Burning Embers Part 7
By: Stacy L.
TO BE FREE
Silently is how I serve him now.
Quietly. I utter not a sound, for I’m not permitted to. It’s his way, his way of instilling in me that which I
am. He believes I’ve forgotten, but how can one forget what they are when they
have served most of their life as a favored one, as a slave, as a servant?
He thinks by doing so he will
better control me and better control Jack. He thinks he has such control when
all it is, all he really has, all he desperately holds onto is a mere façade.
He has resorted to commanding me
to his room now almost routinely, save those nights I serve others for him.
When he orders me to his chambers I’m usually expected to quickly disrobe
before him, bowing as I request to spend the duration of the night with him. If
I fail I am beaten and each beating is far worse than the one before. Once
granted permission to lie with him I must join him in his bed. Sometimes he
requests more and sometimes he requests nothing at all.
I try to comply, to appease but
as soon as I close my eyes I remember him,
the one who now owns my heart, the one My Master has vowed to forever keep me
separated from. Love I’m finding is more a curse than a blessing, for each day
that goes by when I cannot speak with him or see him I feel a little more of
myself disappearing. If this is what love is than perhaps it’s better left for
another, one who is free to do as he or she pleases, one who is free to love
another and not just seen as nothing more than a beast…
“Syama come.”
Bowing his head he approached his master without a word or sound being uttered. His master reached up to cup his cheek as he softly spoke, “You are so very beautiful, Syama. Why must you persist in challenging your master?”
Keeping his eyes downcast he tensed as he tried to recall if he had failed to comply with a command, made a mistake somewhere or had done something wrong. Sadly he couldn’t recall having done anything to instill his master’s sudden ire and felt fear beginning to filter in yet again. What would he be punished for this night? What would he be disciplined for now?
It was becoming routine to be beaten for no apparent reason save his master chose to do so. He needed no reason, for he had the right to beat his servant simply if it pleased him to do so and apparently it did. Narayana was becoming more fearful for him, for each night the master grew worse. It was all so very senseless. It was all so his master could prove a point and prove that he wasn’t losing his tight hold on his favored pet.
He lowered his head closing his eyes in desolation as he heard the sharp intake of his master’s baited breath. He tensed further in preparation certain that a strike would soon be forthcoming. He waited on edge finding he was silently ordering his master to do it, to just get it over with and nearly quivering before him when he softly quietly said, “Tonight you will play for me, Syama. You will play all night. Do you understand?”
He didn’t respond, for he was not yet permitted to. When told he was dismissed he bowed elegantly before leaving the room to enter the piano room. As he took a step into the room he felt all the old fears creeping up again and hesitated. He had spent so much time here in this room, so much time and not all of it was pleasant.
Silencing the memories before they dared arise he entered and approached the piano lowering before it, settling in the seat and closing his eyes as he began to play…
* *
Jack tensed the moment he heard the first chords being struck on the piano finding himself gazing at his hands aware of just who was now playing. To hear him felt unbelievably good, for he had not heard Daniel or his precious voice in so very long. His master had sentenced him to silence so very long ago and like a good little pet who never disobeys his owner Daniel remained silent, trapped in silence, unable to speak or to voice a single sound for his master forbid it. To hear him now made his heart soar for though it was merely the instrument he heard he knew it was also a sound, sounds that Daniel was making. Closing his eyes he listened feeling his heart ache as he knew what Daniel was playing wasn’t for himself. It was for his overbearing, cold-hearted master.
He approached the bars of his cell wrapping his hands firmly about them as he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against them listening to Daniel as he played on.
As a door opened he felt his every nerve stand on edge uncertain of who was visiting, yet unable to raise his head as he listened to the music above. The soft footfalls of his visitor’s approach blended with the cadence of the piano falling silent only when his visitor drew to a halt before him. He waited relaxing when the familiar voice of Narayana intruded, “He has finally permitted Daniel to play.”
“But not to speak…”
“No not to speak but to Daniel being able to produce any sound even if it is not his own voice is better than living a life in silent service to his lord.”
