I Am My Beloved’s
By: Ten9
CATEGORY: Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship
WARNINGS: Violence
Part 1: Love, Rules and Universal Laws
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter ran, limping, for the open doorway for all she was worth. Chunks of marble blew off the wall as she ran along it, grunting in pain as one of the energy blasts finally caught her in the back of her right shoulder. The impact made her stumble forward and she gritted her teeth as she reached out with her left hand, now her good hand, and grabbed the doorjamb, swinging herself back into the large hall. She stumbled again as her momentum flung her into a marble statue of a man dressed for battle. She and Daniel had been here less than an hour ago, and after he had declared the bulk of the 250 or so items on display similar to some ancient Chinese dynasty or other, they had made a hasty retreat when they heard distant gunfire and bolted from the place to look for Teal'c and Mitchell.
Lt. Col. Mitchell, in his inimitable style, had bungled first contact with the people of this world, and Sam and Daniel had literally run straight into him and Teal'c as they ran down a dirt road, barely dodging the energy blasts from their pursuers who were only a hundred yards away and gaining ground fast.
"We tried zatting 'em," Mitchell breathlessly explained when the four took cover behind some rocks, "but they have a kind of Goa'uld-like shielding that protects them from the blast." They had been pinned down for over twenty minutes, Sam and the others hugging the rocks to avoid the energy blasts every time she tried calling out that they were only explorers on their world.
She finally turned to Teal'c; "We need to get out of here before they get reinforcements in behind us."
They agreed to make a break for it and again separated into pairs, but Sam got separated from Daniel, taking refuge in the great hall that appeared to serve as a museum of sorts, with a large collection of statues and artifacts, the latter seeming to come from a wide variety of at least technologically familiar cultures. She gasped in pain with every step, her breathing had become rapid and shallow and she panted as she wended her way among the statuary. Grateful her trigger finger still worked, she gripped her P90 with a bloody hand that was throbbing and swollen; she had fallen on it when she got hit with the first blast from her attackers' energy weapon and the last two fingers were broken. The searing pain that had ripped through her thigh had been so intense that her brain seemed unable to acknowledge it completely and it was only because of that she was able to turn and lay down some fire, scattering her pursuers long enough to scramble to her feet and run for the building once again.
She ducked behind a marble statue of a woman affecting a dance pose, her hands held delicately to one side. The weapons these people used made a sound like the combination of a shotgun and a zat when fired, but when the blast made impact it bored a small, laser-like hole straight through Kevlar and flesh alike. Oddly, the blasts didn't cauterize as they passed through Sam's thigh and into her shoulder and the wounds bled freely.
Crap, she thought as she heard the footfalls of her attackers entering the building. She didn't have time to either tie off the bleeding in her leg or quiet her breathing enough to conceal her position, so she tightened the grip on her weapon and pushed herself away from the wall, again laying down fire as she struggled to duck behind another statue.
All she could do at this point was hug the perimeter and try to make it to the far side of the room closest to the stargate they had come through, although the gate was still a quarter mile away and Sam had no idea how she was going to leave the building once she got to the other side of it. As she crossed to the next statue one of her pursuers appeared from behind a pedestal with a large bronze urn and fired, catching Sam on her left side and she cried out as she spun, falling to the floor. She fired her P90 wildly, and using her good hand she pulled herself along the floor, behind a stone pedestal that offered little in the way of cover for someone lying prone. Groaning, she gritted her teeth against the pain and pulled at her blood-soaked pant leg in an attempt to curl up behind the marble, only dully aware of how cold she was. Her hands shook and her teeth chattered as she pulled her weapon up to fire again.
I'm not gonna' make it out of here, she thought distantly as she struggled to stand one last time. She fell back against the wall and readied her weapon, her vision blackening dangerously at the edges. She was about to call out once more to the men pursuing her when part of a large, crystal light structure suspended from the ceiling suddenly exploded and crystal shards rained down in a shower that blanketed the room. Sam had hit the large array when she wildly fired her weapon and she could hear the men scream in pain and terror. The bits of crystal shrapnel were sharp and Sam was bleeding from dozens of small cuts that covered every exposed inch of her that wasn't protected by either Kevlar or webbed nylon. Every breath was now accompanied by a painful groan, and she gripped the edge of the statue's pedestal and cautiously pulled herself forward, her bloody hand gripping her P90. Peering across the room, and trying to blink the blood from her eyes that ran from the cuts on her scalp and forehead, she could only catch a fleeting glimpse of the men as they ran.
Not stopping for fear of falling down for the last time, she desperately pulled herself around to the front of the statue, towards the doorway leading to the gate in the center of her rapidly darkening vision. So she didn't notice when the dull glow given off from what was left of the shattered light array suddenly grew to a blinding brilliance, although her hearing, oddly, was still quite acute when a loud snap made her flinch. The sound had come from what remained of the crystal structure, and in spite of her injuries Sam had half turned toward the sound when the entire ceiling exploded. Instinctively she tried to throw up her hands to protect herself, her brain only distantly registering the shards of crystal and stone peppering her as she stumbled and fell back. She was only dimly aware of her body as it pin-wheeled to the left, and as the back of her hand sharply impacted with the cool, smooth surface of the artifact on display behind her, she disappeared.
* * * * * *
Daniel looked in horror at the woman lying in a bloody heap at his feet. He stood open-mouthed as he looked from the woman on the floor of his lab back to the mirror. The glass had darkened the instant the woman had passed through the quantum mirror and for a long moment after Daniel stood in stunned amazement before scrambling to the phone on the far side of the room, tripping over his feet in his rush to call for help,
"This is Daniel Jackson!" he shouted, "I have a medical emergency in my lab!" He repeated the information then after hearing the acknowledgement he added, "Hurry!" before slamming the phone back on its' wall mount and rushing back to the woman's side. He was careful not to turn her onto her back for fear of injuring her further; instead he knelt on the floor at her side, intending only to make sure she was still breathing. As he gingerly placed his hand on her forehead to push the hair away from the blood streaked face he breathed, "Oh my god... Oh my god, it can't be, it can't be, it can't be!!!!!"
He knelt there, frozen, his hand still on Samantha Carter's forehead, the other firmly clamped over his mouth until the medics arrived.
* * * *
Consciousness always returned slowly, Sam was always first dimly aware of the harsh, fluorescent light before anything else and this time was no different. She tried to open her eyes and lift her head to no avail and she floated for a time, feeling the odd, yet familiar feeling of detachment that always accompanied her return to the world via the infirmary.
I... I'm... I'm thirsty, she thought dumbly, again attempting to open her eyes and raise her head.
"Not yet, Sam..." A hand rested lightly on her bandaged arm and she groaned softly, "Oh jeez, I'm sorry, but just lie still, okay?" Daniel spoke softly but she still recognized the voice, "Uh, nurse? Could you please get the doctor for me?"
Sam made another attempt to open her eyes and succeeded this time, though she still squinted against the fluorescents. Unable to turn her head she attempted a smile and croaked,
"Hey." The utterance was barely recognizable.
"Hey right back atcha'" Daniel softly enthused, "Just be still for a bit, okay? As you've probably guessed, you're in the infirmary." With both hands on the bedrail, he leaned down into what he hoped was her eye line, "It's so good to see you, Sam."
Her eyes closed and the small smile faded along with her consciousness for a few moments until she felt cool fingers trace a line down her face. The caress was so gentle and familiar,
Her eyes fluttered open briefly, "Janet?' She whispered softly before slipping back in to the void.
Daniel placed both hands on the brunette's small square shoulders and gave them a warm squeeze, "No matter what universe she comes from, Samantha Carter will always know your touch." He stepped from behind her and sat back down in the chair.
Reaching to gently clasp the smaller hand in his, he gazed with utter sadness at the two gold bands he had helped design on the ring finger of her right hand. Then, tilting his head to peer intently at her he asked, "How are you holding up with all this?"
Janet Fraiser stood at Sam's bedside, the back of her fingers still resting lightly against the battered cheek. She drew a long, slow breath in a vain attempt to keep her emotions from spilling over but one lone, traitorous tear slipped from her eye and down her face as she turned toward him,
"I don't know." Her voice trembled and she moved her hand from Sam's cheek to grasp the bedrail, "It's too much, Daniel... I just don't know."
* * * *
The next time Sam opened her eyes Daniel was still sitting by her bed, his head bent studiously over a large book.
"Hey," Sam said, oblivious that she had said that on awakening three times now. Daniel smiled and chuckled,
"Hey right back atcha', Sam."
"Have some water?" Sam croaked again, her voice a hoarse whisper.
"Yeah, sure," he quickly rose to set his book aside and poured her a glass from a pitcher on the bedside table. "You've been having ice chips but Janet says a little water is okay now."
He had pressed the button to raise the bed for Sam to drink and she froze as she reached for the glass with her good, albeit now heavily bandaged hand.
"Janet? Janet Fraiser?" She repeated hoarsely; her face either a mask of pain or fear, Daniel couldn't decide which.
"Uh, yeah. Sam, I don't know where you were offworld, and I'm still not sure how I stumbled onto your location, but you passed through a quantum mirror and ended up in a different version of the universe... Do you have a Janet Fraiser in your version of the universe?" He asked the question gently, feeling as though he were carefully picking his way through an emotional minefield.
Sam barely nodded her head, pushing the glass away, untouched, "She died, three years ago. She..." But the quaver in her voice betrayed her so she stopped, closing her eyes and drawing a slow, deep breath. Unable to prevent her chin from quivering she whispered, "I miss her..."
Daniel nodded past a growing lump in his throat and gently reached under the short sleeve on her hospital gown to softly grasp her arm, needing to touch a part of her that wasn't bandaged, "You and... you and your Janet were married in your world too?"
* * * *
"What a nightmare," Mitchell exhaled noisily, tapping his pen agitatedly on the pad, "So how are they doing now?"
General Hammond and the remaining members of SG1 sat at one end of the long table in the briefing room, Daniel sat next to Teal'c, and he shrugged,
"Who knows? Janet's putting on a brave face, but it's only been three weeks since our Sam died... I think she's confused as hell, and the new Sam is just as confused if not more so. I don't even know if she really understood that she doesn't have to worry about entropic cascade when I explained to her...you know, why. But the mirror she came through on her side was either destroyed or at least damaged, as ours remains dark and unresponsive when I try to dial back to that location. I'm not sure what reality she came from, let alone if the SGC where she came from has another mirror and will try to get her back...." He sighed, "It's only been a couple of days, and she's in really rough shape, but she did tell me they were on a planet designated P3X-384 and, to make a long story short; the inhabitants there didn't extend the welcome mat which was followed by lots of shooting. This Sam got separated from the others, and ended up in this...museum, or warehouse or whatever, to take shelter from the angry villagers and after more shooting, some sort of artificial light source exploded and that is where her memory ends."
He held up a finger for emphasis, "And this is what I saw; I had just finished checking in with Alternate Daniel 24 and was dialing around to see if I could find some place new when I hit on this Sam's location." Unconsciously slipping into storytelling mode, Daniel gestured with his hands, "the mirror suddenly flashed with an arc of bright light and I could see into what appeared to be a large room. But the image the mirror produced was kind of blurry and I think I heard people shouting, distantly." All eyes were riveted on Daniel as he spoke, "The image started to clear... I couldn't see anyone but I could hear," his voice faltered at the memory, "breathing. She was in so much pain; I could hear it... Anyway, then the mirror went dark and when I looked back down at the remote the mirror suddenly flashed back on again, a blinding flash and there was Sam, on my floor."
"Does she want to go back to her reality?" General Hammond asked.
Daniel shrugged, "I don't know, sir. She didn't really give an answer when I asked her, although she seemed definite about willing to stay here, in this reality."
They remained quiet for a moment before General Hammond placed both hands palm down on the table with a decisive thump, "Well, I am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. If this Colonel Carter is truly unable to return to her own reality I, for one, will be damn grateful to have her here. Losing our Colonel Carter was a tremendous loss, not just to Dr. Fraiser but the SGC as well as this entire damn planet." The general had spoken with some fervor and Vala, seated on Daniel's the other side added,
"Here, Here."
"Indeed." Teal'c stoically chimed his approval.
"So," said Mitchell, "this Carter will simply rejoin SG1 when she recovers?"
"I doubt it will be simple, no." Daniel shook his head, "This Sam will have to endure quantum integration, and if what Kawalsky went through is any benchmark then she should start getting our Sam's memories starting tomorrow if not today..."
They would have expected Sam to begin remembering the life of the deceased Samantha Carter within three days, giving Daniel only short conversations during that time with this Sam until Janet told them her best guess at staving off the memories for a short period was to keep her under sedation, giving her body some time to heal from the battering and blood loss she had suffered. When Kawalsky had appeared through the mirror five years before he had chosen to stay, his own reality destroyed by the Goa'uld. But while his experience of quantum integration, the assimilating of their deceased Kawalsky's memories, was intense he was also in perfect health at the time, and Janet feared for this Sam's recovery; trying to integrate the past of her Sam while in such a weakened state. Janet would keep her under sedation for three days, taking another two days to slowly wake her.
Daniel continued, "Janet says the physical anomalies; the scars and whatnot found on this Sam Carter are nearly identical to our Sam, and from what this Sam's told me about her SGC's history, her reality sounds pretty much the same as ours..." His voice abruptly faded, deliberately stopping himself from revealing that this other Sam had told him she had not been married to Janet and that in her reality same-sex marriages were, in fact, illegal and that such relationships ended military careers. He would leave that to Sam and Janet to sort out.
"Uh, anyway, when she recovers we can talk some more and I can see what experiences they've had that we haven't...compare notes. Maybe she can come up with some recommendations for good, productive gate addresses and help us weed out the bad, dangerous ones from our database."
"Yeah," Mitchell murmured, "like that last one."
"Yes," Daniel agreed, his voice equally low, "like that one."
* * * *
"Sam?" The voice was warm, yet tentative and Sam opened her blue eyes to take in warm, brown ones,
"Hey," she smiled, her speech still slightly slurred, "I've missed you."
Janet smiled back, relaxing a little, "Are you going to say that every time I wake you up?"
"Yeah, if that's okay. I understand I've been a little repetitive lately." Sam realized Janet's warm hand was gently clasped around her wrist, and warm fingers rested lightly on her pulse. She struggled to turn her hand to clasp Janet's in her own and winced at the stiffness there.
Janet understood the intent and quickly shifted her hand around to clasp Sam's. She opened her mouth to speak and abruptly clamped her lips together; she had nearly blurted out, "Sweetheart..." She closed her eyes for a moment and breathed in quietly through her nose, Godammit! She swore silently, was it always going to be this hard? Nearly every time she opened her mouth to speak to this Sam she had to stop herself from beginning every damn sentence with "hon", or "sweetheart". When she brought Sam to the ICU from surgery Janet had walked a circle around the bed, slowly tucking her in until she reached the other side where automatically, as she had always done to her Sam in the past, she leaned down to kiss this Sam on the temple, whispering, "Rest now, love, then come back to me." Janet had nearly burst into tears at the slip, grateful this Sam had still been groggy and the nurse and orderlies had already left the room.
"Sam," she began again, "I need to start the sedation now; this is day two and it's time to put you under so we can delay the onset of quantum integration, okay?"
"Okay." Sam replied, still smiling.
"Do you have any questions?"
"About a million, yeah."
Janet smiled back, this Sam Carter was still Sam Carter, she thought. Aloud, she said, "When you wake up we'll have plenty of time to talk."
"Promise?" Sam asked, gripping Janet's hand, suddenly anxious.
"I promise." Janet looked down at her battered face and smiled, blinking at the sudden moisture in her eyes.
"Will you stay until I fall asleep?" She asked in a voice that sounded small and vulnerable.
"Of course," Janet replied with that all so familiar tone of firm reassurance, "and I'll be here when you wake up too." Adding in a softer tone, "I'll never be far from you, Sam, okay?"
"Okay." Sam relaxed her grip on Janet's hand; that was all she needed to know...for now.
Reluctantly, Janet let go of her hand and turned to the bank of IV fluids that would regulate Sam's level of sedation and hydration. She carefully set the flow meter on the IV monitor then, without conscious effort, simultaneously pressed the button to lower the bed and reached with her other hand to pull the chair next to it. Sam marveled silently at how smoothly she moved, unaware of just how many times Janet had performed this act at the other Sam's bedside in this reality.
Sam's eyelids drooped and Janet watched as she struggled to keep them open. Oh, screw this, she thought and quickly dropped the bed rail. She sat on the edge of the bed and reached across Sam to lean on her left hand, freeing her right to stroke fingers through soft, blond hair,
"It's okay, Sam." She murmured, "Close your eyes." Obediently, Sam's eyes closed, and Janet leaned close, closing her own, "I'm right here." She whispered and placed a soft kiss on her temple. She left her lips to rest there, letting the warmth that permeated them invoke a dreamlike sensation. For this one moment, she begged silently, let this reality be a world where my Sam never left. Where I never had to hold my dying Sam on the gateroom floor. Where my sobs never turned to screams of agony that never seemed to stop.
One last indulgence, she thought as she breathed in this Sam's scent, "Rest now, love, then come back to me."
* * * * * *
"I'm telling you General, this is the only conclusion we can draw, reasonable or otherwise. We must retrieve the mirror at all costs, and we need to do it now."
General Landry held up a hand to stop him, "I am aware of the situation, Dr. Jackson. But you know how fragile our relationship with the Zhang people is right now. I admit your conclusions are probably correct but we must still proceed with great deference."
Daniel gripped the hair on both sides of his head and pulled, drawing a deep breath to calm himself, although that was admittedly getting harder and harder to do with each passing day.
"Doctor Jackson," Col. Mitchell addressed the man pacing near the window that overlooked the gateroom, "even if she went through the mirror she couldn't have survived unless she got immediate medical treatment, and would that have likely happened if the mirror in the other reality dumped her in that same hall?" He looked first to Dr. Lee then the general, "Isn't that how it works?"
Dr. Lee shrugged, "Well, not really, no. From what I can gather, and this is just a guess on my part, the mirror was likely off and it was the power surge from the crystal light structure that turned it on. From what we can determine there were at least 3 other artifacts in that hall that were activated as well. But where she ended up is anybody's guess."
It had taken Daniel and the general nearly a week of negotiation with the leaders of the Zhang world via the gate and a MALP before convincing them their intrusion was an act of exploration only and not a covert mission preceding an attack. But the alliance was an uneasy one as members of the Zhang guard helped SGC members clear the building of debris, the latter only being allowed back onto their world to look for Sam and nothing else. When their search revealed a horrifying blood trail that ended abruptly at the quantum mirror Daniel was speechless. Mitchell was right, unless Sam had gotten immediate medical treatment she likely would have bled to death on the mirror's other side, and he had stared despondently at the bloody floor in front of the mirror as Dr. Lam collected samples for DNA testing.
To no one's surprise, the blood had been Sam's, but a blood sample wasn't the only thing collected and brought through the gate that day. Daniel had stolen the remote unit that controlled the mirror, and he was determined to bring the mirror back as well and continue the search.
He set his jaw, "I don't care anymore; we need that mirror and we need it now. That collection of artifacts is really just a museum, a collection of art and other objects stolen via their stargate from other worlds. Whenever they decided a weapon, or a tool or whatever was deemed useless to them it wound up in the hall, on display as nothing more than a curiosity... They'd likely never even notice if we just took the mirror."
Vala was seated next to Teal'c at the long table, and as they both turned to him she murmured approvingly,
"Mmm, petty theft... Now that's my Daniel."
"I seriously doubt the Zhangs would consider any theft petty...." Teal'c intoned, raising an eyebrow at her.
Daniel returned to his seat, "General, please, why would we maintain an alliance with these people anyway? They are not a technologically advanced society, all the technology they have they stole from someone else, they don't even know how to repair their weapons when they break, they just steal more... Please," Daniel pleaded, "let's just grab it and lock out their gate address from the computer." Daniel stared hard at the general and blinking furiously, drew a deep breath. He wasn't able to keep the lump from forming in his throat when his mind conjured an image of Sam's dead body lying on the other side of the mirror, and he loudly cleared his throat.
Landry looked to Mitchell who shrugged, "Why not? He's right, what do we lose if we piss these people off?"
Landry scowled at him, "Colonel," he growled and shook his head impatiently, "off the record, I agree with you, but this is not..." He threw up his hands, cursing silently, "fine, go."
Daniel and the rest of SG1 bolted from the room.
* * * * * *
Janet stood at Sam's bedside, dimly aware that her feet were killing her. She had spent most of the three days she had kept this other Sam under sedation standing here, trying desperately to wrap her brain around how to proceed.
Because physics had some sort of drive to find balance and cohesion in all universes, had her Sam still been alive this Sam would have succumbed to entropic cascade and would be dead now instead of lying here in her infirmary. Instead, because her wife of eight years had died a month ago, this other Sam Carter would begin to remember her Sam's life as she had lived it in this reality. She would become her Sam.
Was that really possible? Janet reached to the control to lower her patient's bed closer to the floor so she could see her as she sat in the chair and quietly, she moved the chair against the bed so she could lean against it while she sat. She softly took the other Sam Carter's fingers in her hand, stilling her thoughts for a moment as she studied the cuts, scrapes and bruises that marred them. Gently grasping the two fingers that had been broken, she checked them for circulation, gently bending and massaging the stiffened and swollen digits. A nurse had taped the broken fingers to splints while Sam was still in surgery, and a few days later Janet found herself dripping tears onto them as she carefully cut through the tape to remove the splints, sniffing loudly as she gently massaged the fingers, batting away the tears one-handed as, embarrassed, she had quickly checked to see if either the sedated woman or anyone else had seen her lapse of control.
Aside from that, I've done really well so far, she thought. Cassie was away at college so Janet had stayed in their quarters on the base. Although she really only went there when forced either by exhaustion or threatened with betrayal by her emotions. To the shock of both Teal'c and Daniel, both were surprised when they didn't have to intervene themselves and on her own she had sought counseling to help her sort through it all. As if that's possible, she snorted inwardly. General Hammond had been kind and generous, arranging for a psychiatrist with a top security clearance to come to the base on a daily basis to talk with Janet. But even though she was grateful for the man's help, she had spent most of her time sitting here at this woman's bedside and her confidence that everything would somehow be okay had completely eroded. There really was no one who could have helped her through this. No, that's not true; she chastised herself, if it hadn't been for daily phone conversations with Cassie...and the unflagging support of Daniel, and Teal'c, and most recently Vala... There never was a tighter family of people who weren't actually related to each other, as her Sam once said.
Her Sam, and soon, this other Sam would remember saying that at Janet's last birthday party. Would this Sam even want to become her Sam?
Because of the secrecy that surrounded the stargate program all offworld
casualties were officially recorded as having taken place somewhere on earth,
either by accident or something else. When their Kawalsky
was lost to them offworld, his wife was told he had
"presumably" died in a secret combat operation in
Janet's eyes suddenly filled with tears and she placed trembling fingers over her lips as if to stop the flood of emotion there and softly cleared her throat. She sniffed firmly, but a small sob broke from her anyway and she quickly rose, striding from the infirmary, retreating to her quarters, the only place she would allow herself to cry.
* * * *
Daniel and Teal'c were on their way to the infirmary to check on Sam when they saw Janet's diminutive form rapidly retreating down the hallway.
"Uh," Daniel touched Teal'c lightly on the arm to stop him, "why don't you go ahead and I'll go be with Janet for a bit?"
Teal'c nodded formally and continued to the infirmary and Daniel quietly trotted after Janet, catching up with her just as she opened the door.
"Janet..."
She quickly turned to him and held up a hand to stop him, "Daniel, please, not right now." Her nose and eyes were red as she backed into her quarters, furiously swiping at the tears that streaked her face.
"I know," he said gently as he pressed forward, determined, "Janet, please let me in."
He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. As soon as he drew Janet in a close hug she broke completely and clung to him, weeping.
* * * * * *
"Ah, yes, thank you again." Daniel gave a small, formal bow to the commander of the Zhang guard.
"It is unfortunate that you did not find your companion." The man gave an equally formal bow, "but now, at least, the new alliance forged between our people will provide us both with new technologies, and new weapons to protect us both from our enemies. It is my hope..."
As he spoke Daniel looked past him to the Air Force personnel making their way to the gate. They carried the equipment brought to this world to help them remove the debris in order to look for Sam. But now the larger cases, carried on a motorized platform transporting their pneumatic lifts and tools, also contained the quantum mirror and as many samples of the shattered crystal array they could collect, all of it concealed by a large tarp. Daniel plastered a huge smile on his face he hoped looked sincere as the last of the personnel approached the gate.
"I look forward to our next encounter." Daniel lied, "and thank you again for your assistance in this grave matter. It is also my hope..."
As the first of the personnel passed, the commander turned and held up his hand, "A moment!" He called, stopping the short procession. He turned to Daniel, "My apologies," he said, "but I must check your equipment before you leave, our artifacts are precious to us."
Daniel could feel panic surge in his veins and he reeled back a fraction, "Wh-wh-what?" He exploded, hoping his outburst sounded more like outrage rather than abject terror, "How dare you imply..."
"My dear Commander," Vala purred from behind him, "please pay no heed to our scientist. But he is the most respected and dedicated among our people and of the highest moral integrity." She stepped around him as she spoke and approached the Zhang commander, placing a hand on his arm that she squeezed warmly, "Although I should caution you," turning her back to Daniel she lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "to insult Doctor Jackson is to insult our whole world." Not waiting for a response she motioned for the group to continue to the gate then stepped back in close again, "And I would hate for anything to come between our worlds ever again, since I missed having the opportunity to get to know you better this time, Commander." She purred seductively, "So may I formally request to meet with you on our next scheduled contact with your world?"
Daniel honestly didn't know whether to marvel at Vala's feminine wiles or roll his eyes at the man's naiveté, and turned briefly to watch as the last of their people stepped into the gate.
"Mmm," the man gave her a feral smile, "I insist you accompany your people during our next meeting. In fact I..."
"Well, that's wonderful!" Daniel loudly interrupted them, clapping Vala on the shoulder and pulling her towards the gate, "Please, Vala, don't enthuse, you'll see him again soon enough."
"Until next time, Commander." Vala smiled predatorily at him and taking Daniels' hand, stepped through the gate, pulling him along behind her.
"Yes," Daniel smiled broadly, "Until next ti..."
Emerging through their gate on the other side Daniel called out; "Shut it down and close the iris!"
Still holding his hand, Vala stepped in close and whispered in his ear, "Very smooth, Doctor Jackson."
* * * * * *
General Hammond and SG1 sat together in the briefing room, the group listening intently as Daniel gave them the latest update on Sam's condition. A long moment passed in silence between them before Teal'c quietly inquired, "When will Colonel Carter return home with Doctor Fraiser?"
All eyes looked to Daniel and he shrugged, "Janet's gonna' talk to her in a couple of days about this weekend..."
"Great!" Mitchell suddenly boomed, startling the group, "We'll do beer, pizza..."
"I...don't know," Daniel interrupted, holding up a hand to stop him, "I think that might be rushing things a bit. This Sam has a lot to take in right now, and she still has to do it with significantly less blood in her body compared to the rest of us."
"Man," Mitchell sighed, "that part must have been hard for Fraiser."
"Indeed," Daniel said, in perfect imitation of Teal'c, "She's not sure, but from her analysis and comparison of Sam's three energy wounds she thinks the weapon Sam was shot with fires an energy blast delivered in a small pulse, much like a lead bullet, that passes straight through mere flesh but quickly loses energy if it hits anything more solid. The hit Sam took in her shoulder lost significant energy when it passed through her Kevlar, then the back of her shoulder blade, and finally stopped just shy of blowing out through the other side, where it apparently dissipated." Unconsciously, Daniel visibly winced, adding, "You should see the bruising she has on the front side of that injury, it looks like she was punched from the inside. The same thing happened on her side, the pulse slowed down after piercing her Kevlar and shattered the hell out of two ribs before stopping..."
Mitchell added, "according to the doc it was a small area, but it tore it up pretty good."
"We still don't understand how it works, but maybe that's the purpose of having an energy weapon that somehow doesn't cauterize flesh." Daniel continued, "Maybe the intended outcome of such a weapon is to just keep hitting your victim until she bleeds to death."
"Like we need that to see that again." Mitchell had muttered under his breath, but everyone still heard him and the group fell silent once again.
* * * *
"Sam."
Sam heard the voice distantly and her conscious mind groped for it, only to reel away into the darkness again.
"Sam?"
This time she tried to respond verbally but all she could make was an inarticulate noise, and her eyes opened briefly only to roll, unfocussed before the lids dropped down again. She moaned softly and a warm hand caressed her cheek.
"It's alright, Sam. I'm here."
Janet. Janet's here, she thought sluggishly and struggled to open her eyes.
"Easy, now" Janet's voice crooned softly, "you're doing just fine. Just try to stay awake a little longer each time, okay? I'm not going anywhere."
Sam made another inarticulate sound that ended in a groan, feeling Janet's hand as it continued to stroke her face, smoothing the blond bangs from her forehead, just like Janet had done from the very first time Sam found herself waking up in the infirmary. Just like...
Sam was being
carefully lowered to the gateroom floor; the movement
was gentle but she was in blinding agony. She struggled to breathe but could
only make choking noises as her face turned an awful purplish color. Distantly,
she could hear shouting and the exquisite pain abruptly faded along with her
awareness. Briefly, the world returned to her as she was picked up by her
shoulders and held in a gentle embrace. She could feel soft fingers stroking
the hair from her forehead. Forcing her eyes open she looked up into the
glistening eyes of her beloved wife, "Uhn..."
Oh please, she pleaded silently; I need to say this. Blood still poured from
the wound in her chest and she only managed to draw the smallest of breaths to
murmur through blood-caked lips, "I love y..." was all she managed to
say when her world disappeared.
The moment Sam began to convulse Janet called for a crash cart, reaching to lower the head of the bed until Sam was lying flat. A nurse helped her to turn Sam on her side so she wouldn't aspirate on her saliva. She nervously checked her watch, timing the quantum integration event like she would a seizure. Only this isn't a seizure, she thought, her mind racing in near panic. Kawalsky's quantum events never lasted for more than a couple of minutes. Could Sam tolerate such an overload on her system in such a weakened state? Could her body safely tolerate a dose of Valium to stop the event if it lasted beyond the two-minute interval? The questions slammed into Janet's brain with a screaming intensity and she reached to stroke Sam's hair with a shaking hand,
"Easy Sam," She willed her voice to what she hoped was a soothing calm, "Easy now... Ease down."
She continued to stroke her hair and murmur mostly nonsense words of comfort as she watched the erratic reading on Sam's heart monitor with her own heart beating just as erratically in her chest. She felt on the verge of collapse when finally, Sam's stiffened, convulsing body suddenly stopped, collapsing on the bed. Janet stared in horror at the flatline on the heart monitor and opened her mouth to shout for the paddles to be charged, but the blip on the monitor suddenly returned, showing Sam's heart beating once again in a normal sinus rhythm. She released a shaky breath and turned to grip the bedrail with both hands, willing herself not to black out and breathe normally. She felt a small hand at her back, one of the nurses reaching to lend some support. Janet nodded an acknowledgment, giving the woman a weak smile in thanks and turned back to her patient. Her eyebrows raised in surprise when she realized Sam's eyes were open and looking straight into her own.
"I love you..." Sam said, her voice a soft whisper, "so much." She sighed deeply as her eyes closed, lapsing into a deep sleep.
* * * *
Sam slept for several hours after her first quantum flashback, and Janet used that time to get her wits back to as close an approximation of normal as possible. She was exhausted and had to let Dr. Warner take over as attending physician while she sat at Sam's bedside in wonderment. Could this really be happening? Could she really have her old life back? Could she have her wife back?
"Janet?"
Janet blinked, automatically reaching to take Sam's hand in her own,
"Hey, Sam," she drew a deep breath and gazed down into pale blue eyes, "How're you feeling now that you've had you're first quantum event?"
"Are they all going to be like that?" Sam's voice still sounded weak, but she spoke clearly.
"No." Janet reassured her, not entirely certain she was telling her the truth, "They'll get easier as you get stronger, how would you like to try a little lunch now? I think some broth and crackers should be okay."
"Okay." Sam croaked and Janet turned to stop a passing nurse, asking her to send the request to the mess hall. When she turned back she gave Sam's hand a gentle squeeze.
"Want to tell me what happened during your first flashback? What did you remember?"
Sam looked deeply at her for a long moment, "I did remember, didn't I? I mean, I wasn't just viewing, somehow... I was remembering..." Her brows knit together in a frown, so Janet offered,
"Yes, Sam, you remembered an event as Sam Carter here in this reality. You are Samantha Carter, and you are simply remembering your life as Samantha Carter in this life, now." She reached up to stroke the blond bangs back from Sam's face adding, "Does that help at all?"
"I remembered dying on the gateroom floor." Sam said in a small voice, and Janet's hand froze with her fingers still entwined in soft, blond hair. "I remembered trying so hard to tell you I loved you." Sam's voice faltered and she whispered, "So much."
Janet's eyes filled with tears, spilling over to slide down her face, "I know," she whispered back, "I heard you." She sniffed loudly and swiped at her tears with her free hand, "You were abducted offworld by a group of thugs called The Tian Gang. They held you for several days..." Janet closed her eyes and pressed her lips together. More tears spilled from her eyes and she said in a voice tight with pain, "They took you for sport, for perverse pleasure and they...they tortured you."
Sam gripped her hand as Janet looked away. She shook her head in denial, soft choking noises escaping her as she tried vainly not to sob.
"It's okay." Sam soothed, but Janet vehemently shook her head,
"No!" She whispered hoarsely, "It isn't, Sam." Her chest heaved and she struggled to continue, "Daniel managed to find out from the locals where a set of rings were near the gate and he and SG1 and 2 transported themselves to the Tian's ship... They quickly overpowered the gang and brought you home to me, but when their leader knew he was going to lose his latest plaything he shot you in the chest with your own sidearm... Teal'c carried you though the gate and placed you on the gateroom floor." Her voice shook and dropped to the barest of whispers, "We tried to resuscitate you, but you'd lost so much blood. Too much blood..." Janet wiped her nose with her sleeve and she looked down, letting herself fall into the blue of Sam's eyes if only for a moment.
"I knew you were dying, and there was nothing I could do to stop it, Sam." Her words ending in an agonized whimper, "So I held you in my arms...and you opened your eyes and you told me... You said..."
"I love you, Janet." Sam finished for her. "I still do."
Janet clapped her free hand over her mouth to stop the sob that broke from her but failed. Weeping openly, she reached down to gather Sam into her arms once again, this time in reunion, rocking her. With all the strength she could muster, Sam fiercely hugged the smaller woman with her good arm, her face buried in her neck.
"I love you, Sam." Janet sobbed, "I love you, so much."
* * * *
"Colonel Carter."
Sam stirred at the voice and slowly blinked her eyes at the harsh florescent lights. Did they ever shut them off? She wondered idly.
Again, came the softly spoken summons, "Colonel Carter."
She licked her lips with some effort and turned her head,
her eyes taking a moment to bring the
"Teal'c."
"Colonel Carter." He warmly enthused, "It pleases me greatly to see you again, for indeed, I have missed you."
Healing cuts from the shrapnel still covered her face and scalp, and Sam winced when she smiled back. "And I have missed you."
"How are you feeling today?"
"Better," she smiled at him, "although it'll be awhile before I'm back to doing yoga again." She said, smirking slightly at herself.
"Did you practice that discipline in your old world?"
"No!" She gave an amused snort, "But I remember taking classes in this life here..." She shook her head wonderingly, "Just never thought I was the type... And what's weirder is I'm looking forward to going back to it."
"Doctor Fraiser says you are to accompany her home on
Friday?" He seemed to ask the question a little tentatively, although the
warm smile never left the
Janet had approached General Hammond, asking for at least two weeks leave to stay at home while Sam recuperated, and he had readily agreed. He decided the rest of SG1 deserved a break as well, recognizing the advantage of having Teal'c and the rest of the team close by. Everyone at the base had been devastated by the loss of their Col. Carter and he instinctively knew SG1 needed time to recover and bond with this Sam Carter and each other, again.
"Yep. I've been working hard at being mobile this week," she looked around to scowl at the wheelchair and cane. She mostly hated that she could only use the cane for a few steps; only the stability belt and the two physical therapists supporting her provided any form of real bipedal mobility at all. "I can't believe I've been reduced to using a wheelchair like some old woman." She turned back to him, "Elderly before my time."
"I am certain you will not require its use for very long, Colonel Carter." He gave her a small nod, his voice rich with warmth and reassurance. "Did Doctor Fraiser tell you I will be accompanying you home?" He asked, quirking an expressive eyebrow at her.
Sam nodded. After Janet had awakened her from the chemically induced sleep, she had explained that just before she and Sam married they bought a larger house together, a single story affair with four bedrooms in the hopes of accommodating them with a master bedroom, a guest bedroom that would one day become Cassie's, and office space for both Sam and Janet. Janet had smiled shyly when she told her Sam actually spent most of her "office time" in the garage, working on her two motorcycles, and Janet spent little, if any, time in her own office, preferring to spend as much time with Sam in the garage as possible. "I'm sorry." Sam had laughed, but her apology was sincere and Janet had waved it off, explaining, "It's okay, you did buy me a nice chair to sit on so I wouldn't have to sit on that concrete step while I read my med journals."
Janet's house had been sold, but Teal'c now lived in Sam's small house, and since it was only a few minutes drive from their home Janet had asked Teal'c if she could prevail upon him to help move Sam from the car to the living room couch. Although Teal'c had also privately agreed to stay close by in case Sam was still unable to get around and Janet needed additional help to move her from room to room.
"Are you sure you don't want to spend your time off on your home world, Teal'c?" Sam asked. "You really don't need to be on constant stand-by as my personal transportation valet."
His eyes crinkled at the corners and his voice was rich with amusement, "I do not believe you will require my assistance for very long. However, the rest of SG1 and I do look forward to spending time with you once again. Although we have each made a solemn vow to Doctor Fraiser that we will not allow our presence to overtire you."
"I'll bet." Sam chuckled, imagining the stern, rigid posture Janet would have affected as she lectured the team.
Teal'c still looked at this Col. Carter with some amazement. It was not his intention to disrespect the dead, but he preferred not to dwell on his memory of the previous Col. Carter's death.
As soon as he found Col. Carter on the floor of the Tian ship, struggling to breathe, lying curled in a semi-fetal position and clutching the wound in her chest, it was clear to him she would soon die without immediate medical assistance. As gently as the urgency of the situation allowed, he scooped her up and bolted for the rings. The woman he carried in his arms had been severely beaten; her face and arms seemed to be covered in bruises. Dried blood matted blond hair in spots and one eye was swollen shut; the cut above and through her eyebrow had bled down into the swollen eye and the side of her face. Her lips were split and caked in blood, and one earlobe appeared to be sliced through at the base, leaving a tremendous swath of dried blood down her neck. But it was the wound in her chest making sickening, wet, sucking noises through her sodden tank top that made his heart race as he, Daniel, Vala and SG2 ran for the gate.
He had stood in mute horror as Janet feverishly worked over
her wife's body. He was convinced she would save her until Dr. Fraiser suddenly
stopped and looked up into the eyes of Dr. Warner and slowly shook her head,
her face a mask of devastation. Without a word she slipped an arm beneath Sam's
shoulders and lifted her, holding her close. The room had fallen eerily silent
as Col. Carter opened her eyes one last time and Teal'c clearly heard her tell
Dr. Fraiser she loved her before slipping into death. Respectfully, he had
dropped to one knee, in formal mourning as Daniel fell to his knees in front of
Sam, speechless, his hands helplessly outstretched towards the pair. Janet
clutched Sam tightly to her and began to rock her back and forth. She made
small, choking, whimpering noises and Vala, standing
behind her and silently weeping, dropped to her knees to softly caress Janet's
hair. The proud
No one knew what to do, the medical teams, the defense teams; everyone stood rooted, unable to move. Janet's hands and the side of her face were smeared in Sam's blood, Sam's blood soaked black tank top was pressed against Janet and Daniel had gasped aloud when she sat up to take a ragged breath, revealing the huge blood stain that had soaked into the front of her white lab coat and uniform shirt. It was then Janet had thrown her head back and started to scream, a sound so heartbreaking that Col. Mitchell, SG2 and the defense teams, in unconscious imitation of Teal'c, silently dropped to one knee and Daniel broke down completely. He had thrown his arms around both Sam and Janet and sobbed; unable to stop the cries Janet tore from her throat. She screamed until she collapsed and only then did Teal'c rise, to assist a shaking Daniel who took Sam from Janet's arms, and Vala had wrapped her arms around the limp and unresponsive Dr. Fraiser.
"Teal'c," Sam asked, "you okay?" He had suddenly gone quiet; gazing at her with such an intensity she wondered if he had entered a state of Kel'no'reem.
Teal'c blinked and smiled, shaking his head slightly as if he could forever remove the horrible vision his eyes beheld that day.
"Yes." He reassured her, "Although Colonel Mitchell is determined to have a beer and pizza party for you by the end of your first week at home."
"Yeah," she snorted softly, "like Janet will allow beer in the house any time soon."
His eyes crinkled at the corners again, "Indeed."
Sam smiled at him, "I still can't believe Daniel and Vala are together in this reality."
Teal'c quirked an eyebrow at her, the questioning version of his "indeed" unspoken but still present in the room.
"Oh yeah," Sam shook her head, "you'd find it pretty mind-blowing too if you knew how they were with each other in my old world."
"Have you come to recognize this world as your own?"
Sam frowned slightly and pursed her lips together for a moment, concentrating, "So much of my life in my old world was the same as this life here...with one huge exception, of course." She quickly added, flashing him a brilliant smile. "So the memories feel like my own...it's weird but I can make the distinction between memories of my old world and memories of this Sam's life here. But when I have them, the memories feel like this Sam's life is...or was...my life too, if that makes sense." She paused a moment before adding, "I'm so grateful to have been given this second chance, Teal'c." Her eyes suddenly glistening, "You'll never know..."
"You were unhappy in your previous reality?" He asked.
She could only nod as she blinked furiously, "Yes," she replied, her voice a strained whisper, "I'm so glad this is my home now. This is exactly how I wanted my life to be."
"Before she died, you and Doctor Fraiser were not together in that world?"
Mutely, she shook her head.
"Why not?" He asked.
"Rules," she answered, closing her eyes tiredly, "too many rules."
* * * * * *
"So find another way to hook up the crystal bits and start it that way."
"Hook them up, how, Dr. Jackson?" Dr. Lee pleaded. "I've tried charging the larger crystals electrically...directly, indirectly, and with varying degrees of voltage. I've tried electrically connecting them directly to the mirror..." He shrugged in exasperation, "I'm frankly running out of ideas and even though it doesn't look it, the only logical conclusion I can really draw here is that one or both of the power surges damaged the mirror and it's toast now, or we simply need one large crystal to activate it," He turned to wave his hand dejectedly, "and not these broken bits and pieces."
Dr. Lee had been studying the mirror for days and had never even come close to activating it. Four other physicists at the base had participated, but none of them had been successful either and Daniel was finally starting to lose hope.
"Okay, you know what kind of physical, electrical, whatever properties these crystals give off when they're electrically stimulated, overloaded, right?"
"Yeeeeah..." Dr. Lee drew out the word, not following Daniel's trail of thought.
"And the location Sam went to is locked here in this remote, right?" He asked, holding up the remote.
"As far as we know," Dr. Lee nodded, "yeah."
"The Zhang who ran from the building said the array blew the first time after Sam fired her weapon wildly, bullets hit the crystal array and after a few seconds it glowed brightly and part of it exploded, activating the mirror, and that's us guessing that last part."
Dr. Lee didn't respond and Daniel continued, "The overload in the crystal was huge in that the energy inside it supposedly surged a second time, blowing up both itself and the ceiling along with it..."
"Dr. Jackson," Dr. Lee tried to interrupt. He was exhausted and not in the mood to listen to the archeologist ramble,
"So if you put the mirror in a heavily shielded room like the ones we have deep inside this base...you could shoot it with a ton of energy, hopefully simulating the energy given off by the crystal array when it overloaded and maybe then the mirror would work?"
Dr. Lee leaned against the table, his chin propped on his fist, "Sure," he shrugged, "why not?"
* * * * * *
"Colonel Mitchell, have a seat." Gen. Hammond sat behind his desk, motioning to a chair. When he was seated the general continued, "As you'll recall your assignment to SG1 was temporary and it's time now for you to return SG2 once agai..."
Mitchell interrupted him, "So Colonel Carter is for sure coming back to command SG1?"
"I don't know, Colonel, but..."
"But, surely she won't be able to lead SG1 again for some time."
"No, sir."
"Good. SG2 has a mission briefing at 1400 hours. Dismissed."
* * * *
"You look pretty tired, are you feeling okay?" Janet asked.
Her arm in a sling, Sam sat in the passenger seat, turned to her left side to keep pressure off the opposite shoulder. Unable to take her eyes off the driver, Sam clutched her cane and smiled all during the ride home but still sat slumped tiredly in the car seat.
"Yeah, I feel great."
Janet snorted in disbelief and shook her head, "Yeah, okay." She clicked the turn signal on, briefly checking the mirror to make sure Teal'c was still behind them in his car, "You've been remembering stuff about home; do you know which one it is?"
Sam looked up in surprise and with some effort, turned to face forward in her seat. Her eyes instantly locked on a one-story redwood stained house, "That's it," she breathed, her voice full of awe, "that's our home."
"That's right, hon, it is." Janet smiled brightly at her, her eyes shining as she turned on the turn signal again, slowing to turn into the driveway. She pulled the van to a stop and shutting the engine, turned to Sam, taking her hand and squeezing it softly,
"Welcome home, Colonel Carter."
Tearing her eyes from her new/old home, Sam turned to look into brown eyes so deep she could have sworn she could fallen straight into them, cane, sling, and all. Looking anxious, she took a breath as if to speak but seemed unable to.
Janet let go of Sam's hand and softly stroked her cheek, "You're home now, Sam. It's okay."
She had promised herself she wouldn't rush her but Janet still found herself leaning in to capture Sam's face with both hands and placed a soft, if tentative, kiss on her lips. Sam's eyes closed and her response was immediate as she leaned into Janet, trying to deepen the contact. She leaned a little too far and suddenly tensed in pain, emitting a small cry against Janet's mouth.
Janet quickly moved a hand to her chest and gently pushed her back into her seat, "Easy there, cowgirl."
Sam grunted softly, trying to control the harsh breathing and quell the pain in her shoulder and side, "Cowgirl?" She grunted again, managing a lop-sided grin, "I remember where I was when I remembered how that one originated; Vala was visiting me in Physical Therapy at the time and I recall her having a good laugh at my expense." Janet noticed with some alarm the breathless quality in Sam's voice as she leaned heavily against the back of the car seat, adding, "I knew there was a reason why I loved those boots." She started to lean forward again, intending to steal another kiss when Janet placed a hand on the side of her face, this time gently stopping her,
"Sam," she pleaded, chuckling softly, "there'll be plenty of time for this later, okay?" She turned to look out the back window of the minivan at Teal'c, who had pulled in behind them and stood waiting patiently by his SUV.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Can we do it a lot?"
"Sam!" Janet laughed, and leaned back to open the door. "Wait here now." She said as she exited the vehicle, still laughing.
Having seen the exchange in the van, Teal'c stepped forward, a warm smile on his face, "It is good to hear your laughter once again, Doctor Fraiser."
Janet had opened the back of the van and turned to give him a hug, squeezing heartily, "It feels good to laugh again, Teal'c."
The large
"Hey, hey! Knock it off you two!" Sam shouted from her seat, "I believe that's my job Teal'c, you know?"
They broke apart, and Teal'c was smiling as he reached to lift the wheelchair from the back of the van, "Do not concern yourself Samantha Carter, I was not, as Colonel Mitchell expresses it, 'copping a feel'."
Laughter exploded from Janet as he set the wheelchair on the ground and walked around the van to the passenger side.
When he opened the door Sam asked, her eyebrows raised innocently, "You certainly have picked up a lot from Colonel Mitchell these past weeks, haven't you, Teal'c?"
"That is so," he answered, picking her up in his arms gently, and with remarkable ease, "but I do not agree with Daniel Jackson that he is an incorrigible and a menace to good manners."
"Mmm..." Sam answered somewhat distantly, her attention focused on Janet as she pushed the wheelchair up the walk ahead of them. She left the chair at the bottom of the three steps that led to the porch and climbing them, crossed to the door, unlocking it with her key. Opening it she quickly stepped inside and held it open for them,
"Welcome home, Samantha Carter." He intoned before crossing the threshold, carefully turning her to one side as he stepped through the doorway.
Sam was silent as he carried her into the house. I'm home, she repeated silently. I'm home. I'm finally home....
He placed her gently on the couch and left to retrieve the wheelchair from the walkway. When the two were alone Janet sat next to Sam on the couch, one leg tucked beneath her,
"Hey," Janet asked softly, taking Sam's hand in her own, "how you doin'?"
Sam looked at her in wonder, "I'm home." She said simply.
Janet's eyes brimmed and she leaned in to place a quick kiss on Sam's temple, "Yes, love, you are. I have you back...home." She pulled back and gently cupped the side of Sam's face with her hand, stroking soft lips with her thumb. Sam grasped the hand and placed a soft kiss against Janet's palm.
"Wait here," Janet ordered softly, "I'll be right back." She left to retrieve her purse that doubled as a briefbag and box of extra medical supplies she thought she'd need from the van but Teal'c had beat her to it, having piled the items on the wheelchair and she nearly ran into him as he wheeled it in the front door.
"Oh thank you, Teal'c, you are a mind-reader."
He gave a small bow, and she stepped back to let him pass. After he entered she stepped out to the porch to activate the door locks on the van with her remote.
When she stepped back inside Teal'c addressed them both formally, "Doctor Fraiser, Samantha Carter, I will be staying the next several days at my residence here, please do not hesitate to call me for assistance."
