Burning Embers Part 10 by Stacy L.

Burning Embers Part 10

By: Stacy L.

CHORDS OF FEAR

When the Past Re-emerges

The piano was one thing I used to pair up in my mind with fear. It started out as a beautiful instrument I would be taught to play and became a form of punishment. Once I learned to play I excelled and he was pleased, but I was young and wanted to, needed to create and compose. He didn’t like that. Slaves, he would say, do not create without their master’s consent. Slaves, he would say, never play for themselves. Slaves, he would say, always play when the master permits and ONLY to please the master. When I failed to learn that particular rule the piano became an item of fear, despair and terror to me.

He kept me there for months in that room. He told me I would remain chained to the instrument until I learned his valuable rule. Eventually striking even a single chord on that piano could strike fear into my heart, but then after some time the piano became a sort of coping mechanism for me and when that happened he again chained me with it only this time I was secured several feet from the piano to the floor for daring to touch HIS instrument without HIS permission. After that the piano room became the epitome of fear to me but always, always the piano was there to calm me, to soothe me and though I was chained so far from that piano I dared to create against my master’s will by moving my fingers across the floor where I was secured. He thought it cute. He thought it amusing to watch me play an invisible piano before him. Had he realized that in my mind I could visualize the music, see it, see the notes in my head, hear the chords in my mind so vividly that I could virtually recreate them and compose WITHOUT even touching that piano he would have killed me, for to him what looked like a pathetic gesture was a form of empowerment to me, little did he know that his docile slave was being outright defiant towards him. Narayana knew but he never revealed my secret. Mara’s pretty pet had quite a rebellious streak in him that was always kept well hidden and had he known I would now be dead.

Shaking his head he quietly cursed the man who had owned Daniel feeling his anger for the man only continuing to build. He had put Daniel through so much, so very much. He had hurt Daniel repeatedly, hurt him, manipulated him…hell, tortured him so very much and Daniel had endured it all.

He sat silently staring, not focusing, on the journal that lay open before him thinking of the words recorded on the pages in front of him and hoping he had read the entry wrong, while knowing he hadn’t.

After several moments of contemplating he slowly closed the book and sought out Narayana. When he found him the man gazed at him glancing briefly at the book in his arms before nodding and quietly saying, “You have questions.”

“Yes.”

“Then come. Sit. Ask me those questions you fear you cannot ask him.”

“But is that…fair, right to ask when…?”

“Daniel has asked that I answer what I can, what I fear he may not be able to so please sit. Sit.”

Nodding Jack lowered to the chair Narayana indicated carefully laying the book on the table between them. He found himself gazing again at the cover before gently drawing his hand across its surface. Narayana watched the gesture silently before encouraging, “Please ask your questions.”

Sighing he responded, “I…I don’t know if I can do this. I mean…”

“Daniel has told you when you have questions you are not certain he will be able to answer to come to me first. Now please what is your question?”

“Uh, well um…he…um…”

“Jack…”

“It’s about…the piano.”

“Ah, what about it?”

“He…was he, did Mara… He mentioned he had been secured to it as a young boy and…”

“Ah yes. There are many entries on the piano. Many, many memories surround it, not all of them pleasant to read.”

Lowering his head he swallowed hard drawing courage to himself before asking, “Was he really chained to it?”

Silence fell before Narayana replied with a quiet, “Yes.”

“Wh…why?”

“Because he would not play for his master…”

“What?”

“Mara had learned of Daniel’s reliance on the piano, on playing the piano to soothe him self, to calm himself. He had Daniel trained thoroughly on the instrument but never expected it to become something Daniel would need. Upon that discovery he chose to chain him several feet from the piano to the floor…Daniel would sometimes begin to move his fingers as if across a keyboard in times of great pain and despair. His master found the behavior fascinating and humorous to watch. It was a strange behavior that proved extremely calming for him. He would unconsciously begin to move his fingers across the floor as if playing a song on the instrument. Eventually he learned his lesson…”

Swallowing hard he spoke barely audibly, “And what lesson was that?”

“That he was not permitted to play for himself, he was however required to play for his master whenever he asked, for however long he desired. If his master desired to hear the piano then he would play it. If his master did not want to hear it then he was barred from touching it. It was strange.”

“What was?”