“How long will it go on Narayana? How long will Mara persist in his cruel command?”
“I am afraid I have no answer for you, O’Neill.”
“Has he served in silence before?”
“Yes but never for such a lengthy amount of time. It is destroying him, killing him slowly yet Mara refuses to see what lies right before his very eyes.”
“I have to get him out of here and soon, Narayana, very soon.”
“Yes it must be soon, for I fear Daniel will not be able to hold on much longer…”
* *
He closed his eyes as he played, his fingers knowing innately where to go, what key to strike, what pattern to follow. He was alone, alone in the room that held such fear and pain for him. If these walls could talk the stories they could tell about a lost little boy who had been trying to find his way, his path through a life he had not been born to live in. The memories they hovered like phantoms always within reach but never closer than a distant memory. Floating, hovering, waiting to enter in, pushing to be remembered, ready to torment him yet again, but he refused to give them power over him.
He was alone which was uncommon. Usually his master would stand over him ready to punish him if he dared to stray, dared to play something different but now? He had no doubt his master would soon appear wielding the belt…
His fingers fumbled over the keys and fear filtered in. He silenced the screams in his head forcing his fingers to move freely once more praying his master wouldn’t appear to discipline him for the grave mistake.
Drawing in a calming breath he focused on willing his fingers to move and glide without error only relaxing when after several minutes had passed his master had still not appeared. He had tolerated the mistake. Why?
Shaking his head he began to wonder if this was a test. His master had sent him here alone to play without his coaching or supervision. Why?
Shaking his head again he became more certain than before that this was a test and if he passed…
Silencing those thoughts he continued to play quickly becoming lost in the sound, so lost that he hadn’t been aware of his master’s appearance several hours after he had started to play. As a hand squeezed his shoulder he stumbled over the keys again swallowing hard, paling as he worked through the piece trying to regain his rhythm and finding his fingers were stiffening on him instead of becoming limber again. He forced them to continue moving halting them only when his master said, “Syama you may stop for your hands are paining you. You have been out of practice for several weeks. We must remedy that.”
Keeping his head bowed and his fingers still reclined on the keys he said nothing. His master softly urged, “Turn. Turn for me Syama.”
Obeying he gasped when his master drew his left hand into his and began to massage it easing the tension in fingers that had been so active mere moments ago. After he was done ministering to one hand he did likewise to the other asking quietly, “Is that better? Speak.”
He only nodded. His master smiled before permitting, “Syama you have done well this night. You may go to bed. Speak.”
“My Master, thank you, My Master.”
Mara nodded before dismissing him to his own personal chambers.
My fingers move across the keys
of their own accord. They produce a melody that is pleasing to My Master. What
I play I play for him never for myself, but it’s so much better than the
alternative: silence, cold, harsh, ugly, brutal silence. It pains me so to
remain a mute in his court. Many are disturbed by such a sentence, for it is
unjustly cruel. It’s his way to punish me, to remind me of what I am to him, of
what I am in this world.
I’m expected to carry out every
duty given me, every command uttered but never am I granted the right to utter
a single sound, even when he beats me I must remain silent. It is very
difficult and more often than not I can’t remain as such for very long. Perhaps
this is why the beatings have grown harsher, crueler?
As I reach up to my face I
gently press a finger to my split lip. I wince aloud, for I am alone in my
chambers for the first time in weeks. He has finally allowed me to remain in my
rooms for the night. I swallow hard, lower my head and press a hand gently to
my cheek. Another hiss of pain escapes. My face is no doubt a mottled mess of
black, purple and green. The unfortunate result of fresh bruises painted ever
so quaintly over older ones.