Even though she sat slumped on the couch, exhausted, Sam still grinned broadly. In this reality, while on base or on duty offworld Teal'c always addressed her by rank, Colonel Carter. But off base and off duty he always addressed her by her full name, Samantha Carter. And yet somehow, she snickered inwardly, even after all these years Janet was always Doctor Fraiser... After all these years, she closed her eyes, exhausted from the emotional roller coaster that never seemed to give either her or Janet a break for very long.
She opened them again when Teal'c added; "I would also like to ask, on behalf of Daniel Jackson, Vala, and myself, to throw a party a week from tomorrow, in honor of your return, Samantha Carter." Seeing Janet's reaction he quickly continued, "A very quiet and brief celebration, involving only a variety of barbequed meats, salad, garlic bread...and a cake."
Sam chuckled, if tiredly, "Oh, come on, Janet, they promised to behave, please?" She entreated.
Giving them both a smile that somehow appeared both sly and stern, Janet relented, "Alright, Teal'c, but no beer, and tell them to be here at six."
He bowed formally, "It will be our pleasure to bring all that is needed for the celebration." He added, "May you both have pleasant dreams tonight." He stepped forward and dropped quickly to one knee to cautiously embrace Sam, then rose to envelop Janet in a hug one last time,
"Welcome home to you both." He bowed again then left, closing the door behind him.
Janet stood, stunned for a moment before turning back to Sam, wiping the moisture from her eyes with both hands and emitting a sound of self-exasperation, muttered,
"Jesus! That man can be so fiercely loyal...and intensely..." she struggled to find the right words, "affectionate and loving. Although 'intense' usually describes him pretty well, you know?"
Sam batted away tears from her own eyes and sniffed loudly, "Yeah, he's an amazing guy." Adding, "We have some amazing friends for family members, don't we?"
"Yes," Janet replied, and walked over to a chair to retrieve two pillows from a stack of bedding left there by Vala. "Yes, we do." She returned to the couch, dropping the pillows at one end, "Want to lie down?"
"Mm-hmm." Was Sam's only response and Janet helped her maneuver on the couch so she was lying on its length, her head and shoulders propped on the pillows.
Janet sat next to her and took Sam's free hand in both her own, "Hon, you look exhausted so why don't you lie here and nap while I putter around for a bit? You really need to eat some dinner at least an hour or so before bed tonight, alright?"
Looking past her, Sam only nodded as Janet stroked the back of her hand with her thumbs; "Daniel and Vala came by this morning and stocked our fridge and pantry with...well, probably everything, knowing them."
Sam had been staring at the pile of bedding on the easy chair and she asked, her voice a hoarse whisper, "Am I sleeping here on the couch?"
Janet hesitated briefly at her tone and even turned to look questioningly at the stack of bedding before rushing to reassure her, "Oh, no, Sam, no, I think Vala just stacked a bunch of stuff there to make sure you were as comfortable as possible when you were lying down out here... Would you rather not sleep in our bed tonight?" She asked a little nervously, quickly letting go of Sam's hands, "Is this moving too fast for you?"
"No." Sam clutched at the hands, "no, I'm just tired and not thinking clearly. I'm sorry Janet, it's just that I ennnuh..."
Sam's body suddenly stiffened, her back arching as the convulsions began. Janet saw her eyes roll up just before her eyelids fluttered down and she immediately pulled the pillows and couch cushion from beneath her, discarding them on the floor so Sam was lying flat. She struggled to turn her on her side and
Sam heard a moan, only
distantly realizing it was her own as she strained against the body beneath
her. It was dark, but when Sam opened her eyes she could still see the
eyelashes fanned against Janet's cheek, illuminated by the streetlight that
filtered through the blinds.
"Sam," Janet
panted, "Sam."
Sam straddled the
smaller woman's thigh and undulated against her, reveling in the wetness she
spread there. Each time she thrust against Janet's thigh, she drove the first
two fingers on her right hand deep into her wife, making Janet groan. Each time
Sam felt as though she would black out from pleasure, each time her awareness
completely riveting on the soft, silky walls that clutched at her fingers, the
strong muscles straining to pull them ever deeper inside each time she tried to
draw them back out. Fingers thrusting inside, her thumb rhythmically stroked
the small bundle of nerve-endings tucked within the silken folds, making the
tiny organ emerge from beneath its hood to thrust brazenly against Sam's thumb.
"Baby,
please." Janet begged, her body undulating desperately beneath her; one
hand cupping the side of Sam's face, the other grasping and kneading, massaging
Sam's breast, tugging with increasing desperation at Sam's nipple,
"Please..." she begged.
Sam moaned again,
panting, and she thrust against Janet harder, pumping her fingers inside
faster, overcome now by both the moans that rumbled from their chests and the
sounds of slick, slapping, driving wetness that issued from below.
"Janet," she
breathed, "I lo..." But her strained words were cut short as Janet
suddenly pulled her tongue into her mouth and sucked at it hungrily.
Sam's mind blew into a
world of brilliant white light as she climaxed, and wrenching her mouth from
Janet's, threw her head back and her back arched as her body stiffened. She
continued to grind herself against Janet's thigh as wave after wave shook her.
Oh my god! Her mind screamed, and felt Janet stiffen beneath her, tightening
her slick walls around Sam's fingers painfully, exquisitely painfully.... Oh
god! Sam's mind screamed again as Janet cried out, digging her nails painfully
into her breast and shoulder. It was so good, so good, so good, so...
"That's it,' Janet murmured soothingly, "That's it, easy now." And gently turned Sam so she lying on her back again. Retrieving the pillows from the floor, she slid an arm under her shoulders and gently raised her enough to slide the pillows beneath her again, one at a time. She eased Sam back onto the pillows, adjusting them as she continued to call softly to her, "Sam?"
Janet suddenly froze as she hovered and fussed over her, the smell of Sam's arousal unmistakable. The scent made Janet's mouth water and she felt the equally unmistakable tingling between her legs and she swallowed, surprised by her body's instant response. She closed her eyes briefly and swallowed again, firmly.
"Sam," she called again, smiling when Sam finally opened her eyes. "Welcome back, sweetheart."
Her hand rose unconsciously to stroke blond hair from impossibly blue eyes just as Sam issued a small sound of distress. Tears filled her eyes to spill in a flood down her face and she turned away, clamping a hand over her mouth to stop the sobs that broke from her.
"Sam?" Janet placed a hand over the bruised one that covered Sam's mouth, quickly stroking her face with the other, "Sam, please, honey, it's okay." Still sobbing, Sam opened her eyes but could only shake her head, "Sam, whatever it is, it'll be okay, I promise."
Sam made gasping, choking noises, and Janet continued to stroke her face one-handed as she gently pulled Sam's hand away from her mouth with the other, still murmuring words of comfort,
"I..." Sam struggled to speak, her chin trembled and her voice shook, "Janet, I have to tell you something..."
Janet nodded, "Okay, Sam, it's alright." She turned briefly to grab a neatly folded hand towel that had, for some reason, been left on the coffee table, using it to gently wipe Sam's face.
Sam sniffed loudly and grasped the hand Janet dried her face with. Her hand shook as hard as her voice when she started,
"I have to tell you something about my old world, about who I was..." Janet only nodded encouragingly, "I... When my father died he was in the infirmary, his Tok'ra symbiote was dying and unable to die without my dad dying with him." Janet only nodded; her warm hands enfolded in Sam's, "He said he just wanted to know I was going to be happy." Fresh tears spilled from Sam's eyes at the memory, "I told him I was, but... he knew better, he knew I wasn't happy." She had whispered that last and had to close her eyes for a moment, "He said, 'don't let rules stand in your way', and suddenly I knew that he knew... He knew about me. He knew I was gay. He said he knew I joined the Air Force because of him, and it was true, I did. But when I was in college I dated women, I knew homosexuality was forbidden in the military, but naively, stupidly, I thought I could just shut that part of myself down and date men after I graduated." Sam shook her head at the memory, and Janet's heart broke to see the pain and shame reflected in her eyes, "I tried so hard, you know?" She sniffed and gave a small, if bitter laugh, "I tried to date men, but it never worked out, it's not who I am... Then I got a job working for the Stargate program and I tried to convince myself I was attracted to Colonel O'Neill," Janet's eyebrows raised and Sam gave a small, sad laugh, "I know, I looked to him like a father but tried to convince myself it was more than that...then I met you..." Sam gave a small, trembling smile as another errant tear escaped and Janet gently wiped it away, "I met you...and I knew, I knew...and I wanted you so bad, but," another sob escaped her and she struggled to continue, "but I didn't say anything and I didn't do anything...because it was against the rules," she shook her head, "and then I was left alone during an incident aboard the Prometheus, I had hit my head..." she paused for a moment to draw a deep, trembling breath, "really hard and I was having all sorts of hallucinations, like when Jack showed up and challenged my attraction for him... I kissed him in that hallucination and felt nothing," she shook her head again, "nothing.... Or when my father appeared and told me I deserved to be loved..." Her voice broke again and again she tried to cover her mouth but Janet silently refused, catching the hand and pressing it to her lips.
Sam paused again in her narration, her breath catching on the kiss Janet pressed against her hand. Looking at their joined hands she continued, "When I got back to Earth and woke up in the infirmary, I decided I was going to ask you out. Even though I knew you had once been married...to a man. There were so many times I was convinced you would have gone out with me had I asked. But the weeks went by and I chickened out..." Sam sighed heavily, "Each Friday would come and I'd gather my courage and each Friday would go and I'd chicken out again.
Then, one day you were called offworld; we were pinned down in a firefight and you came out to tend after an airman..." Sam's voice dropped to a whisper, "And you were hit in the chest with a blast from a staff weapon." Her voice sounding flat she drove on, "The blast went through your Kevlar, through your..." Sam pressed her lips together and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, "You died, instantly...and suddenly the rules and my stupid insecurities and whether or not I deserved to be happy didn't matter anymore. So it was not without an overwhelming sense of hopelessness when dad said to me in the infirmary that I could still have everything I wanted... I told him I did, but he saw the lie for what it was, and that's when I stopped trying to fit in, and I stopped wanting to be happy..."
"Janet," Sam seemed calmer now as she searched the depths of Janet's eyes, "In my old world, same-sex marriages were illegal, same-sex relationships were forbidden by the military, and I was too much of a coward to buck the rules and love you..." Another tear streamed down Sam's face and Janet wiped it away, "I was in love with you but I didn't have the courage... I'm not the Sam of your world who..." Janet finally placed her fingers over Sam's trembling lips, stopping her,
"Sam," she said, her voice stilling her, "Same-sex marriage is legal here, and here the military doesn't give a rat's ass about same-sex relationships. If laws and rules were the same here as in your old world, I don't know that things would have happened any differently between my Sam and me, and your Janet and you..." She continued, "Don't you see? Because we have no rules against that here the attraction between the two of us was just as immediate, but there was nothing to stop us, here. We started dating early on and it wasn't long before you asked me to marry you."
Janet smiled, realizing for the first time her eyes were brimming, "Your dad was right, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to live in a world where there are no stupid rules to stand in your way. My Sam would want you to be happy... I want you to be happy, Sam." She smoothed her hand and fingers over Sam's lips and cheek, cupping them softly, "You are my Sam, and I love you." She finished, tears falling from her eyes she drew Sam into her arms.
Sam sniffed, "I love you too." She whispered against her hair, her voice tight with emotion.
"I love you, Sam." Janet kept repeating as she nuzzled her wife's hair, "I love you, Sam. I love you, Sam..."
She rocked her in silence a few moments longer before gently lowering her back onto the pillows. Exhaling heavily, Sam reached a hand to softly, if shakily, stroke shoulder-length brown hair, "I'm..."
"So tired?" Janet smiled, taking the hand that stroked her hair, this time kissing the palm, "I wanted you to have dinner before bed but I'm afraid you'll fall asleep here and I won't be able to get you up without calling Teal'c. So let's get you into bed now, and maybe I can wake you later to have something light, okay?"
"Okay."
Janet sighed and used the hand towel to wipe the tears from Sam's face and then her own. Looking down at Sam who looked gray and utterly spent, she said softly, "That was hard, huh?" Sam nodded mutely and she added, "I promise you, it will only get better, from here on out, understand?"
Sam gave her a small smile and nodded again and Janet leaned down to cover soft lips with her own. Sam tried to lift a hand to touch her but lacked the strength, so she settled for luxuriating in the contact between their lips.
When they finally parted Sam asked, "How long till we can do more than kiss?"
"Well, not tonight, my love," Janet purred near her ear, "but knowing you it'll be soon enough, I'm sure."
* * * *
When Janet had promised on Sam's arrival home that they would soon be doing a lot more than just kissing, she had no idea Sam interpreted her to mean the very next day.
Sam had slept deeply her first night back home; Janet had
awakened her at
It was the next morning when Janet threw off the covers to help Sam out of bed and into the bathroom that Sam positively leered at her, her voice low, "Why, Doctor Fraiser, have you come to give me my sponge bath?"
"Oh my goodness," Janet had grinned broadly, drawling in an accent from the deep south, "Ah would Colonel, but Ah'm not at all certain you are up for that quite yet."
Sam had grabbed her by the hand; "Try me." She had husked, pulling her down on top of her. Laughing, Janet had quickly put her hands on either side of Sam, careful not to put any weight on her injuries,
"Sam, I know yo-ouff..." whatever she had intended to say had evaporated in the kiss that Sam pressed against her mouth, her tongue demanding entrance, and Janet felt her stern resolve to wait until Sam had recovered more of her strength melt away along with her words. She seems plenty strong to me, she heard a small, horny voice echo from some dark corner of her mind. Smiling, Janet pulled her mouth away and laughed again, "Sam," but her laughing ended in a gasp as Sam caught a breast though Janet's tank top in her good hand and began to massage and stroke it through the thin fabric. Her eyes closed involuntarily and, not laughing anymore, she begged, "Sam..."
"Please." She heard the strained whisper and looked down into desperate eyes. "Please, Janet," Sam had pleaded, "let me touch you." and lifted her head to capture Janet's lips for another searing kiss.
"Move over." Was the last coherent thing Janet could remember saying, and Sam shifted toward the center of the bed so Janet could lie down next to her. She slipped a hand under Sam's t-shirt, careful to stay away from the gauze bandage that protected her side, and felt the muscles quiver beneath soft skin, her fingers tracing reverently over the small, scabbed-over nicks and cuts left from the shards of the flying crystal that brought this Sam to her. She trailed her hand up to softly grasp a breast just as she dropped her mouth down to cover Sam's. Sam groaned in her mouth, her tongue entwining with Janet's, each of their mouths hungrily trying to devour the other.
Janet pulled away to whimper softly, "Sam, please." As she pulled Sam's good hand down to the waistband of her shorts instinct took over and Sam slipped her hand beneath the fabric, groaning in Janet's mouth as her fingers slid down the smooth skin of her belly to stroke through soft curls and massaged her mound, sliding a finger along the crease. Janet moaned into Sam's mouth, and unconsciously slid her body to cover Sam's arm, straddling it. Pressing her forehead against Sam's she pulled her mouth away long enough to murmur, breathless, "Inside, Sam...baby, please..." Sam obediently slid her hand down, her finger sliding between the now slick folds, seeking the depths of Janet's body.
She slid the digit in and out once, twice, then slid two fingers deep inside her. "Oh, god, yes," Janet groaned and quickly took up the rhythm, grunting into Sam's mouth as she undulated on Sam's arm in concert with Sam's thrusting fingers, her thumb roughly stroking Janet's clitoris. Undulating wildly, Janet finally threw back her head, inarticulate cries tearing from her throat as her body went completely rigid for several long moments before she finally collapsed on Sam's arm. Sam was breathless, both from physical exertion and the need that now pounded in her veins from watching Janet climax.
When she went to shakily withdraw her fingers Janet caught her hand through the fabric of her shorts, "Wait," she had panted, "Please." And slid the hand that held Sam's breast back down her abdomen, sliding beneath the waistband of her pajama bottoms and briefly squeezed her mound, making Sam moan. Without preamble she slid three fingers between the slick, silken folds and deep inside her wife, "Look at me." She commanded and Sam gasped as she obeyed, gazing unblinking into Janet's eyes as they mutually stroked one another to another climax, Janet's orgasm triggered by the orgasm that shook Sam to her core, her body trembling as deep blue eyes gazed steadily into Janet's.
"Oh Sam," she had finally whispered when she was able to breathe again, "Oh Sam," she whispered again as she gently withdrew her fingers, and Sam withdrew her own, making Janet gasp softly. Sam wrapped her arm around Janet as she curled around Sam's good shoulder, tucking her head to nuzzle against Sam's neck.
Without thought Janet brought the fingers to her lips and deeply inhaled the aroma before slowly sliding the digits along her tongue, into her mouth. Sam hugged the smaller body to her as Janet sucked the delicately sweet nectar from her fingers, and surprised herself when she abruptly began to cry. How could she be so lucky? She had silently begged, how could she be so blessed? She wept for several minutes, clinging to Sam,
"Please, please don't ever leave me again." She begged, over and over, "Please, love, please..."
Given the number of times Sam had flatlined or otherwise been considered dead during her career in the Air Force, she hesitated at making such a promise, regardless of her sincerity, and contented herself with murmuring words of love and reassurance as she held Janet, pausing every now and then to place soft kisses against her hair. Eventually the tears subsided and they lay together quietly until Janet wiped at her face one last time and sniffing loudly, sat up,
"Thank you." She said simply.
Sam's eyebrows arched, "For what?"
Janet pressed her lips together in a smile and shook her head, "For everything; for this; for being here, for loving me... For all of it, Sam."
Bringing Sam's hand to her lips she placed a small kiss on the knuckles, closing her eyes when she caught her own scent on the fingers. Without hesitation she drew the first finger, then the second into her mouth, sucking them gently. There was simply no perfume as powerful as the flavor and fragrance of their two scents combined together.
Sam's eyes had closed involuntarily at the contact and she murmured, "You know, I'm not tired yet..."
Janet pulled the finger from her mouth and opening her eyes, chuckled, "Incorrigible."
Grinning crookedly, Sam replied, "Always."
Janet gazed down at the hand she held in both of her own, her smile turning wistful. Keeping a loose hold on Sam's hand she pulled off one of the gold bands from her finger and slipped it back on the ring finger of her left hand. She then slid off the second, slightly larger gold band and slid it on the ring finger of Sam's left hand,
"This is yours, you know."
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Sam asked, her blue eyes deeply searching the depths of Janet's own.
Clasping Sam's hand to her heart she murmured, "Yes, love, I am." and leaned in to press her lips reverently against Sam's.
The kiss was deep and lingering, and Sam delighted in the combination of tastes on Janet's tongue. When they finally parted Sam pulled their joined hands close, looking closely at the symbols deeply inscribed on their wedding bands,
"I remembered the night I proposed to you." Sam whispered, stroking the ring on Janet's finger with her thumb, "We were standing in my backyard, looking up at the stars. I was standing behind you, and I had wrapped my arms around you, tight." Her eyes closed so she could better see what she remembered, "I was nervous and felt my knees grow weak when I got ready to pop the question, I turned you around in my arms and sank to my knees and asked you to marry me."
"That's right." She heard Janet whisper softly.
"And you said yes."
"Yes, I did." Sam could hear the smile in Janet's voice, making her smile in return.
"And then the phone rang," Sam opened her eyes to crinkle them at the corners as she grinned, "I think Daniel was more nervous than I was."
Sam wanted the wedding bands to be simple gold bands so she could have a verse from the Song of Songs inscribed on them. Swearing him to secrecy, she asked Daniel to translate the verse back into the original Hebrew dialect appropriate to King Solomon's time, and he had readily agreed, although he was adamant about accompanying her to the jewelers so he could be sure the man inscribed the ancient script on both their wedding bands correctly. Unable to keep the secret of when she planned on asking Janet to marry her to herself, she told Daniel and on the night found herself giggling into Janet's stomach as she held her,
"That would be Daniel." She said in a muffled voice as they listened to the phone ring. Sam's answering machine finally picked up as she rose from her knees and placed a smoldering kiss on Janet's lips. The night was warm and they had left the back door open but Sam could only faintly hear the automated outgoing message on her machine though the searing heat of their kiss. It wasn't until Daniel started speaking that both women came to their senses long enough to suddenly erupt in laughter against each other's mouths. Arms wrapped tightly around one another they had walked across the lawn and back into the kitchen, still laughing as they listened to Daniel ramble endlessly into Sam's answering machine,
"It's no biggie, really, I just...thought I'd call, I mean... I know it's late, but I... well, you know how I get caught up in research and time flies, and...uh, anyway... I just wanted to ask you something about, uh...uh, our last mission, and uh...about the, umm..."
Sam finally put him out of his misery when she picked up the phone, saying, "For chrissakes, Daniel, she said yes." Then laughed again, holding the receiver out so Janet could hear the triumphant whooping sounds coming through the phone,
"I knew it! YES!" He shouted, "Congratulations Janet! You too, Sam!"
As Sam put the phone back to her ear Janet leaned in to give Daniel her thanks, and Sam added, "Yes, thank you Daniel, but it's really late now and..."
"I know! I know, I'm so, so sorry!" He had rushed to apologize, "this is so great, I'm gonna' call Teal'c, he's waiting to fi..."
"He's what?" Sam had blurted, incredulous, "You promised not to tell anyone, Daniel!"
"Uh, yeah, well," he had stammered, making Janet snicker, "Well, I gotta' go now, Sam...uh, how about we all go out for breakfast tomorrow to celebrate?"
"Breakfast?"
"Or a late brunch, uh, lunch?"
"Dinner," Sam had interrupted him, acutely aware of the heat emanating from the body her arm kept so tightly pressed against her own, "an early dinner. Now I'm gonna' let you go so you can call Teal'c."
*
* * *
"He was pretty nervous at the wedding too, if you'll recall," Said Janet, breaking her from her reverie, "I thought for sure he was going to drop the rings during the ceremony and make us all crawl around on our hands and knees looking for them."
"Yeah," Sam looked from the ring into Janet's eyes, "but he didn't drop them."
"No, he didn't."
"Janet, I remember placing this ring on your finger the day I married you... I remember slipping it on your finger and falling, for the last time, for forever, into your eyes when I said, 'I am my beloved's..."
"And my beloved." Janet finished, "is mine."
* * * *
"Daniel, my love, you know you have no aptitude for handling fire, please let Teal'c add the logs."
Sam snickered as Vala turned to her and rolled her eyes, "I do love him, you know?" She shook her head affectionately as her voice trailed off and the two women sat, watching Daniel watch as Teal'c carefully removed the grill and placed a few chunks of splintered log directly onto the coals. It was still early in the season and the sun still retired early so no matter whose house they found themselves at, after the feast they always tried to warm the area with what Daniel officially designated The Mini-Bonfire, in an attempt to delay the end of the gathering. The splintered pine logs were dry and quick to burst into flame, the intensity promising a mini-bonfire that was satisfying but brief, at best.
"And if you'll notice, Teal'c is putting very little on the coals, it's obvious you're rapidly reaching the end of your endurance."
They sat together on the bench swing in the backyard; her arm still in the sling Sam sat curled to the side, her good arm propped on the back of the bench, her hand tiredly supporting her head.
"I know." Sam groaned, stifling a yawn, "I'm sorry, I wish I had more energy because this has been great, thank you."
Vala's eyes crinkled warmly, "It was fun today, wasn't it?" As Teal'c promised, the barbeque had been short, only two hours in duration and somewhat sedate, but it was clear the five of them had enjoyed themselves.
"So, Mitchell was reassigned to command SG2 again?" Sam asked.
Vala only nodded.
"And that's why he's not here today?"
Vala nodded again as she gave Sam a knowing look, "As I'm sure you gathered by Daniel's not too subtle whining, Colonel Mitchell was evidently a superior jet fighter pilot on your planet, but he seems to lack what it takes to lead missions offworld."
"Sometimes leadership can be learned." Sam interjected, tried to be kind.
"Hmmm," Vala cocked her head disbelievingly, "I don't know, I think he should consider himself lucky he's in the Stargate program at all let alone in command of a team. He's ambitious, to be sure, but he certainly hasn't shown himself to be a good match for SG1... Daniel has dismissed him as an 'arrogant, hot-shot ex-fighter pilot'." Vala sighed deeply, watching her husband help Janet clear the picnic table. Teal'c sat at the table; his hands neatly folded on its surface, and spoke to the pair in soft tones.
Sam watched the trio along with her for a long moment before
saying, "You know, when I came to the Stargate Program I was a hot shot ex-fighter pilot from
the
"But you were, even then, as you are now, far more than that, Sam. And among your many skills lies the ability to lead. You have it, Cameron Mitchell does not."
Sam didn't know what to say to that so she merely shrugged one-sided.
Vala gazed at her thoughtfully before she asked, "You've been leading SG1 for some time now, are you still considering withdrawing from command?"
Sam turned to her, nodding, "I think so, yes." She lifted her head to scrub briefly at the side of her face and forehead before returning to rest once more on her hand, "I've remembered all of that, and I think the timing's right. I'd already had some discussion with General Hammond on the matter before I was...you know, killed, and he understands. I've collected a lifetime of research over the years that will keep me involved in the stargate program, but once Janet and I have a child, I won't be going offworld anymore."
"Except when we go to PeredaVoy, of course?"
"Oh, pfft!" Sam waved dismissively at her, "Of course!" Making Vala smile. Sam nudged at her with her knee, "Thanks for coming over this week, Vala. I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed having you guys drop by."
"Our pleasure." Vala beamed, "You know, this whole week has gone by and I keep forgetting to ask about Cassie."
Sam felt her chest grow tight with emotion when she thought about how much she adored these people, and she inhaled deeply. Daniel and Vala had taken turns with Teal'c during the past week; dropping by to chat as well as helping to clean the house, bring groceries, etc. But during a few of Daniel and Vala's visits Sam had been fast asleep on the couch, leaving the pair to chat quietly with Janet in the kitchen.
Concern crossed Vala's face as she asked, "Was it strange for her, having you back? Is she coming home soon?"
Sam shook her head, wonderingly, "No. I mean, she seemed absolutely fine with it. Janet said she was happy when she told her about me, and she didn't seem freaked out. When we spoke on the phone the first time she said she was, 'beyond cool with it'."
"Really?"
"Yeah," Sam snorted bemusedly, "she said she understood because it was, 'a Hak'taur thing'."
"Oh, well then," Vala sighed, making a grand, dismissive gesture with her hand, "there you are." Sam laughed. "And when is she coming home?"
"Two more weeks. Then she'll be home for two weeks over Spring Break."
"Then we'll be due for another celebration?" Vala arched her eyebrows at her.
"Oh, absolutely." Sam dryly assured her, making Vala chuckle.
"Hey you two! " Daniel and Teal'c sauntered up to the pair, "It's time to go, Vala. Before we drain Sam to the point of collapse."
"This was great, Daniel," Sam genuinely, if tiredly, enthused, "Thank you, guys, for everything, really." Vala rose from the bench, she and Daniel both reaching to help Sam to her feet. "Oh man!" Sam groaned aloud as Daniel took the cane from her hand,
"Uh, I believe it's my turn to be your personal transportation valet?"
Vala rolled her eyes again, smiling, "He loves saying that." And stepped in to give Sam a gentle hug, "Take care, will you be coming back on base soon?" She asked.
"Yep," Sam answered as Vala stepped back, "We have one more week here at home then Janet says I can come back to work with her while she works her shift in the infirmary."
"Indeed." Teal'c stepped forward, a warm smile on his face as he enveloped Sam in a massive, and yet equally gentle hug, "I look forward to it."
"I even get to work in my lab for a couple of hours each day."
"Really?" Said Daniel as he stepped in to slip an arm under Sam's good arm and around her back.
"Really." Sam added brightly, her voice laced with sarcasm, "As long as I have a babysitter, then I have to have a nap in the infirmary."
"Yeah," Janet stood off one side, her arms folded across her chest, "It was either that or I lock her in the ICU under armed guard."
Daniel and Vala snickered, "See?" Sam complained, then muttered under her breath, "I feel like I've been signed up for daycare."
"You know I'm standing right here." Janet retorted in a mock-stern voice.
Vala laughed aloud this time and Daniel, supporting Sam, looked at her sideways, giving an amused snort as he slowly led her across the lawn to the back door of the house.
* * * *
The setting sun was warm on Sam's face and she sat with her eyes closed, leaning her head against the back of the doublewide rocking chair that sat on the back porch. Several minutes passed when she felt the back of Janet's warm fingers caress her cheek,
"Hey, sweetheart," she called softly, "you awake?"
"Mmm hmm," Sam replied, opening her eyes, and reached to draw Janet's hand to her lips, kissing first the palm and then the back of her hand before pulling her to sit beside her. Janet tucked a leg under so she could sit facing her, "How about I cook dinner tonight?" Sam asked.
"Ooo, are you ordering Chinese, or Mexican?" Janet asked, one eyebrow arching innocently.
"Very funny, Colonel Fraiser. Actually, how about we keep it simple tonight and I order a pizza? That way we can maximize our snug and cuddle time together before going back to work tomorrow."
Janet held both Sam's hands in her own and gave them a squeeze, "With plenty of breaks for brief naps in between?"
Sam's eyes grew dark with desire and her voice dropped to a husky whisper; "At least I'm always ready for more when I wake up."
Janet grinned broadly, "Yes, Samantha, you certainly are." And leaned in for a quick kiss that Sam managed to prolong by firmly fixing her mouth on Janet's.
After what seemed like several minutes Janet reached a hand up to gently push Sam back against the rocking chair, laughter in her eyes, "Hey, dinner first. You need to keep your strength up, you know.... Although I don't think a combination pizza can be considered a health food."
"I was gonna' make a salad too."
"Oh, well, okay then..."
Sam grinned, "A quick dinner followed by long sessions of love-making, interspersed with brief, regenerating naps...you know, for you."
Janet emitted a short bark of laughter, "Oh my, the ex-fighter pilot speaks."
"I plan on doing a lot more than that between now and work tomorrow." Sam purred seductively.
"I believe you." Janet said, and leaned in for another quick kiss, then pulled back to gaze briefly into the blue of Sam's eyes before leaning back against the rocking chair.
"Is it just me, or did we do it this often before I, you know..." Sam's voice faded as she looked questioningly at her wife.
Janet gave an amused snort, "Yes, Sam, we've always been a very active couple. Although we were always careful to lock our bedroom door when Cassie lived at home so we never had to answer the question, why is Sam hurting mommy?"
"Oh my god!" Sam laughed.
Still smiling, Janet looked at her thoughtfully before asking, "Are you sure you want to go back tomorrow? There's no rush, you know."
Sam shook her head, "Nah, I'm okay.... Besides, I get to come have a nap with you in the infirmary before lunch, right?" She raised her eyebrows innocently.
Janet snorted again, "Incorrigible." She sighed contentedly then added, "There is another option, you know. I can't retire yet, but you can. You're still obviously in no shape to be pregnant yet, but...."
"I know," Sam interrupted her, "But I don't want to leave General Hammond high and dry. I obviously won't be going offworld once I'm pregnant, but I still want to help in the decommission of SG1."
"Are you sure... is this still what you want?" Janet squeezed her hands reassuringly.
"Absolutely." Sam answered her without hesitation. "I've served the Stargate Program for nearly ten years, and the Air Force for twice that, it's time. It's not fair that you have to keep having me as your patient who repeatedly comes back from the brink of death, or actual death, in your infirmary. There's still lots of work for us to do, but there are other ways to get the work done and have a life together, just for us."
"Just for us." Janet echoed, and they fell silent as they rocked softly in the chair.
"I'm starved." Said Sam, "Let's call Tony's."
"Okay," Janet said, rising from the chair she retrieved Sam's cane from where it hung from the porch rail. Handing it to her she slid under Sam injured shoulder, the sling now being left off for a few hours each day, and wrapped her arm around Sam's waist as they walked slowly to the back door.
"Is Cassie coming home this Friday or Saturday?" Sam asked, "I thought she changed it, but I can't remember."
"Saturday," Janet said, squeezing tenderly, "I can't wait to get her back here, and have the three of us together again." Janet slipped her arm from Sam's waist to step through the doorway into the kitchen and Sam followed, closing the door behind her.
"Me too." Sam echoed the sentiment, then added in a slightly breathless voice, "Janet?" Leaning heavily on her cane she stepped forward uncertainly as Janet turned to her, "Janet?" She said again, her voice weak and reaching out with her free hand grabbed the front of Janet's blue chambray shirt in a tight fist as she fell back against wall.
Janet covered the hand that gripped her shirt with one hand and quickly stepped around to encircle Sam with the other; bracing her knee behind her she slowed Sam's decent down the wall to the floor, "Easy, sweetheart, it's okay...easy now."
Sam had recovered enough to remain conscious during most of her quantum integration events. The memories were still vivid, immediate and intense, but Sam could now hear, if distantly, Janet's voice and feel her presence as she clenched her teeth and her body tensed, her eyes open, staring intently at the memory only she could see.
Sitting stiffly upright; her back against the wall, one leg bent at the knee and the other outstretched in front of her, Sam convulsively gripped the shirt and Janet knelt at her side, holding the tightly clenched fist to her chest, murmuring soft, comforting words. Faintly, Sam could hear her,
"It's okay Sam, easy...breathe. Easy now..."
"Enough,
Sam." Janet's voice sounded strained and brittle and Sam totally ignored
her. Not lifting her head from the pages she had spread on the work table in
her office she had replied in a clipped tone,
"You relieved me
of duty and sent me home to rest. I'm home. I'm resting."
"No, Sam, you're
not." Janet sat in the chair closest to her, "Honey, please, it's
been a month, you can't keep up this pace. You'll never help Colonel O'Neill
this way. If he's still alive on Edora you will
eventually find a way to bring him back, but you still have to eat, and you
still have to sleep... Sam...." Janet leaned over and placed a hand on top
of the hand rigidly gripping a pen, "Sam? Please stop this!"
"I can't!"
She had suddenly shouted back, "I can't just give up!" And snatched
her hand away.
Janet held up her
hands in surrender, "Sweetheart, please, it's not your fault.... It's not
your fault a meteor hit the stargate and trapped Jac..."
"NO!" Sam
had shouted, and violently pushed herself away from the table, tipping over the
chair as she leapt to her feet. "I can't just sit here and do
nothing!" And threw the pen across the room.
Janet rose from her
seat, "Honey, please, you're exhausted, you're practically asleep on your
feet and you're snapping at everybody. Sweetheart, you can't..." She
placed a hand on Sam's arm and Sam wrenched it away from her,
"No! You might
have medical authority over me on the base, but you can't tell me what to do in
my own home!" She had shouted the last and enraged, stomped out of the
room and through the house, heading for the kitchen.
Janet had stood, her
arm still frozen in midair, "WHAT?" Sam heard her explode behind her,
"Come back here!" She shouted, running to catch up as Sam snatched
her denim jacket off the coat rack and slammed through the kitchen door, into
the garage.
She angrily slapped
the button to open the garage door with the palm of her hand, her face a mask
of fury as she snatched the helmet off the handlebars of her bike and, swinging
a leg over the Ducati, jammed the helmet on her head
and angrily fumbled with the key.
"Sam!" She
heard Janet burst through the door, "What are you doing? Stop!" She
ran to the bike and placed both hands on Sam's arm as she rose up and kicked on
the engine, gunning it to life, "Sam," she pleaded, the fear undisguised
in her voice, "you're in no shape to ride a bike this fast. Please, hon, please come back in the house and lie down with me for
just a few minutes, okay?" The fear and desperation was plainly etched on
her wife's face and a sudden flood of shame and guilt cooled some of her fury.
Sam looked at her with miserable, haunted eyes and Janet squeezed her arm
encouragingly, "C'mon," Janet entreated, "It's okay." Sam
slumped on the bike and dropped her head down, closing her eyes tiredly.
"Just a few
minutes, sweetheart, please."
She almost got off the
bike. Almost. Almost, almost, almost... She could feel
her chin start to tremble and when a sob involuntarily broke from her she felt
the anger come back in a rush and cranking the throttle, she tore out of the
garage.
She couldn't remember
much of the ride itself, only that she intended to take the fast racing bike
out on a lone stretch of highway and take it up to at least 150 mph before
going back home. Instead, she woke up in a private room at the academy hospital
where Janet worked. She had evidently been there for some time because Janet
stood at the overbed table, looking down at what was
probably Sam's chart in her uniform and lab coat.
Afraid, Sam remained
silent until finally Janet looked up from the chart,
"Hi, Sam, welcome
back." She spoke the words in a monotone, the hurt and anger clearly
etched on her face and Sam felt ashamed,
"Janet..."
"You're very
lucky, Sam, you and your bike. Although I imagine you'll have to put a lot of work
in it to get it running again. Do you remember what happened?"
Sam mutely shook her
head no, "You were hit by a young man driving a pickup truck. He and his
friend had been drinking the night before and most of the morning and blew
through a stop sign when they hit you. Witnesses said they clipped the rear
wheel on your bike and sent you spinning at least fifty feet down the
roadway." She looked down at the chart, "You sprained your back,
broke you ankle, your leg, and cracked your knee. You also broke your wrist,
some bones in your hand and you have some road rash there and on your arm,
although your denim jacket and jeans protected you pretty well."
"Please,
Janet," She begged, "I'm sorry."
Closing her eyes in
exasperation, Janet turned away, and shaking her head said, "No,
Sam..."
"Please,
Janet," she felt her eyes brim with tears and her body begin to quake in
fear and panic, "please, I'm so sorry..."
When Janet finally
turned back to her, her eyes brimmed with tears as well but her voice shook
with anger, "It's not enough, Sam. It's not fair, you've been snapping at
everyone for weeks... it's not fair to Cassie... and it's not fair to me
either. But Cassie is just a child, we haven't had her for that long and she
deserves better from us. We're her parents and she deserves better from you,
Sam...and so do I."
"I'm sorry,
Janet... I'm so sorry." She was so frightened her throat had nearly
twisted itself closed and she drew a choking breath, barely able to speak,
"I promise," she had begged, tears spilling down her face,
"please... please don't leave me. I promise it will never happen again.
Please, I'm sorry, please..."
"What?"
Janet had asked, bewildered, "Sam," she quickly dropped the bedrail
to sit next to her, "I'm not leaving you." And quickly wiped an
errant tear from her face as she leaned to wipe the tears from Sam's. "But
you scared me, sweetheart. What you do for a living is terrifying enough for me
and I still wrestle with how to accept that." Smoothing the bangs from Sam's
forehead she leaned down to press her lips against it, whispering, "So
please, love, don't ever scare me like that again."
Janet could feel the hand gripping her shirt suddenly loosen and become slack and she massaged it gently before lowering it to Sam's lap, "Sam?" She called to her, placing both hands on her face she shakily smoothed the bangs from her forehead, "You were gone from me a long time, sweetheart, I was starting to get worried." Boy, is that an understatement, a small voice chided her. She had compulsively checked her watch, feeling the panic rise as Sam's quantum event passed first the two-minute mark; then the three-minute mark. The petit mal-like convulsing had, in fact, been four minutes and nearly fifteen seconds in duration. The last two minutes Janet wanted to scream in frustration, should she drag Sam by her clenched fist to the phone and call paramedics? Should she have torn Sam's hand from her shirt and run for the Valium in her medical bag to try and stop the quantum event with an intravenous injection?
"Sorry." Sam's voice sounded weak, and she made a feeble attempt to clear her throat.
"Its okay, it just seemed to go on longer than usual. Want to get up and move to the couch?"
Too tired to answer, Sam only shook her head no.
"Okay," Janet said, trying to keep her voice light. Pushing Sam's legs to the side, she reached around to turn her by the shoulders as well, "That's it," she murmured soothingly. Turning to lean her back against the wall, she gently pulled Sam back against her so her head lay against her shoulder then wrapped her arms protectively around her. Instinctively, Sam nuzzled her neck, the rest of her lying limp in Janet's arms. "Hmm," she could feel the thrumming vibration in Janet's chest, "this is nice, but I warn you, our butts are gonna' kill us after a few minutes. So rest for a bit then we'll move you to the couch, alright?"
"Okay." Sam sighed. A full minute passed before Sam finally murmured against her neck, "I remembered when I wrecked the bike." She hesitated briefly before correcting herself, "I remembered why I wrecked the bike. I was upset and...obsessed, and I took it out on the people I love most." She tilted her head back to look into warm, brown eyes, "I'm so sorry I was such an asshole, Janet."
Janet gave her an amused snort; she had been so terrified for so long that day it still gave her a mild case of the shakes to remember it. Sam's Ducati had a top speed of 224 mph when she first bought it, but after she had tinkered with the transmission she took it out on a lone stretch of highway where Teal'c clocked her with a speed gun at 240 mph. Sam had been exultant, Teal'c hadn't seemed impressed at all and Janet had been mute with fear for days afterward. The day Sam blew out of the garage Janet had stood rooted to the concrete floor, there was no time to rush back into the house and grab car keys; Sam was long gone. There was no way to guess where she might go and after putting in a call to the front desk of every emergency room in a fifty mile radius, Janet had ended up in the garage, the door still open overhead, endlessly pacing circles with her wallet and keys stuffed in the pockets of her jeans, the cordless phone from the kitchen in one hand, her cel phone in the other. She had paced for over two hours, whispering aloud, "Please come home..." over and over again until it became a mantra she thought would drive her insane, until the phone rang. The intake coordinator at the academy hospital knew Janet and made sure her first words to Janet were, "she's going to be alright."
"Oh Sam, that was a bad, bad day that happened a long, long time ago." She planted a kiss on her hair, "It wasn't your fault. You were so tired; it wasn't your fault you weren't able to think clearly. You were so angry with yourself when you blew out of the garage, sweetheart, the accident wasn't your fault."
Sam tried to burrow herself deeper into Janet's neck as she spoke and didn't answer her when she finished. She knew Sam still carried a lot of shame and guilt for that day, she knew the hours and days Janet spent sleepless, worried, and frightened out of her wits whenever she went missing offworld or suffered some potentially life-threatening injury while on duty. But to stupidly risk her own life while at home had been unforgivable in Sam's mind, and Janet could still see her silently chastise herself for it.
She used the hand softly stroking Sam's hair to gently tilt her face towards hers, "Stop it now, Sam. That was a long time ago, it's over, we made it through and we're better now. That's how marriage works; you work together through the tough spots and you become stronger. We always have, we always will, and we'll always be together just because of that. Understand?" Her voice conveyed a presence that was so unique to her; when she spoke like this it was a command, an absolute commitment, total reassurance, and fierce unconditional love.
"Yes ma'am." Sam replied, rewarding her with a small, soft smile before tucking herself back under Janet's chin to nuzzle against her neck again.
"Good." Janet said, planting a quick kiss on her forehead, "Cuz' I'm hungry and my butt's killing me, so do you think you can make it to the couch now?"
* * * *
Panting, Sam looked down as Janet crawled up the length of her body, "You know, if you exhaust me like that again we'll have to take another week off."
"We?"
"Well, yeah, you'll have to stay home and take care of me." Sam said, kissing Janet deeply, greedily sucking her taste from Janet's tongue, her hands roaming over her wife's body.
Janet pulled her mouth away, smiling, "Easy there, I don't want to exhaust you into a coma."
"I wouldn't want that," Sam smiled predatorily at her, "I'd much rather satisfy you instead." And pulled at her hips.
Janet obligingly dropped her legs on either side of Sam's uninjured leg, straddling her thigh. Slipping one hand around Sam's back, she kneaded Sam's breast with the other, "Mmm," she purred as she dipped her head to taste Sam's mouth. Sam moaned in her mouth and Janet's body answered, a sudden rush of creamy fluid slicking Sam's thigh.
As Janet undulated against her, Sam clung to her with her good arm, and keeping her right arm tucked close, she kneaded Janet's breast, feeling it grow taut and hard. Pulling at her nipple, she felt it pebble and stiffen between her fingers. If I can keep this up I should have full use of this hand and arm back in no time, she thought, if somewhat deliriously. In spite of her post-coital exhaustion, Sam felt her need rise again as Janet ground against her. She could feel her own center as it throbbed and pounded in concert with Janet's against her thigh; the heady scent of her wife's passion as it poured from her in a rush to coat her, assailing her senses and making her light-headed. Although her mind only distantly registered that the hot, copious liquid now ran off both sides of her thigh to soak the sheet beneath them.
Janet pulled her mouth from Sam's, "Nn-uh..." she grunted, "S-Sam..." She pleaded, grinding even harder against her, slamming her thigh into the hot center between Sam's legs with each grinding undulation. "Oh, god, baby..."
Sam opened her eyes, looking up into Janet's face, her head thrown back, "Janet," She panted, "Janet." With effort, Janet opened her eyes and looked down into Sam's, "Come for me." Sam grunted, demanding, "Come for me!" she grunted again, the words ending in a groan, and grasping Janet by her tightly clenched backside, pulled it roughly against her.
Janet cried out, this time convulsively pressing herself against Sam as her body went suddenly rigid, moaning deeply in Sam's ear and Sam's body, shuddering violently, surrendered utterly, her own juices pouring from her, her back arching as though it could leave the bed beneath her and slam them both into the ceiling above.
After what seemed like an eternity of heavy, post-coital breathing, Janet heard Sam mumble breathlessly; "You're gonna' have to stay home now... cuz' I am seriously not going to make it into work today."
Her eyes still closed, Janet chuckled into Sam's hair, "And good morning to you too."
* * * * * *
General Landry scowled as he looked through the six-inch thick pane of Plexiglas and watched as Dr. Lee and 2 other physicists dragged heavy cables across the concrete floor,
"So much time has passed, Dr. Jackson, are you sure this is worth it?"
Daniel turned to him, a shocked expression on his face and he stammered, adjusting his glasses, "A-A-Are you serious? We've come so far, General. You can't mean that."
"Forgive me Doctor, but the safety and security of this base is paramount and so far no one here has been able to offer me any proof or real assurance that this controlled explosion of yours can be safely contained in that room... Can it?"
"Well, actually, it's not the energy that's a concern in this case but how the mirror will react to it that we... just aren't sure about." Daniel finished lamely.
The general looked at him, then back into the heavily shielded room with skepticism, "I understand what the loss of Colonel Carter means to you, this base...hell, this whole planet, but the fact is her chances of survival were extremely poor to begin with, and despite all the sophisticated diagnostic tools at our disposal, we still don't know what the hell that thing in there," He waved his hand vaguely at the Plexiglas, "is made of, what its innards are, let alone how it actually works..."
"And we also risk totally frying the mirror, if it isn't a total loss already, and losing forever the only means we have of ever finding out what happened to Sam."
Daniel shrugged, raising his hands in surrender, "What's the difference?" He pointed through the Plexiglas to the scientists working in the room, "The best minds we have right now say the explosion will not go beyond that room. Please, General, one way or the other, we have to know."
Landry sighed heavily, "When will you be ready to go?"
"A few more hours, at most. Dr. Lee wants to do one more dry run before he actually fires up the mirror, and we will, of course, have both medical and hazmat teams standing by."
"Okay, Doctor Jackson, call me when you're ready to set it off."
* * * * * *
Sam stood at the bureau fumbling with the buttons on her olive drab uniform shirt, "Shit." She muttered, her frustration mounting.
"Hey," Janet had exited the bathroom behind her and, looking fresh in her smartly pressed uniform, slipped into her heels, "can I help?"
"Please," Sam turned to her, "and can I please be excused from physical therapy today? My shoulder is killing me from gripping your shirt last night."
"Well, you probably overdid it this morning."
Sam looked down at her, her eyes somehow both sheepish and unrepentant,
"Umm-hmm."
"And you hardly wore your sling at all yesterday." Janet admonished her as she buttoned Sam's shirt, "These are major injuries, Sam; you can't take a couple of weeks off and just expect to suddenly be a hundred percent again." Finished with the buttons she grabbed the sling from the top of the bureau and gently helped Sam slide her arm into it, "Did you take your meds?"
"Yes." Sam grimaced.
"The pain meds too?"
"Oh, definitely."
"Okay, sweetie," she finished securing the shoulder strap and reached up on her tiptoes to plant a small kiss on her cheek, "I'm sorry about your shoulder, you know you can always have your nap in the infirmary first this morning."
Sam shook her head, and limped to where her cane hung from the bedroom doorknob, "Oh no, you said a nap before lunch, and if you work you schedule right, you can take an early lunch with me and we can have my nap in our quarters."
Janet folded her arms across her chest and leaned back against the bureau, "Oh really?"
Sam stood in the doorway, leaning on her cane, eyebrows innocently raised, "Well, yeah. Didn't you say..."
"No, you big fibber." Janet gave her a sly grin, and turned to retrieve her watch. She slipped it on her wrist, her hand hesitating as she gazed at the triangular case that sat in front of the bureau mirror. "Sam," she called and picked up the case, holding it solemnly in her hands.
Without a word, Sam slowly crossed the room; she had been home for nearly a week before she noticed the crisply folded American flag encased in a triangle of glass and highly polished wood. Janet reverently smoothed her thumb over the brass plate on the bottom of the wooden frame, the nerve endings in her thumb sending brief messages of pain and grief to her brain each time it passed over a stamped letter or number. Engraved in the brass was the name, Colonel Samantha Carter, her date of birth, followed by her date of death.
Without looking up she asked, "Do you know how many hours I sat in this room, polishing this brass with my thumb?"
Sam had moved from the doorway to stand close, "No." She answered softly.
"This is the flag that draped your coffin. The guys did
such a good job folding it, you know?" She could feel a lump forming and
cleared it from her throat, "General Hammond presented it to me; he placed
it in my hands, offering what were probably some heartfelt words of comfort...
But do you know," she said a bit wonderingly, "to this day I have no
idea what he said to Cassie and me." She shook her head, a frown creasing
her brow, "I've tried and tried to remember but it's just not there..."
Janet drew a deep breath, "Anyway, since you came home I don't know what to
do with this, I thought about placing it in your coffin... You know, I buried
you in... I mean, I buried her in
"Yes, of course." She rushed to reassure her, "Of course it's alright with me."
Janet sniffed and placed the flag back in its place in front of the mirror, "Okay." She nodded, "Okay." She repeated, this time nodding her head firmly, then turned and gently grasped the hand in the sling and placed the other over Sam's heart, "Thank you."
Sam was speechless, lost in the depths of Janet's eyes and distracted by the warmth of her hands. Finally, she managed, "I love you, Colonel Fraiser."
