel. It's beige. And dented." She smiles slyly. "And it's an act of charity to steal the Porsche. The owner probably has a far higher disposable income than the Volvo owner."

"Nice try, but c'mon, dear."

"'Dear?'" Vala hisses, a pleasant smile on her face as she and Daniel step out of the alley, his hand under her elbow. Slipping an arm through his, Vala palms the man who gives them a scandalised glance off with a bashful, shy smile and slight giggle.

"Ha-ppy. Couple," Daniel grinds out, same pleasant smile gracing his features as he tugs his elbow in the direction of the Volvo - and away from the Porsche.

"Fine," Vala rolls her eyes, smiling and running her leg up against Daniel's.

Daniel leans so close that she can feel his breath on her ear. "What are you playing at?"

Vala giggles and shrugs. "With what my finely formed leg is doing, how many people will notice that I just used the zat'ni'katel from your left pocket to disable the electronic locking?"
    
"You make a good point," Daniel replies, putting a hand on the small of her back as she takes a step forward to make enough room to fall back into the driver's seat. "But why," he hisses into her ear, pulling her back up from the driver's seat, "couldn't we just be inconspicuous?"

Passing a pedestrian as he 'guides' Vala to the passenger door and Vala seethes quietly, Daniel mutters something about margaritas to the concerned pedestrian. The pedestrian gives Vala a look over and is swiftly moved on at Daniel's glare.

Daniel's glare follows the man down the street as he opens the door, Vala maintaining the facade that she needs the crook of his elbow to keep her standing straight. "Just because you're-"

"-Pretending to be very drunk-"

"-Doesn't mean I wouldn't punch him."

Vala allows herself to slump into the passenger seat, waiting until Daniel is installed in the driver's seat to purse her lips and remove various pieces of wire from the lining of her ruined clutch.

"Why thank you, Daniel. Move your leg to the left."

Daniel, rolling his eyes, complies. "Don't mention it."

"And as to your earlier question," Vala tilts her head, temple knocking his knee and causing him to jump back, "we most closely resemble the last fifteen minutes of any given Die Hard film. People are going to notice us. We may as well provide their small minds with sordid, plausible explanations. Try it now."

Daniel's knee rises and the small engine bursts into sputtering, unreliable life.

"Hotel?"

"Hotel."

 

                                                       * * * *
Vala, perched on the edge of the double bed in Daniel's hotel room, can only hear one side of the two am conversation with one General Jack O'Neill.

"Yes, Jack, I really am flattered that yet another governmental bad apple hates us."

She rolls out her neck, watching Daniel pace in front of the small desk, his shirt neck loosened from his incessant tugging and jacket tossed across the back of the chair. It's disproportionately amusing that he continues to pace, even when the landline cable restricts the space available to a metre in either direction.

"We- yes, 'we' means Vala and I."

Suppressing a grin and wishing the other phone were on the side of the bed next to her. She'd like to hear Jack's reply to that one.

"We get shot at and you want to know why we didn't have our cells?"

Vala flops back on the bed, a genuine falling backwards this time rather than the scene they played on the crowded Washington street. Pulling one knee up on the bed, she turns and uses the edge of the bed to push herself the extra distance required to pick up the extension.

"-care if they were tapped. Besides, what about the ones I got you lot? Vala? What's your excuse?"

"Daniel had his, and if you'd like to refund the perfectly good money I spent on my clutch bag when you're replacing our phones, I'd appreciate it, Jack."

Across the room, Daniel is watching in amusement, phone braced between his ear and shoulder as he shuffles through faxed over papers with both hands.

"They shot your handbag?"

"Yes. Daniel's phone happened to be in it. And I liked that one."

"Well, I'm sorry about that, Vala."

"So you should be."

"Jack?"

Vala turns over, shoots Daniel a grin, and sits down the extension.

"The marines and the security should be able to handle it."

Sitting up on the edge of the bed again, she slips a hand down to against her ankle and loosens the heels. They're pretty, but even prettier on the floor and away from her complaining feet.