The beatings are becoming much
worse, much more commonplace for him, and I am afraid of what will happen if
they continue. I don’t know how much longer I can tolerate them. I’m not as
strong as I once was. If he continues I fear I may never recover, but what say
do I have in his choice to discipline me so harshly? None, I have no say for a
servant is property and thus feels nothing, is nothing but an item to be used
and abused by the one who owns it…
He carefully closed the journal he had just been recording in before running his fingers faintly across the cover and drawing it to his chest. He held the journal as he slowly, carefully made his way to his bed. Swallowing hard he gently eased onto his knees releasing a staggered gasp as old and new bruises made their presence quite apparent. Drawing in a calming breath he reached under his bed to place the journal with his other meager belongings then slowly, oh so very slowly he drew to his feet once more feeling as if he were an elderly man as he made the painfully slow, shaky trek from his bed to his balcony. Every part of his body hurt, every muscle screamed out in protest, every bruise and cut throbbed. Once to his balcony he felt relieved ready to collapse against it as the pain reached a crescendo that temporarily stole his breath away. Closing his eyes he waited out the storm before allowing himself to relax, directing his gaze towards the distant horizon.
Arthu (that which
gives meaning to life)
He stood on the balcony gazing out across the vastness of Yamapura silently watching the golden sun as it slowly descended in the sky. As a cool breeze gently ruffled his hair making the silk he wore billow about him like a brilliant red curtain he drew his arms across his chest rubbing his hands briskly up and down them in an attempt to stave off the slight chill.
These were the times he cherished most, times alone by himself. When he was on his balcony he didn’t have to submit to another. He didn’t have to serve another. He didn’t have to please another. All he had to do was what he wanted to do.
Times like this were very few for servants had little time alone, and most had no time at all. He was lucky, for he had a few quiet moments like these to be himself.
Standing alone as the sky darkened overhead and night settled in he cast his eyes heavenward wondering what life was like out there beyond all those stars. The night sky was so vast and so beautiful…
Allowing a small smile to touch his lips he didn’t miss the soft steps of a visitor approaching. He heard them stop knowing instinctively who it was and smiling more as the steps began to recede allotting him his precious time alone. Only Narayana had such great respect for him to allow him the solace he often needed. Narayana was probably even now checking the hall to make certain he would keep his quiet time, and as he stared at the heavens above he could hear the faintest click as the door to his personal chambers was locked. Narayana was no doubt now standing nearby silently watching over him.
Lifting his face fully to the now dark sky he allowed his eyes to close and drew in a slow deep breath as he allowed calmness to settle in…
Kama (that which is
desired)
Sometimes in the late hours of
the night I think about my life, and where I am in that life. When I was
younger I used to imagine things were different. I’d try to create my own little
world all to myself, a place where I had everything I ever wanted. As the years
went by and little changed I began to give up those dreams and accept that I’d
never have anything other than what I had. It became harder to create magical
worlds when I was faced with the cold harsh reality of my life. After that I
had to adjust, to accept that though I could do so much more, that I wanted so
much more out of life I wasn’t privileged
enough to receive it, that I would never
receive it. Once I was able to realize that life became easier to bear.
Eventually I gave up on those
foolish dreams of distant lands and foreign places. I forgot that the world was
so much bigger beyond my balcony because I wasn’t permitted to venture any
where other than my own little backyard. The only way I could venture was if I
was either attending My Master, engaged in one of his missions or attended by
Narayana. If I wasn’t doing any of those things then I was restricted to my
rooms or to the piano room, sometimes I was even told to return to my studies,
for My Master wanted an educated slave not a lazy, ignorant one.
I learned quickly how to
eliminate any and all of my imaginary worlds and forget them. After that it was
easier to accept that there was no escape for me and never would be. My life
was now on Yamapura, my home was on Yamapura and my duty was to my lord and
master. My right was to serve him and only him in whatever capacity he desired.
Here there is no room for
fanciful thought or crazy magical places that exist only in one’s mind. Here
there is no time for day dreaming or wanting for things I can never have. Here
there is no chance for that want, that desire to be free for it’s a fool’s
desire and one that will never be afforded to a lowly slave. My life is here and
there will never be any other.
Mokshor (liberation)
He quietly entered the room asking himself again just what the hell he was doing. Narayana had told him that Daniel wasn’t with his master. He was in his room. He had managed to get out of his cell bent on leaving but instead of running for the door he was searching the whole damned palace for one who had betrayed him.