Janet flashed her a brilliant smile, "And I love you, Colonel Carter. Can I give you a lift to work?"
* * * *
Sam's pain medication had kicked in by the time they reached the base, but she still didn't protest too much when Janet insisted she ride to the infirmary in the wheelchair. She was a little anxious about seeing her office in this reality for the first time and wanted to conserve as much of her energy as possible so she could spend her allotted two hours reviewing the projects in her lab before returning to the infirmary for her nap, which, as much as she hated to admit it, she'd probably need. After giving Sam another brief exam in the infirmary, Janet gave her leave to return to the wheelchair and introduced her to the airman Sam had privately dubbed, 'The Babysitter'. Airman Anderson's job was to simply stay in close proximity to Sam in case she had a quantum event, in which case he was instructed to help Sam safely to the floor, lying her on her side, and immediately call the infirmary for help.
"And I don't care what Colonel Carter's reasons are, Airman, unless she asks to come back here earlier you will bring her back to the infirmary no later than 1100 hours this morning, is that clear?" Janet had pinned the poor man with her sternest glare, her arms folded imposingly across her chest.
"Yes ma'am." He had replied, suddenly standing at attention.
Sam grinned sympathetically from her wheelchair and gave the airman a small wave, "Hi, there."
Janet turned to her, flashing her a fleeting and completely wicked smile before asking innocently, "Ready to go to work?" Sam narrowed her eyes at her before nodding and Janet leaned down to whisper in her ear, "Don't pout, sweetheart, you'll be back here before you know it. And if you're very good, we'll have your lunch and nap in our quarters."
"Really?" Sam asked, suddenly hopeful, her eyebrows practically creeping up into her hairline.
"Really." Janet smiled, although she was certain she'd be spending her lunch watching Sam sleep, which was fine with her. She looked forward to sitting on their bed with Sam's head on her lap, so her hands could stroke through soft, blond hair, "Keep the sling on today, alright?"
"Yes, Ma'am!"
"Mmm," Smiling, Janet hummed as she straightened back up again, "Compliance and enthusiasm, my favorites." As she turned to walk away she looked briefly at the young airman still standing at attention, "She's all yours, Airman Anderson."
* * * *
"Thank you, sir." Sam called to General Hammond as he left her lab. She had gotten very little done so far this morning. Since her return most of her time had been spent with co-workers and curious colleagues welcoming her back. She would just get started on figuring out where a project had been left when someone else would come knocking at the doorway of her lab.
Sam heaved a heavy sigh and slumped in her wheelchair, "How you doin' there, Airman Anderson?" She asked tiredly.
The young man stood at parade rest near the lab door, "Fine Ma'am, how are you feeling?"
"Oh, just...swell." She drawled, mostly to herself. She really needed to see about getting a chair that would accommodate her injured leg like the wheelchair but that was more comfortable than the wheelchair. She raised her good shoulder and rotated it, leaning her head to one side to help relieve the tension there. She really wasn't going to be able to stay awake during naptime today.
"Hey, Sam!" Daniel called to her from the doorway, "Welcome back!"
Sam smiled and waved him in, "Hey, thanks. Where's Vala today?"
"Oh, she's assisting SG3 offworld this morning, operating in a diplomatic capacity. She's oddly talented in that way."
"Better not let her hear you say that."
He immediately placed a hand over his heart in apology; "She knows I mean that with love." Making Sam laugh, "If the curious looky-loos won't leave you alone you can always come and hang out in my lab till naptime. Today's the day I pop on the quantum mirror and have my monthly chats with some of the other Daniels and SG1 people."
"Really?" She asked, "That's today? You never mentioned that."
"Really? Well, uh, yeah..." Daniel hesitated, "In fact, this is kind of an anniversary for us here, you know. It was one month ago today that you came to us through the mirror, Sam."
"Really?" She said, taken aback, "Has it really only been a month?"
"Really," Daniel slid his hands in his pockets, "does it feel longer to you?"
She gave an amused, if tired, snort, "It feels like a lifetime, Daniel."
Daniel nodded and pushed away from the worktable he'd been leaning against, "Come by if you want."
"Okay," She called after him, "Thanks."
*
* * * * *
The small observation room was crowded and Daniel squeezed past Dr. Lee and the other physicists to peer down the equally crowded corridor where Dr. Lam stood with a gurney and the medical, HAZMAT and defense teams.
"General Landry?" Daniel called, as he tried to peer over the heads of the personnel.
"I'm coming," said the general, adding, "excuse me, please...make a hole people!" When he finally appeared next to Daniel he turned and raised his hands above his head for their attention, "Alright, listen up! You know why you are here! This morning we are trying to bring back one of our own! If our efforts to activate this quantum mirror are successful then our goal is to find out what happened to Colonel Carter and bring her home if possible. To this end I want the defense teams to be standing at the ready as close to the door as possible, the medical team behind them and the HAZMAT team behind them!" He turned to SG1, Dr. Lee and the other scientists, "Once that mirror is activated I want it clear that under no circumstances is anyone to touch the mirror for any reason, is that understood?"
Daniel had already gone to the mat with the general over this issue and lost, so he merely stood quietly. His eyes downcast, he glanced surreptitiously at the other SG1 members. General Landry caught the look and pinned them all with a commanding glare, "That is an order, SG1!"
"Yes sir." Daniel and Col. Mitchell mumbled. Teal'c only gave a formal nod to indicate his acceptance.
"Alright Doctor Lee," Said General Landry, "If you're ready, let's do this."
* * * * * *
Daniel stood quietly in front of the mirror in his lab. He had been standing there for several minutes, looking down at the remote he held in his hands. He had lied when he told Gen. Hammond that he had continued to check the location Sam came from since her arrival. He hadn't activated the mirror for at least three weeks; each time he activated it he found himself increasingly afraid he'd find an alternate version of himself or someone else from Sam's old world, looking for her, wanting her back, and yet.... He sighed, and yet he felt a tremendous amount of guilt; shouldn't they know she's not only okay here but she's happy too? And what about the Cassie of Sam's old world? Didn't she deserve...?
"This is stupid." He muttered aloud. What he really needed, he decided, was to talk to Vala again about it. Several long moments passed before he finally emitted a loud sigh. Okay, he nodded to silently, he would just talk to the Alternate Daniels today to check in, then wait to see what Vala...
"Excuse me, uh, Doctor Jackson?" Col. Mitchell stood in the doorway of his lab, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure." Daniel turned and placed the remote on his worktable, pursing his lips in annoyance, "But only a minute, okay? I was just about to check in with the Alternates."
"Oh sure," Mitchell waved apologetically, "I'm about to go offworld with SG2 in a few myself... I just wanted to stop by and say I know you weren't particularly impressed with me the few times I led SG1, and I just wanted to apologize... I hope there are no hard feelings."
"Absolutely none." Said Daniel with absolute insincerity. He did not like this man and because he was not a member of SG1 he was not privy to the knowledge that he and Vala and Teal'c had agreed some time ago with Sam and Gen. Hammond that their lives and work were now taking them on paths that no longer required a formalized team, so Col. Mitchell would have to be content with leading SG2.
"It's just that, if Colonel Carter decides not to rejoin SG1, or she is declared unfit for duty..."
"Unfit for duty?" Daniel did nothing to hide his annoyance now, "What?"
"I'm just saying," Mitchell held his hands out in a gesture of surrender, "if you would please reconsider me..."
A blaze of brilliant white light suddenly filled the room, momentarily blinding both men,
"Shit!" Mitchell cried, shielding his eyes.
Dread filling him, Daniel slowly pulled his hands from his eyes and turned to look in the mirror. He could feel his heart beating so hard a small, terrified part of him feared it was on the verge of pounding right out of his chest. In the mirror he could clearly see himself holding up a large sign that read,
"DO YOU
HAVE OUR
SAM CARTER?"
"Oh, my god." Daniel breathed. He grabbed the remote off the worktable and simultaneously pressed the two symbols that activated the audio, "Uh, yes," he waved nervously, "hi there. Yes, Sam came through our mirror a month ago, badly injured, but she's doing great now..."
"Great!" The other Daniel quickly turned to wave at someone behind him then turned back, "Listen, could you get her for me? I don't know how long we can maintain this connection, our mirror here was damaged and..."
"I'm on it!" Daniel heard Mitchell shout behind him, and he turned to see him bolt from the lab.
"No, wait!" Daniel yelled, but Mitchell was gone. He quickly turned back to the mirror and pointing to the Alternate Daniel, he stammered as he backed toward his phone on the wall, "W-w-wait! W-wait just a second, Daniel, I have to tell you something about Sam since she's been here, just, just..." and tearing the phone from its mount called the infirmary, "This is Daniel Jackson!" he shouted into the receiver, "I need Doctor Fraiser in my lab right now! It's an emergency! Tell Doctor Fraiser to come to my lab right now!"
* * * *
"Okay," Sam groaned as she raised herself from the
stool and reached for her cane, "That's it,
Airman Anderson brought the wheelchair to a stop in front of the elevator and slid his keycard in the access port. The sudden sound of boots pounding toward them down the corridor made the airman turn abruptly and he nearly drew his sidearm out of instinct. Col. Mitchell came flying around the corner and nearly collided with Sam's chair,
"
"What? Wait!" Sam, turned
in the chair, "Wait,
"Can't wait!" Mitchell shouted and turning the chair, began to push it as fast as he could down the corridor; "I got it from here, Airman!" He shouted over his shoulder.
* * * *
"Okay!" Mitchell shouted as he came flying through the doorway of Daniel's lab, pushing the wheelchair carrying an ashen-faced Sam,
"Daniel?" She called to him, clearly terrified.
Daniel turned from the mirror and held up his hands to stop Mitchell, "Look, Mitchell... Cameron!" He put his hands out to grab the handles on Sam's wheelchair to stop it, "Stop! I know you're trying to help here, but just slow down a second, okay?"
The mirror suddenly flickered and the Alternate Daniel waved his hands in the glass,
"Uh, actually...guys?"
Daniel turned back to the mirror, "Is there any way you can stabilize the energy you've hooked up to that?"
"No!" The Alternate Daniel shouted, "It's running on a stored amount we just shot into it and I think it's about to run out..."
Mitchell shouted, "There's no time!" And tossing Sam's cane aside, grabbed her by her upper arms and dragged her out of the chair. Sam screamed in pain and Daniel rushed forward,
"What are you doing?" Daniel grabbed Sam from behind and wrapping his arms around her waist, pulled her back into the chair, "Look, just calm down, everybody." Daniel patted at the air with outstetched hands, speaking more to himself than Mitchell when Janet and Teal'c came flying into the lab.
"Sam?" Janet cried, and rushed towards her.
"Jane..." Sam turned in the chair as Mitchell grabbed her again, this time by her shirtfront,
"Stop!" Daniel cried, and grabbed at Mitchell who shoved him back and grabbed Sam again and this time, shouting with the effort, wrenched her from the wheelchair and flung her at the glass.
"NO!" Janet screamed as Sam disappeared through the mirror only to reappear in the quantum mirror's reflection. As she ran to the mirror she could see Sam lying on the floor on the other side and could hear her screaming her name, "SAM!" She cried, "SAM!" and as she stretched out her hand to touch the glass, the mirror went dark.
Daniel grabbed the hair on the sides of his head with both hands, "OH MY GOD!" He wheeled on Mitchell, screaming at the top of his lungs, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" And grabbing him by his shirtfront, shoved Mitchell hard against the wall, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" he shrieked again, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
"What in the hell's goin' on in here?" Gen. Hammond breathlessly demanded from the doorway.
Teal'c calmly pulled Daniel's hands from Mitchell's shirtfront, and Mitchell held up his hands in surrender,
"Hey, man, I was just doing what needed to be done,
okay,
"So you could command SG1 again, right, asshole?" Daniel snarled menacingly.
"Hey!" Mitchell stepped away from the wall, but Teal'c put a restraining hand against his chest,
"Is this true?"
It was not so much the deadly tone but the
Daniel turned and cautiously approached Janet where she knelt on the floor in front of the mirror, "Janet?" He knelt down next to her and called to her again, "Janet?"
Janet stared vacantly at the mirror, the pads on the fingers of her right hand rested lightly against the cool, dark glass; her face was tear-stained, but she wasn't crying anymore.
"Janet?" Daniel put a hand on her shoulder and called to her again, "Janet?"
* * * * * *
Sam grunted in pain when she landed on her back on the concrete floor in her old reality. She landed at Daniel's feet and when he went to help her she crawled away from him, "NO!" She cried, and using her good arm she frantically scrambled across the floor towards the mirror. She could hear Janet screaming her name as she crawled, "JANET!" Sam screamed, "JANET! JANET!" Dimly, she could see the terror written on her wife's face and as Janet reached out to touch the glass, the mirror went dark.
"NOOOO!" Sam screamed, "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Daniel knelt next to her, his hands frozen helplessly in midair as Dr. Lam and the medics rushed into the room, "NO!" Sam cried, "NO, JANET, PLEASE!"
She continued to sob and scream in agony as the medics placed her on the gurney and Daniel and Teal'c watched in mute horror as Dr. Lam yelled, "I can't sedate her unless you hold her down!"
"Oh my god, Teal'c." Daniel said from his place on the floor, "What have we done?"
PART 2: The Way It’s Supposed to Be
Once he had considered her formidable. Once he had considered her a woman who could, and would, overcome anything and everything the universe could throw at her. Nearly as tall as himself, she exuded intelligence and initially, she possessed a shyness that belied the unbelievable strength that was the cornerstone of her leadership, of her commitment to purpose in every challenge she ever faced, of every battle she ever fought, and of absolute loyalty to those she loved. Daniel swallowed cautiously and softly cleared his throat. Gazing at the shell of a woman that lay now in the hospital bed he almost couldn't believe it was the same person. This Sam looked so small. When he first sat down in the chair next to her bed he had wondered, how she could look so small? She had lost weight in her fight for life after the incident with the Zhang, but where had the rest of her gone? He wondered. While she dozed in a tranquilized stupor he sat here, listening to the blip of the monitor that kept a noisy vigil over the function of her heart, and gently stroking the hands that were still covered in bruises and faint, fading scars left from the crystal that had cut her so deeply,
And what the crystal didn't cut away, I cut away the rest, Daniel lamented silently. When the Col. Mitchell from the other reality ran off to get Sam, his counterpart, the Alternate Daniel, ran in a near panic to make a hasty phone call, summoning their still alive Janet Fraiser. As soon as he had slammed the phone back on its' wall mount he had rushed back to the mirror,
"Listen, Daniel," his alternate bunched his hands into fists in his rush to get the words out without stammering, "the Sam who came through the mirror a month ago, your Sam, was badly hurt, but she's better now, and she's happy here. And if you ask her, she's gonna' want to stay."
Daniel's forehead creased in a confused frown, "What?"
"Doctor Jackson?"
Daniel turned at the voice carried over the intercom and looked at Gen. Landry who stood watching from the observation room,
"What?"
"What?" Gen. Landry's voice boomed back.
Raising his voice Daniel turned again to the Plexiglas, "Tell the teams to wait, General! They're going to get her now!" Trying to affect a nonchalant pose he turned back to the mirror,
"What are you talking about?" He demanded quietly, not knowing if he could trust this other Daniel Jackson or not.
But the other Daniel seemed genuine and sincere in the story that spilled from him in a rush. The other Daniel spoke about their Sam and the love affair that carried her and Janet through so many years of love and happiness, then the tragic loss barely two months before. Then his Sam fell through the mirror into their reality, a bloody mess Janet put back together... He told him about Quantum Integration, and how it couldn't have been helped, his Sam was just too much like their Sam, and now his Sam and their Janet were together in their world, and they loved each other, and they were happy.
"Please," the other Daniel had pleaded, "she needs to stay. Just ask her and you'll see." He then held up the mirror's remote and showed him how to activate the audio, how to lock in the current address, and how once they had repaired their mirror, he could be a part of a collective of alternate realities that checked in with each other on a regular basis to exchange information and ideas and brainstorm off one another.
"It's at this same time...every month," the other Daniel hurried, "it was a month ago today, in fact, when your Sam..."
Then their Mitchell came flying around the corner pushing a stricken-looking Sam in a wheelchair. Daniel realized only after the fact that he inadvertently caused Mitchell to hurl Sam at the glass when he told them the mirror on his end was unstable. He only meant that he needed to use whatever time he had left to determine if what the other Daniel said was true, he needed to hear from Sam herself that she wanted to stay.
But then, suddenly, she was on his side of the mirror, screaming for Janet, and the look on their Janet's face as she rushed to the mirror, desperately reaching out just before the glass went dark. Daniel squeezed his eyes shut tight against the memory of Sam crying out in agony. She was in so much pain... I could hear it, he thought and took a deep, shaky breath. He blinked back the sudden moisture gathering in his eyes and looked from the massive, swollen hematomas that covered Sam's arm caused by Dr. Lam trying to sedate her in the observation room, down at the ring that graced Sam's wedding finger. With his thumb, he gently turned the ring and whispered aloud the ancient Hebrew text etched deeply in the gold band, then repeated the words in English,
"I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine."
* * * * * *
The image had been recorded in full-blown Technicolor and was crystal clear. General Hammond watched the security tape again and again, his anger growing each time as he watched Col. Mitchell repeatedly grab Col. Carter and throw her at the mirror.
Daniel had told the general his version of events, starting with Col. Mitchell's entreaty to still consider him for command of SG1; then handed over the security tape taken from the cameras in his lab. After the second viewing, Daniel became impatient and rose from the chair to pace at the far end of the general's office. Finally, the general clicked off the VCR with the remote and sat back in his chair.
"There is no room for misinterpretation, General." Daniel returned to his seat, his fury barely concealed, "He did it on purpose."
After Daniel had initially accused Col. Mitchell of throwing Sam through the mirror for his own selfish purposes, he approached Janet who had sunk to her knees on the floor of his lab, her hand lightly touching the glass that had taken her wife. To Daniel it appeared as though she had completely shut down; she had apparently stopped crying after Sam had been flung through the mirror and she simply knelt there, completely withdrawn and unresponsive. Not knowing what to do, Daniel simply held her until the medics arrived.
"Doctor Jackson," Gen. Hammond turned in his chair to regard him with blazing eyes, "I am ordering you to keep this to yourself; but I can assure you Colonel Mitchell will be severely dealt with, and with every ounce of my authority. Do you understand?"
Daniel only nodded.
The general turned to glare briefly at the dark screen before slumping back in his chair and exhaling noisily. Finally he asked, "How is Doctor Fraiser?"
Daniel shrugged, "Vala and Teal'c are with her...we're going to take her home as soon as I'm done here."
The general nodded, "Then I won't keep you." He rose and held out his hand and Daniel rose as well, accepting the heartfelt handshake from the older man, "We're gonna' get through this, son."
Unable to meet his eyes, Daniel could only nod and silently left the room.
*
* * *
SG1 formed a tight phalanx around Janet as they left the base and headed for their cars. Vala slid behind the wheel of Janet's van and Teal'c helped Janet into the passenger seat, silently pulling the seat belt around her and securing the buckle. He couldn't help but notice the dull, vacancy in the small woman's eyes and he stopped to gently squeeze her shoulder in one massive hand before backing out of the car. Even though the muscle in his jaw jumped in tension, a look of infinite sadness marred his features.
Teal'c took the lead in his car, Vala followed behind him in Janet's, and Daniel brought up the rear in his own. Together, the solemn procession of vehicles made their way off the mountain, to Sam and Janet's home. During the drive, Janet leaned her head back against the headrest, and by the time Vala pulled into the driveway she appeared to be asleep.
"Janet?" Vala gently stroked her arm, "Janet?" Slowly Janet opened her eyes and stared blankly at the house. Vala unbuckled Janet's seatbelt just as Teal'c opened the passenger door, and Janet turned to murmur in gratitude,
"Thanks, Vala." But her eyes were unfocused and distant. She turned to take Teal'c's hand as he helped her from the car, "Thank you Teal'c." She said, her voice equally flat. Alone, she walked to the front door and Daniel, Vala and Teal'c watched her go inside,
"We can't leave her alone, you know." Daniel muttered under his breath.
"I am not leaving." Teal'c announced.
"We can take turns." Vala said then walked to the house, Daniel and Teal'c following behind.
Janet was on the phone when they entered, and in a voice utterly devoid of emotion she spoke to her daughter,
"I know, honey. I'm all right...really. It'll be okay... I promise, Cass... No. I want you to stay in school and take your midterms, okay?" She paused for a moment, "I'll be here when you come home, I have to go now, but you call me later if you need to and I'll still call you tomorrow night, alright? I love you, sweetheart." Daniel quickly stepped over to Janet, motioning for the phone and Vala stepped over as well, taking Janet by the hand and leading her to the couch.
"Hey, Cassie?" Daniel pushed his glasses higher on his nose, watching as Janet sat robotically on the couch and Vala removed her uniform jacket, "Yeah, Vala and Teal'c and I are here with your mom and were gonna' be staying with her for the time being, okay?" He was quiet for a moment before adding, "It'll be okay, Cassie, your mom's right; stay for the exams and we'll see you on Saturday... Don't worry. We'll take good care of her. Call back if you need anything, like help with studying or anything, alright?" Daniel told her they loved her before returning the phone to its' charger. He looked up at Teal'c who still stood at attention and then looked over at his wife who had pulled Janet down across her lap. The petite brunette was still in uniform, and Daniel picked up the jacket that lay across the back of the couch and walked over to the hall closet with it. Placing the small dress uniform jacket on a hanger, he paused for a second to gaze at the silver eagles on the shoulders before hanging it next to the larger dress uniform jacket with matching silver eagles and closing the door.
Vala had pulled off the woman's heels and popped her cross tie open, and after unbuttoning the first two buttons on her dress shirt she pulled Janet's head down on her lap, murmuring softly, "Close your eyes for a bit, Janet, and rest for a few minutes, alright?" Janet was silent but compliant enough, and obediently closed her eyes. Now that she had talked to Cassandra and reassured her everything would be okay they could do whatever they wanted with her, and right now retreating from this world suited her just fine.
* * * *
Cassandra Fraiser hung up the phone in her dorm room, stunned. How could this have happened? They were so happy together, how could they take Sam away? How could they take Sam way from me, away from mom? She sank down on her bed and closed her eyes; grateful her roommate was out on an early date. Tears slid down her face and she clamped a hand over her mouth and sobbed quietly. It's not fair! She screamed silently; it's not fair! It's not fair! Mom needs Sam! She squeezed her eyes shut tight and as she sobbed she repeated in a quiet, angry voice, "Mom needs Sam!" Over and over again,
"Mom needs Sam!
Mom needs Sam! Mom needs Sam! Mom needs Sam! Mom needs Sam!"
Forty-five minutes passed, and as the anger and tears finally dissipated Cassie still chanted, "Mom needs Sam." But now they were just words. Words of intention, and Cassie's mind floated, the room fading from her. Completely unaware, her conscious mind drifted and it wasn't until she found herself face to face with herself that she became aware of her new surroundings,
"Uh, hey." Cassie said to the other Cassie in mild surprise.
"Hey."
"I'm...looking for Sam. The Sam who just got thrown back into her old reality from ours? She was badly hurt by some people called the Zhang..."
"Get out!" The other Cassie exclaimed, a smile lighting up her face, "I'm from that reality!"
"Whoa." Cassie murmured, "How'd we do that?"
"Well," the other Cassie offered rather matter-of-factly, "we are Hak'taur."
* * * *
Not knowing what else to do, SG1 sat mutely in Sam and Janet's living room in stunned shock and silence. Teal'c sat in an overstuffed chair, Daniel sat across from him in another, and both men watched as Vala softly stroked Janet's hair and eventually, she fell into an exhausted, if fitful sleep. Sorrowfully, Janet emitted small, whimpering noises as she slept, and as the occasional tremor shook her compact form Vala would gently stroke her hair and rub her back and arm, murmuring soft words of comfort.
Watching them, it reminded Teal'c of their return from
Colonel Carter's funeral in
He approached her and knelt quietly at her side; he could see her tear-stained face and hear the barely audible keening noises of loss that issued from her throat. Even in this uneasy slumber the song of grief has followed her, he had silently observed.
Deciding he must move her from the cold room he gently lifted her, like a child, into his massive arms. She awoke briefly and begged him to let her stay a few minutes longer.
"I just need to feel close to her, Teal'c." She had begged him.
She clung to his shirt, and as he looked down into agonized eyes he relented, if only for a few minutes. Still holding her in his arms, he carefully lowered himself into the chair and she closed her eyes, quickly slipping back into an exhausted, uneasy sleep.
He sat there until Daniel and Vala came looking for them. Mutely, they entered the garage and without a word, gazed at the diminutive, tragic figure held so protectively in his arms.
A long moment passed between them before Teal'c finally murmured, his eyes glistening, "I believe her heart has broken."
And now it has broken again, Teal'c thought as he sat watching the petite, somnolent form on Vala's lap. How many times, he wondered, can the human heart endure such pain?
* * * * * *
"Come on."
"No."
"Please, let's just see if..."
"Look, Doctor Jackson," Dr. Lee snorted, his initial good humor quickly souring into annoyance at the man's persistence, "We could blow up the sun next to that thing down there..." he held his hands palm up in surrender, "It's toast I'm telling you! Toast! There's no force, no energy that will make that mirror work ever again! Don't you get it? Nothing!"
Daniel shoved his hands in his pockets and hung his head, "Okay." He mumbled, "Okay, well..."
"We got her back, what the problem?" He asked, truly perplexed by the archeologists' demeanor.
Daniel shook his head, "It's just that... Look, what if we..."
"No!" Dr. Lee wailed, "Jesus Christ, all-frickin' ready! I don't have time for this!" And, disgusted, turned on his heel and stomped out of his own lab.
Daniel stood looking at the empty doorway for several long moments before leaving Dr. Lee's lab and returning to his own.
Teal'c was waiting for him when he got there; he stood quietly in the middle of his lab, his hands clasped behind him. Daniel stopped in the doorway and both men stood silently regarding one another for a moment until Daniel finally said, "Let's go see her."
Teal'c only nodded his assent and together, they left for the infirmary.
Dr. Lam directed them to a quiet corner where Sam lay motionless, her eyes clearly troubled behind closed lids. Daniel walked around to the side of the bed and bending down slightly, placed both hands on the bedrail, "Sam?" He called softly, "Sam? Are you awake?"
Slowly, Sam blinked her eyes open, dully taking in first the
"I'm so, so sorry Sam." Daniel hesitated then opened his mouth to speak again, but nothing came out. He had no idea what to say and he looked to Teal'c for help.
Sam opened her eyes again and she whispered, her voice barely audible, "It's okay, Daniel. It wasn't your fault."
Daniel looked down at her, "Actually, Sam, it was.... When I said I our mirror was..."
"It's alright, Daniel." Sam repeated, her voice a flat monotone and closing her eyes, turned her head away.
Daniel was speechless, she had not looked directly either at him or Teal'c even once.
Teal'c watched Daniel's mouth work but no words came out.
His chin started to tremble and letting go of the bedrail, he turned to hurry
past the large
Teal'c turned back to the silent, frail-looking form in the bed. It had been his intention to welcome the colonel back, but now he found himself unable to utter the words and after a few moments he gave a small, formal bow and left the room.
* * * * * *
From her place in the chair Janet gazed at the bed where a shaft of early morning sunlight spilled in a soft glow across Sam's side of the bed. She was still in uniform, still shoeless, her feet tucked under her, the flag from Sam's coffin hugged close in her lap as her thumb passed repeatedly over the name and numbers etched on the brass.
She hadn't cried since Sam was thrown though the mirror, part of her was too afraid if she started again she would never stop. And Cassie will be home this weekend and I still have to go back to work at some point, she thought lifelessly. Desolate, she looked down at her wedding ring, slowly turning the band with her fingers, feeling the ancient text that was deeply engraved in the gold band. She slowly pulled the ring from her finger and slid it back on the ring finger of her right hand,
"I'm a widow again." She said dully and slowly, groaning softly, she struggled against stiffened joints to rise from the chair and walked to the bureau, carefully placing the flag in front of the mirror before grabbing a pair of jeans and underwear from a drawer. Tiredly, she shuffled into the bathroom and changed out of her uniform. Reaching into the laundry hamper, she pulled on one of Sam's t-shirts, bunching the front of the shirt to her nose, searching for Sam's scent. Seeing the sheets she stripped from the bed only the morning before, she pulled them from the hamper and sat on the floor of the bathroom, her back against the wall. She held them close, images of their lovemaking fleeting before her closed eyes and she inhaled deeply, searching for their combined essence left within the folds.
Blindly, she slowly turned the bundle this way and that, searching... Searching for... Mmm, she suddenly relaxed and held the sheets even closer. There you are, she sighed, content to simply sit and breathe Sam. Her perfume was so provocative Janet's conscious mind quietly slipped away. Memories of Sam's body, both vivid and distant floated to her; how Sam smelled after a workout, how she smelled in her leather jacket after riding one of her motorcycles. The provocative scent of her arousal, and how both her taste and smell left Janet feeling drunk and light-headed each time Sam achieved orgasm. The taste of Sam on her tongue...just the taste and feel of Sam's tongue in her mouth had been enough to rush Janet to climax in Sam's arms. Unbidden, before the world could return to her, she remembered the lovemaking session when she fell in love with Sam's tongue.
Cassie had come to live with them only a few weeks before, it was late at night, and Cassie had been asleep for hours when Janet awoke to Sam's light kisses on her neck. When it was clear by Janet's breathing that she was fully awake, Sam raised herself enough to lick at Janet's lips, pausing to stroke and nuzzle her nose and cheek with her own before dipping her mouth once again to Janet's, gently stroking soft lips with her tongue as she palmed and kneaded taut and swollen breasts with her hands. The gentle licks and kisses and caresses became more heated, and Sam's tongue finally demanded entrance into Janet's mouth...as if Janet would ever deny her. Moaning softly, Sam finally moved to straddle Janet's thigh, and with aching slowness, squeezed and massaged Janet's mound, teasing her open with her fingers, softly stroking the ripening folds in cadence with the stroking of her tongue in Janet's mouth.
"Oh god, Sam," The more basic and primitive part of her brain understanding how Sam responded to such entreaties, Janet turned her head to whisper harshly in her ear, "Please, love, please... Oh, god, baby, please..."
"Yes..." Sam groaned, a little too loudly. Slipping two fingers inside Janet, Sam maintained a steady rhythm of fingers stroking her slick, heated walls within, her thumb stroking the hard bundle of nerves without, and her tongue completing the exquisite torture of equally long and lavish strokes licking in and out of her mouth. Feeling thoroughly penetrated, Janet's tongue struggled to entwine with Sam's, and she found herself straining not to come in an effort to prolong the divine pleasure and agony she felt each time she joined with Sam in this way. How intense could the sensation become before Sam stroked her universe into an explosion of blazing white light?
But suddenly, Janet was acutely aware that Sam was moaning loudly, much too loudly for a child not to hear, and only now was Janet aware that Sam was undulating wildly on her thigh and close to orgasm herself. Struggling with her own impending climax, Janet let go of one of Sam's breasts to cover her mouth with her hand and stifle her moans. Not understanding her intent, Sam moaned just as loudly, kissing and tonguing Janet's palm. Unable to hold back her climax one second longer, Janet pulled Sam's mouth to hers and sucked Sam's tongue inside to quiet her. The sensation of her lips and mouth sucking wildly on Sam's tongue blew her world into a blaze of brilliant white. But even as she shook from the waves of orgasm that overtook her, she never stopped sucking on Sam's tongue until the full, uncontrolled force of Sam's own orgasm tore her mouth from Janet's, and she buried her head in Janet's neck, the low keening noise that issued from her throat lost in the pillow beneath, and together they shuddered and convulsed for what seemed like an eternity.
Panting, Janet silently mourned the loss of Sam's fingers when she finally withdrew from inside her. Still clutching Janet's thigh between her own, Sam rolled off to lie on her side and held Janet close, her hand protectively cupping Janet's mound.
When she was finally able to breathe without sounding like a dying pony, Janet whispered, "Sweetheart, I love you, but you were so loud I thought you were going to wake Cassie."
Janet could feel her smile against her neck, "Then stop making me come so hard." Sam mumbled.
Janet couldn't help but smile as she kissed the top of her head, "Oh, so it's my fault..."
"Always."
"I mean it, Sam," she entreated, her voice low, "we need to do something..."
"You mean like soundproof our room?"
"Well, no." Janet said almost immediately, "How would we hear if Cassie got up? Or a burglar broke in the house?"
Sam thought about that for a moment and then mumbled, "We could always keep the baby monitors and just soundproof Cassie's room."
"Okay, but how would we explain that to her?"
Sam yawned and inched closer, involuntarily squeezing Janet's mound, "I don't know, what would you say?"
Janet shivered slightly at the touch, "I don't know; you're the rocket scientist; you figure it out."
The memory faded and Janet leaned her head back against the bathroom wall, a tender smile tugging briefly at her lips as the surroundings from her place on the floor slowly returned to her. She hugged the sheets to her again and deeply inhaling their sweet aroma one more time, lay down on the floor and curling around the bundle, finally began to weep.
* * * * * *
"When can I go home?"
Dr. Lam looked up in confusion from the colonel's chart. She opened her mouth to answer, realizing she had no idea how to answer. Carolyn Lam was acutely aware of the "don't ask don't tell" rule her father's military lived by and, for Col. Carter's sake, was afraid to say anything too referential to Sam or anyone else. But she heard enough when Sam came through the mirror to guess what may have happened while she was on the other side and looked from haunted eyes back down to the chart she now clutched nervously in her hands. Covertly, she looked around to see if anyone was close enough to hear her, but before she could answer Sam asked,
"Do I still have my house here?"
"Oh...well, yes. Yes, of course." The young doctor sputtered, "It's only been a month." Then quickly snapped her mouth shut at the look of sudden pain in the older woman's eyes. Wanting to comfort her, she reached down to softly clasp Sam's hand, but a nurse walked in carrying a stack of linens and Dr. Lam straightened from the bed to regard the chart again, and slowly shook her head,
"I don't know, Colonel, you're still seriously anemic, your body is still trying to recover from very serious injuries... not to mention the new injuries I inflicted on you in the observation room..." She paused to look back down into pained blue eyes, "I am so sorry about that."
Sam looked away, "It wasn't your fault." She mumbled softly.
Dr. Lam sighed and looked back down at the chart. She really needs time to mourn and heal, she brooded quietly, and she would certainly do that a lot quicker if she weren't lying here in this infirmary,
"Okay." Dr. Lam agreed, "As soon as I can arrange for a couple of airmen to ferry you and your car home you can get out of here. I'll put you down for at least a month's medical leave. But you still need to come back every day for physical therapy and a quick check up, alright?"
*
* * *
The car ride home seemed to take forever, and it was with difficulty when Sam struggled to extricate herself from her own car, not waiting for either airman to help her. Taking her keys, she thanked them both and leaning heavily on her cane, made her way slowly up the walk. Robotically, she opened the door and stepped inside, automatically closing and locking it behind her. Slowly, determinedly, she made her way to the bedroom and eased herself down on the chair across from the bed. She leaned her cane against the chair and removed first the sling, then methodically unbuttoned her olive drab shirt, her mind distantly remarking how much easier it was to unbutton rather than button one's shirt one-handed.
She changed out of her boots and uniform, leaving them in a trailing heap on the chair and floor. Grabbing her cane, she made her way to the bureau and after several more excruciating minutes, changed into pajamas and went to bed, slipping into an exhausted sleep almost as soon as she slipped beneath the covers.
Hours passed as day passed into night and Sam only awoke once to struggle into the bathroom to relieve herself and have a drink of water before going back to bed. I just need a few days, she thought as she slid painfully back under the covers, Just a few days of rest, then I can go back to being a mother to Cassie again. Sam snorted in self-disgust at her audacious use of the term. What a piss-poor excuse for a mom I've been so far, she berated herself, how inadequate compared to Janet. She lay on her side in the dark, facing the window where a dim shaft of streetlight entered through a narrow slit between the drapes. She held her hands close to her chest and opened her eyes to peer down at the wedding band.
They had gone to the
Smiling, Sam pressed the side of her face into the pillow at the memory, her hand unconsciously sliding down beneath the covers to grasp her mound, her fingers pushing against the fabric of her pajama bottoms.
After a long, hot and humid cab ride they finally made it to their hotel, and Sam barely heard the concierge say they were expecting a huge storm within a matter of hours. They would have to stay in the hotel's main building until the storm passed before they could safely move into the bungalow they had reserved on the beach. Janet had the foresight to order dinner from room service before leaving the front desk although Sam had little memory of what was actually consumed during the meal, unable to take her eyes off either her wife or the brilliant rings they now wore on their hands.
Janet had smiled more than once during that meal, "Are you okay over there, Captain Carter?"
And Sam had answered around mouthfuls, "Yes ma'am, Captain Fraiser... I'm only eating this because I have to keep my strength up."
By the end of the meal Sam couldn't take anymore when Janet asked sweetly if they should order dessert. Sam rose swiftly from her place at the small table and swept the smaller woman into her arms,
"Sam!" Janet had shouted, laughing.
"I have all the dessert I need right here." Sam had smiled predatorily at her and quickly crossed the spacious room to place her precious cargo on the bed. Sweeping up the chocolates that had been left on the pillows she tossed them over her shoulder, "And I certainly don't need these."
Janet laughed again and slipping from beneath her, scrambled off the bed, "For heaven's sake, sweetheart, you never just chuck chocolate." And retrieving them from the floor unwrapped one and slid it into her mouth. Sam watched her with rapt attention, a sly grin crossing her face,
"Janet..."
As she crossed the room toward her, Janet unwrapped the second chocolate and offering it to her wife, slowly slid it onto Sam's tongue. Then, her eyes locked on Sam's, she licked the quickly melting chocolate from her fingers, drawing the digits inside her mouth to suckle them briefly before pulling them out again. Sam sat up on the bed and began to strip off her clothes, frantically chewing the chocolate, and making Janet chuckle as she pulled off her shirt and bra,
"Easy there, cowgirl, we have plenty of time."
Sam's brow furrowed at the remembered words. The Sam that Janet said those words to was killed eight weeks ago. These memories aren't mine anymore, Sam furiously blinked back tears and turned her face into the pillow, her hand now digging into the fabric of her pajama bottoms, forcing their way between swollen folds, searching for her defiantly throbbing clitoris, and gasped aloud into her pillow as her fingers rubbed frantically through the thin fabric.
With aching slowness, Janet had climbed on top of her in the bed, and Sam had watched as she deliberately dangled her breasts so just the tips brushed over Sam's already stiffened and erect nipples. Sam reached up and grabbed both with her hands, rubbing her thumbs over the sensitive tips, making Janet moan,
"Ohhh-nnno, my love, not yet." And grabbing Sam by her wrists pushed her hands down to the bed.
"Janet..." Sam had breathlessly wailed, "Please, what do you want me to do?"
Resting her weight fully on top of her, Janet had breathed in her ear, her voice low and thick with desire, "I want you to do two things, my love. First, I want you to spread your legs," she paused to drag the tip of her tongue up the length of Sam's throat, making her shudder with delight, "and then, I want you to come in my mouth."
Sam gasped aloud, first at the words and then again as teeth suddenly raked across a hardened nipple. Unable to form words of any coherence, she simply obeyed and spread her legs as wide as she could while Janet kissed and licked and nibbled her way down Sam's body. By the time she had reached the heated apex between her legs Sam was already dangerously close to orgasm, and she forced herself to breathe slower, closing her eyes in concentration. But Janet was having none of it, she wanted to taste Sam and the last of the chocolate that lingered in her mouth at the same time, and she firmly sucked first one engorged and ripened fold into her mouth, and then the other. She moaned aloud as she moved her mouth over Sam's opening and suckled deeply, her tongue firmly laving the slick, inner walls. Sam had clawed and gripped the sheets with her hands, holding her sharp intake of breath and nearly biting through her lower lip. She tried to prolong the exquisite attack but Janet was relentless. She risked at look at the top of the thrusting and bobbing brunette head as three fingers were suddenly plunged deep inside her and a hot mouth clamped over her clitoris, making Sam's head slam back on the bed. Her back arched as Janet determinedly pumped her fingers in and out, her mouth making loud slurping, sucking and licking noises as she tugged at Sam's straining clitoris in tandem with the sounds of wet coming from the fingers pounding in and out of her.
Gasping, her chest heaving, Sam balled the sheets beneath her in tightly clenched fists as she came, finally rewarding Janet with a rush of hot liquid as she cried out. Janet drank her fill from her trembling body, closing her eyes in reverent contemplation as she licked her fingers clean and nuzzled Sam's still quaking center, her hands gently stroking and smoothing over the quivering muscles and the slick, overheated skin of Sam's thighs and belly.
"Janet...' Sam raised her head enough to peer between still heaving breasts to look at her wife, "Janet..."
Resting her head on Sam's thigh, Janet had looked up at her, a slightly smug and satisfied smile tugging at her lips, "I'm gonna' love being married to you, Samantha Carter."
Lying alone in the dark of her room, Sam ground herself against the fingers that still rubbed with a desperate fury against the small, thrusting bundle of nerves. Finally, her body suddenly stiffened beneath the covers as the orgasm overtook her and in shame, she turned her face into the pillow as she came, her hips undulating against her hand. As the tremors shook her she began to cry deep, heart-wrenching sobs,
"Janet..." she whimpered in soft, tortured anguish, "Janet..."
Curling herself around the hand still pressed between her legs, she cried until she fell into an exhausted slumber. As she slept her body twitched and convulsed, assailed by memories that belonged to a dead woman.
* * * *
Days passed along with the nights. During one of her early treks to the bathroom Sam made her one and only trip from the bedroom to limp into the kitchen and unplug the phone and answering machine. Returning to her bedroom she unplugged the phone next to her bed before crawling back under the covers. Once, she heard knocking at the door and wondered vaguely what the sound was that seemed to come from various points outside the house before she retreated once more into sleep.
After several days of doing nothing but sleeping and having the occasional drink of water, she was surprised when she reached to pull her Beretta from the drawer in the bedside table and nearly dropped it, it felt so heavy in her hand. Unaware of how weak she had become, she struggled to sit up and using her good hand, painfully eased her injured leg over the side of the bed and pushed herself until she was sitting upright. Once more she reached inside the drawer, and getting a careful grip on the weapon this time, pulled the handgun from the drawer and lowered it clumsily to her lap. Pushing the drawer closed, she returned to her supine position on the bed. Unable to hold up the gun while lying on her back, she turned on her side and rested the Berretta on the mattress in front of her. She gazed down the barrel with mild interest for a few minutes before pushing the gun under her pillow. Her hand still wrapped around the grip, she fell into a fitful sleep and dreamed of kneeling on a cold and foggy shoreline and screaming, and screaming, and screaming...
Hours later, when the darkness outside her window finally matched the darkness of her room, she awoke and pulled her hand from under the pillow. She was disoriented for a moment when the gun emerged along with her hand and she stared at its dark outline for a long time before she drifted off once again. For nearly two days she kept her hand on the gun, pushing it under her pillow when she struggled from the bed to go to the bathroom and pulling it back out when she finally limped painfully back to bed. As time passed, her leg felt as though it was getting worse, not better, as did her other injuries. The bruises on her arms throbbed and her shoulder burned all the time but the wound in her side gave her the most difficulty of all her old injuries; any movement at all now, even a mild increase in respiration caused pain that was increasingly difficult to bear. But all of it was nothing compared to the pain she felt in her chest; every beat of her heart now caused greater and greater pain that radiated out to intensify the pain felt in all her other wounds and tears spilled from her eyes nearly every time she drew breath. Please make it stop, she pleaded silently as more tears ran from the corners of her eyes, spilling over the bridge of her nose and soaking the salt-encrusted sheet beneath.
She weakly pulled the gun to her and gazed hypnotically at the dull shine on its black surface. Could she do it? Did she have what it takes to make the pain stop?
Because this would do it, she thought resignedly, this would make it stop. If I just pushed the end of the barrel against my heart and pulled the trigger I could make it all stop. She gripped the gun by the barrel and slid it toward her on the mattress until the end of it rested against her breastbone. All I'd have to do is pull the trigger and it wouldn't hurt anymore, she crooned silently. Fresh tears sprang from her eyes and she sobbed brokenly; Janet would be so angry...and disappointed. Sam turned to hide her face in the pillow and wept. She couldn't make the pain stop, she couldn't do that to Cassie, or the Janet she lost in a firefight so long ago...or the Janet who lost her Sam twice; the Janet who lived on, without her, in an alternate reality somewhere.
Pushing the gun half under her pillow, Sam moved her head down to rest the side of her face against her hand and cold steel. As her tears eventually subsided, she drifted off, the pain still following her, relentless, and she slept breathing in the alluring smell of sulfur and lead, still in love with Janet, and now in love with death.
* * * *
"Welcome back, Teal'c!"
Teal'c stopped at the bottom of the ramp to bow formally to Walter in the control room, "Where is Daniel Jackson?" He asked.
"Uh... I dunno, his, uh...lab?" Walter guessed.
Teal'c gave another small bow and left the gateroom. He indeed found Daniel Jackson in his lab along with Vala Mal Doran.
"Teal'c," Vala greeted him, "how are things on Chulak?"
"Challenging as ever." Came the concise reply, he then turned to Daniel Jackson, "How is Colonel Carter?"
"She's home." Daniel said, and then turned to pull a book from its shelf.
The
Daniel shook his head, "I don't know, she's not answering the door, and she disconnected her phones, every time I call I get that weird, uh, tone..." His voice abruptly faded and he opened the book on his worktable and flipped aimlessly through the pages.
Vala only looked at Teal'c and shrugged.
"Then we must force our way into her home to be certain that she is alright." Teal'c decided rather matter-of-factly. "It may be the only way to ensure that her grief has not overwhelmed her." Daniel's head shot up from his book,
"Oh... I don't think..."
"Uh, excuse me?" Dr. Lam stood in the doorway, looking out of place in her civilian clothes, having left her labcoat in her office.
Daniel and Vala turned to smile at the doctor, Teal'c merely nodded and bowed formally.
"Come on in." Daniel waved her in, wanting more than ever just to be left alone to wallow in his office.
"I, uh..." Dr. Lam stepped in the archeologist's lab a bit uncertainly, she didn't know these people very well and she was reluctant to be too open with them. "I know Colonel Carter is your friend, so I wanted to...to..." she faltered, unsure how to proceed. Inwardly rolling her eyes in exasperation at her own nervousness she shrugged and plunged ahead, "Look, Colonel Carter hasn't shown up for even one of her check-ups or physical therapy appointments this week and I can't seem to get her on the phone. I know you guys are keeping close tabs on her, but you have to let her know that if she doesn't come in so I can check on her progress I'm gonna' have to intervene in an official capacity, and that would include a psychiatric evaluation, you know?" She stood at the worktable and tapped lightly on its surface as she spoke.
She watched quietly as the three exchanged looks with each other before Teal'c finally spoke up, "We appreciate your concern, Doctor Lam. We were, in fact, just on our way to see Colonel Carter. I am certain no official intervention on your part will be necessary." And giving her a formal bow, motioned for Daniel and Vala to precede him from the lab.
* * * *
Teal'c remained silent as he drove, listening to Daniel discuss how they were going to break into Sam's house that wouldn't cause a lot of damage or piss her off.
"You are assuming that she hasn't already killed herself, or fallen ill or something else?" Vala asked from the back seat.
Daniel shot her a dark look, "Why are you here?" He demanded.
"Well, I haven't anything else to do at the moment." Vala shot back, "And Sam is my friend too."
"Oh, really." Daniel said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
Teal'c suddenly swung his SUV to a stop in front of Col. Carter's house, and raising his voice slightly to be heard over Daniel and Vala's arguing he announced, "We have arrived."
Without preamble Teal'c walked directly to the front door and withdrawing a small gun-like object from the pocket of his slacks, he inserted the nose-end of the device into the door lock. Squeezing the trigger rapidly several times, he quickly popped the lock, turned the knob and opened the door.
"You know, you could've told me you had that." Daniel muttered as he stepped inside. Once inside he unconsciously held his breath, afraid the odor of death would assail him. Almost as if she read his mind Vala whispered next to him,
"Well, I don't smell the foul stench of death, anyway."
Daniel suddenly expelled the breath he was holding and turned to her, keeping his voice low he hissed, "Please stop talking. Could you please just stop talking?"
Vala rolled her eyes at him; "It smells a bit stale in here, mind you, but not awful."
Ignoring the pair, Teal'c silently walked past them and down the dark hallway,
"Colonel Carter?" He kept his voice low and paused in the bedroom doorway, "Colonel Carter, are you alright?"
Daniel brushed past him and flicked on the overhead light, "Sam?" He said, his voice uncertain. Vala walked around to the other side of the bed and knelt on the mattress,
"Hello?" She said quietly and reached out a hand to gently stroke dirty blond bangs from the sleeping woman's eyes.
"Janet?" Sam mumbled and she withdrew her hand from under the pillow as she awoke, the gun emerging as well. Vala's eyes widened at the handgun and she quickly reached to gently take the semi-automatic from her and turned to hand it to Daniel who just as quickly handed it to Teal'c. Gingerly, Vala turned Sam on her back, and she emitted a soft groan.
"I'm sorry, Sam. Easy there." Vala crooned. She gently stroked Sam's hollow cheek, noting the slight flush and how unnaturally warm her skin felt to the touch.
"Uh, no Sam, it's us..."Daniel stepped forward, "we were worried about you and..."
"Daniel?" She murmured, blinking her sensitive eyes against the harsh overhead light.
"Sam, you haven't been answering your door, or your phone either, for that matter and..."
As Daniel rambled on Vala continued to stroke Sam's arm, alarm rising within her as she felt her way up the thin and bruised, emaciated limb, "Daniel," she tried to interrupt. But Daniel ignored her and continued to ramble on about how much she had worried them, "Daniel!" Vala raised her voice, making him jump and Sam flinch, "I'm sorry, Sam," she soothed, and pulling the covers down to Sam's waist, raised her pajama top just high enough to expose her prominent ribcage. "You can stop blathering now, I think she has a fever as well...we have a real problem on our hands."
