By: madd4the24
CATEGORY: Drama
SEASON/SPOILERS: Season 9 “Beachhead”
WARNINGS: None
Daniel Jackson wasn’t overly fond of medical doctors, but he
made an effort to convey honesty with them, at least those employed by the SGC.
There was a silent pact between himself and the doctors working deep in
But where he promised to speak no lies, he did, and he felt no shame over the broke vow.
It hadn’t been the link.
Everyone had assumed it was the link, his team more than everyone else. Mitchell had given him a sympathetic look, and Teal’c had conveyed nothing but honest concern. Sam rubbed his back gently, almost inconspicuously as they all escorted him to the infirmary. With the pounding in his ears he was able to block out Mitchell’s obnoxious comments about the link and its effects.
Hoisted onto the standard medical bed, CMO Major Kinomoto had listened briefly to the quick beats of his heart and held cool fingers over his pulse point. She smiled warmly at him and asked him the standard questions, and when she became blurry he informed her so. Above him Sam relayed he hadn’t hit his head. Teal’c offered more information concerning the link between Daniel and Vala that had apparently been shattered. They all assumed, and he let them.
Major Kinomoto asked him about the link. She spoke slowly, too perceptive that he was masking his almost inability to breathe properly. She shooed Sam, Teal’c and Mitchell from the Infirmary, drew the curtain and lowered herself onto the high stool next to the bed.
“Doctor Jackson, I want you to tell me exactly how you’re feeling.”
Her voice was soothing and it almost lulled him to sleep, before he was jerked back roughly by his migraine. “Heat hurts,” he voiced softly, mouth feeling full of cotton. “Actually, I hurt everywhere.” He almost felt as if he were floating, but he was certain his body hadn’t left the bed.
Kinomoto asked, “How much had the link weakened between yourself and Vala?”
A male nurse swooped in efficiently and set up an IV in record time, while Daniel blinked owlishly at him, and then at Major Kinomoto.
“Weakened?” Daniel repeated the word, because somehow it just didn’t sound right. Did she mean the bracelets? The horrific link that had bound them together, forever fearing if the other was injured or killed purely based on self preservation? Or did she mean the link that bound them together by the heart? The link that had them caring for each other so secretly they dared not speak aloud for fear of—everything—anything. Which link?
“Doctor Jackson?” Kinomoto called, hand on his shoulder. “Doctor Jackson?”
The room was spinning and Daniel wanted desperately for it to stop.
Again there were people talking over him, Kinomoto barking orders to her nurses. Kinomoto reminded Daniel of Janet Fraser, and it brought a wry smile to his face.
He caught snippets of conversation between Major Kinomoto and the same nurse who’d rigged his IV line. They thought Vala was dead and the link was still prevalent enough to cause significant harm on his end. They were worried it was going to kill him outright, given enough time, or at the very least disable him.
“Not dead,” he slurred, blinking up at the ceiling lights. It was significantly harder to speak, and he could feel all semblance to intelligence slipping away, but they had to know. Vala wasn’t dead, because Daniel could feel it in his heart. She couldn’t be dead, because he’d know.
Instead he gave in to the tightening in his chest. His foolish pride pushed away everything else and he allowed them to believe it was the bracelet link that had oxygen pumping through his nose and the heart monitor set up next to his bed. He couldn’t tell them he’d nearly collapsed on the bridge because he’d been struck with a moment of utter terror, unlike any he’d ever felt before. He had quite possibly seen the woman who’d managed to capture his protected heart, blow up right in front of him. His knees had gone weak at the thought of never hearing another crude sentence from her again, not because of the link. He let them think what they wanted because he was weak, and Vala was lost.
When he woke he could tell they’d given him the good drugs. His heart was beating steady and strong as evidenced by a lack of heart monitor. The oxygen mask was gone as well, which was a relief because he always felt uncomfortable with it. He blinked up at bright lights as Sam, Teal’c and Mitchell entered the infirmary and drifted towards his bed.
It was easier to feign sleepiness than to engage them in conversation about Vala. Mitchell grated on Daniel’s nerves as he seemed to pass off her death as nothing more than a casualty of war, which was something Daniel had grown used to, serving with the military, but it still hurt. Daniel knew Jack would have thought something similar, but would have made an effort to reassure her death wouldn’t have been in vain. Teal’c offered little more than words commemorating her honor, which did nothing but cement the fact that she was dead in his teammate’s minds. Sam came through for him though, giving him logical hope next to what he already felt in his heart. When she spoke to him he was soothed, and he understood what she was telling him. She’d fight to bring Vala back to him, and Daniel hadn’t a clue how she’d known what he felt, but he was grateful for it.
Doctor Caroline Lam asked about the link as well, and he claimed not to know anything. His promise of honesty did not extend to her, like it did to the other doctors and nurses. Lam was just out of place to Daniel, hardly worthy of anyone’s loyalty yet, because at the SGC, it was something that had to be earned. She was no Janet Fraser, and she didn’t smile, or offer any form of comfort or anything remotely maternal. She was good, no doubt, but she was callous and guarded and Daniel couldn’t bring himself trust her with anything. He lied to her above all else because he didn’t know what else to do. The other doctors and nurses seemed to understand.