When he came to the room he quietly entered being guided there for some unknown reason. As he entered he was amazed at how beautiful and big the place was, positive that he had found Mara’s quarters. He continued to walk through the room into the next and the next pausing as he caught sight of someone beyond the far set of doors standing on what appeared to be a balcony. As he caught sight of a vivid red material blowing in the breeze his mouth went dry. He halted in his tracks finding he could do nothing but stare, for he was positive he knew who was on that balcony. Turning around he quickly locked the door to the chamber before making his way rapidly towards the figure. Without thought he grasped him from behind pulling the man against him and tensing as a choked pain laced scream escaped from the one before him. He immediately released the man softly muttering, “Oh God I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. What did I do? What did I do?”
It was then that the person turned towards him holding arms tightly across his chest and as he looked into the eyes of the man before him he saw so much pain there. Without thought he pulled the man into his arms again and again a strangled cry of anguish slipped out before a harsh voice spoke, “God not too tight, not too tight. Careful, careful please…”
“Daniel.”
He nodded before managing, “You need to go. Please.”
“No. No, no, no Daniel.”
“Please Jack, please. It’s now or never. Now’s your chance…”
“Not without you, Daniel, not without you.”
“No I can’t go. I can’t. He’ll find me. He’ll kill me, but not you. Please.”
“You’re coming with me.”
“I can’t go with you. Besides I’d only slow you down. I can’t. I can’t. I belong to him. He owns me, Jack, he owns me.”
“No he doesn’t, and you are coming with me.”
“No. I can’t, Jack, I can’t.”
“Yes you can.”
Managing to grasp Jack’s shirt he focused intently on the man before saying, “Please go.”
“Not without you.”
“I bear his mark, Jack. I’m his property. I’m his slave. There’s no escape for me, but for you… Please.”
“No.”
“Yes. You have to let me go. You have to. You have to.”
He attempted to shove Jack away but was too weak. Jack shook him lightly drawing another choked cry of pain from him before saying, “You want to stay? To stay with a man who beats you, to stay with a man who rents you out to strangers, to stay with a man who makes you crawl upon hands and knees like a beast? You want to stay with him?”
“No but I don’t have a choice. I have no freedom, Jack. I belong to him. He owns me, Jack. He owns me.”
“Bullshit, that’s bullshit. Daniel, come with me.”
Shaking his head and finding he had not the strength to talk much longer he managed, “Don’t take me with you, Jack. He’ll kill you if you do. He’ll kill you. Please. Please…”
He fought to stay conscious aware that in a few more moments he’d be at the mercy of the one trying to convince him to go with him. He feared that if he didn’t convince the man otherwise Jack would take him with him and his master would not rest until he was found and punished for daring to leave his side. His master would not only punish him but would also kill Jack for daring to steal what belonged to him. He couldn’t allow that to happen so he tried again, “Please Jack, you can’t take me with you. He’ll find us. He’ll kill us both.”
He struggled to remain alert but was quickly losing the battle and before he realized he had hit his limit he crumpled in Jack’s arms.
Jack realizing what happened carefully lowered him to the ground brushing hair off of the side of the man’s face and paling as he saw the severe bruising on his jaw that the action revealed to him. God, what did the bastard do? Beat him until he could no longer move? What?
Determined to take Daniel with him he grabbed a cover and wrapped it gently around the man’s lean form before hoisting him into his arms and heading towards the door jumping when the door flew open, relaxing only when he recognized the one who had entered. The man rushed to him demanding, “What are you doing?
“He’s not staying here.”
“He has no choice. He will be hunted for the rest of his days.”
“And he’ll be dead if he has to face that bastard’s wrath again!”
Narayana couldn’t argue with that statement. Mara was never extremely abusive towards Daniel…until Jack O’Neill arrived in his dungeons. After that his anger seemed only to build by leaps and bounds and it was usually his pet Sarameya who suffered the full extent of his wrath. Daniel had nearly died two days ago when his master had again lost control and nearly beat him to death for a minor infraction. His anger was unquenchable and Daniel was unfortunate enough to be in the direct line of fire.