Sam finally seemed to recognize the people standing in her bedroom, "Vala?" She asked questioningly, "Daniel?" Shielding her eyes with her hand, her head dropped back tiredly against the pillow as Vala pulled her top down again, "Teal'c." She whispered, her voice weak.
Daniel had finally stopped talking. He had, in fact, stopped himself by clamping a hand firmly over his mouth at the horror of seeing Sam's wasted and shrunken form. He swayed dizzily on his feet for a moment before stumbling forward to kneel at her bedside, "Oh my god, Sam." He whispered, his voice hoarse, "Oh, Sam."
And reached to pull the covers down past her knees, "We have to get you out of here." He reached to lift her from the bed; "We have to get you to the infirmary right away..."
Sam weakly put up her hand to push him off, "No..."
"Yes, Sam..." Daniel slipped one arm under her legs and the other under her shoulders and had lifted her when Sam suddenly cried out in pain. He quickly lowered her to the bed again, terrified by her harsh, shallow breathing.
"Shhh, easy now." Vala quickly reached to soothe her; stroking her face and smoothing blond bangs from her forehead, "I think we need to find another way." She said, looking pointedly at Daniel.
"Are you kidding me?" He turned to her in disbelief. "She needs help now!"
"I believe if we called her, Doctor Lam would assist us." Teal'c finally spoke and approached the bed.
"Would she come here?" Vala asked.
"I think we should ask." Teal'c answered her. "I will call her from the other room." He added, and looking at Sam with alarm, hurried from the bedroom.
Daniel took Sam's hand in his and sat on the edge of the bed, "Sam," he said, and unconsciously imitating Vala, reached to stroke dirty blond bangs from her face, "I'm so sorry, Sam." He gazed down at the gold band that now loosely encircled Sam's impossibly thin ring finger. "Before Mitchell brought you into the other Daniel's lab, he, the other Daniel, told me about you and Janet..." he looked from the thin hand he held to the gaunt face and the sunken, lifeless eyes, "he told me how happy you were and...and," his eyes brimmed and his voice cracked, "I'm so sorry Sam, I tried to get the mirror repaired, but it...it's not possible." He made a choking noise and sniffed loudly, "I'm so sorry."
Sam's harsh breathing had slowed, but the effort to resist Daniel's attempt to get her up had taken what little energy she had left and she lay unmoving in the bed.
Her lips hardly moved as she spoke, "S'alright, Daniel." She whispered faintly. "Not your fault..."
Vala returned from the bathroom where she had drawn a glass of water from the faucet for Sam to drink, "I thought you said you had another mirror." Vala said as she sat next to Sam on the other side of the bed and Daniel pulled her, as gently as possible, into a sitting position so Vala could fluff and pile the pillows behind her.
"We did," Daniel explained, "but
Vala rose from the bed and walking over to the bureau, started rooting in the drawers, looking for a fresh pair of pajamas, "So why don't you just get another mirror if you still have the remote?" She asked.
"How? From where?" Daniel asked, "I don't know where to find another mirror."
"Ah!" Triumphant, Vala pulled a clean pair of pajamas from the drawer and turned back to him, "Well, I do."
* * * *
Cassie spotted the large
What Daniel didn't tell her was that Dr. Lam had gone ballistic when she saw Sam's condition and it was only when Sam tearfully begged not to be taken back to either the infirmary or anywhere else that Dr. Lam relented, if reluctantly. Sam's house now resembled a hospital, as she now required supplemental oxygen and intravenous fluids and antibiotics to battle the dehydration and infection causing her low-grade fever. She was in such a weakened state Dr. Lam was afraid she could still arrest, and insisted on hooking her to a portable EKG monitor, a portable defibrillator sat open and at the ready on her bureau.
Cassie was introduced to the stern Dr. Lam in the kitchen and quickly excusing herself, headed directly to Sam's bedroom, giving a small, silent wave to Vala, who sat in a chair keeping watch over their patient. Dr. Lam told her Sam was in "serious and guarded condition," but Cassie was still unprepared for the gray, skeletal form that lay in the bed and she swallowed nervously, suddenly scared, as she approached the bed,
"Sam?"
Slowly, Sam's sunken eyes opened and she smiled weakly as her eyes focused on the young woman, "Hey, kiddo." She whispered, her voice barely audible.
"Jesus, Sam." Cassie approached the bed and sitting gingerly on the mattress next to her, bent to place a kiss on her forehead, "What...what?" She was a loss for words and Sam reached to weakly grasp her hand,
"It's okay." She murmured.
"No, Sam, it isn't." Cassie shook her head as she sat back up again, suddenly angry, "Do you know how pissed mom'll be when she finds out...?"
Sam looked confused, "Cass..."
Cassie looked down at the hand she held in both her own, "I mean, the Janet who wears the other ring," she raised Sam's hand and moved the ring with her thumb, "the one that looks just like this one." She looked at Sam meaningfully, "Sam, I've been in contact with the Cassie from your other reality."
"What?" She rasped and weakly gripped Cassie's hand, "What are you talking about?"
"Daniel had just called me to tell me about you and after I hung up the phone I was sitting alone in my dorm room... I was thinking about you so hard...and then all of a sudden I was in this," she frowned in concentration before continuing, "I don't know, it was like this middle place, and the Cassie from your other reality was there too." She looked down at the thin hand she held in her lap, "Sam, that Cassie told me how happy you and mom were, together in that world." Teal'c quietly entered the room, followed by an equally silent Daniel, and Vala rose from the chair she'd been sitting in, "Mom needs...the Janet in that reality needs you. You have to go back."
Tears filled Sam's eyes and she shook her head, "I can't, Cassie. The mirror was totaled this last time." She sniffed and tried to draw a deep breath, wincing at the pain in her side. "Besides, I can't be that selfish again... I can't leave you."
"You won't", Cassie argued, "once we get you through the mirror the other Cassie and I can switch places anytime, so I can visit."
"You can't, kiddo." Sam's eyes were sorrowful, "Mirror travel is risky, Cass, if one of the mirrors stopped working...."
Cassie interrupted her, "We don't need the mirror to switch places, Sam. We just think about switching places at the same time and it's done."
"What?"
"When we were in that middle place we tried concentrating on trading places, you know? Just to see what else we could do. And, voila! I was in her room and she was in mine, and it was weird, 'cause we could still talk to each other in our heads, you know? We did it over and over, just to get used to doing it..." Cassie was smiling now and she gave her parent's hand a warm, enthusiastic squeeze, "So it's okay, Sam, go through the mirror, and be with mom..."
"Cassie," Sam squeezed her hand, her eyes pained and imploring, "The mirror can't be repaired, and we don't have another."
Cassie's face fell as she searched the depths of the older woman's eyes, "But..." her voice failed her as a lump formed in her throat, quickly cutting off the rest of her words.
Sam let go of her hands to grasp her arm, giving it a warm, if weak squeeze, "It'll be okay..."
Vala nudged Daniel who stammered, "Uh, actually, Vala here may know where we can get another one... mirror, I mean."
* * * * * *
She stood at the bureau, staring down at the carefully folded flag in its case, and reaching out, slowly pulled it to her. She looked from the flag she held in her hands to the mirror on the bureau. Staring into her own eyes, she blinked, not seeing herself, or the room. She stared hard into the mirror, her concentration total,
Please, she begged the glass; please, I need her. Please bring her home to me...please. Oh, please...
Her eyes brimmed and she blinked back the tears, but the mirror only reflected the room and her haunted appearance. She gripped the flag in frustration and her vision blurred as the tears slipped from her eyes only to fill with more.
Please! Her heart screamed.
* * * *
"How is she?" Cassie asked as she entered the house, dropping her bags by the door.
Vala wrapped her in a fierce hug and murmured, "She's holding up, but she's been having lots of nightmares so she doesn't sleep much..."
"It'll be okay." Cassie let go of her, smiling, "Really."
Vala raised her eyebrows at her, as did Teal'c and Daniel, "Really?" Daniel asked as he stepped forward to enfold the teen in a hug.
"Yeah," Cassie smiled at him, "Just let me talk to mom first."
"I do not..." Teal'c began, but was cut off by a loud crash from Sam and Janet's bedroom, and the four took off at a run.
"Mom!" Cassie exclaimed as she flung herself around the doorjamb and into her parent's bedroom.
Janet stood in front of the bureau, surrounded by broken glass, having smashed the mirror with the encased flag. She turned uncertainly at the sound of her daughter's voice, a dazed and slightly vacant expression on her tear-stained face.
"Cassie?" She asked, blinking, her eyes still unfocused.
Teal'c noticed she was barefoot in her jeans and shirt and rushed forward to sweep her up into his arms, and her bare feet away from the broken glass she was stepping on and placed her on the bed.
"Oh my god, mom!" Cassie and the others rushed forward, Cassie to gather up her mother in her arms, and Vala and Daniel to closely inspect her feet and hands, checking them for cuts and imbedded glass.
Cassie kept her arms wrapped tightly around her mother, and squeezed her eyes closed, "Jesus, mom, you scared me half to death." She eased back from her parent and gave her shoulders a little shake, "But I need you to come back to us now, okay? I need you to really listen and hear this." She let go of the smaller woman and eased her back against the pillow, before turning to the others, "I need you all to hear this, okay?"
* * * *
After Cassie explained her meeting with the other Cassie and that they were able to talk to each other in the middle place and even switch realities with each other, she drew a deep breath and continued, "Mom, they're getting another mirror."
Janet sat up on the bed and clutched at her daughter's hands, "Cassie?" Her eyes brimmed again and Cassie smiled encouragingly at her and continued,
"The other Vala knows where another one is, so SG1 is going to go get it so Sam can come home."
Tears suddenly sprang from Janet's eyes and a sob broke from her even as a smile broke on her face, "Oh, Cassie..." She cupped Cassie's face in her hands, "Honey, are you sure?"
"Yes, mom," the teen felt tears fill her own eyes, "They're going to get it this weekend, they think it'll take maybe three or four days. It might take a week, but mom," she clutched at her mother's hands, "Sam is in really bad shape." She could feel her mother's hands still and her smile froze.
Janet's voice shook as she asked, "How bad?"
Cassie pulled the hands from her face and held them in her lap, "Sam was...was unable to deal with being back in a reality that didn't have you in it." She said simply, shrugging her shoulders, "She went home and just kind of, started wasting away. She stayed in bed this whole week. Apparently she just stayed in bed and slept the whole time."
Janet pressed her lips together and closed her eyes; pain crossing her features.
"But," Cassie squeezed her hands, "but SG1 got to her in time and there's a doctor taking care of her... She'll get better now, mom. And as soon as they get that mirror back Sam can come home. Do you hear me?" She asked her mother. "She's coming home, mom. So you need to get your act together, okay?"
Janet smiled tremulously at her daughter, "Okay."
"That's incredible." Daniel breathed behind them.
"Yep." Cassie agreed, and rose from the bed, still holding Janet's hand.
"Is there anything we should be doing to facilitate Samantha Carter's return?" Teal'c asked.
Cassie shrugged, "I don't think so. Unless she tells me otherwise the other Cassie just said to be ready when the time comes to turn on our mirror so Sam can come back to us."
Janet closed her eyes, grateful she was sitting down because she was sure she would have fallen down she felt so lightheaded from her daughter's announcement.
"Uh, guys," Cassie looked at the trio, a little uncomfortable, "I don't mean to be rude, but the other Cassie would like to talk to mom for just a minute...alone, if that's okay?"
"Y-You mean right now?" Daniel stammered, still overwhelmed by the sudden good news.
"Well, yeah. She said she'd like to see her, just for a few minutes, okay?"
The three team members quickly assured her it was fine, and wearing huge smiles on their faces, they each stepped forward to give the mother and daughter a congratulatory hug as they left the room, Teal'c quietly closing the door behind them.
Cassie turned back to Janet and briefly placed her hands on the smaller woman's shoulders, "Just stand here for a minute while we get connected and make the switch, okay?"
Janet nodded, a small smile crossing her bemused expression, "Okay."
Cassie smiled and dropping her hands down to her sides, closed her eyes and began to take deep, easy breaths. Janet stood, quietly watching her, wondering how this switch was going to take place when she blinked and suddenly, her daughter was standing before her in different clothes.
"Mom?'
"Cassie?" Janet asked, and the young woman suddenly burst into tears and grabbed her in a fierce hug.
"Mom," the other Cassie sobbed, "I've missed you so much."
Janet hugged her back just as fiercely, her smile and tears lost in Cassie's t-shirt, "I love you." She whispered tremulously, remembering what Sam had told her about her counterpart's fate in this other Cassie's reality. "I love you so much, Cassie, no matter where I am." She pulled back and placing her hand on her other daughter's cheek, she looked up into her eyes and said, "Everywhere I am, understand?"
Sniffing, Cassie smiled, "Yeah." She said and chuckled, "that sounds like something you'd say."
Janet wiped the tears from her face and chuckled, "I guess we Fraiser's don't change much from one reality to the next..." She sniffed loudly, "So you and Cassie can really switch realities whenever you want?"
Cassie nodded, "Yeah, really."
"So Sam and I can still spend part of the holidays and school breaks with you?" She nudged her playfully, "You know, those parts of the holidays you don't spend with your friends."
"Or Uncle Jack." Cassie finished and she laughed, more tears spilling down her face.
"Or Uncle Jack." Janet repeated, and wiped the tears from her daughter's face.
"Okay." Cassie heaved a sigh and stepped in to give Janet one more, brief hug, "I have to go back, but I'll see you again, alright?"
"Alright."
Cassie turned to look briefly around the room and noticed the shattered mirror and its remnants still lying scattered on the bureau and carpet,
"Jesus, mom, what happened?"
"Oh," Janet sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve, "I had a moment...."
"A moment?" Cassie asked disbelievingly.
"Yeah," Janet sighed and parked her hands on her hips and shifted her weight to one bare foot, "Just a moment, but the mirror still broke."
"Oh-kaaay..."
Smiling softly, she reached to take Cassie's hand in hers and gave it a squeeze and a small shake, "Please tell Sam..." Her voice wavered and she tried vainly to keep it steady, "Tell her I love her. Tell her to get well, because I'm here, and I'm waiting for her to come home."
* * * * * *
Daniel was nervous and adjusted his glasses for the umpteenth time. Sitting in General Landry's backyard with a beer in one hand was, in his opinion, the least relaxing way he could think of to spend a Sunday afternoon.
"Thanks for coming over, Doctor Jackson." The older man sat in the rattan chair opposite him and tipped the beer bottle against his lips. "Ah..." the general smacked his lips in appreciation, "We just don't get enough of this, do we?"
"Beer?" Daniel asked.
"No," the general snorted, "Down time, Doctor."
Daniel only nodded, clearly uncomfortable.
"So," the general sat back in his chair to regard the archeologist, "why would I ask you to drag yourself all the way here on your day off?"
Daniel's eyebrows crept up his forehead, "To, uh...t-t-to ask me about Sam?"
Landry's eyebrows raised as well, in surprise, "Why yes, Doctor Jackson, actually I..."
"She's doing better. She had a difficult time making the transition back to our reality, but she just needed some rest and she's on the mend now..." His voiced trailed off. He wasn't about to reveal how close to killing herself via starvation and dehydration she had come. All that mattered to Daniel now was that they had a plan to return Sam to the Janet in the other reality, and Sam was really, finally on the mend. Although when she got back to her other reality she was going to be on medical leave for a very long time.
"Well, now that is good to hear, Doctor Jackson," the general leaned forward in his chair and pinned Daniel with piercing slate gray eyes, "But that's not really why I wanted to talk to you today...here, off the base, in my home."
Daniel remained silent and the hand that clutched his cold beer suddenly became hot and clammy.
The general cocked his head to one side as he regarded the younger man, "I'm not a fool, Doctor Jackson; it was patently obvious to me that Colonel Carter was having a same-sex relationship when she was on the other side of that mirror. And I am also aware that you and Teal'c and Vala tried to take off through the gate this morning without my consent or approval."
Daniel could feel beads of sweat start to run down through his hair and down the back of his shirt,
"Uh, excuse me?" He asked, blinking furiously.
"Oh, please!" The general waved his hand at him impatiently, "Anyone who could hear her in that observation room and had even half a brain could figure it out, doctor!" He exhaled noisily and tipped back his beer again. "I don't know how the military in that other reality regards such relationships," and he leaned forward again lowering his voice, "but here, in this reality, Doctor Jackson, we have a, 'don't ask, don't tell' rule, don't we?"
Daniel only nodded. In hindsight, here in the general's backyard, it now seemed ridiculous to assume they could have kept Sam's secret between just the four of them.
"General," he began, "you never got to meet our Janet Fraiser." He looked down at his beer bottle and began to pick at the label, "As far as I know she and Sam never had a relationship...beyond that of friendship, here in this reality. But I do know that after Janet was killed three years ago..." Daniel heaved a sigh and held the bottle still in his hands, "Well, Sam was never the same after that. She dated men, but nothing ever worked out for her. She was actually engaged to a nice guy...but after her father died she broke it off." He sat back in the chair and looked the older man in the eye, "Sam is strong, dedicated, loyal, brave, and brilliant... She's everything that you, as her commanding officer, would want from a soldier and scientist that, amazingly and almost routinely, saves our asses and this universe on a fairly regular basis. But she's never been happy, General. Never. And I've known her a long time. She was never happy until she fell through that mirror and into a reality where Janet Fraiser was still alive... and loved her."
The general sat back in his chair while Daniel told him about the previous Sam Carter of the other reality. Sam and Janet's happy marriage; the tragic loss when the other Sam was killed, and the quantum integration their Sam endured,
"Its' just love, General. That's all. Sam was finally living a happy life." He leaned forward and placed his now warm beer on the table between them. "So, if you've dragged me out here so you can gather evidence to hurt her, or punish her in some way..."
"Doctor Jackson," the general smiled at him, "I didn't call you out here to ambush you."
"No?" Daniel asked in disbelief.
"No." the general replied, "I asked you here because, as much as it pains me that I have to keep reminding you, I am not stupid, doctor. I know you and Teal'c and Vala, at least, plan to return her to that reality and I just want to know what your plan is, so you don't screw it up." And with that, he sat back in his chair and tipped back the rest of his beer, smiling as he watched Daniel's eyebrows creep up his forehead and into his hairline.
"Really?"
"Yes," General Landry rasped, quirking his enormous eyebrows at the younger man, "Really." But the smile faded and after a moment, he looked down at the ground and slowly shook his head, "After all my years in the military, Doctor Jackson, I will tell you this..." and he looked up to peer meaningfully at Daniel, "in the strictest confidence; that of all that I have been trained to believe... Of all that I have embraced with absolute devotion about our military system my entire career, this is the one rule I will never understand or be able to find any sense in it of common good, purpose or decency...and that is how we've treated gays in our military."
Minutes passed and the pair sat mutely, only the occasional sound of a bird broke the uncomfortable silence.
"So," the general asked, "where are you going to get another mirror?"
Daniel drew a deep breath, "Well, uh...actually, Vala knows where one is. That's where we were, obviously, going this morning when I received my invitation here, so..."
"So you were just going to bring the mirror back here and send Colonel Carter through it?"
"Pretty much." Daniel nodded, "Yeah, that was the plan."
"And after she goes through?"
His eyebrows knit in a frown and he shrugged, "After she goes through, what?"
"How do we explain ourselves in the aftermath, Doctor?" Daniel was unresponsive and Landry exhaled noisily, "First of all, doctor, we have to agree to keep Colonel Mitchell in the dark and out of the loop on this one, he is military and any involvement on his part could jeopardize his career." Daniel's eyebrows began to creep back up his forehead and Landry continued, "I'll find something important for him to do, and our official story will be that Colonel Carter was simply happier in that reality, but we can never, ever, tell anyone why. Do you understand, Doctor Jackson?"
Daniel could feel his temper rise and he pursed his lips together in annoyance, "No, I don't. How can that possibly matter once she leaves?" He demanded, "Once she's gone, who will care?"
"If we let someone of Colonel Carter's importance permanently slip through a quantum mirror and into another reality, the IOA and the Pentagon will care, Doctor. So it's important that we not give them any reason to shut us down..."
"Or replace you with someone we cannot trust." Daniel finished for him.
Gen. Landry sighed and placed his empty beer bottle on the table, "It's my intention to retire her with honors before she leaves, just let me know when that's going to be."
* * * * * *
"Sir," Col. Mitchell began, "I know how it looks..."
"Good," Gen. Hammond cut him off, "it's refreshing to hear a man take responsibilities for his actions, Colonel."
"No, sir, what I meant was I know how it looks but I did not deliberately throw Colonel Carter through the mirror..."
"So you could take command of SG1 again." The general finished for him, "Prior to the mirror's activation from the other reality you were in Doctor Jackson's office to ask him to reconsider you for the position should Colonel Carter not return to duty, isn't that true?"
"Yes..."
"And while you've made it plain and clear to me over and over again that leading SG1 has always been your ultimate goal, Colonel, it's also true that your level of leadership skill clearly indicates that you are not a good match for the SGC."
"I only lead a few short missions while on SG1, sir."
"And while you lead SG2, colonel! They were all near disasters! I will not have the lives of my people jeopardized because of poor leadership. You may have a natural talent for flying F-18's, but..."
"Please, sir, her being here was obviously a mistake, and now that she's gone..."
General Hammond's eyes suddenly blazed, "Don't you dare finish that sentence, Colonel! As of right now, you are out of here! You've been reassigned to Mira Mar where you'll teach our brave men and women how to fly like hot shot fighter pilots. And if Colonel Carter never returns through that mirror, I promise you, Colonel, that's all you'll ever do for the rest of your career!" The general abruptly turned in his chair, "Walter!" He bellowed at the closed door. Almost immediately the door opened and the diminutive sergeant peered around the corner,
"Yes, sir?"
"Have Colonel Mitchell escorted to his quarters to pack, then get him the hell off my base!"
* * * *
"Hey." Vala set her tray on the table across from Janet, "Welcome back." She said, trying not to stare at the dark circles of exhaustion that still rimmed the older woman's eyes. Daniel and Vala had spent the past week in Sam and Janet's house, waking each night to comfort Janet every time a nightmare left her shaking and tearful.
Janet nodded around a mouthful of food, "Mmm-thanks." She managed, and continued after swallowing, "I wanted to get back in the swing of things before Sam comes back." She stabbed another piece of beef on her plate with her fork and stopped.
Vala stopped unraveling the paper napkin from her flatware and reached across to gently clasp her hand,
"Hey, she is coming back."
Janet looked up at her and nodded, "I know. I know she is, Vala. But I just don't understand; how could her SG1 abandon her like that? How could they not know she was in trouble?" She blinked back tears and looked back down at her plate, furiously stabbing at the food with her fork, "I just don't understand how they could let her become so ill, and not care enough to..."
"Janet," Vala leaned forward, her voice imploring, "Maybe SG1 just isn't that close in her reality. We know from that mirror that not all SG1's are created equal; it's possible they work well together as a team, but their lives are not connected to each other otherwise...not like ours are." She shrugged, "They obviously just don't have the bond with one another like we do."
Janet heaved a weary sigh and rested the fork on the edge of her plate, "I know." She shook her head, "I just..."
"We'll get her home, and she'll be okay." Vala assured her and reached across the table to give the older woman's hand another squeeze. "You'll bring her back... We all will." A tear slipped from Janet's eye and she only nodded and wiped it away, unable to speak. Vala smiled and picking up her knife and fork, looked at Janet's plate of food, "What on earth is that?" She asked.
Janet sniffed and chuckled, "It's beef tri-tip and a salad."
"You put the beef on your salad?"
"Yeah," Janet sighed and picked up her fork again, "I thought I'd skip the noodles and just concentrate on protein and vegetables today."
"Getting yourself strong again for when she comes home?"
"Yeah." Janet smiled a little tremulously at her, "Trying to."
* * * * * *
They sat in Sam's living room. Teal'c had carried her from the bedroom and she lay propped in the corner of the couch where Cassie and Daniel had bundled her in a comforter. Sam's shrunken stomach was unable to handle much more than soup, so Teal'c had made a hearty chicken soup from scratch and the group sat in a semi-circle around Sam, eating soup and making appreciative, slurping noises as they ate.
"Mmm-oh my, Teal'c this is really good." Vala enthused, "How did you learn to cook so well?"
Teal'c acknowledged the compliment with a formal nod, "I have learned many things since learning how to read the written language of the Tauri."
Daniel had reached the bottom of his bowl and placed the edge to his lips to drain the remainder directly into his mouth, "No kidding, Teal'c, that was delicious. But," he looked at Vala, "for those who have yet to finish their third bowl for the evening, we have to be going now."
"Have you been counting?" Vala asked.
"I thought only Teal'c ate that much." Daniel answered.
"So you do care what I do." She purred at him, and seductively pulled the spoon from her lips.
"Yeah." Daniel sighed resignedly, "We, uh, have to be getting back to the base if we're going to get an early start through the gate in the morning." He looked at Sam and asked, "Is it alright if she takes the bowl with her, if I promise to bring it back?"
Sam nodded and chuckled softly, but it was Vala who answered, "As long as it comes back with a quantum mirror in it, it should be." And she reached to grab the last of the crackers from the table. Daniel scowled at her as he collected the rest of the bowls and spoons and took them into the kitchen where he quickly rinsed and set them in the dishwasher.
Sam had only managed half a bowl of soup and a few crackers, but she felt sated nonetheless. When Daniel returned from the kitchen she struggled to sit up straighter on the couch, "Thanks again, you guys," she said, her voice sounding scratchy from disuse, "I don't know if you can really understand what this means to me," she faltered for a moment, "but, thank you."
Daniel knelt at her side and took her hand in his, "We don't want to lose you Sam, but we do want you to be happy."
Sam nodded, her eyes glistening, "I will be."
Daniel nodded back, and quickly bent to place a quick kiss on her hand, then placed another on her forehead, "We think we'll be about four days in all, to bring this mirror back." He felt Sam's ring with his fingers and looked down at it briefly, "Sam, you know it's possible a million different things might have happened to this mirror since Vala saw it last..."
"I know," Sam smiled tiredly at him, "It could be broken too, or lost, or... I know, Daniel."
"Those are possible scenarios," Teal'c intoned, stepping forward, "But know this, Samantha Carter, we will not rest until we have returned you to your true world."
"Here, here." Vala agreed. "Although I..."
Daniel threw her a disapproving look and stood, "Cassie?" He called.
Cassandra returned from Sam's bedroom where she'd been changing the linens on Sam's bed, "All done." She said, adding, "Are you guys taking off now?"
Teal'c nodded and Daniel answered, "Yep, the kitchen's done, so all we have to do is put Sam to bed."
Teal'c stepped forward and gently unwrapped the comforter, then reached to the IV stand and unhooking the bags of fluid and antibiotics, tucked them under Sam's hand on her chest before picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom.
The doorbell rang and Vala answered it while Cassie and Daniel followed behind Teal'c and Sam. Vala opened the door for the night nurse Dr. Lam sent from the academy hospital,
"Good evening, ma'am." The tall nurse nodded as Vala stepped back to clear the entryway for him,
"Yes," Vala smiled at his backside, "It certainly is."
After assisting her with her morning ablutions the night nurse moved Sam to the couch in the living room, carefully propping her in the corner near the IV stand. After he left, Cassie hovered and fussed over her, pulling the comforter around her, tucking her in. Just like her mother, Sam smiled softly, "What a crappy way to spend your Spring Break, huh?"
Cassie only rolled her eyes at her, "Yeah, Sam, you totally killed my plans to get drunk and puke my guts out and bounce my boobs in one of the girls gone wild videos...."
"And how is it that you even know about those videos?"
"I could ask you the same question."
Sam chuckled but Cassie noticed her face still turned red, "How about at least one egg and some toast this morning?" She asked.
"Okay." Sam nodded and struggled briefly to free her good hand from the comforter and reached for Cassie's, "Hey, kiddo?"
"Yeah?" Cassie asked, and sat on the coffee table, taking her parent's hand in hers.
"Thanks for understanding.... Thanks for letting me go, Cass. I... I..."
"I know," Cassie smiled at her, "It's okay, Sam, it really is. I wasn't kidding when I said I was going to visit you guys a lot. I really am looking forward to spending some time in a reality where no one cares that I have two moms."
Sam's eyes brimmed, and she could only nod.
"And," Cassie gave her hand a squeeze, "I think your other Cassie and I have a lot to learn about what else we Hak-Taurians can do."
"Hak-Taurinas?" Sam blurted, amused.
"Yeah," Cassie snorted and smiled conspiratorially at her, "Why not?" Sam snickered softly as Cassie gazed at her, "Sam?" Her voice dropped and she suddenly cleared her throat, "While you're still here I want to thank you for being such a good mom to me since our Janet died."
"Oh, Cassie," her voice broke, "No, I haven't..."
"Yeah, Sam, really..." But Sam closed her eyes and turned her head away; shaking it from side to side, "Stop it, Sam!" Cassie's voice shook as her own eyes brimmed, "Considering the pressure you're under all the time, you have been a good parent to me, okay? You have!" Without letting go of Sam's hand she quickly moved to sit beside her on the couch, "You have been there for me, Sam. You have... and before you go I need you to know that...okay?"
Sam smiled tearfully at the teen and made a soft, choking noise trying to stifle a sob that broke from her anyway, "Jesus, Cass, you really are just like her, you know?"
Cassie smiled and sniffed loudly, wiping her nose on her sleeve, "Yeah, well, not just her, you know?" There was a knock at the back door and Cassie looked up at the sound, "That's Doctor Lam," she said, and looking back down into tired but contented blue eyes she added, "I definitely have the whole Fraiser-Carter thing going on." Then rose from the couch and leaned to place a kiss on her parent's brow before pushing herself back up and going to the kitchen to let in Dr. Lam.
* * * *
Gen. Landry sat at his desk, his mammoth eyebrows pulled down low over eyes that glared at his open office door. Unconsciously, he fingered the file that held his memo announcing Lt. Col. Samantha Carter's impending retirement. He knew this moment was coming, but he was still unable to wipe the look of supreme annoyance from his face. He glared at the open doorway until a bald, bespectacled man swept in,
"Richard Woolsey." The general rose from his seat.
"General," he smirked, "you don't look surprised to see me."
"That's because I get a call every time someone tries to enter the base, Richard."
Woolsey's eyes narrowed fleetingly at the general's familiarity before he sat in the chair across from him and continued, "I'm sure you know why I'm here, General, so I'll be brief since I have a lot of work to do. We at the IOA and the Pentagon are alarmed at the notion that you are going to let one of the greatest minds in our military slip away forever through some alternate reality device..."
"It's an early retirement, to be sure," Landry interrupted him, "but it's her decision to make, nonetheless. The Pentagon should just think of all the retirement checks she won't be cashing here in this reality."
"It's not a question of economics, General. The issue is not a simple one and you know it! Colonel Carter is too valuable an asset..."
"She is not the property of the United States Air Force!"
Woolsey made a loud noise of exasperation, "Well, obviously, General, but in this case..."
"It's not your choice, Richard!"
Color started to rise up from the shirt collars of both men as their tempers flared,
"Actually, General, it is... I'm having Colonel Carter brought in so I can dissuade her from making such a poor decision that will have untold consequences on the future of our planet."
Landry rolled his eyes, "Oh for chrissakes, Richard, she's made up her mind and she's going as soon as SG1 sets up the new mirror, so..."
"No, sir, she's not."
Landry noted the change in the other man's tone, "What do you mean?"
"I have the authority to detain Colonel Carter here until she sees the folly of her self-serving attitude and agrees to stay."
"Excuse me?" Landry exploded, "You can't just abduct her and imprison her indefinitely for wanting to leave the Air Force!"
Woolsey rose from his seat, "It's being done as we speak, General, please don't interfere."
* * * *
Dr. Lam greeted Cassie with a smile and walked briskly into the living room, "Good morning, Colonel," she said as she came to a stop in front of her, her eyebrows quirking when she noticed her red-rimmed eyes, "how are you feeling this morning?"
Sam caught the look of concern and sniffed, smiling, "I may not look it, but really well, actually."
Dr, Lam shrugged, "Okay," and dropped her bag down on the coffee table and pulled at the stethoscope that hung around her neck, "I'm just gonna' give you a quick check up and write any changes on the orders for the nursing staff, alright?"
"Okay." Sam replied as she struggled to open the comforter tucked around her.
Dr. Lam sat next to her on the couch and reached to help her with the buttons on her pajama top, "Is your day nurse here yet?" She asked, placing the end of the stethoscope against her chest.
"No," Sam answered softly, "not yet."
"Mmm hmm," Dr. Lam murmured distractedly, "I'm sure she'll be here in a few minutes." Then fell silent as she listened intently to Sam's heartbeat, listening for anomalies. When she finally sat back up again both women heard a noise from the front of the house and Dr. Lam stood to look out the front window. Three black suv's had pulled to a skidding halt in front of the house and stood with their doors hanging open, "Are you expecting company?" She asked nervously.
The front and back doors suddenly burst open and men in black jumpsuits and automatic weapons held at their sides streamed into the house.
"Sam!" Cassie screamed and ran from the kitchen to the living room.
Despite her weakness, Sam fairly leapt from the couch and ran, stumbling toward Cassie, collapsing as the teen reached her. Dr. Lam jumped onto the place Sam had just vacated on the couch to grab the IV stand that was about to fall, the IV lines having been pulled tight from Sam's quick departure. She snatched the bags of antibiotics and fluids from the stand and scrambled off the couch to stand protectively over the fallen colonel and her daughter. Holding her hands outstretched to stop the advance of the Black Ops personnel, the IV bags dangling from one hand, she yelled,
"Stop! My name is Carolyn Lam and I am this woman's doctor! Stop where you are and tell me by what right you to break into this house!"
The last man to enter by way of the front door calmly walked up to her and said, "We have orders from the IOA and the Pentagon to return Colonel Carter to the base."
Still breathing hard from the sudden exertion, Sam's eyes closed tiredly in resignation and she slumped in Cassie's arms.
"No!" Cassie screamed from her place on the floor, dread filling her as the full impact of what he said sunk in, "You can't make her go!" Her shaking arms wrapped tightly around Sam she stammered, "I-I-I mean you can't make her stay!"
Without a word, the men stepped forward and Dr. Lam held her ground, "This woman is under my care and I insist you back off right now!"
"Cass?" Sam reached up and placed her hand on Cassie's cheek, "Hey..." She tried to soothe the near hysterical teen, "Hey, kiddo, look at me." Cassie turned her face to her but shook her head,
"No, Sam..."
"It'll be okay." Sam tried to reassure her.
"No." Cassie begged brokenly, shaking her head.
"Yes, kiddo, it will."
Two of the black-clad men stepped forward, "Wait!" Dr. Lam's voice took on a pleading tone; "I am this woman's doctor on the base so if you're going to transport her there then I have to go with her!"
The one in charge only nodded then motioned for the others to move in. The two closest to her reached to help Sam from the floor,
"Careful!" Dr. Lam stepped to one side, "Not that arm...lift from the back. Watch the IV lines!"
Sam's eyes never wavered from Cassie's, "Its okay, kiddo," she said softly, "it's okay to let go now."
"No." Cassie whispered, "Sam, please."
"Yes, Cass, it is. It's okay to let go..." Sam smiled tremulously, "Listen, I don't want to you to stay here alone, okay?"
Cassie tried to answer but could only make a small sound of distress.
"Hey," Sam shook her slightly with her good hand, "look at me." Reluctantly, Cassie looked back down into pale blue eyes, "You know who to call when we leave, right?"
Cassie's chin trembled and she nodded miserably as one Black Ops member firmly pulled her arms from around Sam. With Dr. Lam's constant stream of instruction, they carefully pulled Sam from the floor. A look of pain crossed Sam's face as she was helped to her feet and she pressed her lips together, a soft grunt escaping her. She grimaced again as a rather large Black Ops member lifted her none too gently from the floor and carried her out.
"Sam?" Cassie's voice broke as they led her away, "I love you, Sam."
As quickly as the men filled Sam's house, they were gone, and after a moment Cassie struggled from the floor and rushed to grab the phone from its charger. Her hands shaking, she carefully dialed and listened to the phone ring three times before it was picked up on the other end,
"Aunt Sara?" She stammered, her voice quaking, "Is Uncle Jack there?"
* * * *
"Colonel Carter?"
Sam tiredly opened her eyes; her unfocused vision taking in the gray ceiling above her. Blinking, she slowly turned her head toward the obnoxious voice addressing her,
"Colonel Carter?"
As soon as Woolsey's face came into focus she allowed heavy lids to drop back down again.
"Colonel Carter, I'm Richard Woolsey..."
"I know who you are." She rasped weakly. A shadow crossed in front of her and she opened her eyes again to take in the face of Dr. Lam who gently grasped her wrist, checking her pulse.
"I'll just be a moment, Mr. Woolsey." She said without taking her eyes off Sam. She let go of her wrist and raised her stethoscope to her ears, "Just rest now." She murmured and leaned close to listen to Sam's heart. "You'll only be down here a short while, Colonel, we're gonna' move you upstairs in just a bit, okay?"
"Well now," Woolsey cheerfully chimed in, "that all depends on the good colonel's attitude, doesn't it, Colonel Carter?"
"Colonel Carter?" Dr. Lam whispered.
"It's okay." Sam murmured and closed her eyes.
Dr. Lam straightened up and giving Sam's hand a soft squeeze, she said, "I'll be back in a few." And left the room.
"Colonel, I brought you down here because we at the IOA and the Pentagon object to your selfish desire to leave our reality when your good friends and the people of this planet need you." He rose from his chair to pace the room as he spoke, alternately clasping and making wide gestures with his hands, "Your intelligence and expertise is, quite simply, irreplaceable. Now we are, of course, well aware of SG1's current mission and your friends have been instructed to leave the quantum mirror where they found it and return to base." He stopped in front of his chair and squaring his shoulders, clasped his hands behind his back, "Your request for early retirement has been denied and you will stay down here in isolation, Colonel, until you give up this self-centered notion..."
Sam opened her eyes and reaching across her body, ripped the IV catheter from her arm. Heedless of the blood spurting from her forearm, she then pulled the EKG wires from her chest, the nasal cannula from her nose, and the pulse oximeter from her finger. The alarms on the EKG and oximeter monitors started to flash and beep noisily.
"STOP!" Horrified, Woolsey rushed forward a few steps, and then skidded to a halt and rushed back to the door, "Help her!" He shouted to the guards, and ran to the phone.
* * * *
By the time Dr. Lam returned Sam was ashen-faced and barely conscious. Woolsey paced nervously behind her as she finished bandaging Sam's arm,
"Is she going to be alright?" He asked.
Dr. Lam turned to the nurse and whispered something to her and the woman abruptly turned and left. Dr. Lam stripped off her gloves and spoke to Woolsey quietly,
"I don't know, Mr. Woolsey, she's only semi-conscious at the moment, and she's so weak now it's probably not necessary, but I'm going to have to keep her restrained from now on. I've just sent the nurse for wrist restraints and a posey vest to keep her from hurting herself again."
"Hmm." Woolsey hummed and nodded in understanding as he followed her across the room to the door, "I see." He said, "And will she have to be restrained until she recovers?"
Dr. Lam turned to him, her rage barely contained, "Who said she was going to recover?" She hissed, her tone deadly.
Woolsey's mouth opened and shut like a fish, but no words came out.
"You're excused, Mr. Woolsey. You've done enough for one day." She turned away from him and stalked back to Sam's bed, "I'm sure the four guards you have in here and the four you have posted outside are more than sufficient to monitor the colonel now."
She approached the bed and rested her hands on the bedrail, looking down at the pale, ghost-like form in the bed. She could hear Woolsey's shoes click quietly across the floor as he left the room and her nurse, Susan, as she reentered the large isolation unit.
"Thanks." She said, turning to her, indicating the padded leather restraints and fabric vest she carried, with straps long enough to tie to the bed. Looking down to check the freshly applied bandage on Sam's arm she sighed heavily as she looked from the clean white of the bandage to the bloody sheets she still lay in so quietly.
"My god," the nurse breathed, "what a mess."
Carolyn Lam nodded, "Let's get her cleaned up and back in a clean bed."
* * * * * *
Janet placed her hands over her closed eyes and rubbed tiredly. She was exhausted but dreaded the act of sleeping. The nightmares that awaited her there were more exhausting than if she had never gone to sleep, she was sure of it. Pulling her hands from her eyes she turned onto her side, gazing through half-lidded eyes at Sam's pillow before closing them. She remembered the countless times she had awakened in this position; lying on her side and sleepily opening eyes that looked straight into deep blue and she smiled drowsily, despite herself. But then, there was the other way she loved to wake up in the morning, or in the middle of the night for that matter.
Waking to Sam's touches always felt different and new, even though Janet knew that could not be so. But as Sam's hands roamed over her body, gently pulling her from deep slumber and into rising passion it always felt as though she wasn't just touching her for the first time; her caresses seems to stroke her so deeply she seemed to touch her very core. As though the hand smoothing around her back and down over her backside and beneath, to where her thigh began, brushing against the soft hair that covered the apex between her legs, made her feel as though Sam had penetrated her deeply, when she had not yet, in fact, even touched her center.
Janet sighed as she drifted off; there was nothing more beautiful than seeing Sam's face overwhelmed by passion. The sounds she made as she struggled to control her rising ardor, the cries and grunts and groans, and the deep, smoky shade of blue that gazed at Janet from beneath half-lidded eyes. The way her eyebrows arched as she lost control when her climax approached, her expression turning at once from exquisite pain to equally exquisite pleasure as she writhed above her.
Janet reached a dream hand to caress Sam's face as she came. Resisting the urge to close her own dream eyes, she rode the wave of Sam's climax, watching the flood of emotions on her beloved's face as they transmuted from joy to pain to pleasure. "Oh, Sam." She breathed aloud in her room, emotion swelling within her as she dreamed. As if in response to the spoken summons, the dream Sam opened her eyes as she came, and looking down into Janet's eyes, her expression quickly turned from passion to pain. "No..." Janet murmured, her dream hands reaching up to clasp Sam's face. But suddenly Janet was looking down at Sam as she writhed in agony in a hospital bed, her pain-filled eyes suddenly slamming shut as her body suddenly arched and she threw back her head, screaming in agony.
"NO!" Janet cried as she ran, screaming Sam's name over and over again as she ran to the mirror and pounded her dream hands on the darkening glass, watching in horror as Sam's face twisted in torment on the other side. The mask of anguish on her own face mirrored Sam's as she clawed and beat on the glass as Sam screamed.
In her bed, Janet sobbed, making gasping noises as she clutched and clawed at her chest; surely her heart was being torn to pieces,
"Janet... Janet."
Vala pulled at her hands as she called to her, pulling her as gently as she could from her nightmare. Choking back her cries of distress, Janet suddenly stopped and opened her eyes as Vala gently stroked the damp hair from her face.
"Well, now," Vala soothed, "That was a bad one." And leaned to gather the smaller woman in her arms, gently clasping the shivering and sweating compact form to her, "There, now. Easy..."
Janet buried her face in Vala's neck as she struggled to stop the tears. But the fruitless struggle only made her shake harder and several minutes passed as Vala comforted her. She emitted a noise of utter frustration when Vala finally laid her back against her damp pillow,
"This is why trying to sleep is pointless." She grumbled in a shaky voice as she wiped her face.
"I'll get the shower going." Vala said as she pulled the covers back and helped her into a sitting position. Janet gave no response and Vala sat next to her, taking her hands in hers, "Janet," she pleaded, "She is coming back, have a little faith..."
"I know," Janet sniffed and closed her eyes, shaking her head from side to side, "but I can't stop the 'what ifs', you know? What if the mirror they're going to get isn't there, or it's broken too, or what if something else happens, what if they won't let her come back?" Her chin trembled and her voice shook uncontrollably, "You don't know how many times I've almost lost her, Vala...and now I've really lost her twice, and I don't know if I can keep going if she doesn't come back to me this time." She looked away and struggled to control the despair even as a sob broke from her, "I don't think the universe works that way," her words ended in an agonized whimper and she hung her head as the tears fell again, "just because you love someone..."
Vala wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close, "We have to hang on..." she whispered against her hair, "This must be so hard, but hang on to hope, just a little longer, Janet, please." She begged, and rocked the smaller woman as she wept.
* * * * * *
Daniel rushed to the DHD and dialed the coordinates as quickly as he could.
"I know they're angry and coming after us but we have plenty of time." Vala crossed her arms, clearly offended.
Teal'c stood tensely next to the mirror propped on the ground next to him. He kept his eyes closed, his acute sense of hearing straining for the sound of approaching soldiers who were in the employ a warlord who had apparently decided the deal he had struck with Vala for the mirror wasn't so lucrative after all.
"I think finding bags full of gold painted lead weights instead of gold medallions might be incentive enough to hurry and catch up to us...." The event horizon blew open and Daniel rushed to the MALP, "Uh, hello? SGC this is Daniel Jackson, we need you to open the iris...like right now."
The speaker on the MALP crackled to life, "SG1, this is General Landry, we will open the iris, but you are not, under any circumstances to bring the quantum mirror back with you, do you understand?"
Teal'c opened his eyes to stare at the MALP, and Daniel and Vala's mouths dropped open,
"WHAT?" Daniel shrieked, looking nervously behind him, "Look, some of the inhabitants of this world are none to happy with us right now and..."
"SG1, I am giving you all a direct order," General Landry bellowed, "If you bring that mirror here it will be destroyed on the ramp. Is that clear?"
Daniel turned to look uncertainly at the others for a moment before rushing back to the DHD, "Yeah, okay, uh, we're gonna' give this mirror back then we'll be right home, okay? Thanks, bye!" He hurried and shut down the gate, dialing again almost immediately.
"Are you mad?" Vala grabbed his arm, "These people..." Her voice suddenly faded and cocking her head to one side she asked, "Where are you dialing now?"
"Chulak." He answered, then turned to ask Teal'c, "Would it be okay if we stored this on your home world for a couple of days?"
"Indeed." Teal'c nodded and picked up the mirror and as soon as the event horizon opened again the trio ran together into the shimmering pool of light.
* * * *
Walter waited for SG1 at the bottom of the ramp and spoke in a low voice when the three team members finally stepped from the ramp to the gateroom floor,
"I'm to escort you to the infirmary and I'll tell you why on the way there."
* * * *
"I'm sorry to keep you waiting," Dr. Lam apologized as soon as she entered the infirmary, "but if we're going to have a private conversation we can't have one in the hallway down there."
"And how private is this room?" Daniel asked.
Dr. Lam shrugged impatiently and continued, "As you know, Colonel Carter is being held in isolation and under heavy guard on level forty-seven. She is in a heavily shielded room that, I'm told, should be resistant to Asgard transport beams or anything else of similar technology." She arched her eyebrows at them expressively before continuing, "Her condition was stable until she was interrogated by a Richard Woolsey from the IOA three days ago."
The muscles in Teal'c jaw jumped and Daniel leaned his head back and closed his eyes in frustration, "Oh, that just figures." He muttered under his breath.
"It wasn't until he told her that you had been instructed to return without the mirror that Colonel Carter tore the IV catheter from her arm, and the rest of the monitoring equipment..." her voice faded when she turned to look at Teal'c and noted how intensely the Jaffa's eyes bored into hers; calm down, she told herself, he's not pissed at you. "The blood she lost was probably minimal, but given the condition she was in at the time she could ill afford to lose any..."
"And what is Colonel Carter's condition now?" Teal'c asked, the muscle jumping wildly in his jaw.
"Her condition is critical, and it's rapidly deteriorating."
"So, how long should we wait before we try to send the colonel home?" Vala asked, arching her eyebrows just as expressively as the doctor had earlier.
Dr. Lam sighed, tired of the games and double talk required of them.
"A couple of days?" Vala persisted.
Dr. Lam briefly closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose; a migraine was surely on its way, "I think she needs to see her daughter, and I think you should get her here as quickly as possible to see her." She responded tiredly, "And if you don't get the colonel home, and very quickly..." She drew a deep breath; "it's my opinion that she'll be dead by the end of the week." Then she turned and left, her clicking heels sounding unnaturally loud in the suddenly quiet room.
"But this is Thursday." Daniel called after her.
* * * *
"CASSIE?" Daniel shouted as SG1 burst into Sam's house, "C-C-Cassie?" He called again as the teen ran from Sam's bedroom.
"General Landry says they won't let her go!" She wailed as she flung herself into his arms.
"I know, Cassie, I know." He pulled her away from him, "Cassie, listen to me, we have the mirror, okay? W-We got the mirror and it's on Chulak but we need to get it here, on Earth, and we need to hurry..."
Cassie sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve, "Uncle Jack and General Landry are arguing out back..." Panic suddenly suffused her face, "Why do we have to hurry? What's wrong?" She asked, her voice rising, "What's wrong? Is Sam okay?"
* * * *
General O'Neill paced testily around the group that sat at Sam's dining room table, his arms folded and wishing desperately he had a paper clip or a yo-yo or something to fiddle with. After listening to Gen. Landry and Daniel argue for several minutes about how to smuggle the mirror into the base Vala finally interrupted,
"Oh, for heaven's sake, why re-invent the wheel? Just concoct some business with Chulak and have them send us a gift or something and bring it back that way."
"I'm game," Jack suddenly piped up, "have Teal'c bring it back as a present for me... I like presents," He clapped his hands together and rubbing them impatiently he added, "Let's go."
Landry held up a hand, "Hang on there, we still need to get Colonel Carter up and out of the deep freeze first." He shook his finger at the other general as he rose from the table, "And I know who can get that done for us."
* * * *
"Gotcha' General," Dr. Lam murmured into the phone, "Don't worry, I know how to intimidate that sniveling little asshole." She stopped abruptly at the general's sudden eruption of laughter. She hadn't expected that response.
"I know you do, Doctor Lam," her dad reassured her, "No one has ever intimidated my little girl."
"Hey!" Dr. Lam suddenly exploded, then lowered her voice again, "I'll get it done, just get here." They rang off and she hesitated for a moment, a look of wonderment still on her face. Never, ever, in her whole life would she have ever guessed she and her father would conspire together to commit an act of, well, conspiracy against the government. She snorted in disbelief as she picked up the phone again and dialed a cel phone number, "Mr. Woolsey?" She said when he answered, "This is Doctor Lam; I'm calling to report on Colonel Carter's condition..."