She's distracted from pondering which particular food to ask the marine to bring up by Daniel's sigh.

"Yes. That does make sense."

She purses her lips together in a valiant effort to suppress a grin.

"See you in the morning, Jack."

Turning, she throws Daniel an innocent look. "So I'm sleeping here?"

He freezes, the phone an inch from the cradle. "It... makes sense." The words are slow and seem to crawl from his throat.

"One location to secure and all that," Vala nods, fluffing up the pillow near her.

"Yes," Daniel looks between the bed and the papers on the desk.

Vala rolls her eyes and goes to the room door.

"Hello."

"Ma'am."

Vala dangles her room key in front of the marine's eyes.

"What do you need, ma'am?"

His partner down the hall nods - they aren't related, and Vala's beginning to wonder if it's just the haircuts and serious expressions that make it seem that way - and speaks quietly into a radio.

"Thank you, darling."

Vala closes the door and leans against it.

"Well, that was no fun."

Daniel, now sitting at the desk, sends her a quick grin. "Could you not badger the men with guns this once?"

"This once-" Vala walks over to the bed and flicks through the book on the small table beside it, "- would be this twice and before you know it, I'll be co-operative."

There's a snort from the desk. It's possibly one of disbelief, but she doesn't check.

Five minutes later, there's a knock at the door. Vala checks the password and takes the bag from the marine.


                                                                                                              * * * *
The shower hurts. Water creeps into all the small cuts sustained on the fight and the short dodge, drop and run executed from the restaurant to the stolen Volvo. In truly cinematic fashion, the first bullet had shattered her wine glass, showering very small pieces onto her bare upper arms, and for all her bravado, Vala actually didn't enjoy being shot at that much.

They were in Washington on a spurious excuse- the real reason being somewhere between Jack missing Daniel, Daniel missing Jack and Vala needing to get the heck out of the Mountain. And Jack's toddler-like curiosity, but that went without saying.

Convinced that under the grime a person had emerged, Vala shrugs on some slacks and a vest top and goes back into the room.

                                                                                                              * * * *
Daniel interrupts her staring between her bag and the bed. "Forgotten something?"

Vala fails to fight back a yawn. "I'm wondering whether it's worth the discomfort of going to bed with wet hair to avoid the effort of drying it." The lazy option wins, and she catches Daniel watching her tie her hair back.

She slips under the heavy hotel quilt and turns onto her side, before groaning and turning over. Looking across at Daniel, still at the desk, she coughs significantly and artificially. He looks over his shoulder.

"We aren't going to have some ludicrous argument about you sleeping on the floor, are we? Because I'm not. We do that often enough."

Daniel picks up the towel Vala's left in a heap by the bathroom door, pausing next to it with one hand on the door frame and a slightly lazy smile. "Point."

Vala can hear the shower running behind the wall in the bathroom and can tell when Daniel steps in and out of it. If she were paying closer attention, she'd be able to tell when he lifted an arm, sending a pool of water thudding to the tiled floor.

She blinks awake when Daniel slips into the bed next to her.

Reaching up with a grin, she puts a hand in his hair and finds it still damp from the shower.

"I couldn't be bothered either, despite your hair dryer being tempting and all."

He's definitely tired; his voice is beginning to slur and he's not even bothering to read his boring book, just slumping down into the soft pillows and rolling out his neck.

"We should just have gotten one room in the first place, you know."

He smiles ruefully back. "Yeah, probably, but some expenses goon somewhere would have kicked up a fuss and next thing you know, one of us is on SG-3."

Vala allows her lips to turn up at the corners and wiggles her toes. "Mmm. Marines."

Daniel glares mildly and reaches across her for his boring book, letting his arm settle across her collar bone for a second more than necessary.

Vala raises an eyebrow. "You don't have glasses on. And it's upside down."

Daniel reaches back across silently, sitting the book on the bedside table from whence it came.

Turning and wrapping an arm around her waist, she can feel his grin on the back of her shoulder.  "Next time, we're just staying at Jack's."

 

 

                                                                                  ** The End ** 

 

 

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