Shaking his head he gazed determinedly at the man before he quietly said, “If you take him then you must NEVER bring him back here. You must take him far away where his master cannot possibly find him.”
“I will.”
“That means he cannot return immediately to Earth, Jack, for that is the very first place Mara will look for him. Earth is his home world, Jack. Mara knows that even though his capture of the man was on a planet far different from that of Earth Mara knows that Earth is Daniel’s home. He cannot yet be returned there, for it is far too dangerous a place for him.”
“So where can I take him?”
“There is a place you can take him where he will be safe…but you must allow me to come with you.”
“Oh hell no!”
“Jack he is my responsibility. It is my job to protect him at all costs…”
“And I can do that now.”
“Jack we have been together for many years, Daniel and I. I…I raised him, Jack. To me he is my son, not by birth but because I took him in, cared for him and raised him as MINE. Please. He is my family. He is all that I have.”
“Shit!”
“I am sorry. This…revelation, it surprises you.”
“No, no it doesn’t. Daniel told me about you and… We have to go now before it’s too late.”
“Agreed.”
“Then let’s go.”
“We will but first…”
Jack watched as Narayana approached Daniel’s bed and lowered beside it reaching under it. He demanded, “What the hell are you…?”
As Narayana drew his hand back Jack saw that he held a wooden box and book. Narayana quickly answered his unvoiced question, “These are his most prized belongings, Jack. Now we must retrieve something else from my room and then we will go.”
“What? We don’t have time for this!”
“I will not allow you to take him until I retrieve something else from my room.”
“We’re wasting time…”
“And this is very important! Now be silent and come this way, quickly.”
Jack followed Narayana as they quietly slipped into the halls setting out on a journey to free Daniel from captivity once and for all.
*
*
In Pursuit of Dharma
(righteousness)
He didn’t awake for several hours when suddenly he snapped his eyes open and sat up screaming at the pain that answered and nearly panicking when he didn’t recognize where he was. Before his panic consumed him, however, Narayana was there holding him, rocking him, speaking soothingly to him and he rapidly settled in response before managing, “Where…? He took me, didn’t he? No, no, no. He’ll hunt us. He’ll kill us. He’ll…”
Holding the young man tightly against him he reassured, “No, Daniel, he will not.”
“He will. He will. He’ll kill us all. He’ll…”
“No he will not.”
“We can’t stop it, we can’t. All he has to do is trace…”
A new voice interrupted as it demanded, “Trace? Trace what?”
Narayana glanced up at O’Neill and silence stretched before them. Daniel was first to break it with a choked, “Oh Jack…” that nearly tore Narayana’s heart out, for those simple words were laced so heavily with raw emotion.
As Daniel’s next action was to bury his face against Narayana’s body burrowing deeper into his embrace Narayana tightened his hold focusing intently on Jack knowing that Jack had picked up on so much when Daniel had spoken those two simple words. As Jack’s gaze burrowed into his he lowered his head before starting, “Do you remember what I said about Daniel, about how his freedom will not be easily obtained?”
“What didn’t you tell me, Narayana?”
“Escape for Daniel is not easy. He will be tracked unless we undo the marker his master placed within him.”
“The marker? Within him? What the hell are you talking about?”
“The reason Daniel could not leave that planet and could not return to earth is because Mara will find him even there. All he must do…is track the marker he placed in Daniel.”
“How? What? I…so he’s still in danger? Mara will find him here? He’ll find him and take him back? No. NO! How can we…? Can we stop it?”
“Yes I believe we can, but such a thing is easier said than done.”
“I don’t understand. What is this marker? Can’t we just cut it out?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because it was injected into his blood stream when he became Mara’s… When he surrendered to Mara the marker was placed in him to ensure that should he attempt escape or someone attempted to abduct him from his master he would always be found and reclaimed again.”
“But…so Mara’s tracking us now?”
“I have no way of being certain, but if he finds him, if he reclaims Daniel for his own he will destroy him. He must not be allowed to get his hands on Daniel ever again. This I have told you already. Never again, Jack, never again.”