"Yes?" Came the curt reply, Richard Woolsey's demeanor had turned cool and disinterested since Colonel Carter's downward spiral. Dr. Lam assumed he was distancing himself from any responsibility for her deteriorating condition.
"I'm calling because the colonels' condition is rapidly deteriorating, Mr. Woolsey, and I have now downgraded her condition from critical to grave." There was no response so she continued, "I'm calling you because you're responsible, so you'd better think of something because the colonel really doesn't want to live and if she goes on like this much longer she'll simply arrest and die and if you think I'll put anything on this woman's death certificate other than murder as the cause of death or who killed her, then you are a fool."
"Well then, doctor," came the brusque reply, "administer anti-depressants. You can just inject that into her IV as well, can't you?
"Against her will?" Dr. Lam shot back, indignant.
"You gave her one of those nasal feeding tubes against her will." He countered tersely.
Dr. Lam's eyes narrowed, "Fine, but do you really think by abusing her chemically or punishing her with imprisonment for simply wanting to live somewhere else she'll just eventually come around?"
"It's not that simple, Doctor..."
"Spare me your bullshit politics, Mr. Woolsey, I have to get back to my patient." She was about to hang up when she added, "If you really want to keep this woman alive she needs to see her daughter, she needs to see her friends and she needs to see them now. Either that or start figuring out how you're going to get your lawyer-ass out of the trouble I'm gonna' stir up when she dies."
* * * *
"This isn't going to work." Daniel muttered under his breath as he and Jack waited at the bottom of the ramp.
"Shut up, oh yea-of-little-faith." Jack muttered back as he turned to motion impatiently to Walter, who only shrugged his shoulders from his place in the control room.
"It isn't believable," Daniel argued quietly, "none of them are going to believe..."
"Incoming wormhole!" Walter suddenly shouted over the intercom, "It's from Chulak."
"Open the iris!" Jack turned to shout at the window.
The event horizon blew inward before settling into a shimmering pool of light and Jack rocked back and forth on his heels as he waited, "Anytime now..." He murmured impatiently.
Teal'c suddenly emerged through the gate, carrying a large, wooden case in one hand,
"Ah, thank you, Master Teal'c," Jack said grandly, if a bit loudly; "if you'll just give me a hand we'll just take this to my office now."
"You mean General Landry's office," Daniel quietly interjected as the trio left the gateroom.
"Yeah," Jack muttered as he walked down the hallway toward the elevators, and turned to smile broadly at Teal'c, "whatever!"
"Jack!" Daniel hissed, "That's not the way to Landry's office..."
Jack gave him an impatient look, "We're not really going to Landry's office, dumbass. There's a room next to the infirmary, we going there."
"You know it wouldn't kill you let me in on your big plans as you're making them up." Daniel hissed again.
They stopped in front of the elevator and Jack slid his keycard in the access port, "Oh, Jesus, Daniel, when are you gonna' quit screwing around and get yourself laid?"
Teal'c stood quietly with a small smile on his face as Daniel rolled his eyes.
"You're too testy, you're wound way too tight and you need to relax." Jack continued as the doors slid open, "You know that Vala you've hooked up with seems like a bit of an adventurer." He gave Daniel a nudge as he stepped inside, "Know what I mean? Huh?"
They moved the mirror to an empty room that connected to the infirmary where Vala and Cassie waited inside. Cassie looked with wide eyes at the case as Teal'c set it on the floor and opened it,
"Is that it?" She asked a little breathlessly.
Jack draped an arm around her as he watched Daniel and Teal'c carefully remove it from the case and stood it on the floor, "Yep, Cassie, we're gonna' send Sam home through that," he said, pointing at the dark glass. Daniel gingerly backed away from the mirror and pulled the remote from his pocket, "Is Sam in the infirmary yet?" He asked Vala who shook her head,
"Dr. Lam went down a few minutes ago."
Jack gave Cassie's shoulder a small shake, "Okay, Cass, time to do your thing."
Cassie turned her head to look up at her favorite uncle, "Okay." She gave him a small smile and took a step away, closing her eyes in concentration.
* * * * * *
"Cassie?" Janet asked uncertainly as her daughter stood staring blankly at the kitchen counter, her hand holding a knife with a large dollop of grape jelly frozen in mid-air. "Cassie?" She asked again as the jelly slid from the knife and made a soft plopping noise on the countertop.
Daniel and the others fell silent in the living room at her concerned tone, and as they rose from their seats Cassie suddenly blinked and blurted,
"Mom! We have to get to the base!" She rushed to her and dragged her from her seat at the dining table, "We have to go!" She dragged her by the hand into the living room, shouting at them all, "We have to get to the mirror right now!"
* * * * * *
"I'm sorry, Colonel... I'm so sorry." Dr. Lam repeated. She quickly handed the nasogastric tube to a waiting nurse, while her head nurse, Susan, delicately wiped the colonel's face with a damp towel. Removing a feeding tube from a patient's nose was never comfortable for the patient and Dr. Lam quickly turned back, rushing to soothe her, "Easy, there..." she continued to murmur words of comfort as she quickly untied the posey vest and one of Sam's wrist restraints so she could turn her on her side. She placed the ends of her stethoscope in her ears and other end against Sam's back, checking to make sure the woman's airway was clear as she continued to make gasping and choking noises.
Sam had choked and struggled weakly as the tube was pulled from her stomach via her nose, and in some deep, dimly aware part of herself she was ashamed of the pitiful begging, and whimpering cries and gagging noises she made at its removal. She was too tired to cry but her body still made heaving, sobbing noises.
"Please," she had tried to beg, "please, no more..." but she could only make miserable, inarticulate noises of pain and grief.
Dr. Lam's voice shook slightly as she turned Sam onto her back again and re-secured her restraints, "Hang on, Colonel," she peered anxiously down at her, "We're taking you up to see your friends now... We're taking you up to the infirmary." But Sam only closed her eyes, and Dr. Lam pulled up on the rail until it clicked into place, "Okay," she called to her staff, "Let's move." And together with the phalanx of eight guards, the group left the isolation room.
Jack, Cassie and SG1 stood anxiously to one side as Sam was brought in the room, the shock registering on their faces when they finally saw for themselves the gravity of her condition as the medical staff pushed her bed past them and into a waiting alcove.
"Oh my god." Cassie breathed when she saw the restraints on Sam's emaciated wrists and Jack squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, although he was unable to stop himself from staring at the woman he used to know. His conscious mind seemed unable to accept what his eyes were seeing and he flashed a look at Teal'c. The bond between them made the communication clear; if Richard Woolsey had been in the room at that moment, Jack and Teal'c would have dealt with him in a manner that would have landed both in the stockade.
As soon as Dr. Lam and her staff finished re-hanging the IV bags and hooking Sam back up to the EKG and pulse oximeter and oxygen again the doctor motioned for Cassie to approach the bed.
Cassie tried not to run as she rushed to Sam's side, "Sam?" She reached under the sheet to hold Sam's hand, "Sam?" Slowly, Sam opened her eyes and turned her head to Cassie, her face expressionless. Acutely aware of Woolsey's guards that crowded the perimeter of the room, Cassie whispered, "You're going to be okay." But Sam only stared vacantly with dull, lifeless eyes, "Sam?" Cassie called to her again.
The room fell silent, only soft whooshing and beeping noises from the medical equipment could be heard until the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps made their heads turn collectively toward the doorway. Gen. Landry entered the room, parked his hands on his hips, and addressed Woolsey's men,
"Well, now, this is quite a gathering, so it gives me a great deal of pleasure to inform you all that Mr. Woolsey has just ordered Colonel Carter to be immediately transferred to the Academy Hospital so she can have a pleasant change of scenery." Jack raised his eyebrows but Landry only smiled broadly, "So, if you gentlemen will please wait in the hallway, I think the colonel would appreciate a little privacy while she is dressed for transport." The guards seemed to hesitate briefly until Gen. Landry cocked his mammoth eyebrows at them, "Now."
Landry waited until Woolsey's men filed out before he stepped forward to quietly address the group, "It's true, Woolsey has taken Doctor Lam's warning to heart and he's on his way here now to supervise the transfer." He looked at Jack, "Are you ready?"
"Oh yeah." Jack nodded and Dr. Lam quickly stepped forward to pull the privacy curtain around Sam's bed,
"Cassie, Vala?" She motioned for them to join her at Sam's bedside. Dr. Lam quickly removed the wrist restraints and untied the posey vest Sam wore. She then disconnected Sam from the EKG leads and her IV lines, leaving the connectors on her chest and the catheter in her arm in place. Then she removed the nose cannula and pulse oximeter and grabbed a sling from the pocket of her labcoat. Stepping to the curtain she poked her head out, "Could one of you please grab a wheelchair?" She asked before ducking back inside. She dropped the bedrail and Vala helped her gently pull Sam into a sitting position on the bed, Vala lifting her legs slightly to lower them gently over the side.
As the women struggled to remove the posey vest without hurting her Sam asked, her voice barely audible, "What's happening?"
Cassie stepped close as Dr. Lam eased Sam's arm into the sling, "Sam?" Cassie said softly, "Sam!" She stepped forward, interrupting Dr. Lam for a second as she cupped Sam's face, lifting it to hers, "Sam?" She called to her, her voice softly pleading as she smoothed blond bangs from her parent's pained and weary eyes, "Look at me, Sam! It's happening, SG1 got the mirror and you're going home now! Do you understand?"
Sam looked at her uncertainly and licked her lips, "Cassie?" She rasped, "Cassie?" Desperate eyes bored into Cassie's.
"Yes, Sam, really." Cassie almost laughed aloud, "It's in the next room and you're going home to mom now, okay?" She said, her voice breaking.
"Okay." Sam answered her somewhat dazedly and Cassie stepped back, allowing Dr. Lam to finish securing the sling on Sam's arm. Vala had grabbed the robe Dr. Lam had draped across the foot of the bed and pulled the sleeve onto Sam's free arm and draped the other side around her, both woman pulled it around her shoulders and closed the front of the robe over her arm, quickly tying the terrycloth belt beneath in a knot.
Cassie pulled the privacy screen back and reached for the wheelchair Daniel had retrieved. Setting the brakes on the chair she still held it steady as Dr. Lam and Vala transferred Sam into it. Sam still looked stunned, but grabbed at Dr. Lam's hand,
"Thank you." She rasped.
Dr. Lam shrugged but still gave her hand a squeeze, "Anytime. Take care, Colonel." She said, giving her a rarely seen, shy smile.
As Cassie released the brakes and turned the chair Sam cleared her throat, "General Landry," she called to the man who stood guard in the doorway, "Thank you, sir."
Gen. Landry nodded and gave her a salute, "It's been a pleasure serving with you, Colonel."
Jack stepped up to the chair and leaned down to take her hand in his, "Cassie filled me in on everything since you've been away and come back again..." Words deserted him as he gazed into the sunken, pale blue eyes, lost for a moment in their depths, "And your dad was right, you deserve to be happy." He stopped again to clear his throat, "So go be happy, Carter...okay?"
Sam's eyes brimmed, "Yes sir." She managed, "And thank you. Thank you for everything."
"You betcha'." He smiled at her and let go of her hand, taking his place next to Landry and together both generals guarded the door.
Cassie pushed the chair though the doorway and into the next room, SG1 following along behind. Once inside Teal'c took up a position by the door they just entered and nodded to the generals still guarding the door on the other side of the room. Vala opened the door leading into the hallway a crack, and turned to look over her shoulder at Sam, "Take care, Colonel Carter." She called softly.
Sam turned to her, "Thanks, Vala. Thanks for the mirror." Vala smiled and Sam added, "Thanks for the ride home."
Daniel activated the mirror; it glowed softly, but was still dark and he turned to them, "We, uh, we'll just have to wait a minute for them to turn theirs on." He stood uncertainly, "You did call them, right Cassie?"
Cassie grinned, "They're coming, Daniel." She bent to kiss Sam on the forehead, "See you soon." She whispered as Sam reached to softly touch her cheek, "And I meant what I said the other day."
"I love you." Sam's whispered, her voice wavering, "I love you so much, kiddo."
"I know." Cassie gave her hand a squeeze.
Teal'c suddenly stepped back to let General Landry in the room, "I just got a call; he's on his way down. Better hurry up, it'll only be a few minutes."
* * * * * *
Janet, Cassie and SG1 rushed to the elevator doors being held open for them on General Hammond's order. As they entered Janet shouted over her shoulder for a medical team to be sent to Daniel's lab. They watched as the elevator doors slid shut with maddening slowness, but no one said a word as they descended. Janet struggled to breathe normally and Cassie clutched her hand in a near bone-crushing grip. When the doors finally slid open, Teal'c's stoic Jaffa resolve deserted him for a moment as he inserted his fingers between the slowly opening doors and pried them apart, trying vainly to force them open faster.
They bolted down the hallway and into the lab; Daniel snatched the remote from his worktable and hurriedly activated the mirror. Janet stood in front of the dark glass and nervously wrung her hands. Oh please, she begged silently, oh please, oh please... She chanted silently as the mirror brightened and became clear.
Her eyes locked on Sam's in the mirror and when she tried to speak words suddenly failed her when Sam's thin and gaunt face suddenly broke into a huge smile,
"Hi," She heard her say in a hoarse voice, "Can I please come home?"
Janet emitted a sudden bark of laughter and tears spilled down her face, "Yes," she nodded, "Sam, please."
* * * * * *
"They're coming!" Vala called as she peered through the crack in the door.
Teal'c quickly crossed the room to bend down at Sam's chair, "Be happy, Colonel Carter," he said, and quickly hugged her.
Daniel quickly stuffed the remote in his pocket and reached to help Sam from the wheelchair, Teal'c lifting from behind,
"We'll see you soon." Daniel told her.
They could hear raised voices from the other room; the generals were loudly arguing with someone who was undoubtedly Richard Woolsey.
Just as Woolsey stalked into the room Daniel added, "Take care, Sam, we love you." And threw her at the mirror.
"NO!" Woolsey shouted, running to the mirror as it went dark. Teal'c calmly put up a hand to stop him, and Woolsey stopped abruptly as his chest impacted sharply with the large hand, "What have you done?" He shrieked.
Generals O'Neill and Landry walked in behind him, O'Neill sauntering with his hands in his pockets,
"Jeez, Hank," Jack remarked casually, "it looks like yer havin' a problem with yer Dick."
Landry stopped to roll his eyes and scowl at him briefly before turning back to Woolsey, "Is there a problem, Richard?"
"A problem?" The man shrieked, his face flushed, "I know better, general! I know you have all planned this and you will all pay!" He turned in a slow circle to point accusingly at Teal'c and Vala, "You two are exiled from this world as of this moment!" He bellowed and turned to Daniel, "And you, Doctor Jackson!" He roared, "You are out of here!"
Jack finally stepped forward, patting at the air with his hands, "Yah, okay, Richard, just calm down now and take a breath, 'cause if you think that you and this planet can survive without these three, you're a moron." He stepped up to the red-faced man and draped an arm around his shoulders, "It'll be okay, Dick, you'll see. Colonel Carter hasn't totally abandoned us. When we need her help, we'll get it." He slowly led him from the room, Gen. Landry falling into step beside them, "Calm down and don't worry, we have it all worked out, trust me."
* * * * * *
Janet caught Sam as she appeared on her side of the mirror and she collapsed in Janet's arms. Daniel rushed to grab Janet in an effort to slow their descent to the floor and then looked up to nod to his alternate, "See you soon." He said then turned off the remote, and the glass became dark once again.
In a shaky voice, Janet called to the medical team to bring the gurney in. Unable to keep her arms and voice from shaking she looked down into tired blue eyes, "Hi there," she said, smiling, "Welcome home, sweetheart."
Sam only smiled and Janet turned to the medics, quietly issuing orders as they gently took her from Janet's arms and placed her on the gurney. She worked quickly to reattach Sam's existent IV catheter to fluids and unbuttoned her pajama top to reattach the leads for the EKG and her hands froze momentarily at the sight of the prominent chest bones. As she reattached the leads she said, her voice breaking,
"I thought I told Cassie to tell you to get well."
Her eyes sunken with dark circles and her face drawn and gray, Sam still managed another small, smile as she whispered between labored breaths, "I'm sorry.... I missed you."
Blinking back tears and slipping an oxygen mask over Sam's nose and mouth Janet whispered, "I missed you, too." Then she and the medics rose and raised the gurney off the ground and they and SG1 and Cassie and Gen. Hammond left for the infirmary.
* * *
*
It was after 4 AM and Teal'c sat quietly in a state of Kel'no'reem in the observation room overlooking the intensive care unit that housed Col. Carter and Dr. Fraiser. Sam lay sleeping in a hospital bed; the head and far side of the bed surrounded by the glowing lights and softly beeping and humming medial equipment of the intensive care unit and Janet slept in the bed next to her.
When Janet could no longer function as Sam's physician, Dr. Warner stepped in, knowing Dr. Fraiser would not allow him to do so until she determined Col. Carter was out of danger. While he waited, he had a second bed sent to the ICU; the staff already knew from previous experience to make up the bed for the colonel's wife. They had done this before.
Confident that Col. Carter and Dr. Fraiser could be left alone for a while; Dr. Warner had finally gone to bed in his quarters, leaving orders for the night staff to check in on the pair every fifteen minutes.
Slowly reaching a hand to scrub at her face and smooth down her hair, Janet awoke and sat up in the bed, completely unaware that she had just slept for nearly two hours nightmare-free for the first time in two weeks. She quietly dropped the rail and swung her feet to dangle over the side of the bed. Sleepily, she stretched her hands above her head before easing herself to the floor and shuffling the three steps to Sam's bed in her socks and surgical scrubs. Not wanting to wake her she placed her hands on the bedrail and stood quietly, looking down at her spouse, willing her eyes to drink her in. Even in sleep the small smile never left Sam's face, and Janet noted how her labored breathing had finally eased into relaxed inhalations, in and out. She looks so peaceful, Janet decided, and then amended that to; she's so beautiful. Reverently, Janet closed her eyes; thank you, she thought silently, thank you thank you thank you... She drew a deep breath, and opening her eyes again, she allowed them to wander around the room, drifting with her thoughts. Eventually, her eyes stared off at the far wall, her grip and expression tensing as she considered what exactly it took for Sam to become so weak and ill. The neglect necessary for her to have...
"You okay?" Sam asked softly, her voice a scratchy whisper.
Janet blinked and looking down at her, reached to smooth back blond hair, stoking it softly, "Yes, sweetheart," She sighed, "I'm just still angry that the other SG1 didn't take better care of you."
Sam licked her dry and cracked lips, "It wasn't their fault, Janet, I didn't mean to...I didn't mean to get so bad, I'm sorry. When I was finally allowed to go home I was just going to rest for a couple of days, I swear..."
Janet's look was both sad and disbelieving.
"Really, Janet, I was just so tired. I thought after a couple of days I'd be back up and... I'd go back to my old life, my old responsibilities. But I couldn't." She shook her head weakly, "I couldn't do it because I was different... I couldn't go back. I didn't want to follow the rules again, I wanted to be happy..." Janet reached to clasp her hand and blinking rapidly, looked down at their joined hands, "But I couldn't have that anymore... I didn't have you anymore..."
Janet could only nod and reached to stroke Sam's face with her free hand, her eyes brimming, and Sam stopped for a moment to catch her breath. She looked down at their clasped hands resting on her chest and the rings that shone there. She fought the urge to yawn and, not wanting to surrender to sleep again so soon, she took a deep breath,
"You know," she began, "while I was in bed all that time I remembered our honeymoon." She smiled and Janet noticed the darkening shade of blue in Sam's eyes.
"You did?" She smiled back.
"Oh yeah, " Sam whispered, "I remembered all of it, even the twenty minutes of sleep we got during that whole week."
Janet snorted softly in amusement, "You even remembered when we slept?" and then stopped for a moment, confused, "You mean you remembered here but could still remember it there?"
Sam shook her head, "No, I hadn't remembered it yet while I was here. I mean, I didn't remember it until I was on the other side of the mirror."
"But, how?" Janet asked, perplexed, "You should have stopped having memories of this life here once you left this reality...shouldn't you?" Janet looked down at her, bewildered. "Isn't that one of those universal laws?
Sam smiled tiredly, "I think so."
"But, aren't universal laws immutable?" She persisted.
"I don't know." Sam replied as her eyelids drooped, exhaustion claiming her once again, "Love, rules and universal laws... Maybe love is a universal law capable of transcending even itself."
"Capable of breaking all the rules?"
"Maybe. Maybe we're just meant to be together." Sam murmured, and she struggled to keep her eyes open. Her speech slurred slightly when she added, "Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be."
"Maybe." Smiling, Janet sniffed and bent to place a gentle kiss on Sam's lips, "Time for sleep, sweetheart, close your eyes."
"Yes, ma'am." Sam smiled against her lips, "Are you going to bed now too?"
"Yep," Janet answered, twisting her head to look briefly at the other bed, "I'll be right here, Sam, always." She said, pronouncing it 'all ways'.
"I know.... I love you."
"I love you too, sweetheart."
PART 3: Haunts of Horrors and Fear
"My life has
crept so long on a broken wing
Thro' cells of madness, haunts of horror and fear,
That I come to be grateful at last for a little thing."
-- "The May Queen", Lord Alfred Tennyson
It was the small sounds that woke her, tiny gasps and cries against her neck that made her pull the larger form even closer before she actually awoke.
"Shh, sweetheart." She murmured softly, "It's alright." She moved a hand from around Sam's shoulder to gently stroke her fingers through soft, blond locks. Sam twitched in uneasy slumber and Janet continued to murmur soft words of comfort, pausing occasionally to place a kiss against her hair. Minutes passed before Sam finally relaxed in her arms, the barely audible cries of distress fading and, still asleep, she released a deep sigh as she turned onto her back.
Janet released her hold and reached to pull the covers back over her then stopped, Sam felt a little too warm and she decided to let her cool down for a few minutes. They were both naked and Janet rose up on one elbow to look down at her wife in the streetlight that managed to spill through the closed blinds, she is so beautiful. Without thinking, she pulled the sheet down to Sam's waist, drinking in the length of her. She was tempted to pull the sheet all the way down but was afraid Sam would wake if she did. That's all right, she assured herself, I have plenty to look at here.
Several times since her second return through the quantum mirror, Janet had caught Sam looking at herself and her collection of scars with frustration and, undoubtedly, disgust. And each time Janet would stop her, reaching to gently clasp the taller woman's face with her hands, sternly telling her she was beautiful, with scars or without.
Looking down, Janet reached to clasp the hand that Sam rested on her abdomen and gently stroked the scar between Sam's thumb and forefinger; she remembered placing the stitches in this hand. Sam emitted another deep sigh and Janet turned to look at her briefly, completely unaware of the beatific smile she wore. Quietly, she reached for Sam's other hand and gently turned it so the outside edge rested against Sam's belly. In the dim light she could still see the scar accidentally caused by the small alien with Daniel's knife. That scar lay beneath a burn scar on her palm from the power surge caused by the entity that temporarily took over Sam's body. Janet's smile faded as she remembered Col. O'Neill sitting with her in the ICU, reminding her that Sam had signed a Do Not Resuscitate order. She blinked and shook her head slightly, as if to shake the memory from her. She turned Sam's hand palm down against her abdomen again, then softly clasped the burn scar on Sam's upper arm and began to catalogue each scar as she scanned them in the darkness; the faint scar on her abdomen from the knife fight when she contracted the parasitical virus that affected nearly everyone but Daniel, the double scar on her ribcage cause by the Zhang; the small, precisely round entry scar caused by the energy blast, and the jagged exit wound just behind it. The myriad of faint and fading scars left from the shattering crystal array that covered her body with dozens of cuts and nicks.
Janet lay down again, nuzzling the arm she still held close and closing her eyes, began a mental list of the scars on Sam's body that she couldn't see in the dark; the scar on the back of her neck when she was implanted with the immature symbiote, the scars on her thigh and forearms from the supersoldier that hunted her at the Alpha site. The two scars on the front and back of her thigh; the entry and exit wounds caused by the Zhang weapon. The scar on the back of her shoulder, also from the Zhang, And what about the scars that were invisible, even in the light? A small voice prodded her; the fractured collar bone, the shoulder dislocated not once but twice, the first time from tumbling through the gate and down the ramp, and the second when another supersoldier sent her flying across the deck of a Goa'uld ship, the broken arm from the Carter replicant, the multiple fractures to her beautiful hands and fingers. Yes, Janet sighed, and the countless head injuries... She turned to lie on her back and stared at the ceiling; then there were the countless scars that no one could see, not even Janet. Janet closed her eyes and turned back to snuggle against Sam's arm again, sleeping with one hand sharing the warmth of Sam's skin and breathed in her scent till the alarm woke them both.
* * * *
"Mmm," Sam whispered, and turned to place a kiss against Janet's mouth, "Good morning."
Janet reached to turn off the alarm and turned back to her spouse, capturing her lips in another kiss, "Mmm," Janet hummed as she kissed her, "that's the only way I want to wake up in the morning." She smiled and tucked her herself close around Sam, wrapping her arms and legs around her.
"Really?" She could hear Sam ask in disbelief, "That's' the only way?"
Janet laughed against her neck and squeezed harder, "Oh mah' heaven's, no," she drawled in a heavy southern accent, "what on earth was I thinkin', Colonel?" She rose up on one elbow and bent her head to steal another kiss.
As it happened nearly every morning, the kiss began with soft lips caressing one another, the tip of a tongue reaching out to briefly lick and taste. But their ardor was always quick to rise and often, before Janet knew it they were grasping and clutching one another in a tangle of sweaty limbs and sheets and moaning loudly as they climaxed.
But this time Sam pulled her mouth from Janet's, "Shower first." And when she rolled over and sat up on the edge of the mattress she turned back, "I mean, during." She leered and pushed herself off the bed and walked into the bathroom.
Smiling, Janet listened as Sam turned on the shower before rolling over and swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. Her smile had turned wistful, the doctor part of her noting the limp Sam still walked with. Nearly two months had passed since Sam's second return through the quantum mirror and although she no longer looked skeletal she was still underweight and privately Janet constantly worried over the slowness of her recovery.
"Hey," Sam called to her, "Let's use all the hot water and go to work pruney."
Janet snickered and rose from the bed, she at least found some reassurance in the strength of Sam's ever-present libido. Her smile instantly transformed into a scowl the instant her eyes took in the shower safety chair pushed against the far wall of the bathroom,
"Sam..."
"I don't need the chair anymore, Janet."
"Sam."
"The shower has a seat molded into it," she pleaded and took Janet's hand, pulling her into the shower's steamy interior.
Janet gave her a sympathetic look, "One more day, sweetheart, please." Janet pulled away and picked up the small aluminum and plastic chair and slipped it inside the shower, placing it in the middle of the stall. Sam still became fatigued frightening quickly and had, during their first shower together at home, nearly given Janet a stroke when they started fondling one another and Sam suddenly ran out of energy and slipped on the floor, nearly crashing through the glass door.
When Janet turned back and saw the look of disappointment on Sam's face she reached a hand to cup her cheek,
"Hey," she said gently, sliding the hand down her chest to cup her breast, grasping the nipple between her thumb and forefinger, "I'll make it worth your while..." She purred seductively and stepping back into the steamy interior, pulled Sam in with her.
"Not fair." Sam grumbled as she sat down in the safety chair.
"No kidding." Janet snorted as she reached for the shampoo bottle, "Seduction is exactly what you used on me to get you home from the hospital, remember?" As she began rubbing the shampoo into Sam's hair she placed a hand under her chin and gently tilted her head back to look at her,
"Umm hmm," Sam murmured as Janet bent to place a soft kiss against her lips.
When Janet rose Sam quickly ducked her head and closed her lips around Janet's nipple, "Ohhh no..." Janet smiled and pulled away, adding in a low voice, "First make clean, then make dirty."
After her return Janet had Sam transferred to the academy hospital as soon as she was stable enough for transport. While in the hospital, Sam fell asleep each night with her head on Janet's lap as Janet stroked her face and hair. After Sam fell asleep Janet would tiredly ease herself from beneath her and after clicking the bedrail quietly into place, take the three steps to the hospital bed next to Sam's and crawl into it, spending the night there. Daniel and Vala had brought her a few amenities from home and when the morning came Janet would take a shower in Sam's room then change into a clean uniform from the room's closet, hung there by Janet's administrative assistant the day before.
They had quickly fallen into a familiar routine; Sam had physical therapy both in the morning and the afternoon and SG1 usually visited on a daily basis, although Teal'c was increasingly needed on Chulak. Daniel and Vala often visited in the evening, bringing dinner so Sam and Janet could get a break from hospital food.
After two weeks Sam had enough and she started asking, then pleading with Janet to go home. But Sam's condition was still extremely poor; she sometimes had difficulty keeping food down and her strength had been agonizingly slow to return.
"Just a few more pounds." Janet would beg, hoping a weight gain would bring a gain in muscle tone and a greater appetite as well.
But Sam was relentless and Janet privately began to agree, believing Sam probably would recover more quickly at home, even if she still had to accompany Janet to work. Then one day, when Janet brought their lunch tray to Sam's room and placed it on the overbed table Sam wordlessly held out her hand to her. Janet lowered the bedrail and taking the thin hand in hers, sat nervously on the edge of the bed,
"What is it, sweetheart?" She asked, willing her voice to sound calm and reassuring. Sam had such a serious look on her face Janet was suddenly afraid and her heart had started to pound in her chest.
"Can we please go home today after your shift?" She asked quietly.
Janet suddenly exhaled, relieved, "Sam," she looked down into the still gaunt, beautiful face that framed the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen.
"Please," Sam whispered, and suddenly Janet was aware that the hand that had rested so innocently on her knee a moment ago was now slowly sliding up her leg, between her thighs.
"Sam..." Janet pleaded softly, and placed a restraining hand over Sam's questing one.
"Please..." Sam whispered again.
"Please what, Sam?" Janet looked over her shoulder even though the privacy curtain was pulled around the bed, "There's no lock on the door, and I'm on duty..."
"You're on lunch," Sam murmured, persistent, "And no one has ever come in here during lunch."
Sam continued to push her hand beneath Janet's skirt, finally brushing her fingers against smooth fabric.
"Jesus, Sam," Janet finally breathed, near surrender, "what do you want me to do?"
Sam gave her a small, wicked smile; "I want you to take off your panties, before I make you soak them through."
* * * *
Janet could feel a steady throbbing between her legs as she reached to take the one hand-held shower unit mounted on the opposite wall of the shower. When they bought this house Sam had been eager to remodel the bathroom and replace the shower stall with one that sported a molded seat and multiple showerheads, explaining matter-of-factly that multiple heads would be sure to keep them both warm while they made love in the shower, making Janet purse her lips together in amusement.
She watched, mesmerized, as the water rinsed the shampoo from Sam's hair in a wave before her mind drifted back to the feel of Sam's hand under her skirt.
Obediently, she had risen from the bed and quickly reached under her skirt and pulling off her panties, quickly stuffed them in the pocket of her labcoat, "Oh my god," she had muttered, "this is insane..." But she still sat back down on the bed, shaking her head in bemusement as Sam quickly slid her hand back between Janet's legs and began to fondle the already engorged folds,
"See?" Sam had breathed with half-lidded eyes, "See how wet you are already."
Janet's eyes closed involuntarily and she shifted slightly on the bed, sliding closer to Sam's hand and opening her legs a little more. Forcing her eyes open, she looked down into deep, smoldering blue and slid her hand under the sheet, under the hospital gown Sam wore and tugged on her thigh. Sam had inched closer, spreading her own legs and together, thumbs fondled hardened nerve bundles and slick fingers pumped in steaming depths until Janet threw her head back, her lips pressed tightly together as soft grunting noises escaped her. Sam climaxed soon after, turning her face away and holding her breath in an effort not to cry with the release after having waited so long to touch Janet in this way.
* * * *
Janet replaced the hand-held showerhead in the wall bracket and smoothed the water from Sam's brow and eyes. Her hands moved slowly, caressing Sam's face, making her look up at her questioningly. Janet smiled as she stepped around the safety chair and placed her hands on Sam's knees, pulling them apart, her smile becoming predatory as she knelt between Sam's legs.
Water dripping off the end of her nose, Sam smiled down at her, "I thought we had to get clean first?"
* * * *
Cassandra Carter-Fraiser sat quietly on her bed with her eyes closed. She was in her room at the dorm, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as the internal conversation warranted. She had waited impatiently for Sandy, her roommate, to leave so she and the Cassie from Sam's old world could link up for a quick conversation before class.
"So what
happened?"
"Oh, it was
great, the president got on the phone and ripped Woolsey a new..."
"Did you say the
president?"
"Yeah."
"As
in, of the
"Yeah!" The
other Cassie snickered, "Oh, I wish I could have been there, but Uncle
Jack gave me a pretty good play by play." The smile faded from the other
Cassie's face as she recalled the exact words the president had shouted over
the speakerphone in front of Woolsey and Uncle Jack and Gen. Landry, "He
said Woolsey was responsible for pushing Sam to the brink of death in his zeal
to keep her from leaving our reality. He said keeping her in isolation when she
was in such a weakened state and threatening her with indefinite imprisonment
amounted to," Cassie slumped at the memory of how terrible Sam looked when
Dr. Lam finally brought her up to the infirmary, "well, to a whole list of
crimes; false imprisonment, mental abuse and torture among them."
"Jesus."
Cassie breathed, "What'll happen to him?"
"Well," the
other Cassie perked up, "Apparently he was tried in a secret military
tribunal and he's gonna do some hard time before he
goes back to," she shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know, screwing
over someone else, I guess."
"They'll let him
do that?"
"I don't know,
but he's gonna get out at some point..."
"Why?"
"Well, Sam didn't
die, she lived and went home. So," she asked, wanting to change the subject,
"how is she doing now?"
"Well,"
Cassie shrugged, "I'm not really sure, Sam says she's doing great, but
then mom gets on the phone and won't really say... She's a horrible worrywart
but she's also a good doctor and she knows what she's doing, you know?"
"Yeah," the
other Cassie agreed, if a bit wistfully.
"I'm still going
home for Thanksgiving, do you want to switch a few times when I'm there and see
them for yourself?"
"Yeah," the
other Cassie perked up, "I'm really looking forward to it. Are you sure
you're okay with hanging out with my Uncle Jack and Aunt Sara? They're really
looking forward to meeting you and seeing how alike we are." She
snickered.
"Yeah, although I
still think it would be fun to try and wear the same clothes so..." The
two Cassie's suddenly stopped and looked at each other questioningly, "Did
you hear that?"
The other Cassie shook
her head, "I'm not sure if I heard something, or felt..."
"Hello?"
Cassie called into the grayness that surrounded them, "Is anyone there?"
* * * * * *
"Cassie?"
"Cassie, our session time is almost up, are you sure you don't want to talk to me today?"
Cassie pursed her lips together in annoyance and opened her eyes to glare at the woman in the observation booth, "No, Doctor Rayne, I told you, I'm very busy right now."
"Alright then, I'll be back tomorrow, same time, okay?"
"Whatever." Cassie muttered darkly.
The tall woman with the honey-colored, shoulder-length hair slid smoothly from the chair and left the observation booth, striding down the hall to the elevator doors where Col. Carter and Gen. O'Neill waited,
"So?" Jack raised his eyebrows high on his forehead at the woman, "Whaddaya' think?"
Diane Rayne, taller than Col. Carter in her bare feet by at least an inch, shrugged her shoulders. When she decided to become a psychiatrist as a little girl growing up in Australia, she had no idea she'd end up living half a world away with a security clearance granted by the president of the United States, let alone find herself working with psychotic aliens from another world,
"Well," she paused, noting distantly that the three of them had blue eyes, "she's no better, clearly. But I have no idea if her current behavior indicates this internal work she says she's doing is real, or she's simply playing out some sort of internal fantasy."
Angrily jabbing his finger down the hallway, O'Neill shook his head, "There is nothing simple about that girl."
"Sir," came a hoarse whisper, "please."
Dr. Rayne regarded the blond woman, her eyes still falling first on the ugly red scar that ran a jagged path down the side of her throat, then down to the right arm that was usually cradled in a black sling with an extra strap that secured the arm against her body. Although sometimes, like today, the colonel removed the sling and kept her hand tucked in her pants pocket, trying to affect a casual pose. She noticed the colonel did this every time she tried to speak with Cassie.
"Please my ass, Carter!" The general hissed, "The EM shielding in that room isn't going to hold her forever, her telekinetic powers are getting too strong! Come on, we're playing with fire here..." The general paced back and forth, his anger rising with every breath, "We're never gonna' cure her! She's apeshit-fucking crazy and you know it, and...oh yeah, let's not forget Nirrti's still looking for her!"
Dr. Rayne had been standing quietly during his tirade and raised her eyebrows at him.
"We, uh," Jack paused to clear his throat, "we have some good intel that Nirrti tracked down another one of her experimental Hak'taurs and killed her when the girl tried to take control of Nirrti's army of other Hak'taurs she's collected from around the galaxy." He turned back to Sam, who stood with downcast eyes that had started to brim,
"We can't just give up on her, sir..." she begged hoarsely, her chin trembling.
"Oh yes we can!" He fairly spat, "She tried to kill you, Carter!"
"She was upset..."
"Upset?" His eyes blazed as he struggled to keep his voice down, "She stabbed you...how many times?" Sam held up her good hand as if to stop him and turned away, "No!" he grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back to face him, "She tried to slit your throat and sliced a chunk out of your larynx, then she fucked up the brachial nerve in your shoulder enough to keep you from drawing your weapon correctly for the rest of your life..."
Tears finally spilled from Sam's downcast eyes and she shook her head brokenly from side to side.
"General..." Dr. Rayne tried to interrupt; this was going nowhere.
"And you can't fool me, Carter! I know you're in constant pain..." Jack's voice suddenly broke and he abruptly turned away, pressing his palms first against his temples, then against his closed eyes as he drew a shaky breath.
"General," Dr. Rayne tried again but Jack held up his hand and drew a deep breath, exhaling loudly,
"Sorry, doctor." He cleared his throat as he stepped over to Sam again, "I'm sorry Carter, but it's not your fault Fraiser's dead. It's not your fault her dying made Cassie completely insane, but she was already on her way to crazy long before Fraiser..." he stopped and forced his voice into a lower register, "Look, there's no way she's ever gonna' get any better and between her growing, super psycho powers and the fact that Nirrti's gonna' be coming for her at some point..."
Sam's hoarse whisper was barely audible through her tears, "We can't just kill her." Miserable, she wiped her nose on her sleeve before lifting anguished eyes to him, "Please, sir." She rasped.
* * * * * *
While Janet worked her shift in the infirmary Sam was allowed to work a few hours in her lab each day, between scheduled visits to Physical Therapy, as long as the assigned babysitter sat on a stool by the door. She worked on projects in her lab, Daniel and Vala and Teal'c stopping by from time to time to check in on her. And Janet had finally allowed her to take her nap before lunch in their quarters instead of the infirmary, meeting her there when she was finally able to get away for her own lunch so they could have time alone together before Janet went back to work.
Sam bent over the alien device brought back by SG3, her brow creased in concentration. She had been working on it for the last three days; Daniel was convinced it was some kind of energy device that contained text about the Ancients, but so far neither of them could figure out how to open the intricately engraved box.
Daniel believed the device was constructed like a Chinese puzzle box, but Sam was certain it was more of a cross between a puzzle box and a Rubick's cube. She drew a deep breath as she leaned back slightly on the stool and closed her eyes. She could almost see it...like a pattern of numbers floating on the surface of a lake...
"Dammit." She muttered under her breath, she knew she was close; the complex designs engraved on the exterior of the box resembled an engineering schematic, but she just couldn't make the pattern fit into one she could understand.
She opened her eyes to take in the box again when a sudden flash of movement just inside her field of vision made her flinch.
"You okay, ma'am?" The airman asked.
Sam nodded, pressing her lips together against the accompanying lash of nerve pain across the back of her right shoulder. Oddly, Sam couldn't tell whether the barely perceived flashes were of bright light or shadows but they were disconcerting as hell, and she silently berated herself for flinching. The flashes of perceived movement always preceded painful stabs of nerve pain, usually in her shoulder, and she knew if the stabbing pains progressed into sharp cramping she was going to have to take her pain meds. But over the passing weeks the medication seemed to work less and less in quelling the pain from the injuries her body still struggled to heal from, leaving her still in pain and feeling fuzzy-headed. So, without telling Janet, she was only taking them when she absolutely couldn't stand the pain any longer.
"How was the granola bar?" She asked somewhat vaguely, her voice faint.
"Uh... fine, ma'am." The airman responded a bit uncertainly.
In the beginning she had obediently told Janet of the sudden, disconcerting flashes and pain, but as time passed the intensity of the pain and barely seen visions had gradually increased and eventually she had stopped telling Janet about them. She wasn't sure why she was being so stubborn about not telling her, but she was just so tired of complaining. She wanted to be whole now, not another six months from now. She wanted the strength to sweep her wife up into her arms again, making Janet whoop with delight...
Sam suddenly cried out as shrieking pain flamed over her shoulder and she hunched painfully, dropping the magnifying glass she held in her right hand onto the worktable.
"Ma'am?" The designated babysitter leapt forward, helping Sam from the stool and into a chair pushed against the wall.
"I'm okay..." She panted, holding her hand and arm against her chest, "I'm okay," she repeated, not wanting him to panic and call the infirmary. She squeezed her eyes closed and bent over in the chair, trying desperately to quiet her ragged breathing.
"Ma'am, I'm supposed to call..."
"I know, Airman," she said in a tight voice, trying to reassure him, "I just need a minute." She pressed her lips together against the pain, her arm shaking uncontrollably.
"But I..."
Still clutching the arm to her she suddenly sat up in the chair, "Stand down, airman, that's an order." She snapped, hoping the snap of command in her tone would override the young mans' fear of the CMO.
"Yes, ma'am." He snapped to attention, making Sam grin briefly in spite of the raw pain that still gripped her.
"Okay." She leaned her head back against the wall for a moment then drew a deep breath, "You can escort me to my quarters..." she sighed shakily, and slowly forced herself from the chair, "I'm done for the day."
* * * *
Janet blinked and sniffed sleepily, a small smile tugging at her lips. Sam's face was just inches from hers and Janet remained still, watching her sleep. Already committed to memory countless times over, Janet's eyes swept over every plane and angle on her beloved's face; starting with the brow ridge that framed crystalline blue, though her eyes were now closed, and Janet took in the delicate eyelashes that fanned lightly against high cheekbones. It wasn't until she tried to raise a hand to stroke the slightly parted lips that she realized it was still tightly wedged between Sam's legs. She smiled even as her tugging made her suddenly aware of how stiff her arm was and she closed her eyes as she winced slightly, the grin still on her face.
Although Sam and Janet usually slept in the nude they sometimes shared a pair of men's flannel pajamas, Janet wearing the top half and Sam wearing the bottoms. Janet had bought the PJ's as a joke when Sam had complained one night of being too cold. Janet had ordered the blue flannel pajamas online and on the night Sam opened the package Janet playfully snatched the top from her, making a joke about how she really just wanted Sam to wear the bottoms so she could grope her during the night. Sam had readily agreed, noting two could play that game and so it had become an occasional routine of sorts; Janet would wear the top half and Sam the bottom, and during that first night Janet discovered she loved reaching her hand through the snap-front fly to cup and fondle Sam as they drifted off to sleep. Janet smiled through her closed eyes; she also loved the sight of her arm disappearing in the flannel opening while she brazenly groped, fondled, and finally slid her fingers inside her wife as she watched Sam's eyes flutter closed, her tongue darting out to lick her lips... Janet smiled and flexed her fingers gently, smiling again as Sam hummed softly in her sleep.
Bad dreams had only wakened Sam once during the night and after soothing her frightened spouse back to sleep, Janet vaguely remembered snuggling close and reaching her hand through the PJ bottoms to cup Sam's mound, nuzzling full breasts as she drifted back into peaceful slumber. But now she pulled her arm free as gently as she could, trying not to wake her and slowly flexed her fingers as Sam pulled her closer, emitting a small noise from the back of her throat,
"Mmm," Her eyes still closed, Sam's lips searched for Janet's, "Do we have to get up yet?" She asked sleepily before kissing her.
Janet smiled against her mouth and when they parted she turned to glance briefly at the alarm clock when Sam pulled her back against her again, "Not yet, sweetheart," she smiled in the darkness, "we have another half hour or so, go back to sleep."
She reached her stiffened fingers to finally stroke Sam's lips, but Sam caught the caressing hand and pressed it firmly against her nose and mouth. Inhaling her own scent she placed a fervent kiss against the palm before suddenly pushing the hand back down between her legs and growling,
"There's no way I'm spending the next thirty minutes asleep." She roughly pushed Janet's hand back into the fly of her pajama bottoms and rolled on top of her, straddling her thigh, "Inside me." She husked, demanding, "Inside me." She whispered again harshly before devouring Janet's mouth with her own, and her kisses were bruising as she plundered Janet's mouth with her tongue. A small cry escaped Janet's lips, but the sound was literally swallowed by Sam's mouth and tongue as she continued her assault. She struggled to oblige and squeezed Sam's mound, pulling her closer and making Sam moan loudly in her mouth. She pushed her fingers farther and stroked the slick folds roughly, knowing what Sam wanted and she groaned again and pulled her mouth from Janet's to arch her back as she ground against her,
"That's it, baby," Janet whispered, "Let me inside you..." And slipped first two, then three fingers inside, feeling the inner walls clutch and grip her thrusting fingers with surprising strength. She scooted under the taller woman and extended her reach inside as far as she could. Sam had begun to undulate forcefully against her hand and Janet grunted as she first sucked Sam's nipple, then as much of Sam's breast into her mouth as she could handle, her free hand pushing the taut flesh inside as she feasted noisily. Sam cried out and Janet's brows knit together as she concentrated on thrusting her fingers as deep and as hard as she could. As Sam continued to undulate forcefully on Janet's hand she reached down to push against Janet's unencumbered leg and roughly pushed two fingers inside Janet's steaming depths, making her cry out against her breast,
"Oh my, uhnnn..." Sam grunted as she slammed her full weight on top of her, "I'm coming..." she wailed desperately, "Fuck me, Janet," she grunted, "fuck me deeper...harder...oh, please," she begged and thrust her fingers inside Janet hard as she wildly ground herself against her, pounding herself on Janet's hand and thigh.
Janet could barely hear her, she was moaning just as loudly into Sam's flesh, her own throbbing depths accepting the pounding fingers and she thrust just as wildly against them, screaming her orgasm into the breast that still filled her mouth. Sam's wild bucking finally ceased as her back arched and she went completely rigid. She made soft moaning noises as she panted and then crouched over her wife again, shuddering deeply as the orgasm wracked her body. Janet wrapped her free arm around her,
"Oh god, baby," she moaned, "Oh, sweetheart," she panted, "don't stop...don't stop coming, baby." She continued to thrust her fingers, but at a slower pace and Sam continued to ride her hand,
"More," she whispered, "More..."
Janet slowed and gently pushed her onto her back, finally pulling her hand from Sam's pajama bottoms,
"No..." Sam protested and curled the fingers still inside her. Janet gasped and found herself undulating a moment more against them before she finally reached a hand to pull them out,
"Easy, sweetheart." She murmured reassuringly, still breathless, and brought the digits to Sam's mouth, although Sam needed little encouragement to slip them inside and greedily suck at the juices.
Janet crawled over her to retrieve a tube of lubricant from the nightstand then crawled back over her spouse and pulled the PJ bottoms off. Kneeling at her side she pushed Sam's legs open and after squeezing a huge dollop of lubricant onto her palm, slid two fingers back inside, "You can have as much as you want, love." She whispered as she slowly stroked the slick inner walls and added another finger, "You can always have more." She said as she added a fourth finger, making Sam arch back against the mattress, gripping the sheets,
"More, Janet." She panted, "I want more..."
Janet hurried to oblige, quickly bending to suck the inner folds into her mouth, sliding lips and tongue up the length of her to grasp the rock hard clitoris between her teeth. Sam spread her legs wide and arched her bucking pelvis toward the assaulting hand and mouth and swung her head wildly from side to side,
"More..." She panted and Janet quickly withdrew, sliding the lube from her palm against Sam's opening, making her moan, the inner muscles clutching at the cool, thick lubricant, drawing it inside. Janet's breath caught at the site and finally, folding her thumb into her palm, pushed her entire hand inside, curling the fingers into a fist as her hand suddenly slid past the rigid barrier,
"God!" Sam cried out, incoherent noises only vaguely resembling words poured from her as Janet slowly pumped and twisted her hand, her free hand deeply massaging Sam's mound as her mouth continued its assault on her clitoris. She struggled not to cry out as Sam's vagina tightened painfully around her hand and she turned her head slightly to watch as the engorged folds and opening seemed to balloon out around her wrist as Sam screamed her climax.
Janet hung on as Sam bucked and screamed and both were winded when Sam finally eased down from the orgasm, audible grunts, gasps and sighs escaping her as she slumped, boneless against the sweat-soaked sheets. Janet felt the still trembling inner walls relax around her hand and she finally released the softening nub from her teeth. As she slowly withdrew she felt a hand caress her backside, strong fingers kneading and squeezing the flesh. She moaned against Sam's folds and Sam clutched briefly at her hand,
"Pull out but leave some fingers inside me." She whispered, still breathless.
Janet obliged and gently withdrew, careful to relax her hand, allowing it to open again as she pulled it from deep within Sam's body.
"Oh, god." Sam groaned softly, still beset by small quakes and tremors. Janet left three fingers resting quietly just inside as she felt Sam's questing fingers begin to probe behind her and she rested her head against Sam's mound,
"Oh..." She breathed against soft curls as Sam's fingers once again stroked, softly this time, her inner walls. She slowly sank from her crouching position on the bed and turned onto her side, knees still tucked to her chest, facing Sam.