“When he first began Daniel’s training he would chain him to the piano and make him play for endless hours. He would stand over Daniel and coach him. If Daniel stopped too soon or hesitated or chose to play something for himself his time chained to the piano would be increased.”

“How was he…chained?”

“His left ankle was secured to a piano leg, while his wrists and his right leg were left free.”

“So he could play without being hindered…”

“Yes. He was also tethered to the piano by a leash. It was his master’s way of punishing him for his disobedience. He would not be set free except to relieve himself. He was kept chained there for some time.”

“He wasn’t left go to sleep?”

“No. He had to find sleep where he was secured. Eventually he started to gently touch the keys creating music for himself in the late hours of the night. He would touch the keys so lightly that the sound would not travel. I knew of what he was doing because I was ordered to guard him. I would stand by the door and watch him as he would remain so very still his head resting against the piano as if he were asleep and just when I was certain that he was his hand would move slowly to rest on the keys and he would begin to play quietly. He would do so until he could no longer keep his eyes open…that is how the piano became such a comfort to him.”

“How long was he kept secured to…?”

“Many, many months…until his master felt he had learned what was expected of him.”

“What was expected of him?”

“Yes and for many months afterwards he feared that room, but could not resist the lure of the piano. One day he entered without permission and began to quietly play. His master caught him and as punishment ordered him chained to the floor several feet from the instrument for daring to enter the room without permission. It was after that he was forbidden to touch the piano unless commanded.”

Shaking his head saddened by what he had just heard he asked, “So Daniel has never had any sort of freedom from Mara? He’s always been made to serve? Did he, has he traveled?”

“Only when Mara traveled, he was always by Mara’s side. He was not permitted to leave it for any reason unless by direct order of Mara himself.”

“Has he been permitted to do anything for himself?”

“Very little I am afraid…”

“So Mara has always been there?”

“Yes except when he was sent on missions, but even then if Mara chose to contact him or to call him back he was required to come immediately. His failure to do so, to return to his master in a timely manner was met with immediate retribution from his master.”

“How did Mara know where he was?”

Falling silent Narayana sighed heavily before offering, “He had many ways to keep track of Daniel wherever he might have gone.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“You must believe it, O’Neill, for it is part of the reason he could not flee.”

As if a light bulb went on in his head Jack asked, “The tracking device…?”

Narayana bowed his head as he softly answered, “Yes.”

“Son of a bitch!”

“Mara was afraid to lose Daniel. He was his most prized. In order to insure he would never lose him he had a tracking device planted within him. He was able to monitor Daniel wherever he was. Even if he ran Mara would always find him all he had to do was…”

“Use the tracking device…”

“Yes.”

Jack hung his head disappointed by what he was told. Glancing up at Narayana he thanked him before saying, “I think it’s time I speak with Daniel.”

“Do what you must, but be aware that with the discussion of the piano will come many memories that are already difficult for him to deal with.”

“I understand, Narayana. Thank you…again.”

Narayana bowed his head and watched as Jack left the room, silently urging luck to be with him and hoping that Daniel would open up and finally talk about some of the things he had experienced while under Mara’s care.

Under Aindri’s Protection

Searching for Daniel he found him sitting on the back porch his gaze focused on the distant horizon. Lowering beside him he smiled softly saying, “You like it out here, don’t you Daniel?”

“Yes I do. I…,” turning he fell silent as his eyes took in the book Jack was gripping tightly in his hands before once again returning his gaze towards the distant horizon.

Silence fell between them for several moments before Daniel stated, “You have more questions.”

“Yes but we don’t have to…”

“What about Jack?”

Lowering his gaze he stumbled over his words as he said, “Can we, uh…? Would you…? Can I talk to you about something?”

He swallowed hard before nodding, which prompted Jack to begin, “I was wondering, um…,” shaking his head he continued, “Look if you can’t answer this just tell me, please?”

Daniel nodded and Jack continued, “Daniel, Narayana said you were taught to play the piano by Mara…”

“Yes.”

As the memory began he closed his eyes feeling Jack’s hand suddenly on his shoulder, and shook his head allowing the memory to come…

He guided Daniel into the spacious room that was virtually empty except for a black Concert Grand piano, a bench and several lamps. The room was white with a wooden floor and several high arched windows lined the far wall. As he took in the room he became very nervous wondering why his master had chosen to bring him here. He waited before the order came, “Approach the piano, my pretty pet.”