“So how can we stop that?”
“By either killing him and the parasite within him or removing the marker from Daniel’s blood stream.”
“That thing in him that wants Daniel as its new host could we kill it in some way perhaps?”
“Yes, but we would have to bait and trap Mara. Mara will not surrender easily and if his body becomes damaged beyond all repair and he is close to Daniel he will take him as his new host. Our best defense would be to destroy the marker in Daniel.”
“But how do we do that?”
“I know of someone who could help.”
“Can he be trusted?”
“Yes, I believe he can.”
“You believe he can?”
“Yes.”
“That’s not very reassuring…”
“I know of no other who could undo this.”
“Well does he have a name?”
Narayana nodded before answering, “Beckett, his name is Carson Beckett.”
Startled Jack said, “I know a person by that name.”
“Yes as well you should, for he is also from Earth.”
“And how may I ask do you know him?”
“I found him when searching for a means to eradicate the marker present in Daniel.”
Jack’s eyes widened before he said, “You…you were planning to free him…”
“From Mara’s grasp yes, I have been searching for some time for a way to free him completely.”
“So this place…?”
“I set it up many years ago.”
“For…?”
“For Daniel and I, yes.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Jack, he is my son. I will do anything for him, anything Jack, including giving my own life in exchange for his. I would die proudly knowing that I have sacrificed myself so that he could live.”
Jack knew they were close but how close never really dawned on him…until now. He had done the right thing in permitting Narayana to come along and the way Daniel was relying on him so heavily now proved to him just how deep their connection with one another ran. He unconsciously reached out and stroked Daniel’s hair saying, “We’ll get rid of it, Daniel. We will.”
Daniel lifted his head then and said, “I…I should have told you, Jack, but…”
“No. No. It’s okay, really. We’ll just have to find a way to get it removed quickly.”
Daniel nodded before saying, “Quicker than you realize, Jack…in a few more hours he’ll realize I’m gone and then he’ll track me. We don’t have much time.”
Exhaustion that’s what I feel
now, exhaustion, fear, excitement, uncertainty, doubt, disbelief and shock… I’m
free. FREE. Never would I ever have believed it possible yet… He’s still out
there some where, no doubt trying to track me, cursing as the tracker within me
dies thus concealing my new location…
Carson is a nice person. I like
him. He’s a doctor with a Scottish accent. He likes to chat too. I was
surprised, shocked really when Carson smiled at me and said, “You finally brought your son with you. It
is a pleasure and an honor to finally meet you, Daniel.”
I think my eyes bulged in
response, the corners of them growing moist. I knew then that Narayana had
spoken of me, about me to him at some point in the past. I was pleased, tickled
to be addressed as Narayana’s son. Jack had the shittiest grin on his face as
he watched me, watched my reactions to all that was happening around me.
Carson explained what would
happen, how he intended to deactivate the tracking device within my body. EMP,
something called electro-magnetic pulse. He said it wouldn’t hurt, that I
wouldn’t feel any pain at all. He told me only things such as electronics would
be disrupted. I didn’t believe him…until he used it on me.
When we first arrived he used
some type of wand or something, waving it over my body. Immediately a monitor
began to beep: steady, strong, loud… Carson told me that was the tracking
device in me. After that I was shocked I suppose. Surprised that it was real,
that I did have a tracking device in me, but at the same time I was aware. I
knew it had already existed. I knew Mara tracked me somehow because he always
knew where I was, where I had been and he was always able to retrieve me
instantly. I guess hearing it made it more real I suppose.
When the EM pulse, as Jack
called it, was set and triggered the beeping was no longer audible. Nothing
showed up on
Free. I’m free. He can’t find me here. He can’t track me anymore. He can no
longer pursue me wherever I go.
I allowed the moisture to fall
then quickly being pulled against the man I’m proud to call “father”. Jack too
held me and once I recovered I hugged Carson Beckett, much to both of our
surprises.
Freedom, I have finally obtained it. Now what’s left is the healing. It’s a difficult road ahead of me, but I think I’m ready now.
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