"That's it," Sam breathed, her inner muscles gently pulling at Janet's fingers, "Just relax and let me watch you when you come." She whispered as she stroked Janet fully, fingers stroking the length of her inside and out, her thumb finally finding Janet's clit as she began to undulate against her hand.
Janet opened her eyes to peer up at her, "Oh, Sam..." she murmured achingly and as she reached her free hand to push Sam's even harder against and inside her, her body suddenly stiffened and she turned her face into Sam's mound, moaning deeply. Sam's face twisted in exquisite pleasure and pain as she struggled to continue her lustful stroking.
Another long, delicious moment passed when Janet's fingers suddenly curled inside her and she simultaneously ejaculated in a flood in Sam's hand. Unable to control herself, Sam twisted from Janet's grip inside her and towards her thrusting hand. Pushing against her hip with her free hand she pushed Janet onto her back and quickly bent her head to devour the copious fluid as it burst from Janet's center in waves, her fingers still furiously pumping inside her, determined to draw out every last drop as she licked and sucked and swallowed hungrily. Janet continued to moan and buck against her even as she begged, "Oh god, baby, please, please, no more...no more..."
Sam refused to stop until the explosive ejaculations finally subsided before she slowed the fingers and pulled them from her, sucking them greedily into her mouth though she still held Janet's mound in a firm grip with her other hand. Janet gasped and nearly sobbing, curled herself into a semi-fetal position so she could pillow her head exhaustedly against Sam's hip again. She tiredly pulled the gripping hand to her and placed a small kiss on the back of her knuckles, noting her strong scent permeated Sam's hand. As she tucked the appendage under her chin the alarm went off.
"Thank god that didn't go off while you were inside me," Sam muttered under her breath, "I think I would have shot it with my Beretta."
Janet was still too breathless to laugh, "Oh my god, Sam..." She coughed weakly, "Is it just me, or is the rough-sex-thing on the rise with you?"
"Oh, my god, Janet," Sam struggled to sit up, "did I hurt you?"
"No!" Janet emitted an audible sigh, reaching to weakly pat her arm in reassurance, "No, sweetheart, I just noticed is all. I am definitely not complaining."
Sam looked at her closely, running her hand and eyes quickly over Janet, from her neck over her breasts and down between her legs, wanting to be sure, "Really? 'Cause I..."
Janet grabbed at the smoothing hand, stopping her, "Really, Sam," She now at least had the strength to turn a lop-sided smile to her that was half reassurance, half leer, "In fact, I may just have a little surprise for you later today."
Sam raised an eyebrow at her, "Oh really?"
* * * *
She was napping on the bed in their quarters on base when
Janet walked in at
"What?" She asked, momentarily confused at the inscrutable expression on Janet's face.
"Well, now, Colonel, honey." She drawled, "I am so sorry I am late for your exam."
"My exam?" Sam asked, perplexed until she saw Janet pull a latex glove from the pocket of her labcoat, "You must be kidding."
"Who said I was kidding?" Janet asked sternly, the sultry, southern tones suddenly absent from her voice. She pulled on the glove with a snap and pulled the stethoscope from her neck, her tone professional, "Roll over, please, and drop your pants."
"Uh..." Sam stammered, although the blue of her eyes suddenly deepened, "yes, ma'am."
Janet dropped her stethoscope on their small dining table and stepped over to the nightstand, retrieving a tube of lubricant from the drawer and slipped it into the pocket of her labcoat. She watched as Sam unbuckled her belt and first unbuttoned then unzipped her uniform pants. As she pushed her pants and panties down to her knees Janet pulled the pillow from under her head and dropped it on her chest,
"Put this under your pelvis when you turn over."
Without a word Sam obeyed, and when she turned over Janet could smell her arousal,
"Spread your legs a little, Colonel."
She felt her heart start to pound as she pulled the lubricant from her pocket and gazed at her wife's already glistening opening; Oh, Sam, she thought privately, not wanting to spoil to scenario; you are so beautiful. She squeezed some lube onto her first three fingers and clicking shut the cap on the lube, dropped it back in her pocket. She tucked one leg under as she sat on the bed and spreading Sam open a little further, paused to take in her scent. Sam's thighs were quivering in anticipation as Janet moved her fingers into position,
"You're just going to feel a little pressure now," she said, her tone professional and she inserted her forefinger. Her examination of Sam was partly clinical, partly sensual as she probed and stroked the inner walls and Sam silently undulated against her. "Hmm," she would occasionally utter as she probed, then finally pulled her finger out. Even as Sam moaned in protest, Janet suddenly slid the three lubed fingers deep within, making Sam cry out.
"Easy, Colonel," Janet warned, "we are at the workplace." Her professional tone sounding out of place with the furious, lustful stroking of her fingers in and out of Sam's throbbing depths. She fell silent as she listened to Sam's harsh breathing and the slick sounds of wet coming from her stroking fingers. Janet's eyes were half-lidded as she watched, mesmerized, her pumping fingers disappear into Sam's body only to reemerge again, glistening between Sam's sodden and impossibly engorged folds.
She slowed her hand and pulled her fingers from Sam's body,
"No!" Sam panted in a hoarse whisper, "God, Janet..."
"You're going to feel a little more pressure now," she said, and pressed the tip of her forefinger against the puckered opening of Sam's anus, making her shudder. A soft, muffled, keening noise came from her as she raised her buttocks off the bed and against Janet's hand. They had enjoyed anal sex in the past, but it had been a long time and Janet hesitated, wanting to be sure Sam was receptive to the idea.
"Easy now," she crooned softly as her gloved finger circled the opening, "wait for it..." She added before slipping just the tip of the digit inside. Sam moaned into the mattress, her hands gripping the sheets, "That's it." Janet cooed as she fully inserted her finger and began to probe, gently stroking the tight channel.
Aware now of her own wet and engorged center, Janet slowly withdrew her finger and rose from the bed,
"Oh, Jesus," Sam panted, "I'm ready to come, Janet, please!"
"Just hold on, Colonel. Just breathe." She stripped off the glove and tossing it into the wastebasket, stepped out of her sodden panties and tossed them next to Sam on the bed. She can have those to enjoy later, she thought wickedly. Pulling another latex glove from the pocket of her labcoat, she pulled it on with a snap and retrieved the lube, squeezing some onto the new glove,
"Now, Colonel, just one more time..."
This time, Janet only inserted two fingers inside Sam, and after pumping them in and out of her just three times, changed the angle of her hand. Turning her palm up she pressed her gloved and lubed thumb inside Sam's anus as far as it would go. She began rocking her hand back and forth; first plunging her fingers in as far as they would go, then thrusting her thumb as deeply as possible in her rear channel.
Sam arched her back rigidly before slamming facedown on the bed again and bucked wildly against Janet's rocking hand and alternately thrusting thumb and fingers,
"That's it," Janet murmured, her voice a harsh whisper, "Now just wait for me," and still pumping inside Sam, she raised her skirt with her free hand and lowered herself onto her wife's backside. Wrapping her free arm around Sam's waist, she thrust herself against the taut, bucking mound of flesh, biting her lip to keep from groaning aloud when she felt her center open and slide against the soft skin, slicking it.
"Oh my god, Janet!" Sam moaned softly, desperately, "Oh god, finally...baby, fuck me," she begged, suddenly profane, "fuck me harder."
The seldom-used vulgarity made Janet press her lips together in desperation as she felt a jolt of burning cum burst from her and onto Sam's backside,
"Deeper," Sam wailed into the mattress, "Please fuck me, oh god, please fuck me..."
Gritting her teeth, Janet complied, pumping her thumb and fingers as hard and as deep as they would go while she ground herself on Sam's backside. A soft, strangled cry escaped Sam as she made a desperate grab for the other pillow on the bed and shuddering violently, screamed into it as she came; both from the sensation of Janet ruthlessly fucking her and from the feel of her spouse's explosive orgasm as hot ejaculate spurted onto her backside, completely coating her as Janet continued to undulate wildly on her, making guttural, grunting sounds against Sam's back.
Long minutes passed and Sam continued to shudder violently, even after Janet withdrew her hand, having come to her senses enough to be concerned,
"Are you okay?" She asked breathlessly, briefly examining Sam's assaulted orifices and the glove for blood before stripping it off. She rose shakily from the bed to toss it, missing the wastebasket, and turned Sam onto her back on the bed.
"Yeah, I'm okay." Sam panted, "That was unbelievable, Doctor Fraiser. You know, you do give one hell of an exam."
Janet gave an exhausted snort of amusement and pulling the plastic clip from her hair, slipped it into the pocket of her labcoat before shrugging out of it and tossing it towards a chair. Crawling over Sam, she lay down on the bed next to her, "Well," she sighed, looking at her watch, "I'm glad you enjoyed it."
"How much time do we have left?" Sam asked. Turning on her side, she pulled Janet's legs over her own, her pants still bunched past the knees.
"Just enough for a brief period of unconsciousness, my love." Janet pulled her close and placed a kiss on top of her head, "Then I have to, well...re-hydrate, then I have to get back."
While she spoke Sam popped open Janet's cross tie and unbuttoned her uniform shirt, "Okay." She smiled, murmuring softly and lifted Janet's breast from her bra and into her mouth. Janet sighed contentedly as Sam pushed the bra strap and shirt from her opposite shoulder and scooping out the other breast, suckled and caressed both while Janet dozed.
* * * *
The evening had started out easily enough, Daniel and Vala had come over for dinner and while Vala's requested chicken and potatoes cooked the four of them sat in the living room, talking and laughing over a game of Scrabble during which Daniel cheated outrageously. Janet had hoped Sam's good mood would carry her through dinner, but as she sat across the dining table from her she caught the unmistakable signs of encroaching nausea as Sam mostly pushed the food around on her plate.
"Okay," Vala pushed her
empty plate from her, "My trip to PeredaVoy was
both eventful and productive in that I have procured for us an open invitation
to visit their
"Oh my god," Janet broke off her scrutiny of Sam for a moment to snort in amusement, "Do they really call it that?"
Sam could feel the instant Janet's attention shifted from her to Vala and she sighed in relief, plastering a smile on her face she didn't feel. The nausea had hit her almost as soon as she pulled the chicken and potatoes from the oven. In the past, the smell would have left her mouth watering in anticipation of a tasty meal, but now her mouth only watered as a prelude to an episode of vomiting she was determined to overcome and she swallowed, determinedly. But Janet was on to her and she knew it, just as she knew she was within minutes of having to excuse herself from the table if she didn't get the nausea under control. Sam surreptitiously pushed the plate from her and concentrated on breathing quietly in through her nose and out through her mouth.
She closed her eyes against a flash of sudden movement just outside her field of vision and blinked cautiously, trying to force the half-seen images from her and she pressed her lips tightly together in concentration. Determined not to wince at the gradual onslaught of nerve pain and cramping, she tried to focus on the conversation, noting distantly that at least the throbbing nerve pain was taking her mind off the nausea and she tensed involuntarily as she braced herself.
"It really is quite fascinating, Janet. But I'm sure it will all make much more sense to you than it did to me. After your combined ova has been given twenty-four hours to grow the cells will have replicated so many times it will actually have entered the early embryonic stage when you finally implant your soon-to-be-baby-girl inside Sam."
Sam shifted in her chair, trying to affect a more casual posture when she felt Janet's gaze on her once again. She pulled her plate toward her, picking up the fork and pushed the food around on her plate some more, thinking she could convince both Janet and herself that she had conquered the urge to vomit. But once again she could faintly see the beginnings of sudden, imagined movement just inside her field of vision and she stared hard at her plate, determined to focus her vision there and nowhere else.
"But all of this can wait until you both decide you're ready for this, Sam...." Vala reached to casually drop her fingers around Sam's wrist and she recoiled violently, suddenly flinching from Vala as though struck and dropped the fork on the plate with a clatter.
Vala immediately pulled her hand away, "Oh, Sam..." She stammered, not knowing what to say or do, "I'm...I'm so sorry."
Shaking, Sam hastily checked her wrist for some unseen injury as she struggled to get up from her chair, swaying unsteadily when she got to her feet, "S'okay," she mumbled and gripped the table's edge.
"Sam!" Janet bolted from her seat but Daniel and Vala were closer and grabbed at her arms.
"No!" Sam wrenched away from them, staggering. She was breathing heavily and leaning against the entryway to the living room when she felt Janet's presence next to her and she groped for her, blindly, "Please..." she panted, struggling for control, "I'm sorry." She looked up at Daniel and Vala, "I'm sorry."
Daniel and Vala exchanged looks and Daniel slowly approached the couple, holding his upraised hands in calm surrender, "It's okay, Sam. What wrong?"
Sam shook her head and gulped as she pulled Janet to her, "I'm okay, Daniel, I just get these... cramps every now and then, it's okay." She reassured him and motioned to sit on the couch, trying not to lean too heavily on Janet as they made their way into the living room. Daniel cautiously approached and Sam gratefully accepted his arm as he helped her to sit.
Janet sat on the arm of the couch and softly wrapped her hands around Sam's wrist, peering at it closely and after softly palpating the joint, gave her a reassuring squeeze but Sam could tell from the look in her eyes she wouldn't let this slip by.
"The restraints were padded," she offered, "they weren't on tight...they didn't injure me or...or anything." She finished somewhat lamely.
"Oh, Sam," Vala sat down next to her on the couch and reached to tentatively take Sam's hand in her own. Sam accepted the contact and leaned her head back against the couch, realizing with relief that the nausea had finally retreated, "you're having flashbacks?"
Sam suddenly tensed in pain, "Yeah," she grimaced, "I guess so."
Janet stood and circled to sit on the back of the back of the couch, placing warm hands on Sam's shoulder she spoke softly, "Spasm?" Sam nodded wordlessly and Janet moved her hands expertly across Sam's shoulder and down her back, combining massage with acupressure.
"Can I help?" Vala asked and when Sam nodded Janet showed her how to massage Sam's arm, working her way down to her hand and fingers.
Daniel sat silently in a chair and regarded them for a long moment before saying, "You know, Sam, we're not in a hurry to go to PeredaVoy. It's clear that you still need to... t-to heal, and we can wait..."
"That's right," Vala added encouragingly, "I still need to undergo some minor, reconstructive repairs to be able to carry a child full term..."
Sam smiled gratefully, "I know," she said, her voice sounding a little stronger as she relaxed under Vala and Janet's ministrations, "It won't be long, and I'll be ready, I promise." She gave them a genuine, if exhausted lopsided grin and Daniel gave her a reassuring smile in return.
"It's going to be such fun raising our girls together." Vala smiled and she paused in her massage to squeeze Sam's fingers affectionately.
"Boy." Daniel interjected, "We'll be having a..."
"Whatever." Vala smiled brightly at him, making Sam chuckle.
Daniel smiled indulgently until Janet finally got up from her place behind the couch and left to clear the dining table, "Hey!" He rose from the easy chair and called after her, "Let me help!" Janet tried to wave him off but he held his ground and started pulling the platters for the chicken and potatoes from the table, "Are you kidding?" He said, heading for the kitchen, "This way I can keep eating." He joked, making Sam and Vala snicker in the living room.
Leaning her head tiredly against the back of the couch Sam turned to Vala and softly clasped her hand, "She worries too much, but I swear I'll be ready to have this baby, I promise."
Vala gave her hand another squeeze, "I know, but please don't rush it, Sam. Not that much time has passed and you still need to recover... But you know," and she dropped her voice to a low murmur, "I asked the Voyan doctors if there was anything they could do to naturally help speed your recovery along and they said yes. All we need to do is go, Sam, they're convinced they can help you." Before she could reply Vala hurriedly continued, "And they understand exactly who you are married to and that their treatment of you would be closely supervised and monitored..." She finished, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, making Sam chuckle,
"When can they see me?" She asked.
* * * *
Daniel plucked a baked potato wedge from the platter and after popping it into his mouth turned the water in the sink on full. Reaching to take the stack of dirty plates from Janet's hands he placed them in the sink under the rushing water then dropped a hip to lean his elbow against the countertop so he was closer to the petite woman's level,
"Janet," he asked, keeping his voice low, "how is she really?"
She looked up at him with wide, sad eyes and Daniel could see how Sam could become lost in their dark depths, "I don't know." She said quietly and leaned heavily against the counter at her back, "Smells have started to affect her and she can't eat from the nausea... meals increasingly end with her vomiting what little she's managed to force down. She's going to resist but she'll have to take something for that now... And I think she's been palming some of her pain meds..." Janet sighed, "So it's been hard for her to gain the weight back. And less fuel in her system means she has less energy to generate new cell growth and regain muscle strength and endurance. The nightmares are becoming more frequent and...disturbing, I think, but she won't admit it." She inhaled then exhaled heavily through her nose and Daniel placed comforting hand on her shoulder, "I need to talk to her about seeing someone..."
Daniel quirked his eyebrows at her, "And how are you holding up?"
"Fine." Janet grinned tiredly, "As long as I have her, Daniel, I can hold up just fine."
* * * *
"No." Fearful. "No, please."
She murmured the words quietly, her voice tight, but Janet was already awake; the frightened, keening noises Sam made had wakened her before the quietly whispered, desperate words began,
"Oh, no..." Barely audible, "Oh no, please, please, please..."
Sam's body tensed and then flinched in the bed and Janet cautiously inched closer on the mattress, gently pulling Sam's head to her she tenderly stroked her face.
Sometimes Janet could coax Sam from her nightmare just by holding her, softly stroking and kissing her face and hair. Sometimes she could ease her back into peaceful slumber without waking her, feeling her tense body relax against her and emitting a deep sigh as she nuzzled against Janet in her sleep.
But then there were other nights when the terrible images would not let her go and tears would slip from the corners of her eyes. Janet felt them against her chest as her wife began to sob quietly in her sleep,
"Sam," Janet whispered, anxious now to wake her, "Come back to me, sweetheart." She called softly, "Come back to me, baby." She gently tilted Sam's head back and stroked her face, "Sam? It's alright, hon... I'm right here, you're home, sweetheart, you're sa..."
Sam suddenly jerked awake, a strangled noise escaping her.
"Easy..." Janet propped herself on her elbow and placed her hand against Sam's damp cheek, softly stroking her face. Gasping, Sam placed her hand over Janet's and turned miserable eyes to her,
"I'm sorry," she managed and shakily pulled Janet's hand to her lips, placing a trembling kiss against her palm.
"Don't apologize," Janet softly scolded, pulling her close as she lay back down again, "It's alright, sweetheart. Bad dreams aren't your fault." But Sam only sniffed and hugged her closer, "Want to tell me?" She murmured against her hair.
Sam tucked her head even closer against Janet's neck, "Don't remember," she mumbled, "Just remember pain, I was scared... "
Janet frowned, "What kind of pain?"
"Hurts." Sam mumbled again, "My shoulder hurts, chest hurts, my side hurts..."
Janet closed her eyes and hugged her close, "I'm so sorry, sweetheart, I'll get you some..." And slipped her arms from her to sit up.
"No!" Sam clutched at her, "No, I just want to lie here until we go back to sleep, okay?"
Janet stroked the bangs from her forehead, "Okay, sweetheart, if you're sure, we can do that too." And placed a soft kiss against Sam's lips.
Sam responded in kind and pulled her head back a moment to look into Janet's eyes that looked black in the darkness. She reached a hand through brunette hair and pulled Janet down for another kiss, this one deeper than the last and they both parted for a moment, breathless until Sam pulled her down again, the kiss smoldering now and Sam moaned softly as she pushed her tongue into Janet's willing mouth. Janet wrapped her tongue around Sam's, stroking it, pulling it deeper inside. She made humming noises that thrummed from her chest to her lips and Sam broke the kiss again, panting now,
"I want..." she panted, and slid her tongue down Janet's neck, "I... I..." Sam lost her train of thought as she kissed and licked her way down Janet's chest, the hand that had begun stroking and massaging Janet's breast suddenly squeezed the taut flesh, angling it toward her mouth. She sucked the hardened nipple into her mouth, licking and sucking the breast ever deeper as her hand continued to stroke and squeeze what didn't fit inside.
Sam pulled her even closer with her free arm and Janet
gasped aloud as she watched her breast disappear into Sam's mouth. The
sensation was so overwhelming everything between Janet's legs seemed to pound
and throb to the point of acute pain, Oh
my god, Janet's head swam deliriously, this
is one orgasm I'm not gonna' survive.
Through her own passionate frenzy, Sam somehow sensed Janet was on overload, and loosened the arm wrapped tightly around her back. Pulling her mouth from Janet's breast, her puckered lips being the last to release the rapturously tortured nipple, she panted quietly,
"I love you, Janet. I love you, so much." Still holding Janet's deliciously tormented breast, she moved to suckle the other.
Turning on her side, she pulled Janet with her and rested her head in the crook of Janet's arm. She paused to nuzzle the breast with her lips and nose and after a few licks across a plump nipple that made Janet shudder with delight, she gently placed her lips around the hardened nub and suckled again.
Janet reached a hand to stroke soft blond locks and lifted her head slightly to look down at her spouse,
"I love you so much, sweet..."
A tender smile quirked the corner of her mouth; Sam had fallen asleep. Janet lowered her head back against the pillow, still smiling as she listened to Sam's deep, even breaths. And this is just fine too, she thought, closing her eyes contentedly. As she drifted off Sam suddenly swallowed and her lips smacked together unconsciously around Janet's nipple. Janet pressed her lips together as some distant part of Sam's brain seemed to register the nipple in her mouth and she began to suckle in her sleep. Janet soon found herself panting again as she held Sam's head against her and unable to stop herself, she moved the hand still holding her other breast down to her quaking and sodden center, pushing Sam's somnolent fingers between her slick and swollen folds. Her fingers twitched involuntarily and Janet pressed them against her, rubbing them over her rigid clitoris and between aching folds. Her body suddenly tensed as the orgasm overtook her and she squeezed her eyes shut as she strained not to thrash around as she came. Tremors shook her rigid body for several long, excruciating and exquisitely magnificent moments.
Oh my, she thought as she panted and lying limp on the bed, stared up at the ceiling, that was simply wonderful. Then she squinted as she became aware of the large wet spot she was lying in. In her zeal to control her climax Janet ejaculated more than usual and there was quite a puddle soaking into the sheet between her dripping thighs. Worth it, she sighed inwardly as she tucked Sam's hand further into the wet between her legs; it's always worth it. Always.
* * * *
Seated at the end of the dining room table, Sam sipped gingerly at her tea. She had almost finished her bowl of cereal but stopped before her stomach could roil in protest. Now she sat with her eyes closed, slowly sipping her chamomile tea, willing her stomach to relax as she slowly sipped and breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth. So she didn't notice when Janet came into the room and murmured before placing a soft hand on her shoulder,
"You okay?"
Taking one last sip, she placed the mug on the table and opened her eyes to take in her spouse in a crisp white uniform shirt and dark skirt and heels, "Yeah," she leaned her head back against the chair, smiling up at her, "I'm great."
Janet smiled back and sat on one of the chair's arms. Placing her hands on either side of Sam's face she smiled down at her, "Yes, sweetheart, you certainly are." And tilting Sam's head back slightly, bent to place a soft kiss against her lips.
Sam's eyes closed in contentment and when they parted Janet paused to pass her thumb across her lips before continuing, "Before we leave for work there are three things I need to discuss with you..." uncertainty crossed Sam's features and Janet schooled her voice to a gentle tone, "First, sweetheart, you have to stop palming your pain meds." Alarm, then guilt clouded Sam's face and Janet hurried to reassure her, caressing her face with her hands, "You're not in trouble, hon, but I need you to understand that you can't heal if you're in pain. If the meds aren't working or if they're making it too hard for you to think clearly while you're working then tell me so I can try something else, okay?"
Sam blinked slowly and nodded, "I'm sorry, I just..."
Janet braced one hand against the back of the chair and leaned down to kiss her softly, "It's alright, sweetheart. You also need to start taking something for the nausea..." She saw the look of resignation in Sam's eyes and stroked her cheek with the back of her fingers, "Sam, you're nauseated at nearly every meal now, you usually vomit what little you manage to force down and I know you're not eating the snacks I have sent to your lab," she smiled in spite of herself when she caught the guilty look in Sam's eyes, "Oh yes, Colonel," she placed her finger under Sam's chin to tilt her face to her, "I know you're feeding them to your babysitters." She chuckled, "You're busted on both counts." She looked down into Sam's pained blue eyes, her voice and expression soft, "You can't afford to lose what little weight you've gained back, love, and you lost a pound and a half last week." Sam closed her eyes and Janet added, "And I want you to start seeing someone, Sam, for the flashbacks and nightmares."
Sam tried to turn her head away in shame but Janet wouldn't let her,
"Sam," she pleaded and smoothed blond bangs back from her face, making her look up at her, "please, sweetheart, I'll go with you, but I'm afraid for you. The nightmares are getting worse and..."
"Okay." Sam immediately felt guilty, then asked, her eyes pleading, "But does it have to be McKenzie?"
Janet breathed a sigh of relief, "No, I was thinking of my friend, Diane, at the hospital."
Sam nodded, "Okay." And pulled one of Janet's hands to her lips, kissing first the back of her fingers, then turned it gently to place a kiss against her palm.
Before Sam could apologize again Janet lifted her chin and placed another kiss against her lips, "Please let me help you, okay?"
"Okay."
Janet wrapped her arms around her, tucking Sam's head under her chin and murmured into her hair, "I love you, Sam."
Sam wrapped her arms around Janet's waist, gently pulling her into her lap, "I know." She murmured, her eyes closed once again in contentment as she nuzzled Janet's neck, "I love you too."
* * * *
Sam was in her lab, staring in frustration at SG3's artifact when she flinched, the sudden shadowy flash making her jump.
"Ma'am?" Her babysitter asked.
She shook her head, "It's nothing." She murmured, slightly out of breath. Leaning her hands on the table she closed her eyes and hung her head, begging her body to stop reacting, after the fact, to her experience with the Zhang. In her mind's eye she pictured Janet standing over her hospital bed, the all too familiar look of concern on her features.
Sam inhaled slowly, willing the image to override the cramping in her shoulder and she breathed slowly in through her nose and out through her mouth. In her mind, she reached a hand to stroke Janet's face, longing to caress away the worry once and for all. Still standing with her head bowed at the worktable she relaxed, if marginally, as she let all of her attention focus on the image of Janet's smiling face. Sam drew a deep breath as the fantasy began to take hold and, it seemed to the watchful babysitter, that she became even more relaxed when Sam suddenly stood rigidly upright, her eyes wide and staring,
A shadow suddenly
loomed behind Janet and Sam tried to call out to her even as the shadow
enveloped her in its black depths,
"JANET!" Sam suddenly screamed and bolted from her lab, running at top speed.
"HEY!" The airman yelped in surprise and stumbled from the stool as he ran after her.
Sam ran for all she was worth: Janet was in trouble, she had to get to the infirmary and she ran for the elevator, her long legs and straining lungs screaming in protest. Just as she reached the elevator the doors opened and Sam flew past an exiting airman, making him jump out of the way. She turned in time to bounce herself off the back wall, a breathless shout of pain escaping her as her shoulder impacted the unyielding surface and she forcefully flung herself forward, hitting the buttons to close the doors and send the elevator to the infirmary level.
She could hear the babysitter shouting as he pounded toward the elevator but the doors closed just as he reached them. He pounded the doors in frustration and rushed to the nearest phone,
"This is
* * * *
Sam's lungs burned and she sank to her knees, her shaking legs unable to support her any longer, her hands clutching her chest as she struggled to breathe, her face turning red. With insufficient levels of oxygen reaching her overtaxed lungs and body, she finally slumped onto her side.
When the doors finally opened again she was curled into a fetal position, unconscious. Janet and the crash team were waiting for her, and after slipping an oxygen mask over Sam's nose and mouth Janet had a nurse bag her, forcing air into her lungs for a full minute as Janet checked Sam's vitals before allowing the team to place her on a gurney and take her to the infirmary.
* * * *
Sam moaned softly through the oxygen mask but still smiled faintly in relief when familiar fingers stroked the hair from her forehead. She turned her head slightly to look at her wife when a sound of distress suddenly broke from her. This is exactly how Janet looked just before the shadow took her, she thought, panicked and struggled to get off the hospital bed,
"Janet!" She croaked, her throat and lungs raw. Janet gently pushed her good shoulder back against the bed,
"Shh, sweetheart," she murmured, placing her hands on either side of Sam's face, "Slow down, hon, I don't want to give you anymore sedative just yet." Sam could see pleading in her wife's eyes and stopped her struggles, her face a mask of pain as her body revolted against the sudden exertions, "Please, Sam." Janet begged, "Ease down..."
Shaking from the effort, Sam finally eased back against the mattress, "Trouble..." she whispered breathlessly through the mask, "I thought you were in trouble..."
Janet continued to stroke and caress her face and hair, "Shh, Sam, I'm alright. Everything's okay here." She reached to stroke Sam's arm and checked the I.V. she had inserted to administer fluids and a mild sedative, "from what Airman Anderson said I think you had an anxiety attack..." Sam closed her eyes in defeat and shame, "Sam." Janet's voice became stern and Sam opened them obediently, "It's alright, sweetheart, it was just an anxiety attack, but that mad sprint here was the most physical thing you've done since the Zhang attacked you and your lungs," she sighed, "along with the rest of your body simply collapsed from the strain." She was going to playfully add that her physical therapist was going to be pissed, but she could tell from Sam's expression that she wouldn't think that was funny. "I need you to go back to sleep for a while, okay?" She lowered the bedrail and sat on the edge of the mattress, "Sam," she took her hand and after checking the pulse oximeter on her forefinger, held the hand on her lap, stroking the back softly with her thumbs, "I'm going to call Diane Rayne and ask if she can see us tomorrow, alright?"
Sam sighed inside the mask, "Okay." She said softly, closing her eyes.
Janet leaned to place her forehead against her wife's, "It's alright, sweetheart, but it's time, okay?" And placed a kiss above her brow before sitting back up again.
Sam only nodded and Janet stroked fingers through blond locks, "We'll need to spend the night here..."
A frustrated sob broke from Sam and she pulled the mask from her face, "I'm sorry," she pleaded.
"Sam!" Janet grabbed for the oxygen mask, trying to place it back over Sam's nose and mouth.
"I'm sorry," Sam begged, her chest heaving, "I couldn't help it, Janet, please, I'm sorry..."
"Sam..."
"I couldn't help it, I swear," the harshly whispered words tumbled from her in a rush and Janet stopped struggling with the mask, trying desperately to calm her, "I thought you were in trouble and I just wanted to get here as fast as I could..."
Janet stroked her thumb over her lips in an effort to quiet her, "I know, hon, slow down, sweetheart, it's okay, we're all okay down here, shhh, easy now..." She continued to murmur soothing words of comfort as she stroked Sam's hair and face, and when Sam's harsh breathing finally slowed, Janet pulled the oxygen mask back over her nose and mouth, "Just breathe, sweetheart," she whispered, "I meant we'll need to spend the night in our quarters, alright?" She quirked her eyebrows at her, "Just you and me, okay?"
Frightened blue eyes desperately searched the depths of Janet's deep brown for a long moment before she nodded.
"It's going to be alright," she said, keeping her eyes firmly locked on Sam's, "Understand?"
Sam nodded and her eyes closed in relief as she finally sank into the bed beneath her.
"Rest now, sweetheart," Janet leaned forward again to place another kiss on her temple, whispering, "I'll be right here...always."
* * * *
Janet had dinner delivered to their quarters, an airman delivering the covered plates just as the pair arrived, walking slowly together, arm in arm from the elevator. After a light dinner that Sam keep managed to keep down thanks to another dose of mild sedative Janet gave her before leaving the infirmary, they took a long, hot shower together. They soaped each other silently, Sam's scarred hands passing reverently over Janet's smooth skin and Janet's soft hands smoothing, equally worshipful, over the scars that covered Sam's still too lean body. After rinsing the shampoo from Janet's hair Sam tilted her face to hers, smoothing her hands over the planes of Janet's face, speechless as she gazed into her eyes. Finally, Sam pulled her close, tucking the petite woman under her chin and wrapped her arms around her, her eyes closed in contentment. They stood silently for a long time in the steam and cascade of hot water, their arms wrapped firmly around one another.
They finally exited the shower and dried one other with large, military issue white towels. They left the light on in the bathroom, leaving the door ajar and Sam slipped into bed first, Janet piling the pillows behind her so she was sitting with her back against the headboard. Sam looked up at her questioningly as she climbed on Sam's lap, straddling her. She clasped Sam's face in soft hands and leaned to capture Sam's lips with her own.
The kiss was gentle, lips softly caressing one another, Janet's tongue occasionally darting out to briefly lick and taste before closing her lips on Sam's once again. Sam wrapped her hands around Janet's slim waist, her fingers splaying across warm, soft skin as her hands roamed up the length of her back and down to her cleft. Scarred palms smoothed over soft and rounded mounds of flesh, down to the thighs and the juncture between, fingertips just brushing over the soft hairs, pressing into the moisture gathered there by Janet's rising ardor.
Janet was acutely aware of Sam's hands as they glided over her rapidly heating skin, and as her kisses became more fervent and demanding she opened her eyes briefly to take in the sight of her nipples dangling tantalizingly close to Sam's and she sighed as she arched against her, making Sam moan into her mouth as Janet pressed the hardened, sensitive nubs against her own. She pushed herself into Sam, reveling in the connection of skin pressed hotly against skin and she moaned again as she began to undulate against Sam's concave belly. Sam shifted slightly on the bed in an effort to deepen the contact between them and, grasping Janet's backside, pulled her tightly against her. Janet spread her legs even wider, gasping aloud as her center opened completely, hotly bathing Sam's abdomen. Sam groaned, swearing silently that she could feel the muscles of Janet's opening clutching wantonly at her belly, the engorged folds hot and slick as she heaved against her.
Sam's breath became ragged and Janet pulled her mouth from Sam's, "Are you okay?" She asked, breathless.
Sam grunted her assent, "For the first time all day."
Janet smiled and surged even more forcefully against her. Closing her eyes, she began to grind against Sam's belly in earnest, pulling her mouth from Sam's she moved one hand to grasp Sam's good shoulder and leaned forward slightly to grab the headboard with the other. Finally, close enough to drag and pound her taut breasts and achingly hard, sensitive nipples against Sam's.
Sam gripped the straining buttocks for all she was worth, pulling Janet hard against her with each thrust. The feel and smell of Janet's soaking wet arousal now made slapping noises against her, and the juices running down her belly and into soft curls made her head swim deliriously. Unable to resist, Sam let go of the tight mound of muscled flesh and reached a hand between them, between Janet's legs and fondled the throbbing nub long enough to make Janet press her lips together before moaning,
"Oh, Sam," she begged, "inside me, Sam, please...oh please, baby..."
Breathless, Sam gazed up at her with glazed eyes as she slid two fingers further down, between throbbing folds and into her wife, making Janet cry out softly. Sam held her close and stroked the tight, inner walls faster, her thumb furiously rubbing the rigid clitoris, Janet's thrusting hips and undulations becoming more frantic as she ground against her. Soft, desperate, keening noises escaped Janet's throat and she pressed herself tightly against Sam as she ejaculated hotly in her hand. She gyrated helplessly, the softly desperate cries continuing against Sam's cheek and Sam continued to pump her fingers in the steaming depths, determined to make her wife come and ejaculate long and hard.
Janet collapsed against her wife, still undulating, still moaning as Sam made her come again and again,
"Oh god, baby," she begged, "please, no more...no more..."
But Sam pumped until the hot explosions finally stopped before slowing the hand inside, and gently turned Janet onto her back on the bed.
The petite woman lay boneless, spread-eagle, and keeping her left arm wrapped firmly around her back, Sam gently began to scoop the still warm ejaculate from between her wife's legs and smeared it across Janet's breasts and down her belly, making them shine in the darkness.
"How is it," Sam murmured softly as she worked, "How is it you can come so hard...so long...and ejaculate so much?"
Janet's eyes remained closed when she answered in a strained and breathless voice, "I don't know, sweetheart. I guess it's just my body's way of keeping up with yours."
Sam emitted a soft snort of amusement and she shifted on the mattress, sliding her body down the length of Janet's. Keeping herself pressed against the length of her she wrapped both arms around her and dropped her mouth over a softened and pliant nipple, feeling it pebble and stiffen once again in her mouth as she reveled in the taste of Janet's essence.
Janet pressed her lips together but a soft moan still broke from her, "Oh, Sam..." she breathed.
"Hmm?" Sam hummed as she sucked and lapped at her breasts, "Pay no attention," she whispered quietly, "I'm just going to keep myself busy while you rest."
Janet snorted softly, chuckling, "And what makes you think I can rest while you're doing that?"
* * * *
When Janet called to make the appointment Diane had insisted both women come in civilian clothes. She had learned early on that the uniform acted all too easily as a barrier between her patients and her, and the rest of the world for that matter, and she could only imagine the impenetrability both Sam and Janet's double silver eagles provided as they rested on the shoulders of their uniforms. She could only hope casual dress would help speed both full-bird colonels to their core issues.
Diane Rayne had earned her medical degree in her home
country of
During her first months treating the military personnel
there, she became friends with the hospital's Chief of Staff and
But those first years of treating the people who regularly traveled to other worlds could not compare to her experience of finally caring for the petite brunette when her first wife was killed by a group of thugs called the Tian gang. It wasn't until Diane found herself the physician in charge of the CMO's care that she finally read the extensive medical file of Samantha Carter.
And now the tall, recovering colonel was presenting with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and a classically severe case at that, her already weakened physical condition deteriorating over time as her psychiatric condition worsened.
Diane sat before the stacks of medical files on her desk in wonder. How could one person survive all these injuries? A knock at her office door stirred her and she rose to greet the colonels, smiling when she saw they were both dressed in blue jeans; Janet in running shoes and a blouse under her coat, Sam in boots and a barn coat over her v-neck pullover.
She greeted both women warmly, stooping to enfold Janet in a hug and raising herself to her full height to hug Sam who, at 5'9" stood a full inch shorter than Diane. After both women declined her offer of hot tea, she made a cup for herself, talking as she watched the mug slowly spin on the rotating plate in the microwave,
"So, if I may give a brief summary of what ultimately brings you to my office, I'll try to start at the beginning and bring us up to the present moment so we can jump right to it, alright?" She turned to look at the two women who sat tensely in the chairs in front of her desk. "Please feel free to stop and correct me at any time." The timer dinged on the microwave and Diane pulled the mug of boiling water from its depths, dropping in two teabags as she walked back to her desk,
Sam was looking at the files piled on her desk, "Is reading my medical file relevant to you?" She asked.
A bit defensive and naive, Diane thought.
"Everything about your life in the Air Force is relevant, Samantha, especially your medical file. Surely you can see why."
Sam pressed her lips together and tried, unsuccessfully, not to nervously grip the arms of the chair. Diane watched surreptitiously as Janet placed a hand over Sam's, stroking the hand and arm until Sam let go of the chair's arm so Janet could pull the hand onto her lap.
"This first part will be easy," she assured them as she cleared Sam's files from her desk, stacking them on the cabinet behind her, "You two met at the base in Cheyenne Mountain, you've been married for almost nine years... and quite happily despite the enormously stressful careers you both have." She paused in her narration to arch her eyebrows at both women, "How am I doing so far?" She asked.
Janet smiled, "So far, so good."
"Okay," Diane continued, "Things were great, in fact, until Sam was abducted offworld and subsequently killed by members of the Tian Gang."
Diane watched the range of emotions cross both women's faces; this time it was Sam who turned to comfort Janet, raising Janet's hand to place a soft kiss against her knuckles. Janet looked at her and nodded silently.
"But you came back," she continued, "as it were, enduring some inscrutable process called Quantum Integration before being thrown, against your will, back into your old world, where you were detained until you were able to come back here, permanently this time, and now you want to have more children, but some nasty flashbacks and nightmares are slowing down your recovery, Sam." She carefully squeezed out the tea bags over her mug before dropping them in the trash "How was that?" She asked as she brought the steaming mug to her lips.
Janet nodded, "Just fine, Dine." Gracing the woman with a small smile at her inadvertent rhyme. Janet had called her "Dine" from the beginning and Diane loved her for it; from the start Janet Fraiser went out of her way to make her feel welcome in the strange and unfamiliar, military setting.
"I understand you're going to a planet called PeredaVoy to have your ova combined and you, Sam, will carry the child...another daughter, yes?"
Sam nodded, smiling, "Yes, as soon as I'm better."
"Hmm," Diane nodded, "Better' being the operative word here."
"Sam is still underweight and..." Janet faltered as she looked at Diane.
"And so your plans to have another child have been put on hold for a while."
Janet only nodded.
"Well," Diane turned her mug thoughtfully on the desktop as she spoke, "Given your recent experiences, Sam, it's no surprise you're having a problem with Post Traumatic Stress. I understand you had an anxiety episode yesterday when you thought Janet was in jeopardy and ran to help her in the infirmary?"
Sam nodded.
"You lost your first Janet more than three years ago?"
"Yes." She whispered.
"It must have been horrific for you when you were thrown back into your old world, finally together after so long only to be separated from her again.... The fear and despair must have been overwhelming."
Sam's eyes brimmed and she sniffed, gripping Janet's hand, "Yes." She whispered again.
"And you, Janet," she turned to the petite woman, "You're no stay-at-home-and-worry wife; you've watched her die, and you've brought her back from the brink of death...more than once."
"Yes." Janet answered her.
"How has Sam's pain and suffering affected you in this marriage?"
Janet squinted her eyes briefly, unsure how to answer, "I'm actually here to support Sam in her therapy."
"Yes, but you are both in this relationship." Diane pressed, needing a reaction from one of the pair if they were going to get their feet wet in the big issues before their time was up, "How you act and react within the relationship affects Sam as well."
"She's always there for me." Sam finally piped up, "Every time I have a nightmare she's always there to comfort me, she's both my doctor and my wife..." Sam faltered a moment, and then continued, "I just wish I could stop being such a burden... I want to hurry up and recover so I can be her wife again, so I can get back to my job again."
"Protecting Janet."
"Yes." The answer was swift and without hesitation.
"Is that how you see your role in this relationship?" Diane asked, "As Janet's protector?"
"Yes, and her wife."
"So it's no wonder you both carry a tremendous amount of fear centered around losing each other. After all, Janet, you've lost Sam not once but twice, that's a lot for any person to endure in a single lifetime." She picked up her tea mug, "it must be difficult, loving someone so much when you constantly worry about her being hurt or killed?"
"I hate that Sam has suffered so much pain in her life." She could see Janet steel herself, "It hurts both as her spouse and as her doctor. It hurts because I can't prevent it and I have experienced the terror of trying to save her life and losing her in the battle between life and death..." Janet blinked furiously, "Yes," her voice dropped to a whisper, "it terrifies me." She drew a deep breath, "Sam wants to have another child, and she is insistent that she be the one to carry this first biological child for us..." she turned to smile wistfully at her wife, "She is determined to give me this child," her voice faltered as she looked at Sam, "But the recovery process has been slow, and being pregnant is clearly not a good idea right now...."
"But we want to have our baby at the same time our friends, Daniel and Vala have theirs." Sam interrupted her, "We want to raise our kids together so we're going to PeredaVoy together..."
"I will not make you pregnant just to satisfy Daniel and Vala..."
"But," Sam argued patiently, "the Voyans can speed the recovery process..."
"Oh, really?" Janet's eyebrows practically arched into her hairline.
"Okay," Diane raised her hands in surrender, "I think we're getting a little off topic here, but we're off to a good start, and while we're out of time for today I think it's clear we have a lot of issues to address so I'll see you again, this same time next week unless you need to see me sooner, alright?"
* * * *
Emotionally spent, Sam and Janet dragged their feet as they entered the house and Janet tiredly dropped her hand on Sam's back,
"Let's both lie down for a few minutes before dinner, okay?"
Sam turned to drape an arm around her as they shuffled down the hallway, "That sounds good to me." She groaned and after kicking off their shoes, the pair lay down on their bed, exhausted.
"I didn't think our first visit was going to be so intense." Sam remarked through close eyes, "Do you think they'll all be like that?"
"Oh," Janet sighed heavily, "I think they'll be much worse than we had today."
The admission silenced Sam for several minutes.
"Janet," Sam finally whispered, "are you still wake?"
"Mmm-hmm." She murmured without moving in the bed.
"While I was on the other side of the mirror...after Mitchell threw me through the glass, I...I went home, to my old house." She spoke in a quiet, hesitant voice, "I was only going to rest for a couple of days but... but once I got in bed, I didn't want to get back up again..." Her voice faltered, making Janet's eyes open, turning her head to look at her in the fading light, "and, at some point I pulled my Berretta from the nightstand... I don't even know why I took it out of the drawer at first.... I really don't.... I held onto it for days, pushing it under the pillow to hide it when I went to the bathroom. I don't know how much time passed before I finally wondered if I could just do it, just push the end of the barrel against my heart and pull the trigger."
Sam unconsciously mimicked holding the gun to her chest as she spoke and tears slid from the corners of Janet's eyes, a quiet sob breaking from her and she rolled onto her side, pulling Sam's hand from her chest,
"No..." She shook her head miserably from side to side.
"I was so tired...and it hurt so much... I couldn't take the pain anymore. Everything throbbed and hurt so much." Distant blue eyes looked down a little wonderingly into anguished brown, "It hurt, here," she rubbed her chest thoughtfully, "it hurt and I just wanted it to stop, you know? I was so tired... I just wanted it to stop. But I couldn't do it, I knew how pissed you'd be if you ever found out." Janet pressed Sam's hand over her heart as she wept and inched across the mattress toward her.
"I'm sorry." Sam finally turned onto her side, facing her, "I'm so sorry, Janet." She whispered against her hair, drawing her arms around her, pulling her close.
Sam held her until the soft weeping finally subsided and as the daylight finally retreated from their room the women slept, their arms securely wrapped around each other.
* * * *
She was doubled over
in pain, clutching her stomach and when she opened her eyes the room tilted
sickeningly at a steep angle, making her groan aloud. Her vision cast the room
in red shadow and as she blinked the blood from her eyes she realized she was
lying on the floor of the Zhang museum, her blood awash on the tiles beneath
her. Shaking, she pulled and dragged herself along the floor until a man
dressed in an ornate robe suddenly loomed in front of her and viscously kicked
her in the stomach, making her roll onto her other side and retch violently on
the blood-splattered floor.
Harsh light spilled across the bed from the bathroom and Janet blinked into the glare even as she struggled from the bed. Sounds of retching had pulled her from a deep sleep and she scrambled across the mattress, rushing to the bathroom. Sam knelt limply in front of the toilet, sweat-soaked hair plastered to her forehead and neck as she panted, shaking in sweat-stained clothing.
"Just dry heaves..." she struggled to explain as Janet knelt beside her; "I can't stop..." her sentence trailed off in an agonized whimper as she bent over the bowl once more, crying noises escaping her as she retched.
Alarm slammed through Janet's brain as she smoothed the sweat-soaked hair from Sam's brow, hot skin flaming beneath her fingers.
"Sam?" Janet willed the panic from her voice as she helped her lean back against the wall, "Let me have a quick look..."
"Hurts," Sam wailed breathlessly in a tight voice, clutching her stomach she turned pleading, glassy eyes to her, "I'm so tired," she begged, "It hurts." She repeated, dazed, "I'm sorry... I..."
Janet unbuttoned and unzipped Sam's jeans and ran her hands over her abdomen, palpating her lower right quadrant first, then worked her way toward Sam's stomach, feeling the generalized cramping, the palpations making Sam moan in pain,
"I'm sorry, sweetheart."
Confident Sam had stomach flu and not appendicitis, she stroked her face with slightly shaking hands, "Wait here now." She commanded and tore from the bathroom to grab her medical bag from the floor of their closet. Stilling her hands to a calm she didn't feel, Janet quickly drew ten milligrams of a smooth muscle relaxant into a syringe and carefully injected it directly into a vein on Sam's arm, "That's a good girl," she soothed, pressing a cotton ball over the injection site she turned to toss the used syringe into the wastebasket, "Just breathe, love," she crooned softly as she stroked Sam's face once more. Sam weakly grabbed for her as she rose from the floor,
"No." She panted faintly.
"Hang on, sweetheart," Janet gently pushed her hand back down to her lap, "I'm not going anywhere," she murmured as she grabbed a washcloth from the towel rack and after running cool water over it in the sink, wrung it out and returned to Sam on the floor, "Just relax now, let the meds work." She murmured soothingly as she wiped Sam's flushed and fevered face.
Exhausted, half-lidded eyes turned to her, "I'm sick." She stated weakly.
Janet slumped a moment in her ministrations to grin tiredly at her wife, "Yes, hon, you have the flu. It won't last long though, okay?"
"'Kay." Sam's eyes closed and she leaned her head back against the wall. Janet returned to the sink to rinse the washcloth, noticing Sam's respirations seemed more relaxed though her face was still flushed from fever.
"Can you feel the meds kicking in?" She asked as she sat next to her again,
"Yeah." Sam murmured, her voice barely audible. Janet gently wiped her down again with the cool cloth,
"Good, if you think you're done vomiting for a while we need to get you out of these sweaty clothes and into pajamas and bed, okay?"
Sam only grunted her assent and with Janet's help, changed out of her clothes and into the blue pajamas after Janet quickly wiped her down with the cool washcloth. After tucking her into bed Janet spent the night keeping cool compresses pressed against Sam's forehead and wiped her down with cool washcloths. She kept a bowl from the kitchen by the bed as Sam's bouts of nausea continued to double her over onto her side, Janet holding the bowl while she dry heaved into it.
The hours passed with agonizing slowness as Janet kept a nervous vigil. Sam lay under a single sheet, deathly still, her pale features unmoving as Janet listened to her shallow breathing with the stethoscope, watching as Sam's eyes began to dart from side to side beneath pallid lids,
Janet... I need to get
home to Janet, she thought from her place on the floor. I just need to get up
and go home to Janet before they come back... Sam tried to raise herself from
the floor and bit off a groan when overwhelming pain stopped her in her tracks.
Panting, she collapsed again against the cold floor, shivering from cold and
shuddering in agony as a small, whimpering cry escaped her lips. She was never
going to get out of here. Never.