“My Master, yes My Master.”

“Do you play?”

“My Master, not well My Master.”

Mara nodded before continuing, “It is good that you have some knowledge of this grand instrument…”

“My Master, may I ask why, My Master?”

Mara smiled softly as he urged, “Trace your fingers across it, pet. I want you to become familiar with it, intimate with it, for this is the instrument I wish for you to learn.”

“Learn but…”

“Address me properly!”

Immediately lowering his head in fear he quickly corrected himself, “My Master, yes My Master.”

Satisfied with the immediate correction of the error Mara continued, “You will be tutored. You will practice and you will learn. You will please me by being very attentive during your lessons and you will play for me whenever I desire it of you. Is that understood, pet?”

“My Master, yes My Master.”

“Good.”

The memory ended as abruptly as it had started and Daniel glanced up seeing his concerned gaze he quickly assured, “I’m all right, Jack. I’m all right…just a memory…”

“What…what was the memory? If, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“It was of the first day…”

“The first day…?”

“Yes the first day he guided me into the piano room and told me I’d be trained on it.”

“Oh.”

“It was an extravagant room, Jack. Wood floors, white walls, big huge windows on one side, the Concert Grand sitting off to the left… I spent a lot of time in that room, spent a lot of time learning, a lot of time being coached, a lot of time playing for him, always for him never for myself. It angered me, but still I played for him for endless hours. He said I was a master at the instrument, whatever the hell that meant.”

Softening his voice Jack asked the question that was disturbing him since reading about it, “Then why did he chain you to it, Daniel?”

Swallowing hard he managed only a soft quiet, “Because I wouldn’t play for him…” before another memory swallowed him up,

“If you will not play for me then you will remain here,” with that comment he felt the cold iron encircle his left ankle followed by a loud click that pronounced it was locked in place. Tugging against the restraint he felt fearful and panicky managing, “Master…”

“Silence!”

He tensed further as his master drew an iron collar around his vulnerable throat softly requesting, “Master please don’t do this to me.”

“I said silence, pet!”

Swallowing hard he squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he heard another loud click echo throughout the room as the collar was secured. He tensed further as the chain attached to the collar was then tugged on and drawn to the opposite leg of the piano. Again he attempted to plead for mercy, “My Master, please…”

A glare from his master had him closing his mouth and lowering his head further as he realized that he was being insolent. He swallowed hard unsure of how his master would respond and drawing in a deep calming breath as his owner snapped, “You behave as if you are untrained, pet. I am most displeased, and when I am displeased what happens? Speak.”

Nodding he quietly replied, “My Master, I’m punished, My Master.”

“Yes. Now be silent as I finish securing you.”

He fell silent stiffening as his master drew the chain taut before securing it smiling as he suggested, “You may move the bench closer to the piano, pet. You will find you are much more comfortable that way I assure you.”

Keeping his head bowed low he did as his master suggested closing his eyes as he was informed, “You will remain here until you learn to play for me. You will remain until you learn to do as I ask instead of challenging my command. You are now a slave to your instrument. You will sleep here, and you will live here until you do as I have asked. Is that understood, pet? Speak.”

“My Master, yes My Master.”

“Good. Now I shall leave you to find rest, for night is quickly falling.”

“I was certain he’d return for me right away, sure he was testing me, that he was just warning me of what could happen but…”

Daniel turned away drawing his arms across his chest. He then drew in a shaky breath but said nothing else.

Jack quieted his voice further as he gently encouraged, “But…?”

Daniel glanced up briefly before continuing, “But after a week of being visited only by guards who released me long enough to relieve myself before returning me to the piano and again securing me to it I became extremely afraid, terrified actually.”

“Terrified?”

“Yes.”

“Of what…?”

“Of being forgotten again…”

It was Jack’s turn to draw in a shaky breath. Ignoring the reaction Daniel continued, “In rebellion I refused to play for him.”

“So he kept you chained?”

Daniel nodded before adding, “I spent countless hours trying to figure out how I could rest without having to rely on the instrument I was fast growing to hate. I hated the piano for a time, and when I discovered that the only way I could sleep was to sit at the piano and rest on it I hated it even more. My chains were… He tethered me to it using a very short chain. I believe it was deliberate on his part to chain me up like a dog on a leash so short that it prevented me from finding any sort of comfort at all.”