He had no such agreement not to lie to Landry, so he told the cold General point blank that it was the link. Landry eyed him, offered sympathy much like Mitchell had, which Daniel did not need, and stormed away. Daniel heard later on what Landry had said and done to Nerus. He caught the General later on in his office starring off into space, hands clenched tightly on his desk in front of him. When Daniel announced his presence Landry blinked away whatever sorrow he’d been thinking, and Daniel knew suddenly it was just his way. Landry had considered Vala one of his people, no matter how hard he’d fought to make it seem like he viewed her as nothing but a nuisance. Daniel didn’t view the General so cold and distant afterwards.
Jack called him on the phone and said, “I’m sorry for what happened. You should have listened to her. You never trust a Goa’uld.” That was Jack-speak for ‘Don’t you dare lock yourself in your house and sulk. It happened, get over it and go find her. I care about you.’.
“I didn’t listen to her,” Daniel told him, folded up on his couch with the cordless phone pressed terribly hard to his ear. “She tried to tell me she had an idea, but I wouldn’t listen to her because I chalked it up to her just being her. If I had listened the plan could have been coordinated properly. It was a good plan and I blew it.”
Jack tried to reason, “Hey, Daniel, listen up. You weren’t the only one on that bridge when she decided to run off and play kamikaze pilot. Any dozen of people heard her too.”
“But Jack, I’m the one who’s supposed to listen to her, even when she sprouts out endless nonsense. It’s my responsibility.”
Jack sighed heavily over the clear connection and Daniel could almost picture the General rolling his eyes. “You really care about her?” There was an edge that told Daniel there was a hidden question in there.
“Yes, Jack.” Daniel prayed Jack understood. Daniel loved Jack—always would, but their love could never be properly recognized. Perhaps if they’d been born in a different time, or if they didn’t work for the military. Maybe even going to Atlantis would have solved the problem, because Jack commented regularly how Sheppard and McKay seemed to be flourishing perfectly fine away from Earth’s intolerance. But none of those were fact, and as much as they loved each other, it was never to be anything but from a distance. Daniel conveyed to Jack that he was beginning to love Vala just as deeply, and he needed Jack to be okay with that.
“Want me to fly over? See if I can help?”
Daniel sagged with relief. Jack was giving his blessing.
“No, really, don’t. You can do more good for the Stargate
program in
Jack grunted and they talked about the bad beer in
Sam had no luck in finding Vala, which was predictable as she’d only been allotted so much time to do so. The bigwigs were far more concerned with another beachhead, or the coming Ori invasion to give any thought to one lost alien. Daniel pretended to understand when Sam began erasing lines of calculations off the white boards. He finally experienced sympathy from her, and it stung worse than he’d believed possible.
Eventually the pain began to dull. The throbbing in his heart was ever-present, but he was motivated by the knowledge that she was still alive. She was waiting for him to come find her. She wouldn’t succumb to the weakness like he had.
Camped out in the commissary Daniel stirred his spoon around in the jiggling Jell-O, only raising his head briefly when Sam and Mitchell strolled in in their civies. With a head nod he invited them to sit.
“How are you doing?” Sam asked, warily eyeing the mound of papers in front of Daniel.
“Fine,” Daniel answered in a customary tone.
“Listen,” Mitchell said, learning forward. “I conned Teal’c into staying on Earth tonight. The whole team is going out to watch a movie. You want to get in on it?”
A quick cough from Sam informed Daniel that Teal’c hadn’t
been conned into anything, and certainly not by Mitchell. While the
“You’re in luck,
There was a beat before Daniel let the spoon slip from his fingers and stood up with his files in hand. “Have fun,” he said, stressing the fun towards Sam. “I’ll be in my office.”
Sam scrambled up after him, throwing over her shoulder, “Meet you in a second.” She fell into step next to Daniel, escorting him to his office. She offered weakly, “Give him time. He isn’t, and will never be General O’Neill.”
Daniel nearly snapped, “Hit the nail on the head with that one.” Sam laughed and Daniel relented, “I know.”
“He’s trying, Daniel.” Which didn’t count for much when you were out trying to rid the galaxy of false Gods hell-bent on destroying all who questioned their apparent infinite wisdom, but Daniel nodded anyway. He was willing to give Mitchell a real chance, but he felt immensely better with Sam back with them to offset the man’s rash and questionable actions. He and Sam and Teal’c could train Mitchell up fine, but it would take some work.
“I’m still crunching numbers,” Sam told him softly, brushing her shoulder against his. “I’m not giving up, even if I’m officially supposed to.”
Daniel nodded, touched by her effort. “Thank you, Sam. I really means a lot to me.”
She gave a small bounce when they reached his office and she jerked a thumb back down the hall. “I have to go.”
Daniel glanced up. “Yes, yes, go have fun, Sam.”
“Sure I can’t talk you into going with us? We haven’t had a night out in forever and those papers are going to be there in the morning.” If it had been the old team he would have been severely tempted to accept. Instead he shook his head. “No thanks.” He paused, then smiled faintly. “Thanks, Sam. I really mean it. Thank you.”
“You really think she’s alive?” Sam asked. “Do you think she could have ringed away in time and survived in the Ori galaxy all this time?”
Daniel sank down into his chair and bowed his head. “I know it. I can feel it.” Their link told him that much.
“Good enough for me.” Sam waved and left, leaving Daniel alone in his office.
“I can feel it,” he repeated to the empty room, leaning back in his chair and resting his hands over his stomach. A small smile fell over his face and he shared Sam’s sentiments. It really was good enough.
** The End **
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