Emitting a soft cry, Sam suddenly lurched over the side of the bed, "Sick." Was all she could manage and Janet held the bowl for her as she retched, the small amount of weak tea Janet had coaxed into her earlier making its reappearance in the bottom of the bowl.
"Easy, sweetheart" she whispered as Sam gasped for breath, and rubbed soothing circles over quivering back muscles as the vomiting ended and Sam finally lay limply over the side of the mattress.
Janet rolled her gingerly onto her back again, wiping her face with another cool cloth. She paused to place a hand against Sam's flushed cheek and pursed her lips together in frustration, her skin was still so hot and dry.
The vomiting finally abated just after one AM; every thirty minutes Janet checked her vitals, determinedly pulling down the blankets over Sam's shivering protestations, opening the pajama top and pulling down the bottoms to wipe down Sam's fevered body with a cool cloth,
"This would be such turn on if I didn't feel so shitty." Sam grumbled, making Janet smile,
"Ooo," she murmured, "sounds like it's time to temp you again, your fever must be breaking if you have the strength to be a smartass." She smiled and leaned down to place her lips against Sam's forehead, "Mmm," she murmured softly, "you definitely feel cooler." And sat back up to grab the auto-thermometer from her bag, "Ah looked high and low, but unfo'tunately," she drawled as she inserted the tip of the instrument in Sam's ear, "Ah nevuh' found the rectal thermometer, Colonel, honey." Making Sam smile, if tiredly,
"Sure, and I'm the smartass." She mumbled, making Janet smile in return and then asked, "What time is it?"
Janet waited for the beep on the thermometer before turning to the clock on the nightstand,
"Just before five." She said then looked down at the thermometer, "Well," she sighed in obvious relief, "ninety-nine point nine. That's a lot better than where you were five hours ago." No shit, a small voice chided her, it had taken all of her control not to panic and call paramedics when Sam's fever had spiked at a hundred and three point seven.
"Can you come to bed now?" Sam asked tiredly, reaching for her hand.
Janet nodded, "For a few minutes, sweetheart, but then I need to get you up, okay?" She turned out the lamp on the nightstand and pulled the covers over her wife before lying down next to her on the bed.
"Stay home." Sam mumbled as she turned to Janet, reaching sleepily for her breasts, nuzzling them through her shirt.
"Can't." Janet murmured, and wrapping her arm around Sam she held her close with one hand, her other unbuttoning her shirt, "When the alarm goes off I need to get you to the infirmary so I can keep an eye on you... during my shift..." she pulled her shirt and bra strap down over her shoulder, then positioned Sam's questing mouth against her exposed breast and Sam, now asleep, suckled the nipple, making small, inarticulate sounds in the back of her throat. Holding Sam's head cradled against her, Janet slept dreamlessly until the jarring alarm on their bedside clock woke her thirty-five minutes later.
* * * *
Sam's temperature was nearly normal by the time they were ready to leave the house an hour later, but she was alarmingly weak and too tired to even scowl at her when Janet called ahead for a wheelchair to be waiting at the entrance of the base.
Both women arrived in the infirmary looking pale and drawn with dark circles under their eyes and Janet's head nurse stepped in to quickly help her move Sam from the wheelchair to the bed, then quickly disappeared around the corner for a few minutes. She stayed out of the way; knowing Janet had to finish settling Sam in by herself before she would allow anyone else to help her in her wife's care.
After tucking Sam in a bed in a quiet corner of the infirmary, Janet gave her a quick exam, then finally let her sleep after Sam shook her head no to the questions; are you feeling nauseous and are you in any pain? She then spent the better part of her day snapping at staff and patients alike. She even snapped at Gen.
"General Hammond called me." She stated rather drolly.
Janet heaved a huge sigh and tossed her stack of patient files on the desk before sitting heavily in her chair, "No shit?"
Diane smiled and sitting up straighter in the chair, leaned her elbows on Janet's desk, "How is Sam?"
Janet reached to squeeze the back of her neck with both hands, "Oh, her fever broke just before five this morning; it was just a barfy flu. But she's not in any condition to handle something that exhausting...and like any other opportune virus, in her, it could have become life-threatening."
"Well, I'm glad to hear she's on the mend." Diane sat back in the chair again. "I take it you didn't get any sleep last night?"
Janet snorted and dropped her hands on the arms of her chair, "No, not so much."
"It must be hard when you're both Sam's wife and her doctor."
"I don't like seeing her in pain..." Hands moved to tightly clasp each other in her lap.
"And it's your job to save her."
"Yes."
"And it's your fault when you can't?"
Janet's eyes took on a steely cast but she sat mutely.
"Was it your fault when you couldn't save Sam on the gateroom floor?"
Janet looked down at the tightly clasped hands she held in her lap.
"And if you had saved her, this Sam would have died from entropic cascade, yes?"
"Yes." She said in the barest whisper, her eyes starting to brim.
"And if this Sam should die, Janet, will you still go on?"
Tears slipped from her eyes and she shrugged helplessly, her chin trembling.
"Do you think it's inevitable that you lose her?"
A sob broke from her as she answered, "I don't know."
"But the thought terrifies you?"
Janet nodded, miserable, and sniffed, "Yes."
Diane quietly regarded her for a long moment, "The first Sam Carter died in your arms on the gateroom floor."
Janet closed her eyes and nodded, tears leaking from the corners and she batted them away.
"When I got to the base you were attending the autopsy...." Diane hesitated briefly before plunging ahead, "Why did you want to see all that, Janet?" She asked, having read the autopsy report and horrified by the long list of abuse Col. Carter had suffered.
"I wanted to..." Janet gulped as she struggled to find the words, "I had to acknowledge her bravery for enduring such," her voice broke, "such pain... So much pain." She closed her eyes, shaking her head, "She'd been cut, beaten, kicked, flogged, wrists and ribs and hands and fingers broken...and raped." Janet's voice dropped to the barest of whispers, "Repeatedly." She sniffed as she tried to hold the sob at bay but tears still spilled down her cheeks, "I tried to watch as Warner examined her body..." her voice wavered, "But I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop staring at her beautiful, lifeless eyes..." Her voice trailed off as she tried to regain a composure she knew she didn't have.
"I remember..." Diane murmured softly. On the day Sam Carter died, Gen. Hammond had called her to the base; both Daniel and Vala were in shock and unable to help Janet who had refused to leave the body of her dead wife.
When Diane finally reached the base the autopsy had begun and wearing a surgical gown over her clothes, she entered the room quietly, her eyes first locking on those of Dr. Warner, who briefly turned sorrowful eyes to her before turning back to his gruesome task. She quietly made her way across the room to where the petite woman sat quietly on a high stool; one hand firmly wrapped around the colonel's upper arm, the other stroking blond hair from the dead woman's eyes as tears slid silently down her face.
Although her heels rested in stirrups, Dr. Warner had kept the colonel's body discreetly draped and his voice broke as he crouched on a stool between her legs, describing the damage caused by the rapes Sam endured. When Diane reached Janet's side she gently laid a hand on the small, quaking shoulder and gave her a soft squeeze. As Dr. Warner continued his horrible narrative Janet began to shake harder,
"The perineum is torn and bruised..."
"Oh, please...no..." She moaned. Dr. Warner had turned pleading eyes to Diane and she gently clasped the small shoulders in firm hands,
"Come on now, Janet." She had murmured, "Time to go."
"No..." Janet begged, not taking her eyes from Sam.
"Yes." Diane slowly pulled her from the stool, "You can come back to say goodbye..."
"No!"
Janet had sobbed, violently shaking her head from side to side, "Please!" She had clutched at
Sam's arm and pleaded, "Please! This
can't be real! Please! Oh god, please! This can't be happening!"
As Diane pulled her hands from Sam's body, Janet cried out and her knees buckled. Diane lifted Janet into her arms and the small woman suddenly clung to her as she quickly crossed the room to the double doors. Janet continued to beg and plead as she wept, and as Diane turned her back to the doors to push them open the last view she had of that horrible room was of Dr. Warner stripping off his gloves and weeping into a blue surgical towel. Once in the hall Diane deposited her load onto a gurney pushed against the wall, but it wasn't until she gently laid Janet down on the thin mattress that she realized the petite brunette' hands, uniform and labcoat were covered in dried blood.
"She's in shock." Diane turned to the tear-stained faces of the medical staff that waited silently in the hallway, "We need to warm her up, and I need to give her twenty mgs. of Valium I.V...right now." She added with quiet authority as she pulled the small, shaking blood-caked form to her once again.
* * * *
Diane looked at Janet with a sense of complete wonder; ever since that day, every time Diane entered the base she privately equated the ride down in the elevator to descending into hell. She marveled that Janet could still do it, even after having this Sam back again.
Janet reached for some tissues and blew her nose, "All I really remember is being picked up and then waking up in the infirmary." Janet pulled the clip from her hair and leaned back in her chair, "A few days later Cassie and I went to see her in the funeral home. They did as well as they could, but Sam's poor face had been so battered..."
Janet's eyes closed again in pain as she remembered looking down at her dead wife in the coffin and reaching to softly clasp the lifeless hand in her own.
After they were married, whenever Sam went offworld she always gave Janet her wedding band for safekeeping before she left, not wanting to take a chance on having it forcibly removed from her by a Goa'uld or anyone else. Janet always slipped Sam's ring on her behind her own gold wedding band so Sam's larger band wouldn't slip off and she remembered looking down into the casket and switching the rings from her left hand to her right; that simple act being the final acknowledgment that she was, indeed, a widow.
"But...but, uh...seeing Sam in the...in her uniform... Cassie started to cry..." Through closed eyes, Janet remembered that awful day, of mother and daughter kneeling on the floor in front of Sam's coffin, arms wrapped around one another as they wept.
"But she came back?"
Janet nodded.
"I mean," Diane struggled to put her narrative into proper context, not an easy feat with the lives these people led, "This Sam came to you through the mirror and through the process of Quantum Integration; she became your Sam."
Janet nodded again, sniffing.
"Then you lost her again when she was thrown back into her old reality."
"Yes."
"And she was abused, or rather, neglected there until a rescue of sorts was effected and she was returned to you."
Janet only nodded.
"Why do you think the abuse this Sam suffered on the other side of the mirror and remembering her own death here affects only her?"
"What?" Janet blinked and pulled a tissue from the pocket of her labcoat to blow her nose again.
"Why do you deny your feelings when you lost her not once, but twice?"
Janet shrugged, helplessly, "Because, I got her back."
"So suddenly everything is okay with you again?"
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Janet," Diane leaned forward in her chair, "Sam's been back for some time now, but while it's clear she still has a long way to go in her recovery it's also clear to me that you're extremely conflicted in your desire to have children with her..."
"I am not, Dine, I love her..."
"I know," Diane gentled her voice, "I think that much is clear, Janet. What I'm asking, what I've asked you before is whether you can go on if you have more children and this Sam dies too...or is otherwise lost to you forever, like she very nearly was this last time."
Janet stared at her with haunted eyes, "I... I..."
"I think you're conflicted because while on the one hand you do want to have more children with Sam, you're also afraid of whether you can go on if she dies and you're forced to raise very young children without her." Janet hung her head; "On the other hand it's very tempting to keep her out of harm's way by keeping her 'barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen' isn't it?" Janet sniffed and raised her head, giving Diane a half-hearted snort of amusement,
"You know, Sam really can't cook..."
"You know what I mean."
Janet nodded, conceding the point, "Yes, Dine, I get it. But that isn't going to keep her safe either."
Diane's eyebrows arched, "Why not?"
"Because," Janet's eyes suddenly brimmed again, "because if something happens...if she's needed she'll go." Janet shook her head, "She'll go and what if being pregnant makes her more vulnerable to..."
"Being pregnant will make her weak?"
"What if it puts her at a disadvantage..."
"You can't protect her from everything, Janet."
"I know..." Janet held up a hand to stop her, nodding, "I know, Dine."
"Choosing to love someone like Samantha can't be easy..."
Janet made a sound that was half sob, half laughter, "Yes it is... It's not a question of choice. Sam is my life; I could no sooner fly to the moon in a Cessna than not love Sam. Loving her isn't hard; it's the fear of losing her that's so hard. And sometimes it's just not enough to remember that fear is not as powerful as love." She reached a hand to stroke through shoulder length hair and releasing a shaky breath, sniffed, "That's all."
*
* * *
Sam twitched in her sleep, she had been to this place in her dreams before and she was terrified,
She opened pained and
bleary eyes and took in the familiar surroundings, the gray walls and gray floor.
Without moving her head too much she could see that she was hanging, suspended
by her wrists from steel gray manacles that bit cruelly into her flesh. The
manacles were tied to the upper ends of a steel gray X-beam mounted on the
floor, and she bit back a cry and squeezed her eyes shut as she felt her
uniform pants and underwear being yanked down from behind her. She struggled
weakly against the bonds, but her ankles were chained together and the pants
pushed past her knees severely limited her movement. She heard muffled laughter
behind her and felt her skin crawl when an all too familiar hiss erupted close
to her ear. She turned her head away but the laughing presence behind her
simply moved the writhing Goa'uld symbiote to her
other side,
"Don't'cha wanna see him?" A
thick voice slurred, "He's very handsome," a large filthy hand
reached to caress the back of her hair and she shuddered as the calloused
appendage slid its way down her back, gasping as he roughly grabbed one of her
buttocks,
"No... no." Sam murmured in her sleep.
"Oh yes, miss,
just you wait for it, here he comes now..." Sam could feel the symbiote thrusting its head against her labia and she cried
out, clenching herself tightly closed. The man behind her only laughed harder,
he laughed so hard he could barely make himself understood, "Oh, this is gonna' be so fine, watching him take you... You know,"
He stroked the writhing symbiote against her
backside, "they don't need to enter your body through the back of you
neck, or the back of your pretty little throat," holding the symbiote away he starting rubbing himself against her
buttocks, humping against her through his uniform, reaching around her with his
filthy free hand to massage her breast through her black tee shirt, "Oh
no," he breathed in her ear, "they can go through any opening that's
made available to them." He suddenly backed off and Sam could feel the
writhing head of the Goa'uld suddenly pushed against her tightly clenched
opening, "Hang on now," the man chortled, "He's gonna rip you apart something fierce, crawling up inside of
you, but once inside, he'll fix you right up again... Unless, of course, you
bleed to death first."
Sam heard more than
felt the horrible ripping and tearing sound and the sudden rush of hot blood
gushing from between her legs as she threw back her head and screamed...
Janet had been sleeping on her stomach when the blood-curdling scream tore from Sam's throat. An equally involuntary noise erupted from Janet as she suddenly flipped over,
"Sam?" She groped desperately for her in the darkness, pulling her close as Sam frantically tried to curl herself around the smaller woman, terrified, and sobbed violently against her chest.
"Sam?" Janet clutched her tightly, her heart pounding wildly, "Sam, you're safe, sweetheart, you're okay..." The words of comfort poured from her in a rush and as Sam cried, her body shaking uncontrollably, Janet realized she was crying too. She felt so helpless; her love for Sam wasn't enough to stop the terrible nightmares, and while she knew intellectually it wasn't her fault, she realized she still felt like a failure, lying here in bed, cradling her traumatized wife in her arms. Dine was right; she needed almost as much help as Sam if she was ever going to help her through this. Long minutes passed before Sam could finally whisper,
"I'm sorry." She hiccupped, "Janet, I'm..."
Janet smoothed her fingers over Sam lips, stopping her, "Sam," she tilted her head to look up at her, "Stop it, Sam. I love you..."
"And I love you," Sam's voice still shook, "but you shouldn't have to go through this night after night..." She drew a shuddering breath, sniffing loudly, "I'll bet you can't even remember that last time you got a full night's sleep." She suddenly pulled from Janet's arms and turning away from her swung her feet to the floor, sitting on the edge of the bed, "It's not fair you have to keep taking care of me, I should be your wife, not your patient..." Her voice tight with pain and self-disgust, "I should at least sleep in another room or something..." She moved to get out of bed and Janet suddenly grabbed her arm,
"For god sakes, Samantha Carter," she quickly sat up on her knees and turned Sam's face to her, "I can't sleep unless you're in this bed, don't you know that? For all the time you've spent offworld, do you think I ever slept? Ever?" She let her hands drop limply in her lap for a long moment then abruptly brought them up to cover her face and burst into tears. Thoroughly alarmed, Sam pulled the smaller woman onto her lap and held her close,
"Janet..."
"I'm sorry." Janet mumbled against her shoulder then emitted a short bark of laughter, "There's a switch, huh?" She pulled back, shaking her head,
"Janet..."
"No, Sam," tears still dripped from her eyes and Sam wiped them away as she smoothed back her hair, "It just hurts to see you in such pain; I can't stop the nightmares and I..."
"The nightmares aren't your fault, Janet." Sam pulled her close again, her arms wrapped around her, stroking her back, "they aren't my fault either, I just," she closed her eyes tiredly, "I'm just so tired of feeling so helpless and weak all the time and I just... I just don't how you put up with me, I guess."
That made Janet laugh and she pulled back to wipe her face and wrapped warm hands around Sam's neck, kissing her gently on the lips, "It's a lot easier than you think." She sniffed and smiled tremulously, "I love you, Sam... Don't you know that?"
Sam dipped her head for another soft kiss, "Yes, I do." She whispered, "I love you too." She murmured and leaned back to lie down again, Janet crawling to lie close next to her as Sam drew the covers over them. Sam wrapped her arms around her, Janet's head pillowed on her chest,
"When Mitchell threw you back into your old world, Sam, I... I tried to soldier on, you know?" Sam looked down at the top of her head in the dark room, "I did try, I had to, I still had Cassie, but..." She sniffed and her voice grew tight with emotion, "But my heart hurt so much, it hurt so much I wondered if I should have Warner give me a cardiogram. When your heart breaks you should die. I didn't understand why it wouldn't just stop beating... Why didn't I die?" Her voice broke, "I thought, Cassie is nearly grown, and Jack and Sara and Daniel and Vala love her too...and she loves them, surely it would be alright if my heart just... just stopped..."
Tears leaked from the corners of Sam's eyes and she pulled Janet even closer, "No..." She whispered quietly as Janet wept against her chest, clutching at her.
"I can't help it, Sam." She whispered as she cried, "I love you."
Sam held her close and whispered against her hair, "I love you, Janet... I love you so much." She continued to murmur soft words of love to her, placing soft kisses against her hair until she could feel Janet relax a little before she rose up on one elbow, gently turning Janet onto her back, "I love you." She whispered again as she placed a soft kiss on her collarbone, "I love you so much." She placed her lips over a pliant nipple, kissing and suckling softly until she could feel it pebble beneath her tongue and Janet's breath deepen.
Soothing hands roved over Janet's body and she arched into them, a deep sigh escaping her lips. She caressed Sam's hair with her hands as she moved down her body, kissing and laving her with her tongue. Janet suddenly pulled Sam's head to her again and placed a smoldering kiss against her lips, her tongue demanding entrance to Sam's mouth. Both groaned as Janet sucked and lapped hungrily at Sam's tongue and when they finally broke the kiss Sam rested her forehead against Janet's,
"I love you, Janet." She said, panting, her voice strained. Their eyes locked, and Sam kissed her again, straddling her thigh.
She stayed up on her elbows as she undulated, grasping Janet's slim shoulders from beneath her and arched slightly to open herself fully against the smooth skin. Her eyes squinted slightly and she gasped softly at the contact. Janet cupped her cheek softly with one hand, the other cupping a breast; looking into deep smoldering blue she caressed with one hand and massaged with the other as Sam moved on her.
"Oh, Sam." She breathed.
Shifting slightly, Sam pressed the top of her thigh into Janet's quaking, sodden center, making both women moan, eyes closing involuntarily.
Slowly, Sam began to move against her again, Janet undulating in cadence with her and as their respirations increased in tandem with the lustful stroking, Janet strained to keep her eyes locked on Sam's. She could feel herself rapidly approaching a massive climax as the sounds of their harsh breathing and screaming nerve-endings and rushing wetness pushed her to the edge.
"I love you, Janet." Sam wailed as she thrashed on her wife, unable to control the climax that crashed over her, "I love you!" She sobbed.
Janet sobbed brokenly and she desperately clutched Sam as she undulated wildly beneath her. She tried to cry out her love for Sam, but all she could do was shout as she cried, her body shuddering violently as she came.
They clung to each other as their tremors eventually subsided, and Sam still undulated on her gently as their bodies quaked and shuddered in the aftermath. She lifted her head to look into Janet's eyes, still filled with tears,
"I love you." She whispered thickly as a tear dripped from her face and onto Janet's lips.
Janet pulled her down against her, "I love you, Sam." She whispered back.
Wrapping their arms tightly around each other they eventually drifted off, emitting soft groans and sighs as they slept.
PART 4: I Will Show You Fear
"And I will show
you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you,
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you
I will show you fear in a handful of dust."
The Burial of the Dead, T.S. Eliot
She didn't think it would be this hard. She had been working with free weights but the Berretta still felt heavy in her hands. She drew a deep breath and focused her vision on the sites as she extended her arms again, her body unconsciously moving to stand in the Modified Weaver Position; left foot slightly ahead of the right, her body turned slightly to one side, right leg straight. She had been careful to load only ball ammo in the clip, she'd have to work her way up to the hollow points, knowing a greater recoil accompanied the heavier grain. Her personal goal was to go through one box of each during her first visit back to the range.
She pressed her lips together in concentration and emptied the clip. She was hitting the small target but her grouping left a lot to be desired. It was going to take a few trips out here to get back to making the tight cluster slightly above and to the right of the bulls-eye as each round migrated closer and eventually blew out the center of the target.
She ejected the clip and began to reload it. She hadn't even gone through half a box and already her arm and shoulder ached and shooting pains made the muscles in her hand and fingers twitch uncontrollably until she finally fumbled and dropped one of the bullets. She stopped and dropped her hand to her side, mindful of her breathing as she alternated shaking out her hand then balling it into a tight fist.
"You okay?" Daniel asked from the table next to her,
"Yeah," She nodded and pulled off her earphones, "Just thought I'd last longer than this."
Daniel opened his mouth then abruptly clamped it shut. He was about to offer some words of reassurance but didn't want to sound condescending. Instead he asked,
"So, will Janet let the Voyan doctors have a look at you? Vala swears they have a treatment that can provide a quicker recovery from injuries like yours."
"She's not gonna' give them free rein in treating me," she graced him with a strained, lop-sided grin, "they'll have to explain everything...and in excruciating detail to her first..."
Daniel pursed his lips together in amusement, "To quote your daughter, Cassie, umm; 'yeah, well...duh?'" Making Sam smile, "After Thanksgiving?" Daniel pressed, "Vala says they have some sort of similar holiday around that time, but they can see you the week after..."
Sam nodded, "Okay, sounds good, Daniel." She forced her hand back onto the table and finished reloading the clip, "Weekend after Thanksgiving it is." She hesitated, then turned to him again, "I'm sorry, it would have been great having our kids at the same time, but it's taking me so long to come back from all this...you and Vala shouldn't wait for me..."
"There's no rush, Sam." He shrugged, "It's not like they were going to be born on the same day... Let's see how you and Janet feel after your first visit with the Voyans, okay?"
"Okay." Sam nodded again.
Daniel grinned warmly at her, "Great, is Cassie still coming home for the holidays?"
Sam snapped the clip into place and the slide shut with a snap, "Yep, she and her counterpart will switch a few times so we can see my other Cassie. But she'll have to fly back out on Saturday morning, the Sunday flights were booked solid."
Daniel shrugged, "Oh well, it'll be great to see them."
"Yep." Sam nodded in agreement then pulled her earphones back on and turned back to the target. She quietly steeled herself and taking a slow breath, raised her arms back into position. She focused her vision on the two sites on her weapon, the center of the bulls-eye a fuzzy background. After tightening her hands on the grip, she steadied her aim and finally moved her finger from outside the trigger guard and onto the trigger itself, her concentration total.
She had squeezed off her third shot and decided to increase
the difficulty by squeezing off two at a time; tap tap,
tap tap, tap tap. Just like
her very first weapons instructor had taught her. But the trembling began in
her hand again and she gritted her teeth as her entire body tensed in an effort
to steady her hands. She could feel throbbing in her shoulder and she blinked
rapidly as her vision started to blur. Goddammit! She
cursed silently, enough of this shit
already! I am going to finish this fucking clip...
Her vision had completely closed around the target and for one horrifying moment Sam could swear she was staring down the barrel of a gun. Pain overwhelmed her as she flinched and she dropped the Berretta, gasping as she stumbled back and fell to her knees.
"Sam?" Daniel quickly placed his weapon on the table and rushed to kneel next to her, tearing off first his safety glasses and earphones, then Sam's, "Sam, can you hear me?" He clasped her upper arm and reached around her back to hold her other side; inadvertently touching her shoulder and making her cry out, "Oh, jeez Sam, I'm sorry." He slid his hand further down her trembling back and eased himself around her, pulling her against him.
"I'm..." Sam was about to say she was okay when she suddenly bit her lips together, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head in frustration. Tears squeezed from her closed eyes and she suddenly erupted in ragged sobs.
Daniel tried not to rock her as he held her shaking form against him, afraid of aggravating her shoulder, "It's okay," he soothed quietly, "it's okay, Sam."
"I'm afraid." She hiccupped in a strained whisper.
"What?" Daniel murmured against her hair.
"It hurts." She whispered; her eyes tightly closed as her body continued to tremble.
"Well, it was probably too much for your first day out here." He tried to reassure her and softly placed both hands on her shoulder, "Let me give this a try," he said, massaging gently, trying to imitate Janet. "How's that?" He asked, "Too much?"
Sam shook her head, "No." she finally managed and willed herself to relax under his ministrations. Several minutes passed and Daniel's confidence grew as he felt Sam relax, if incrementally and he cautiously deepened his touch. "That's it," he crooned softly, "You'll get there." He murmured as he moved his way down her arm, having noticed the uncontrollable twitching in her hand and fingers.
Sam finally pulled away from him, shaking her head and sniffing, and wiped her nose on her sleeve, "I don't know, Daniel." She husked, "What if the nerve damage never resolves itself?" She looked down and gripped the twitching right hand with her left; "I'll never be fit for duty if I can't even hold my weapon...." Her chin trembled, "I'll never be able to pick up my wife again..." A sob escaped her and she pressed her lips together, shaking her head.
Daniel sat back on the floor, his brows knit together, "I thought you wanted to stop going through the gate?" He asked, confused.
She gulped and sniffed again, unable to look at him, "I know, Daniel, I...but what if something happens and I'm recalled?" She turned miserable eyes to him, "What if I'm needed for some crisis and I can't even hold a gun anymore?" Her voice broke and she turned away again, shaking her head, "What good am I if I can't protect Janet? My family? The people I..." Her voice abruptly faded and she shrugged helplessly with her good shoulder.
Daniel gave her arm a squeeze, "I don't know the answers to those questions, Sam. It's a lot to worry about, though.... I know they're easy words to say, but let's wait and see what the Voyan doctors can do for you, okay? We're still a family, we'll figure it out together, alright?"
* * * *
They stood naked in the middle of the bathroom, their arms wrapped tightly around each other,
"Sam," Janet smiled against her lips, "The water's hot now."
"Mmm-hmm..." Sam's lips recaptured Janet's and she kissed her deeply as she reached back and pulled open the shower door. Janet chuckled softly and stepped back to grab the safety chair that stood against the wall, "Oh no," Sam stepped back into the large stall and firmly pulled in her wife, "enough of that damn chair. I am going to be very good and sit on the molded seat," She reached behind her and pulled the door shut, "And you are going to sit..." Sam sat down on the seat molded into the wall of the large shower stall and pulled Janet until she was seated on her lap, facing her, "here." She finished, and wrapping her arms around her once again, pulled her in for another heated kiss.
When they finally parted, Janet smiled down at her and chuckled, "Smooth talker." And reached for the shampoo. They spent several minutes shampooing and lathering each other with soap when Sam began kissing her again, moaning into Janet's mouth as her hands stroked and kneaded her breasts, pulling back only long enough to watch, mesmerized as the soap suds were washed away from the sudden cascade of water. She bent her head to her task, licking and sucking the nipple into her mouth, feeling Janet's sharp intake of breath,
"Sam?"
"Mmm?"
"I have to get out for a minute." Janet squirmed to get up.
"Why?" Sam refused to let go.
"I have to pee, Sam."
Sam smiled up at her and pulled her close, whispering hotly in her ear, "The shower has a drain, Janet."
Janet laughed, "Sam..."
Sam suddenly spread her legs, enough to spread Janet's as she straddled her. Janet gasped and Sam reached down to fondle her, "Go ahead and go...." She breathed in her ear.
"Sam?" Janet squirmed against the fingers that stroked her ripening folds, clearly aroused, but she was uncomfortable and Sam reassured her, murmuring,
"It's okay, I have to go too." And spread her legs a little wider. Closing her eyes, she searched for Janet's lips and kissed her deeply, and as her tongue lapped in her mouth Janet could hear as Sam began to urinate; the sound and smell was so intoxicating that Janet arched into Sam's mouth and stroking fingers. Closing her eyes shut tight in concentration and giving a small grunt she finally released a thick stream of urine, making Sam moan in her mouth. When they finally broke the kiss both women were breathless and Janet leaned her forehead against Sam's.
"Feel better now?" Sam whispered, panting. Janet could only nod and Sam groaned, "Good..." Then licked her lips and turned her head slightly to suckle her wife's earlobe.
Her eyes still tightly closed, Janet pressed herself closer, her tone suddenly pleading, "Please, love, inside me, inside me everywhere..."
Without a word, Sam slid a finger inside, plunging her tongue in Janet's mouth again. Still holding her close with her other arm, she slid her hand down to massage her backside, inching closer to the cleft until she finally probed at the puckered opening with her finger, making Janet moan in her mouth,
Cautiously, Sam pushed until the digit was completely inside, and she pulled Janet even closer as she felt the smaller woman clutch at her and moan softly in her ear. Keeping her eyes closed, Sam reveled in the sensations as she slowly pumped her fingers in and out alternately, feeling them through the thin membrane that separated one deep channel from the other.
"Come on me, Janet." She begged her, her voice a hoarse whisper, "I love how cum explodes from you, over and over...let me have it, let me have it all." She breathed hotly in her ear as Janet rocked frantically and pressing herself close, cried out as she climaxed, ejaculating hotly on Sam's lap over and over,
"Oh god, Sam, oh god, baby, uhnnn..."
"That's it..." Sam sighed, "That's it..." She crooned the softly whispered words over and over, holding her close as the waves and convulsions shook Janet to her core.
Gasping for breath, Janet tucked herself under Sam's chin, against her neck, "Don't ever let me go." She whispered, "Don't ever let me go, Sam." She begged, and drew a shuddering breath, struggling to control her emotions.
Sam withdrew her fingers and wrapped her arms tightly around her wife, "I won't." She promised, but Janet continued to mumble the desperate words against her neck. "I promise, Janet." Sam smoothed back Janet's wet hair and tilted her face to hers, "I promise." And placed a tender kiss against trembling lips. A small whimpering noise escaped Janet's throat as she kissed her back and when she finally pulled back to look into the deep shade of blue and concern she sniffed and cleared her throat,
"I know you do, love." She murmured and smiled, if a bit tremulously, "I know." And placed another soft kiss against her lips.
She reached for the soap and slid from Sam's lap to kneel on the shower floor between Sam's legs and thoroughly lathered her from the waist down. Pressing herself close and wrapping her arms around her waist, Janet spent a few minutes licking and sucking on Sam's breasts until the flesh became taut and both nipples were hard.
"Janet..." Sam moaned.
"Mmm?" Janet pulled her lips from the tormented nub. Sam was clearly aroused but Janet noted with concern how she slumped tiredly against the shower wall and she could feel the slight tremble in Sam's hands where they rested on her shoulders, "Come on." She stood and reached to turn off the water, "Let's go to bed." She opened the shower door and pulled a towel off the rack.
"We're pruney." Sam yawned as Janet pulled her from the stall, wrapping the towel around her as she exited. Sam was so unsteady on her feet Janet pushed her until she was sitting on the toilet seat lid.
"Yes, Colonel, honey." She drawled, "I guess that means we have accomplished our objective?" She smiled.
"Couldn't have." Sam murmured tiredly, "We still had some hot water left." Making Janet chuckle.
In spite of her post-coital exhaustion, Sam still playfully licked at Janet's nipples as she dried her with another towel, "Quit it, you goof." Janet admonished her, "I'm not done with you yet." She draped a smaller towel on Sam's head, tousling her wet hair for a moment before grabbing another towel to quickly dry herself. When she was done she pulled the towel from Sam's hands, "Your turn," she grinned wolfishly, "time for bed."
"Uh..." Sam looked uncertain but Janet pulled her from the bathroom, turning off the lights as she pulled Sam to the bed. She sat down heavily on the mattress and obediently laid back against the pillows as Janet positioned her,
"Janet?"
Janet pushed Sam's legs apart then rested the length of herself on top her wife before looking down into reluctant blue, "What is it, sweetheart?"
"Don't, uh, be offended if I fall asleep."
Janet laughed and placed a kiss against her lips, then another against her throat. She quickly kissed and licked her way down the length of Sam's body before she finally murmured against the soft, neatly trimmed curls, "It's okay, sweetheart," She reassured her, "You're still gonna' wake up when I make you come."
* * * *
They slept spooned closely together, Sam behind Janet, her arms wrapped around her waist, her left hand cupping Janet's right breast as both women slept deeply. As the minutes passed Sam's breathing pattern changed; eyes darted back and forth behind closed lids and small, keening noises of distress escaped her slightly parted lips. Her arms suddenly tightened around her wife and she woke with a start, panting slightly as she bit back a groan at the pain in her shoulder and back. She rolled onto her other side and struggled to sit on the edge of the bed.
"Sam?" Janet rubbed her face with one hand as she rolled over and sat up, "What is it?"
Sam's face was a mask of pain in the darkness, "I, ahh..." She grimaced and hunched her back painfully, "It's my shoulder again... got a bad cramp..."
Janet knelt behind her and cautiously slid her hands over Sam's shoulder, feeling the twitching muscles beneath scarred skin as Sam winced, "Oh hon," she murmured sympathetically, "I can feel that." Expert hands confidently found the pressure points that would stop the cramping and after several long moments Sam finally released an exhausted sigh of relief, "Better?" Janet murmured.
Sam drew another deep breath, "Oh yeah, absolutely."
Janet began massaging the shoulder, starting at Sam's neck and working her way down Sam's arm before she turned to her side, "Lie back down and let me get your back."
Instead Sam lay on her back on the mattress, "Oh, thank you, that feels better..." Turning onto her side she pulled until Janet was lying spooned against her again,
"Sam..."
"That's okay." Sam mumbled against her hair, "You don't need to rub my back." She briefly rubbed Janet's shoulders and back as she drew her arms around her, "I just want to go back to doing this." She said, cupping Janet's breast again and pressing herself close.
"Okay." She could feel the smile in Janet's voice and the small, strong, soft hands that smoothed over the scarred backs of her own.
"Janet?" Sam tightened her arms around her.
"Hmm?"
"Would you be okay if we let the Voyan doctors have a look at me? Both Daniel and Vala are convinced they can speed my recovery..." She could feel Janet tense against her, "But only if what they say..."
Janet turned in her arms until they were lying face to face, "Sweetheart," Janet cupped her face in her hands, "I love you; of course we can... We can go and at least find out what they can do for you. But Sam," Janet paused, her thumb and fingers unconsciously stroking her lips and cheek, "it's possible only time will get you to a place where your body has healed enough to allow you to carry a child full term, okay?"
Sam quietly released the breath she'd been holding, "Okay."
"When can we go?"
"Daniel says..." Sam's voice suddenly faded, "wait, how'd you know..."
Janet smiled, an amused snort escaping her, "Oh please, like I couldn't have guessed you already talked to them both about going." She reached to brush mussed blond bangs from her forehead, "I know you wanted to be pregnant by Christmas, sweetheart, but I think you need to admit that we may have to wait a few weeks longer than that... even if the Voyans can help you."
Sam closed her eyes and pulled the hand stroking her hair to her lips, "Alright." She whispered, kissing the palm.
"We might be having a baby for Christmas instead of Labor Day." Janet added in a mock-serious tone, "Although I know you thought giving birth on Labor Day would have been funny...in some twisted way."
Sam smiled against her hand, "It is funny..."
"You're weird."
"And funny..." Sam raised herself enough to place a deep, lingering kiss against Janet's lips before turning her back against her and resuming the spoon position once again, "And soon I'm gonna' be pregnant."
"Okay."
"Really..."
"Okay, sweetheart."
"Really soon."
"Sam..."
"I'm gonna be hugely pregnant."
"Sam..."
"I love you." Sam tightened the arms around her.
"I love you too, sweetheart, now shut up already and go to sleep."
Sam chuckled softly against her hair and both women sighed contentedly as an easy slumber held them in a soft embrace until morning.
* * * * * *
"Cassie?"
The young girl slowly opened her eyes and turned them to the observation booth, "Yes, Dr. Rayne?"
"What are you doing?"
Cassie smiled and rose slowly from the bed, crossing the room to sit on the chair,
"Listening."
"To whom?"
"Mmm," Cassie hummed, if a bit sarcastically, "whom indeed." Diane waited quietly until Cassie eventually responded, "Oh, those Cassie's are yakking away again and I was just listening in..."
"What do they talk about?"
"Oh, school, boyfriends... stupid stuff."
"So why listen?"
Cassie smiled, "Because sometimes they talk about something that's actually interesting."
"Like what?"
Cassie sighed, her patience eroding, "They're planning a switch so the one Cassie can see..."
Diane watched as a range of emotions washed over the teen's face and she suddenly rose from her place on the chair to pace the room; her arms crossed over her chest,
"Can see?"
"No one." Cassie muttered darkly. She stopped to sit on the bed then seemed to think better of it and returned to her chair, "You know," she finally said, "they talk about a lot of stuff, but they talk a lot about mom and Sam and how...how ridiculous they are with each other."
"Ridiculous?"
Cassie closed her eyes and let her head drop back for a moment. The two Cassie's did seem to remark quite a lot on how much Sam and Janet loved each other. The way they talked it seemed as though both girls held them in some sort of awe, and it angered Cassie to listen to those conversations as much as it made her heart ache that much more for the loss of her own Janet.
She pursed her lips together in distaste, "You know, there was this one time when I was little; I woke up one night 'cause I had to go to the bathroom and when I passed their door I could hear..." Cassie's breath quickened and her face flushed at the memory, "I could hear moaning." She shifted uncomfortably in the chair, "Back then I had this ability to project my consciousness through walls, so I could see and hear stuff that was going on in another room." She stopped to give a small, sly smile at the woman in the observation booth, "That ability is different now." She gave a small, smug snort and continued, "Anyway, I placed my hands on the wall next to their door," Cassie closed her eyes and lifted her hands, placing them against an imaginary wall, "and suddenly I could see...Sam... I could see her as she... as she was on top of my mother and..." Her breath came in short gasps and she quickly rose to pace the room again.
She had been too young to understand what she was seeing and she had stood in the hallway, open-mouthed as her conscious mind viewed the two women making love. She watched as Sam undulated wildly, moaning, her head thrown back. How the streetlight that streamed in through the curtains illuminated Sam's dangling breasts and reflected the sheen of sweat on her clenching buttocks and straining back muscles.
But...but the sight of Sam's body... And the moaning...
It took a moment for Cassie to realize there was a hand caressing Sam's face, and it wasn't until she heard her mother groan Sam's name that she finally realized it was her mother that lay beneath Sam. It was her mother that sobbed, that cried out Sam's name over and over.
She had been too young to understand the difference between pain and passion, between fear and ecstasy. She had been scared at first. But then, as she watched, she became mesmerized, hypnotized by the sounds, by the reflection of light off Sam's straining body and she...she...
"Were you in love with Sam?"
"Of course not!" Cassie suddenly exploded, "I hate her! She's the reason my mother got killed!"
"Cassie, that's not true. It was not Sam's fault that your mother was killed; a Goa'uld killed your mother. If Sam had been able to prevent..."
"She should have prevented it by not letting her go!" Cassie shouted at the glass and threw the chair at the window of the observation booth.
* * * * * *
Diane tilted her chair back and crossed her long legs at the knee, turning comfortably to one side,
"Trust is always paramount in a successful marriage... Has there ever been a time when you didn't have that?"
Sam pressed her lips together before finally offering, "There was that time we were infected with the Machello device... Janet was struggling with hallucinations and I ended up being immune..." her voice drifted off as she remembered the cramped interior of that small lab, "I was trying to find an antidote but Janet was the one who needed to figure it out and when she looked at me," She looked briefly at Janet then Diane before dropping her eyes, "She thought I was a Goa'uld, and she got scared..."
"NO! You're a
Goa'uld!" She had shouted, terrified, "Stay away!"
"I'm not a
Goa'uld, Janet!" Sam had pleaded with her, her heart breaking at the look
of fear in her eyes, "It's me, Sam, I'm your wife."
"I hated seeing that..."
"Sam," Janet gave her hand a small shake, "I was hallucinating..."
"How about when I wrecked the bike?" Sam cut her off, "You weren't hallucinating then.... I was being a stubborn ass and..."
"That was years ago Sam, you were exhausted and not thinking clearly..."
"And I nearly got myself killed and scared you half to death." Insistent blue looked deeply into brown, "I don't ever want to see that look of fear in your eyes ever again, Janet... Not ever." She finished, her voice a hoarse whisper.
"Sam," Janet voice became stern and Diane watched the two women closely as Sam obediently looked at her wife, "You have never, and you will never, ever deliberately do anything to hurt me, I know that." She squeezed her hand again, "Please tell me you know that too."
Diane watched as Sam's eyes locked on Janet's, "I do." She said simply, then looked down at their joined hands and rubbed her thumb thoughtfully over the back of Janet's for a moment. Diane was about to speak again when Sam suddenly flinched, a small gasp of pain erupting from her.
"Are you okay?" Janet asked as she rose from her chair.
Sam nodded, slightly breathless and pulled Janet back into her seat, "I'm okay, I just..." she took a deep breath and turned to look steadily at Janet, willing the half-seen images from her. "Just thought I saw something, but it's okay now." Sam made a visible effort to relax, dragging her fingers through her hair and sitting back in the chair.
"What did you see?" Diane asked.
Sam averted her eyes when she answered, "I don't know...nothing I guess."
"Okay," Diane continued, "And when you were on the other side of the mirror, Sam, and you became suicidal?" Diane asked in a quiet voice.
"Diane." Janet murmured disapprovingly.
"I'm sorry, Janet, but this is something we need to discuss; Cassie is nearly grown, but if you have more children now what will you do, Janet, if Sam dies?" She stopped for a moment to gauge both women's reaction before continuing, "It could be offworld or in an accident here at home. Could you go on, Janet?" She turned to the other woman, "Or can, you, Sam, if Janet is killed, say, in a car accident, could you go on with your life and raise more children?" She watched as Sam shuddered visibly,
"My mother was killed in a car accident when I was young. Children survive... I did."
"But can you?" Diane asked, "Could you raise very young children if Janet died?"
Sam hung her head, nodding, but tears dripped silently from her eyes, "Do we have to talk about this now?" She begged brokenly.
Janet glared at Diane, but she pressed her point, "Children deserve at least one parent to raise them, don't you agree?"
Unable to meet her eyes, Sam nodded and sniffed loudly.
"So the question remains; could you raise small children alone if something should happen to Janet?"
A whisper, "Yes."
Diane's eyebrows arched in disbelief, "Are you certain about that?"
"No." Sam shook her head miserably from side to side, "I don't know if I can." She turned brimming eyes to Janet, her voice breaking, "I don't know if I can survive that again, Janet, losing you." She tried unsuccessfully to stifle a sob, then forced herself to continue, her chin trembling, "It was hard when I lost you three years ago, but when Mitchell threw me back into my old world and I lost you again," She shook her head, "I don't know, something inside me broke, and I..." She sniffed and forced herself to continue, "If SG1 hadn't been able to send me back to you, I..." She turned her face away, unable to look at her, "I don't think I'd still be alive there." Sam gripped the arms of the chair and struggled to look at her wife again, "I'm sorry, Janet... I..."
"You tore the IV from your arm when Woolsey had you confined." Janet said quietly, remembering the horrendous tear and surrounding hematoma on Sam's arm.
Sam nodded, miserable, "When I was taken from the house and brought to the base he put me in confinement and told me I was gonna stay there until I stopped wanting to come back here." Tears spilled down her face, "and that's when I tore the IV from my arm, and the oxygen..." She hiccupped, swiping at the tears, "Because I'd never stop wanting to come back..." her voice broke, "back to you... not ever, so I thought," she sniffed, shrugging her shoulders, "then they're going to have to kill me..." She shook her head, "That's when they gave me the nasal feeding tube...because I wouldn't eat..." Sam's eyes closed at the memory; the insertion of that tube had been horrendous enough, and because Sam was restrained she was unable to pull the tube out so she resorted to pressing the back of her tongue against the tube and forcing herself to gag and vomit in an effort to choke and asphyxiate. Unfortunately, this only resulted in Dr. Lam sedating her before pumping the gray, liquefied nutrition into her stomach.
Janet quickly reached a hand to cup her cheek, "Shhh, sweetheart, it's all right."
"Actually," Diane said quietly, "it isn't."
Irritated, Janet turned to her, "Excuse me?" She demanded.
"I'm saying that because of who she is and what she does, Sam leads a dangerous life... You love each other, but you both fear losing the other and while you think this is affecting Sam the most right now, outwardly at least, this fear is deeply affecting you too, Janet, and recovery...and I mean recovery for the both of you, will be slow in coming until you both recognize that you have more to deal with here than just the issue of whether or not to have more children."
"But..." Janet struggled to find the words, "It's what we do; she saves the world, and I...I save her."
Dr. Rayne turned to Sam, her eyebrows raised and Sam answered her, "I save the world because that's what I have to do. I save it for her, but...sometimes I think I won't be able to...to go on living, if I have to do it without her in it."
"I know." Dr. Rayne smiled gently at her, "And it's that fear that you both carry, that we need to talk about."
* * * * * *
"If she loved her so much she wouldn't have let her go." Cassie scowled and muttered, "They were so disgusting with each other anyway."
"Why?"
"Because..." Cassie faltered and shook her head.
"Lots of kids think the affection their parents show each other is gross..."
"No." Cassie shook her head, "It was just Sam. And it wasn't just the touching... it was the looks, those brief looks of completely stupid adoration and..."
"But why was that wrong?"
"Because I... because..." A noise of supreme exasperation exploded from her and as she glared at Dr. Rayne through the heavy glass the blast shield abruptly came down, "Our session is over for today, Doctor Rayne."
Diane looked down in confusion at the controls on the panel and for the switch that controlled the shield and flipped the lever back and forth several times but the shield stubbornly stayed down. Diane slowly sat back in the chair and regarded the young woman on the surveillance camera as she slowly raised her hands and smoothed back her hair, turning to sit cross-legged on the bed. She sat calmly and Diane believed she was taking slow, deep breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth. Diane watched her still form on the black and white screen for several minutes before rising quietly from the chair and leaving the observation booth.
"Remember that horrible
missile silo?"
"Oh, Jesus, do I
ever. And it was weird, 'cuz I was just a kid and
while I didn't know what was happening, it was like I totally knew what was
going on, you know?"
"I know,
especially when Sam started to cry."
"Yeah...that scared
me."
"I think the only
thing that scared me more was when she left for a few minutes."
"Your Sam left?
Where'd she go?"
Cassie smiled as she sat on her bed,
"I don't know,
but she came back after a few minutes and hugged me... Isn't that what happened
in your version?"
"No. Sam stayed
with me the entire time. I could hear Uncle Jack screaming at her over the
intercom to come back up, and she told him I was awake and they should leave
the silo. Then she just hung on to me and kept telling me everything was gonna' be okay. Then... I dunno,
after a few minutes she finally looked at her watch and it was all over. It
wasn't until just a couple of years ago she finally told me she had been
ordered to leave me down there but couldn't when I woke up."
"Now that is more
like what happened in my version; she left for a few minutes but when she came
back she called Uncle Jack and said she was staying 'cuz
I was awake."
and chuckled softly under her breath,
"Huh?"
Cassie suddenly clamped a hand over her mouth and withdrew her consciousness from the conversation. She was going to have to be more careful; she needed as much information as she could gather before she could make the jump, and the more oblivious those two were, the better. She smoothed her hair back before lying back on the bed and closed her eyes contentedly. Then she could kiss this place goodbye forever and that other Cassie could see what this living hell was like.
She smiled softly. She should have died when I stabbed her but she didn't. Stupid bitch... But that's okay, I'll kill the other one and this time I'll do it right and I'll finally have my mom back. She turned on her side and sang in a low singsong voice,
"Double your pleasure, double your fun, just find me a knife or hand me a gun."
* * * * * *
"They're here!" Sam called to Janet as she trotted down the hall, meeting Daniel and Vala and Cassie as they came thought the door.
"Hey!" Cassie ran forward, dropping her backpack on the floor as she jumped into Sam's arms.
"Hey!" Sam shouted back, laughing.
Cassie had been lectured by Janet not to fling herself at Sam like she used to when she was little, wrapping her arms and legs around her parent, "like a crazed monkey". Cassie had rolled her eyes at the phone and was inwardly tempted to roll them again. Although, with her arms wrapped tightly around Sam's waist it was clear to the young woman that her parent was still painfully thin and she caught the muffled grunt as she hugged her,
"You okay?" She asked as she released her.
"Yeah." Sam smiled at her, her blue eyes sparkling.
"Amazingly, there was no one at the airport." Daniel smiled, picking up the backpack and placing it on the couch with the overnight bag, "So we made it back here pretty quick."
"Mmm, yes," Vala shed her coat; "so we can dig into that turkey right now..." she fairly drooled as she took Daniel and Cassie's coats from them and headed for Sam's office, "That is," she added in a louder voice as she disappeared around the corner, "if it's ready yet."
Janet entered the living room from the kitchen, an enormous smile on her face, "Yes, don't worry, Vala!" She called to her, "All we have to do is sit down and stuff ourselves." She gathered her tall daughter in her arms, "Hey! How was your flight?"