“As punishment no doubt…”

“Yes. I tried to lie down on the bench, to sleep on the floor and even considered laying on the piano itself but found the only comfortable position that provided the least amount of strain was to sit on that bench and lean against the piano itself. The days, I lost track of them. Each day I was there I became more and more afraid that I’d be left...forgotten. As further punishment I received little in the way of my basic needs. I became weaker, more tired… I ended up spending most of my time sleeping. By the time Narayana was permitted to tend to me I could barely lift my own head. He coddled me that day, bathed me, fed me and apologized profusely for having to again secure me to the piano. My Master didn’t give him a choice. If he refused to secure me again…”

Silence fell between them stretching until Daniel broke it with, “He kept me there for…a very long time. I spent endless hours in that room unable to obtain freedom of any kind. Eventually I played for him as he had requested. I played for hours on end told to continue playing even when my fingers began to ache and throb. It became a game to him, Jack. It was always a game to him. When I stopped playing or attempted to play something for myself he’d beat my hands, sometimes with a belt, usually with a ruler. He’d beat them until they cracked and bled and sometimes, even after that, I’d be made to continue playing for him. I learned quickly after that and eventually he freed me, eventually.”

“Were you ever… Did he ever do that again?”

“Chain me to the piano? No. Chain me to the floor several feet from the piano? Yes.”

“Why…why’d he do that?”

Daniel swallowed hard glancing briefly at Jack’s face before lowering his gaze towards the floor and continuing, “I was terrified of that room for a very long time, Jack. I’d have nightmares about it, nightmares in which I’d scream until I was hoarse, nightmares of dying there, of being trapped in darkness. The nightmares were…most of them were absolutely terrifying. I…I’d… The dreams would get so bad that I…I’d literally avoid the room unless it was commanded of me to enter. When he caught me alone in the room, saw my hands on the keys… Well I believe that’s when he realized the room no longer made me afraid and that the piano held a new significance to me.”

“So he decided to forcefully stir up your old fears and take away the one thing that could soothe them as punishment.”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Son of a bitch…”

“I wanted to play Jack, so badly that I…without conscious thought I reached out, struck a few chords, and he caught me.”

Daniel lowered his head squeezing his eyes shut as his mind took him back to that day replaying it as if on a movie screen:

“What are you doing?”

He jumped startled by the direct question flushing as he realized he was caught. He stumbled over an answer before managing, “Cre…creating, My Master.”

“Creating? You do not create unless I permit you to create.”

Lowering his head he softly responded, “My Master, yes My Master,” while inside his soul was continuing to die.

“Slaves do not create. Pets do not create. Pets are trained by their masters to perform a few petty tricks, but they never create unless permitted to. Sarameya you again forget your place. You are a pretty pet who obeys without question.”

“My Master, yes My Master.”

“HEEL!”

He immediately lowered to hands and knees feeling shame flood him as he did so and flushing when ordered to crawl to a spot in the center of the room feeling fear consume him as he heard the distinct rattle of chains that indicated only one thing: he would soon be bound and leashed.

Daniel spoke again breaking the silence, “Narayana found me later huddled into a ball in the center of the room shaking. When he drew me into his arms I… I was devastated, Jack, devastated. Narayana he took care of me. I…I was kept there for…some time, made to face my nightmares, left to wonder if I’d ever get out of there again. I…that room, it holds so many memories for me, so many nightmares...”

Shaking his head he tightened his arms around himself as the memory faded then continued, “I had conquered my fear Jack, but that second sentencing succeeded in re-creating it. As a result I feared that room with every fiber of my being, right down to my very core, but not the piano. No. I could still play the piano, play it without touching it. I could visualize the music, you see. I could see the notes and the keys in my mind and… He never realized it, how I could play without a piano. Narayana knew, had realized what I was doing, but he never revealed my secret, and to this day I don’t believe Mara has a clue.”

He smiled before confessing, “It was one of my many secrets.”

“Wait I thought you said you had none, that Mara knew everything.”

A sly smirk spread across Daniel’s lips as he confessed, “Well not everything.”

“Why Daniel you never cease to amaze me.”

His smile widened slightly in reply, and Jack drew him close immediately wrapping his own arms tightly around him. Together they sat on the bench in companionable silence drawing comfort from one another as they watched the sun sink lower on the horizon.

ONCE LOST

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