Cassie tightened her arms around her mother and lifted her briefly off the floor, "Nearly empty...and I managed to refuse all the crappy snacks 'cuz I knew we'd be eating as soon as I came in the door."
"There's a wise girl." Vala cooed, she strode to the pair and grabbed Cassie by the hand, "Did you know both Daniel and your mother make the best mashed potatoes and gravy on this planet?" She very pointedly began pulling the young woman towards the dining room, "I could eat that amazing concoction until the bovines return..."
"I think you mean, 'Until the cows come home.'" Cassie snickered.
Daniel stuffed his hands in his pockets and stole a look at Janet, "And even then she's not done." He muttered.
"I heard that!" Vala called in a sing song voice from the dining room.
* * * *
Sam brought the pies to the table and placed them both in front of Vala, "We'll finish whatever you can't eat." She said teasingly, making Daniel snort in his wine glass.
"Ha-ha," Vala smiled at her, "very funny, I'll have you know I was only going to have a taste of Daniel's..."
"Like hell." He suddenly chimed in.
"And then," She turned to him, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial stage whisper, "I was going to steal the leftovers so we could have them for breakfast tomorrow."
"You..." Daniel's voice faded abruptly, "Oh...you know that probably would have worked... actually." Sam threw a knowing look first to Janet and then Cassie as she sat back down at the table.
Janet chuckled and leaned back in her chair, "Well then, while Vala is pretending to serve the pie," Vala suddenly dropped the serving fork and desert plate she'd been holding onto the table with a thump, a sound of put-upon exasperation exploding from her, making them laugh, "Sam and I have an announcement to make." Making Vala raise her eyebrows and lower the dessert plate and serving fork again, "Sam and I would like to take the Voyan doctors up on their offer to see if they can help Sam...help her get her health back to a place where she can carry our child... Which, come to think of it, they're also going to help us with." Janet lifted the wineglass to her lips and took a sip, her eyebrows rising as she and Sam quietly waited for their response.
"Finally!" Cassie suddenly blurted, "I mean...uh", her voice faded as Janet turned to give her a questioning look, "but that's great, right?" She added lamely, making Sam snicker.
Daniel broke into a huge grin, "Great! When can you go?"
"Oh, I don't know, Daniel," Janet slowly lowered the glass and teasingly cocked just one eyebrow at him, "how about, oh, say, a week after Thanksgiving?"
It was Vala's turn to snicker and she returned to serving the dessert, "Smooth, my darling." She murmured to him under her breath.
"You know," Daniel turned to Sam, "you spill your guts every time, don'tcha'?"
Sam took the slice of pie from Vala and passed it to Cassie, who passed the plate to Janet, "She guessed, Daniel..."
'Uh huh." Daniel looked at her disbelievingly, "you're a pushover, Sam, admit it."
"Yep," Sam beamed broadly at him as she passed another plate to Cassie, "I admit, Daniel, I'm hopeless."
*
* * *
"Okay, ready?" Cassie asked, feeling a little giddy. They were in the kitchen; Sam and Janet stood leaning against the sink, Sam's arm draped around Janet's shoulders and Janet's arm wrapped tightly around her wife's waist, "She wants to hang out for a couple of hours then we'll switch back, alright?"
The women only nodded; Sam couldn't seem to stop smiling and Cassie stifled a giggle then closed her eyes, taking slow, even breaths in through her nose and exhaling through her mouth.
"Hey."
"Hey!" the
other Cassie smiled, "You ready?"
"Oh, yeah."
Cassie smiled back at her counter-part, "They can't wait to see you."
"Okay..."
The other Cassie seemed to steel herself.
"You're not
nervous are you?"
"Me? No."
The other Cassie shook her head, "No, I'm good."
"It'll be
great," Cassie assured her, "You'll see..."
Sam and Janet watched quietly as their daughter took slow, deep breaths. Janet tightened her arm around Sam and tilted her head to steal a quick look at her wife. Turning her head slightly, Sam looked down at her with fathomless blue eyes and dipped her head to steal a quick kiss. When both women parted and looked back to their daughter they were momentarily startled at the look of intensity on the young woman's face until she suddenly blinked, her face breaking into a huge grin,
"Hey!" She shouted, crossing the distance between them in a bound.
* * * * * *
Cassie sat stone still on her bed, only her face showed any movement as a complex shift of emotions crossed her features, surprise; that jumping her consciousness even worked, then shock; as she looked at the alternate version of her mother, vibrant and alive. Then, as joy washed over her face she saw Sam tighten her arm around her mother and place a kiss against her lips, her smile abruptly faded and Cassie hastily withdrew her consciousness.
She released the breath she'd been holding in a rush and
dropped back on the mattress. Unbelievable,
she thought, her anger rising, absolutely
unbefuckingly-unbelievable. Cassie forced herself
to a calm she didn't feel, consciously slowing her breath, her hands covering
her eyes. Were they this crazy for each
other in every fucking universe?
* * * * * *
It was too soon for Janet to return from taking Cassie to
the airport but Sam still found herself puttering with her bikes in the cold garage,
waiting impatiently for her to get home. I
should have gone with them, she lamented silently. But after Sam fell
asleep on the couch the night before while playing chess with Cassie, the teen
begged her to stay in bed the next morning and sleep in while Janet took her to
the airport for her early
She stood at the worktable and stared down at her tools, I should probably go in and eat something, she thought and reached a hand to scrub at her face and cover her mouth while she yawned. She gave herself a slight shake and picked up a drill bit from the table. It had a flat blade and the center of the bit came to a sharp point; it was a wood bit, used to drill holes... She was about to idly press her thumb over the point when it suddenly occurred to her that it resembled the end of a Goa'uld pain stick and her thumb froze in mid-air. Her eyes closed briefly at the memories of the business end of a pain stick coming toward her. How many times have I been hit with one of those? She wondered and tossed the bit back onto the table. She picked up a socket wrench and wandered over to her bikes, turning the wrench thoughtfully in her hands.
Sam suddenly stopped in the middle of the garage; the sound and feel of the clicking ratchet as she turned the handle around the inner teeth of the wrench sent a chill down her spine. Suddenly the garage seemed a lot colder and Sam stared with growing horror at the socket wrench in her hand. As she slowly turned the wrench it again made the sound of soft, whirring clicking. Almost like hissing,
She turned her head to
look at the shining, chrome device, "wait until you feel this inside
you..."
Sam threw the wrench from her and stumbled backward, away from the wrench, away from the sound,
Shrieking pain gripped
her as she felt her insides being torn and shredded, the sudden rush of hot
blood,
Sam screamed and clutched her mound and abdomen through her jeans and tripped over her feet as she stumbled and fell heavily to the floor, unaware that she cried out again as her elbow struck the freezing concrete. She crawled, clawing at the floor one-handed as she tried to regain her feet,
"It does try
hard, son, doesn't it?" And she felt sudden, blinding pain in her hand and
she screamed as she heard the bones snap....
"No!" She cried, sobbing now as she finally pulled herself upright and stumbled to the kitchen door. Barely able to see her way, Sam stumbled through the kitchen and ran into one of the chairs at the dining table, sending it spinning onto its side as she tumbled to her knees,
"Don't the
breasts appeal to you?"
Her breath coming in desperate, ragged sobs, she scrambled
to her feet again and ran blindly through the living room, knocking over an end
table and sending the cordless phone noiselessly to the carpet. She stumbled
down the hall and into the bedroom, finally collapsing by the side of the bed
as she tore open the top drawer in her bedside table and grabbed her Berretta.
Clutching the gun fearfully to her chest she scrambled backward along the floor
until she was hunched against the wall. Her knees drawn up to her chest, her
body quaking violently, she peered fearfully around the room. Oh, please! She begged, oh please, not this! Not this, please!
* * * *
She had squeezed Cassie goodbye at the airport so hard her daughter complained she was squeezing she stuffing out of her but Janet barely heard her,
"Please," she had begged her, "My brilliant daughter, please graduate early so you can come home for good, alright?"
"Alright," Cassie had laughed, "But I'll still be back for two weeks over Winter Break, okay?"
"No, I don't wanna' wait that long, Cassie."
"Okay," Cassie grabbed her for another hug, "the other Cassie and I will work on the whole teleportation thing, alright?"
Janet pulled back to peer at her tall daughter, "Really?"
Cassie shrugged, "I dunno, why not?" She grinned and kissed her mother goodbye.
Driving back, Janet rejected her earlier plan to stop at the store and pick up another pie, Vala having successfully absconded with the apple and pumpkin pies Thanksgiving night, and drove straight home.
When she pulled the van into the garage and noticed the open kitchen door she expected Sam to walk through it at any moment and was surprised when she didn't.
"Sam?"
It wasn't until she stepped into the kitchen and saw the overturned chair that her heart skipped a beat and fearfully she called to her again,
"Sam?"
Janet dropped her purse on the dining table and shrugged out of her coat as she rushed into the living room, dropping it on the floor behind her when she saw the end table lying on its side.
"Sam!"
She ran down the hall and flung herself around the doorjamb and into their bedroom.
"Sam!" She spotted the bowed, blond head in the corner and ran to her, "Sweetheart, what is it?" She dropped to her knees and froze when she saw the gun. Sam turned weary, red-rimmed eyes to her and shakily placed the gun in her hand,
"I'm okay," she whispered hoarsely, "I got scared, but I'm okay now."
Janet placed the gun behind her on the carpet and pulled Sam to her. She noted the clammy heat that poured from her as she stroked her tear-stained cheek, "What happened?" She could feel Sam shrug one-sided,
"I remembered something... I..." Sam could feel her throat close in fear and she turned her face into Janet's chest, "I remembered the Tian..."
"Oh my god." Janet breathed against her hair, her eyes closing, "You had a flashback about them?"
"I was in the garage and I touched something, one of my tools and it suddenly felt like I was there..."
Janet felt her heart sink, "A quantum event?"
Sam shook her head, "No... I don't think so; it was just bits and pieces. But I got scared and for a minute I thought they were in the house."
Janet briefly tightened her arms around Sam then rested her head against her shoulder so Sam could look up at her, "Sam, you know SG1 and 2 killed the Tian Gang and destroyed their ship?"
A whisper, "I know."
Janet drew a deep breath, "Oh Sam, I'm so sorry, sweetheart..." and pulled her close again, rocking her gently.
"It's okay," Sam murmured against her chest, "I'm okay now."
Janet stroked the damp bangs from her face, "Okay."
Sam struggled to sit up and suddenly hissed in pain. Janet noticed the tear in Sam's sleeve and helped her to lean against the wall again, "Easy...what happened?"
She looked briefly into her eyes as she gingerly palpated Sam's left arm and elbow.
"I fell in the garage, this is probably nothing compared to," Sam stopped to hiss in pain again, her eyes slamming shut,
"Sorry." Janet held the joint still.
"Compared to how I'll feel in the morning." She finished in a strained voice, "I hit the floor like an old woman."
Janet was silent as she quickly scanned her wife's clothing, "You fell on your left side?" Sam only nodded, "Does your hip hurt?"
"It's a little sore, it'll probably be stiff tomorrow."
Janet shook her head, "Well, I'd rather not wait till tomorrow, if you think you can walk let's go down to Academy so I can give you a quick..."
"No, Janet," Sam struggled to stand, "Of course I can walk, I'm okay, really."
"Fine." Janet stood and crossed her arms, "Then flex your elbow for me, please."
Sam looked down into calm but determined brown and surrendered, "Fine, but we're stopping to get pie on the way home."
Janet placed a hand on her cheek, "Anything you want, sweetheart."
"Banana Cream."
Janet smiled and picked up the gun and returned it to the nightstand, "Absolutely."
"And another pumpkin..."
Janet walked ahead of her down the hall, "Okay, but you don't have to gain the weight back all in one weekend, you know."
Sam followed her somewhat gingerly but she still smiled as she tried not to limp down the hallway, only now realizing that her elbow was really starting to throb, "Okay, but I..."
The air left Sam's
body from the force of the kick and she was unable to cry out. Too weak to
fight back, her body curled around itself without conscious effort on her part
and she steeled herself against the rain of blows to follow. Her muffled cries
of pain were drowned out as the enraged man shouted and cursed as he kicked her
again and again...
Janet's heart nearly stopped in her chest when Sam screamed and when she turned she saw her fall to the floor, her hands clutching her chest,
The man pointed the
gun at her and pulled the trigger. There was a bright flash as Sam felt herself
violently shoved back against the cold gray floor of the ship...
"No!" Sam cried as she writhed on the floor. Janet ran to her and pulled at the hands that balled Sam's shirt into tight fists, "NO! NO!" She curled into a fetal position, shaking violently, gasping for air.
"Jesus, Sam!" Janet placed her fingers against Sam's right carotid and felt Sam's heartbeat slamming against her fingertips, "Sam?" Her voice shook as she fought to roll Sam onto her back stopped short when she saw an angry, jagged red scar that ran though Sam's left eyebrow. "Oh my god, what..." As Janet reached to place her hand against Sam's cheek she noticed another red scar just beneath her left ear, "OH MY GOD," her mind screamed, terrified, "WHAT'S HAPPENING?"
She pulled desperately at the hands that clutched the shirt, "Please, baby, please tell me what..." and managed to pull Sam's hands a few inches from her chest.
"Sweetheart," she softened her voice, pleading, "please let me see..." Janet's voice faded as she tugged on the hands and froze; an angry red color peered out from under Sam's shirt. Janet quickly unbuttoned and pulled apart the sheer, flowered blouse Sam wore and pulled down the tank top to reveal a round, angry red scar on her chest.
"Oh, Jesus..." Janet breathed, Sam's eyes were screwed shut and she panted as her body continued to shake. Janet's hands shook as she pulled the blouse from her left shoulder and pulled down the side of the tank beneath Sam's arm. A smooth surgical scar lay next to Sam's breast; a scar that would have been left by the incision Janet made when she inserted the chest tube to keep her first Sam from drowning in her own blood on the gateroom floor.
Janet scrambled across the carpet and snatched the phone from the bedside table and dialed 911. After barking her request for paramedics into the phone she hung up and wrapped her arms around Sam, pulling her against her chest in an effort to ease the strain in her breathing. She held the tense, quaking form to her,
"Please Sam," she begged, "ease down, love.... Ease down sweetheart..." She tried not to rock her as she listened to the wheeze that now accompanied the breathless panting, "Please baby..." she whispered into soft, blond locks, "Please, stay with me, Sam." She pleaded in a trembling voice, "Stay with me now and breathe."
* * * *
Paramedics gave Sam oxygen on the way to the hospital and when Janet checked her vitals again in the ER she noted with relief that the wheeze was gone and her breathing and heart rate had slowed considerably. When she felt Sam was stable she took her for an MRI, needing to check her hip and elbow. But given the sudden appearance of the new scars on Sam's body, Janet ordered a full body scan, needing to assure herself Sam was all right internally and to get a catalogue of her current condition. While the technician helped Sam onto the platform Janet went into the hallway and called Diane from her cel phone. After apologizing for calling her on the holiday weekend, Janet gave her a quick summary,
"Some of the scars she has now look horrendous and a few of them are extremely sensitive to touch..."
"Okay," Diane said, "I'll be there in about thirty minutes."
"Well, okay, but," Janet blinked, "but she seems to be alright, and...calm now. I'm about to give her an MRI and I need to give her a..." Janet's voice wavered, "a rape exam...but,"
Diane was insistent, "No, I need to talk to you both. I'm on my way."
* * * *
"That scar's new..." She muttered. Janet looked at the screen over the shoulder of the MRI technician in awe; it was going to take her some time to accurately catalogue the list of new scars now on Sam's body, both internally and externally. She now had all the scars her first Sam would have had had she survived the Tian, plus scars from all the injuries from the motorcycle accident as well as the gunshot wound in this reality from the incident with Adrian Conrad, plus...
"How is that possible?" The technician asked, oblivious to the enormity of his question.
"It's possible." Janet murmured, then abruptly turned and left the observation room, anxious to return to Sam as she exited the giant machine, "Send the films to my office."
Janet helped Sam from the MRI platform and back into the wheelchair, "Well, your hip is only bruised, but you do have some very small hairline fractures in your elbow," She handed over the icepack the paramedics had given her, "so if you'll promise to keep icing it every fifteen minutes for the next hour and not use it to lift anything for the next few weeks then I'll promise not to put it in a cast or a sling, deal?"
Sam, sighed, nodding, "Anything to stay away from fiberglass..." Janet helped place her feet on the wheelchair supports, "Please, Janet, I can walk." Beseeching eyes looked down at her, "I'm alright, I swear."
Janet gave her a tremulous smile and rose to place a quick kiss on her forehead, "I know, sweetheart." She pulled back to look down into a concerned shade of blue, "But you know me, I have to make sure." Sam nodded and Janet brushed the back of her fingers against her cheek, "Just one last exam."
Sam reached to clasp the hand and drew the fingers to her lips, "I know." She murmured.
Janet took Sam down the hall to an exam room used for rape examinations. She hated taking her there but the room was structured for privacy; there was a lock on the door and the patient lay on a soft exam bed instead of a hard table. They entered the room alone and after Janet locked the door she pulled the privacy curtain around the bed while Sam climbed on the bed.
Janet draped her with a sheet from the waist down, "I just need to see if you have any scar tissue or internal damage from...from when..." Janet was suddenly unable to meet her eyes and Sam took her hand and gave it a squeeze,
"It's okay." She murmured reassuringly then pulled her close, whispering in her ear, "But could you please touch me a little? So it doesn't feel like an exam?"
Janet hesitated a moment, then nodded, "Okay, but I still have to use the speculum, sweetheart." Sam's eyes grew wide and she hurried to add, "I just have to be able to see. I'll be quick, okay?" Sam nodded, resigned, and Janet set about pulling out the stirrups and placing Sam's heels in the molded cups, taking care that the sheet afforded her as much privacy and discretion as possible.
Anxious to see if any scar tissue from the rapes her first Sam endured had appeared like the other new scars on Sam's body, Janet swallowed nervously and squeezed lubricant jelly on her gloved right hand and holding the speculum in her left, looked briefly into frightened blue eyes,
"Easy, sweetheart." She whispered softly as she tentatively stroked Sam's inner labia with her gloved and lubed fingers, "Just breathe and relax, love."
"I trust you." Sam breathed and lay back, closing her eyes.
Janet's eyes brimmed and she blinked furiously, "I know." She whispered, and circled Sam's clitoris with her thumb as she worked her fingers inside. The inside of Sam's thighs and labia bore a profusion of faint and shallow scars that ran lengthwise from her inner walls and down her labia and inner thighs and Janet stared at them with a growing sense of dread. Although, despite her horrific memory of Warner noting a torn perineum on her first Sam's body, Janet could only see evidence of some faint scarring and she closed her eyes briefly in relief. Probing deep inside, she didn't feel any masses or keloid scarring or any other anomalies.... She could hear Sam's breathing begin to accelerate and she slowed her fingers, then withdrew them, "Sam, did that feel okay?"
Sam nodded and opened smoky blue eyes, "Please," she asked, slightly breathless, "do you have to stop?"
Janet smiled and stroked her labia again, "Yes, love, I'm sorry, but I have to finish and this next part will be uncomfortable but I'll be as quick as I can, okay?"
The deep blue faded from Sam's eyes and she nodded wordlessly, closing her eyes as she lay back. It broke Janet's heart when she saw Sam ball the sheet in tightly clenched fists.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," she murmured again as she placed the end of the speculum against her opening, "I have to put this in now." She looked up to see Sam nod, her eyes squeezed tightly shut. Her concentration total, Janet slid the metal instrument inside and when she cranked it open she heard a small cry of pain escape Sam's tightly pursed lips, "I'm sorry..." hurrying with the penlight, she softly squeezed her inner thigh reassuringly as she looked deep within her wife's womb. She could see some scarring from healed-over tears and lacerations, but while she could see them she hadn't been able to feel them with her gloved fingers and they hadn't caused Sam any pain or discomfort when she had stroked them. The cervix looked undamaged and Janet found herself furiously blinking again in relief as she straightened and released the speculum, pulling it carefully from Sam's body. She discarded the chrome instrument quietly on the tray, "Just one more exam, love."
She murmured as she pressed the tip of her finger against Sam's anus. She looked up briefly and saw Sam nod, her eyes held tightly shut. Janet turned pained eyes back to the task at hand and slid her finger deep inside. She quickly probed for anomalies and felt only a few slight ridges of scar tissue. As a precaution she would have to schedule a follow up exam with a scope, but she was satisfied that could wait. She withdrew her finger and stripped off the exam gloves before turning back to quickly lift Sam's heels from the stirrups. Releasing a shaky breath, Sam immediately turned onto her side and curled into a fetal position on the bed.
"Sam?" Janet hurried to her and when she reached to stroke her face Sam clutched at her,
"Please," She whispered, "Please touch me again, Janet."
"I...Sam, can it wait till we get home?" Janet looked nervously at the privacy curtain that encircled them, not feeling any of the arousal she felt the first time Sam made this request in the hospital in spite of the locked door.
"Please," Sam turned pleading eyes to her, "I need to feel just you inside me right now. Right now, Janet, please." She whispered harshly, "I'll be quiet, I promise."
Seeing the pain in her eyes Janet quickly reached under the sheet and felt Sam raise her leg as she slipped her hand over her mound and between her thighs. She quickly pushed and stroked her fingers between the still lubricated folds, the digits sliding easily in the slippery depths until she could slip first one, then two fingers deep inside, making Sam sigh deeply.
"Shh, sweetheart," she bent to whisper in her ear; "Just breathe now."
Eyes closed, Sam bit her lip and gripped the bedrail as she undulated against Janet's hand.
"It's okay, Sam," Janet breathed as she increased the speed of her thrusting fingers, her thumb finally stroking the hardened nerve bundle, "It's alright to come..."
And Sam suddenly stiffened, a small sob escaping her and she turned her face into the mattress as she shuddered against Janet's hand.
"That's it," Janet murmured in her ear as she cradled her head with her free hand, "That's it, baby... I love you, Sam." She crooned, nuzzling her ear, "I love you so much."
Minutes passed as Janet stayed connected to her in this way, murmuring soft words as the tremors slowed and Sam's breathing returned to normal. But she still moaned softly in protest when Janet finally withdrew from inside her, "All done, sweetheart." She turned Sam gently on her back and placed a small kiss against her lips, "Let's go home."
* * * *
While a nurse helped Sam changed back into her clothes Janet left to talk briefly with Diane in a lounge area down the hall.
"So she has remembered the Tian incident, but it was not what you would call a classic quantum event?" Diane asked.
Janet shook her head, "I don't think she's remembered all of it, and if it wasn't for the sudden appearance of the scars I'd say this was more like what you would call a classic flashback like we'd see in PTSD cases. Something she touched in the garage triggered the memory and she thought the Tian were actually in the house...."
Janet's voice broke and she quickly looked away and cleared her throat, "I thought she had been spared this memory. Just this one, horrible memory...of all that she's had to endure in this life, why couldn't she have been spared reliving this one horrific..." She closed her eyes and shook her head again, "Why didn't I see this coming? I should have seen it coming, Diane..." She hissed, "I'm her wife, I should have! I should have known!"
"Janet," Diane clasped her arm, "so much has happened to Sam throughout her career...in both realities, from what I've read in her file she's been subjected to torture on numerous occasions..." Janet's eyes brimmed and she pressed her lips tightly together, her chin trembling and Diane gave her arm another squeeze, "there was simply no way for us to know what she was reacting to. Even she didn't know her subconscious mind was trying to integrate the Tian episode..."
But Janet only shook her head in self-disgust, swiping at the few tears that stubbornly managed to escape her eyes.
"Tell me," Diane asked quietly, "without going into detail; how has your sex-life been all through this period?"
Janet shrugged her shoulders and sniffed, "Sam and I have always been very active... in that, uh, area." Janet colored slightly even as her brow creased in thought, "But, to be honest, she has been a lot more...aggressive and frankly, profane in her lovemaking... Why?"
Diane looked down at the petite physician, "It makes sense, as an unconscious reaction to the rapes..." Diane shook her head and clasped a warm hand on Janet's shoulder, "We can't wait with this Janet, you both need to come in tomorrow so we can guide her through the memory..."
Janet pulled away from her, "What?" Her eyes fearful and pleading in spite of her outraged tone, "You can't be serious..."
"Janet," Diane stepped in close, taking the woman's hand in her own, "I don't know why she never integrated this memory through Quantum Integration...that would be a mystery for someone like Sam to figure out, I suppose." She placed a hand on Janet's shoulder and leaned in closer, her voice dropping to a low murmur, "But I do know that this god-awful memory will continue to haunt her...and she will keep having these flashbacks and nightmares and attendant nerve-pain until she remembers it all." Janet's eyes brimmed and she pursed her lips together even as she shook her head miserably from side to side, "She can never heal until she does, Janet, you know it and I know it." She wrapped her arm around the small shoulders, hugging her; "Together we'll guide her through the entire experience..."
Janet pulled away from her, a sound that was half sob and half gasp escaping her, "She can't, Diane," Janet pleaded, desperate, "She didn't just remember the beatings and the rapes; her body now has the scars from the gunshot wound, the drain I inserted in her chest," her voice broke as she first tapped her finger on her chest then vaguely waved it in the air. Tears began to stream from her eyes, "There are scars on her face, across her back..." Janet winced at the memory of seeing Sam's back when she helped her to undress for the MRI. The terrible scars left by the cruel beating by the Tian; one scar over the top of her right shoulder and down across her shoulder blade was so deep it was still painful. Janet shuddered visibly, No wonder she was flinching at flashes of movement and having so much pain..” "That didn't happen when she first remembered Adrian Conrad shooting her in the back in this reality, but that scar is there now too along with others my first Sam suffered." She gulped, struggling to steady her voice, batting away the tears one-handed, "Don't you see? If she remembers being shot in the chest and dying on the gateroom floor she might...she..."
"She might die." Diane finished what Janet could not.
Janet abruptly sat in a nearby chair and clamped her hands over her mouth but she was unable to stop the flood of emotion and muffled, choking noises erupted from her. Diane sat in the chair next to her and placed an arm around her again, her free hand stroking her arm, "She has to remember it, Janet," she spoke softly, "You and I both know it's the only way she'll ever get better." She pulled Janet to her until her head rested against her shoulder and she stroked her back as she wept,
"I can't lose her, Diane... I can't. She can't die in my arms again, please..."
"Shh," Diane whispered into her hair, "We're not going to lose her, Janet. I promise." She continued to rub her back soothingly, "We'll have a crash team on standby but we won't need them."
Janet suddenly pulled away from her and strode to the other side of the waiting area and angrily snatched a tissue from a box on the coffee table,
"How do you know?" She demanded.
"Because," Diane answered her calmly, "her first quantum memory was of dying in your arms on the gateroom floor and she didn't die then, did she?"
Janet's arms suddenly dropped limply to her sides and Diane worried for a long, awful moment that she was on the point of collapse. She finally closed her eyes in resignation and nodded, "Alright," she sniffed, "alright, but the crash team needs to be on stand-by in the office across the hall from yours."
* * * *
They were curled together on the couch in front of the TV, "Are you okay?" Janet asked as she ran her fingers through Sam's hair. When Sam finished dressing at the hospital she found her wife and psychiatrist down the hall and quickly crossed to Janet who stood in the lounge area looking miserable with red-rimmed eyes.
"Janet?" Sam had reached to take her hand, but Janet pulled her until she was close enough to wrap her arms tightly around her waist and buried her head briefly in her chest, deeply inhaling her scent before pulling her to sit in a chair.
Janet sat next to her and, unable to stop shaking, held Sam's hand while Diane explained why they needed to come back to her office the next morning.
Sam nodded solemnly, "We have no way of knowing, but it makes sense," she gently massaged Janet's hand as she spoke, "I probably would have integrated the memory like a quantum episode had I remembered it the first time I came back, but" she shrugged, "I guess it's possible; remembering that...that time after a second return through the mirror might be remembered in a different way."
Sam had looked deeply into Janet's eyes when she agreed integrating the Tian memory was the only was to move past it so they could get on with their lives.
Diane gave them a ride home and as they exited the car she said, "It might sound ridiculous, but you both need to get some sleep tonight. Sam, if you need to, let Janet give you something light to get you to sleep, alright?"
"Okay." Sam nodded as she helped Janet from the car.
Diane leaned across the passenger seat, "That goes for you too, Janet."
Without turning back Janet said flatly, "Absolutely not." Making Sam wince apologetically at Diane, but she only smiled,
"Be at my office at nine."
* * * *
The pair was quiet as Janet prepared a light dinner and Sam took her anti-nausea medication without prompting. They ate in near silence, Janet reaching to quietly take Sam's hand, intertwining Sam's fingers with her own while she ate mechanically; staring down at her plate, methodically spearing the food with the fork in her other hand. When they finished Janet changed into sweatpants and one of Sam's old t-shirts and Sam, trying to lighten the mood put on the blue pajamas, playfully telling Janet she could always have the top later, and was rewarded with the tiniest of smiles.
Janet stroked her cheek with the back of her fingers as they huddled on the couch then wrapped her arms around Sam's neck and pulling her close whispered, "You are the bravest person I know, Samantha Carter."
Sam tightened the arm around her and whispered back, "Of course I am, everything I am, I am because of you."
Janet pulled back to look into limpid blue eyes, "I don't know how else to make the flashbacks and the bad dreams stop, Sam."
"I know." Sam stopped her and pulled her close, stroking her hair soothingly, "It'll be okay, I'll be okay."
"Promise me." Janet suddenly pulled back and held Sam's face in both hands, her eyes desperate, "Promise me, Sam."
Sam looked deeply into frightened brown eyes, "I promise you. With everything that I am, Janet." She leaned to place a chaste kiss against still trembling lips and then whispered close to her ear, "I promise it will be alright..."
A small whimpering sound escaped Janet's throat and she pulled Sam to her again, the kiss more demanding this time, tongues at first tentative as they licked gently, their kisses quickly becoming more heated until they were deeply kissing each other, arousing each other with their tongues. Hands roamed with increasing passion beneath clothing, over rapidly heating skin and taut breasts as fingers pinched and pulled painfully hardened nipples...
"Bed." Was all Sam could manage as she suddenly rose; pulling Janet from the couch and dragging her by the hand she made a beeline for the bedroom. Janet could barely keep her feet beneath her as she scrambled off the couch, grabbing for the TV remote with her free hand. She turned toward the TV, powering it off with the remote and stumbling backward, she dropped it as she turned back to follow Sam down the hallway. Oh, well, she thought as she heard it tumble on the carpet behind her.
Once in the bedroom, Sam reached with her free hand to rip back the covers on the bed then spun to briefly press Janet against her, her kiss demanding, bruising Janet's lips. Sam reached a hand to the back of Janet's head; pressing her even closer as her other hand roughly gripped her backside. Breathless, Janet tried to pull back but Sam only moved the hand from her backside to her breast, squeezing painfully.
A small cry escaped Janet's lips and panting, she pleaded, "Sam..."
"I'm sorry." Sam moaned, her face twisting into one of pain, "Please," she begged, "Please let me take you..."
Janet lifted Sam's pajama top over her head, "Do it," she breathed, and as she pushed Sam's pajama bottoms down over her hips Sam pulled off the pajama top and roughly grabbed Janet's t-shirt, yanking it up and over her head. Grabbing Janet by her hips she turned and flipped her onto her back on the bed and, stepping out if the pajama bottoms pooled around her ankles, climbed on top of her. She clutched painfully at Janet's breasts, roughly gripping and massaging one breast while she feasted hungrily on the other. Janet pressed her lips together against the assault, her arms wrapped tightly around her wife, holding her close.
"Take me." She whispered harshly, understanding Sam's animalistic manhandling was a result of fear alone, "Take me, Sam; take me as hard as you can."
The desperate whimper coming from the back of Sam's throat grew in intensity and she began to sob as she devoured Janet's breasts, gulping as she sucked long and hard on the tortured flesh. Too impatient to finish undressing her, Sam straddled Janet's thigh and forced her hand down her sweatpants, inside her underwear and between her legs. Grunting with the effort, she roughly pushed one then two fingers between the folds and deep inside her wife, making Janet cry out, her back arching. Thrusting her fingers hard, Sam grunted with each thrust while she violently humped Janet's thigh.
Sam had reached her other hand under Janet's back and gripping her hair, curled herself around Janet's body as she took her. Sam pounded on her and Janet held on as fingers frantically rammed inside her and she could feel the heat of Sam's wetness when it finally penetrated her sweats.
"Sam," she whispered as the desperate, violent onslaught continued, "It's alright, baby," she crooned, only now aware that she was crying too, "let it go, sweetheart," she struggled to get the words out, "just come on me...it's okay, baby. I love you so much, just let it go..."
Sam continued to thrash on her, curling her fingers inside as her orgasm approached and finally her back arched and her body went rigid as she threw back her head, an anguished cry tearing from her as she finally climaxed. Janet held and caressed her face with both hands as she sobbed brokenly, "That's it...that's it, baby..." Janet continued to murmur as Sam's body shook uncontrollably. She slid a hand inside her sweats so she could hold the hand that painfully clutched her mound, the fingers still gripping inside her.
Sam finally collapsed on top of her and Janet turned slightly to one side, closing her legs to keep the invading hand exactly where it was. Sam continued to weep and Janet placed a trembling kiss against her tear-stained cheek,
"It's gonna' be alright." She managed, her voice shaking, "It's gonna' be alright." She repeated, stroking her cheek against Sam's, desperately hoping she was telling her the truth.
"I'm scared." Sam finally wailed quietly in a small voice, her chest heaving against her, "I'm scared..."
"I know, sweetheart." Janet whispered brokenly, tears squeezing from her tightly closed eyes, "So am I."
* * * *
Diane had taken care to have a warm office waiting for Sam and Janet and she hugged both when they arrived, noting Sam seemed stiff and sore from her fall and ordeal the day before. Diane had reminded both women to dress comfortably and she noted privately that all three of them wore jeans and comfortable-looking running shoes; the rolled up sleeves on Diane's white shirt oddly mirrored the rolled sleeves on Sam's soft blue chambray shirt, with Janet being the odd-girl out in a dark blue polo shirt. After reassuring both women that a crash team was quietly playing poker in the office across the hall, she seated them in the chairs in front of her desk and gently explained how they would begin,
"Sam, I simply want you to close your eyes and relax, as much as possible... Hands palm down on your lap, both feet flat on the floor," she waited a moment as Sam obeyed, uncrossing her legs and placing both hands palm down on her lap, "That's it." She said softly, "You're just going to begin with getting to the planet you were abducted from..."
A sob suddenly erupted from Janet and she clamped a hand over her mouth. Sam turned to her, a small, sad smile on her face and gently placed a hand over Janet's, pulling it from her mouth to press the back of her fingers against her lips.
"Hey," She soothed softly, tenderly wiping the sudden stream of tears from her wife's face, "It'll be okay..." She leaned to place a kiss on the small woman's temple, "Easy." She murmured against her hair and Janet furiously wiped at her eyes,
"I'm sorry." She hiccupped, "I'm sorry." She repeated as Diane leaned to place the box of tissues closer to her on the desk,
"It's alright." Diane assured her, "We're going to take this slow." Janet sniffed and nodded, quickly pulling two tissues from the box to blow her nose. Diane could see her quietly steel herself as she gripped the tissues in tightly balled fists she held rigidly in her lap.
"Okay," Diane continued, "Sam, place both feet on the floor, hands palm down on your lap..." She spoke quietly, guiding Sam through a simple relaxation technique of slow, deep breathing until both women seemed to relax, if only a fraction.
"Sam, I want you to let your mind drift back to the planet you and SG1 were investigating when you were abducted. I want you to see it in your mind, but I want you to remember that this is only a memory, these are only images from the past, and that you are safe, here in my office, on Earth, just you and Janet and me, alright?" She stole a quick glance at Janet; noting the petite woman seemed unable to look at either of them.
"Alright." Sam murmured quietly, picturing the dusty village in her mind, "We had just come through the gate, and we were talking with some of the locals...nice, simple people...pre-industrial... Daniel was talking to them when we were zatted... I think we were zatted..." Sam's brow furrowed in concentration as her mind began to recall that day in greater detail. She had been about to ask Daniel if he thought there likely was anything of great interest on this planet when she was suddenly enveloped in an electrifying blue haze, the painful spasm rendering her unconscious,
Cold was her first
sensation upon awakening. She blinked painfully as she slowly became aware of
her new surroundings. The floor beneath her seemed to be made of cold gray
steel and as she struggled to focus her eyes across the large room at the
equally cold-looking gray steel walls it was the soft hum and vibration she
felt beneath her that told her she was on board a ship. She bit off a groan as
she struggled to sit up, not realizing until she reached for her sidearm that
she had been stripped of all her gear and had been left in her bare feet and
her black fatigue pants and tank top. Even her belt and dog tags were missing.
A little dazedly, she
looked down at the thin, steel manacles around her wrists. What were probably
magnets bulged heavily from the sides of both wrist-restraints and Sam guessed
they were probably activated remotely. As she struggled to stand a door slid
open and two men walked in; both wore ornate, floor-length robes and the older
looking of the two pointed a small device at her, activating it. The manacle on
Sam's left wrist immediately slammed to the steel floor, the powerful magnet
keeping her rooted to the spot, nearly breaking her wrist, making her cry out
in pain and surprise.
"You see, my
son?" He chuckled, "Already it makes beautiful noises to get hard by.
The crew would pay handsomely to have a go at this one."
The younger man seemed
unconvinced and he crossed his arms, a scowl on his face, "I don't want
it, father." He whined, "I told you I wanted the beautiful young man
with the..." he outlined Daniel's glasses in front of his face with his
fingers.
"You cannot be so
exclusive!" His father turned toward him angrily, "You must have a
taste for them all, you cannot always just take men..."
Sam struggled onto her
knees, "Let me go..."
The older man
backhanded her with a closed fist; the ornate ring on his finger slicing open
her eyebrow. She could feel her eye begin to swell shut as blood gushed from
the laceration, her vision turning red before her eye swelled completely shut.
"Listen,"
she gasped, "my friends..." but before she could finish the man gave
her a vicious kick to the ribs, effectively stopping her from saying anything
further.
"Take your
pleasure with this one first, my son. Then, if the visitors are still on the
planet by the time we have finished you may take the beautiful young man as
well, but you cannot rush matters by putting this one out the airlock,
understand?"
The young man sulked,
his hands on his hips, "Yes, father." He grumbled.
The father smiled
broadly, "That's my son." He crooned, slapping him heartily on the
back, "and now..." he said to Sam and deactivated the magnet on her
wrist with the remote, "get up."
Sam tried,
unsuccessfully, to blink the blood from her swollen eye as she slowly raised herself
from the floor. This time the young man stepped forward and slapped her hard
across the face, then quickly backhanded her as well, his own ornate ring
splitting Sam's lips and she fell to her knees once again.
"Very nice."
Said the father as he stepped in back of Sam, quickly pulling her hands
together in back of her and activated the remote. The manacles on Sam's wrists
slammed together, welded to one another via electromagnetism. Sam gasped,
breathless, and she tried to speak again but the older man grabbed her by her
hair and jerking her head back, snarled in her ear,
"It does not
speak. It only pleasures us with its' screams..." And throwing her
facedown on the floor, stomped off to retrieve a Goa'uld pain stick from a rack
of weapons on the wall where Sam's weapons also hung. With her one good eye,
she saw him return and stepping in back of her, she could feel the sharp point
of the device as he pressed it into her shoulder just before activating it.
Sam's body arched and
writhed on the floor as she screamed,
"He...he p-p-p-pressed it first into the back of my shoulder, then he pressed it...he pressed it into my..." Sam paused in her narration, gripping her hands protectively over her mound and pelvic region, but she couldn't continue and opened her eyes, gasping noises escaping her as she panted, breathless.
Janet stroked shaking fingers through Sam's hair, "Shh..." She whispered, her voice breaking, "Easy, sweetheart, just breathe."
Sam nodded and closed her eyes, trying to steady her breath,
"And then what happened?" Diane asked.
"The manacles...th-the manacles," She began again, her voice hoarse,
The manacles had been
deactivated again, but Sam was too weak to move her arms and she lay impotently
on the floor while the two men chatted about what to have for supper. They left
briefly to get their meals and returned a short time later, sitting at a table
a few feet from her, the father jovially discussing the pleasures to be taken
from Sam while they ate.
Horrified by their
conversation, Sam struggled to get off the floor, but the repeated use of the
pain stick had robbed her of her strength and she could only weakly crawl
towards the rack of weapons that hung on the wall, making both men laugh,
"It does try
hard, son, doesn't it?" The older man rose from the table and sauntered
over to where Sam struggled to pull herself along the floor and promptly
stomped on her hand with his boot, breaking bones in her hand and fingers,
making her scream.
Shaking uncontrollably now, Sam let go of Janet's hand she clutched so tightly to look down at her own,
"Easy, Sam," Diane whispered, "You're just remembering."
Janet reached to touch Sam's face lightly, but when Sam turned to her, her eyes were unfocused and distant,
"And then what happened?" Diane asked.
"Mmm." He smiled, wiping his mouth with the back of his
hand, "Let's get it ready..." And together the two men grabbed her
arms and dragged her, gasping, to her feet and pressed her against the bars of
a tall cage. While the son held her arms overhead the father activated the
remote, locking Sam's wrist manacles against the steel bars. She blearily
looked around, dread filling her as her tank top and bra were suddenly shoved
up past her shoulders, under her chin. The older man laughed as he stepped
around and into the cage so he could face her.
"Nice..." he
fairly drooled, staring at her breasts as they hung through the bars,
"very nice." He repeated and stepped forward, pinching her nipples
hard between his thumbs and forefingers.
Sam's head flew back
in pain and it took all of her strength to yell at him, "FUCK YOU, YOU
ASSHOLE!"
Mottled rage suffused
the older man's face and he stomped from the cage and ripped a long braided
whip from the wall. He shoved his son out of the way and roared as he swung the
whip against her back.
Sam cried out as the
whip left a trail of fire across her back and she gasped, slamming herself
against the bars and away from the whip, feeling the thin tickle of blood as it
seeped from the welt where the skin had split open. But the man's fury had far
from cooled and he struck her again and again, making Sam cry out with each
blow. His rage had overcome whatever expertise he had for wielding such a
weapon and his blows struck Sam everywhere, across the length and breadth of
her back and shoulders; the tip snaking around to her breast and abdomen on her
right side. The beating seemed endless and she eventually lost consciousness;
her memory of the whipping ending when the father landed the whip hard over her
right shoulder, leaving a particularly deep gash that burned and bled
profusely.
When Sam finally woke
her wrist restraints had been released from the bars and her eye opened to take
in the dried splatter of her own blood on the floor where she lay. She moaned
and it was the voice of the younger man she heard as he stood above her,
"It's awake,
Father."
Sam's throat was so
dry she could only make a rasping sound as she begged,
"Please…water."
"Better give it some, or we won't have it to play with for very long."
"And what's wrong
with that." The young man muttered as he roughly yanked Sam's bra and tank
top down over her breasts and torn and bloodied back, making Sam moan in pain
and his father laugh.
"What's the
matter," he chided, "Don't the breasts appeal to you? They are quite
a nice handful, my son."
But the young man only
snorted in contempt as he viciously kicked Sam's hip to turn her over, a dull
moan escaping her. He grabbed her by the hair and yanked her head back, pouring
water into her open mouth and she gagged as he tried to pour the water down her
throat.
"Hey!" the
father laughed, "Slow down, or you'll drown it!" But the son ignored
him and continued to pour. Sam choked and gagged until the father finally stalked
over and angrily knocked the flask from his son's hand, "Stop! You will
find pleasure in this one! And so will I!" He shouted. "Help
me." He commanded and together the two lifted Sam from the floor by her
arms and dragged her to the table, draping her torso across the top, her legs
hanging limply towards the floor. The son pulled her hands to a metal plate
embedded at the far side of the table and the father activated the magnetized
manacles, locking them to the surface. Sam licked her chapped lips and
realized, with growing dread, what the whipping had prepared her for. The son
reached under her and first unbuttoned then unzipped her black fatigue pants
and yanked the pants and underwear down to her ankles.
"N-N-NO!" She
struggled against the manacles, held fast to the table, "No-uh!" She
cried out as the son slammed his fist against her shredded back, knocking the
wind out of her. He struck her three more times just beneath her ribs,
effectively stopping her struggles and making her retch and dry-heave.
"Easy, son,"
she distantly heard the older man croon, "Now, always remember to wear a
sheath when you're inside one of these… you never know what kind of disease it
may carry."
Gasping for air, Sam bolted from the chair she was sitting in and stumbled across Diane's office, seemingly headed for the door, but she groped blindly; tortured, whimpering noises escaping her. She ended up collapsing against the far wall and sank to the floor, her body huddled in a tight ball and both hands covering her face as she wept.
Janet had followed, calling to her, but Sam couldn't hear her as she sank to her knees beside her. Janet reached to stroke her face and hair, making her flinch,
"Easy, sweetheart, it's just me." Janet tried to soothe her but Sam only looked around her fearfully, her eyes glassy and unfocused and Janet's heart sank; Sam had completely retreated into the memory of the Tian.
Diane sat on the floor behind Janet and murmured, "And then what happened, Sam?"
Her body shook uncontrollably and Janet and Diane could barely hear her when she finally whispered,
"They...they..." Sam covered her face, an agonized cry breaking from her.
Janet reached to soothe her again but Sam flinched away from her touch, "Please, sweetheart..." she begged.
Diane placed warm, gently restraining hands on the small woman's shoulders,
"And then what happened, Sam?"
Sam pulled the hands from her face into fists and pressed them briefly against her mouth in an attempt to slow the desperate, ragged breathing. Tears spilled from her eyes as she struggled to catch her breath and a choked sob broke from her,
"They..."
They raped her
repeatedly; first she heard the father pull on a condom with a snap and
brutally pulling Sam's buttocks apart, plunged into her, making Sam cry out.
She sobbed brokenly as he cruelly thrust inside her, laughing as she cried. It
seemed an eternity before he finally ejaculated with a shout in his sheath and
pulled from her. Roaring his satisfaction he clapped his son on the shoulder,
"You next!"
Sam tried not to cry
out when the son forced his way inside her, but neither man had used lubricant
of any kind and the pain made her sob and cry out in agony with each thrust. He
rammed himself inside her repeatedly, endlessly, until she heard the son beg,
"Please
Father..."
The sound of disgust
from the older man was explosive, "you disappoint me, my son... very
well."
Sam drew a ragged cry
of relief as the son finally withdrew from her, only to scream when he suddenly
plunged himself in her rear channel. His thrusting was maniacal and he laughed
cruelly, gripping her hip with one hand and her hair with the other and he
shouted in triumph when he finally ejaculated in his sheath, inside her.
The father raped her
twice more, the son once more after that and when he finally released the
manacles and her now broken wrists from the metal plate in the table with the
remote, she slid bonelessly to the floor.
"I don't know how long I lay there, it may have been more than a day. After..." Sam's voice dropped to a whisper, her face a mask of pain, "after raping me the father would give me water...so I wouldn't die too fast."
Janet held one of Sam's hands to her lips and sobbed silently, but Sam couldn't feel her and she couldn't see the room, her unfocused eyes peering dimly into remembered darkness.
Diane gently stroked Janet's back as she murmured quietly,
"And then what happened?"
Janet closed her red-rimmed eyes in silent anguish and slumped against Diane's hands as she clutched Sam's limp hand against her cheek.
"I lay in darkness..."
She lay very still,
staring blankly at the dark, her mind effectively shut down until the son
returned, activating the harsh lighting, making her eye slam shut against the
glare.
"Get up." He
demanded, kicking her in the back.
Sam hardly moved and a
sound of utter disgust erupted from the young man as he walked around and
stomped on Sam's other hand, breaking two more fingers, finally making her cry
out.
"I said get
up!" He shouted and grabbing her by her hair, pulled her into a kneeling
position long enough to backhand her. But his aim was low and the blow would
have missed her entirely if not for the remote device he held in his hand, the
pointed end of it slicing Sam across the neck, just under her earlobe, severing
it at the base. Blood bathed her neck as he dragged her across the floor to the
bars of the cage, and wrapping an arm around her waist, lifted her into a
standing position against the bars. Placing first her right wrist against the
bars and activating the magnetic lock, he then raised her left hand and
activated that one as well, suspending her once again, her arms spread wide.
Sam moaned weakly as she struggled to stand and take the weight off her wrists.
"I am ending
this." He muttered mostly to himself as he stepped to the wall of weapons
and implements of torture. Sam's head lolled as she heard an odd, ratcheting
noise that almost sounded like the hiss of a Goa'uld.
"No..." She
whispered, her voice faint.
The son snorted in
contempt, "Do you even know what this is?" He snarled behind her,
close to her ear, "It's very shiny, at the moment..." And he thrust
what looked like a foot-long, multi-segmented chrome centipede close to her
face. He held the metallic device this way and that, tilting it so she could
see and hear the many-segmented parts as they moved, like a hissing snake,
undulating back and forth. The dozens of legs that flowed from either side of
the device looked like sharp hooks and Sam looked at them in horror, fear
closing her throat.
"Wait until you
feel this." He whispered silkily and rubbed the writhing metal thing
against her bare backside, "Just wait until you feel this inside
you," he whispered hotly in her ear. He placed the device against her
opening and it began to crawl up inside her, the tiny hook-like legs piercing
her flesh, cutting her and a deep sob broke from her as her head dropped back
and she screamed raggedly, her body arching and writhing in agony.
The centipede-like
device had crawled part way into her vagina, ripping and tearing her inner
thighs and already raw, inner walls and Sam could feel hot blood running down
her legs in a gush when the father suddenly burst into the room,
"NO!" He
shouted and grabbed the device, ripping it from Sam's body, making her scream
again and slump against the bars,
"No!" He
scolded his son, "You don't use this until you're done fucking it, once
that's in it doesn't come out, it tortures from the inside; it pleasures, it
burns, it finally rips and tears until it convulses and bleeds to death. It's
the ultimate in pleasuring yourself as you watch" He handed it back to his
son, "and then you must remember to remove it before you discard the
carcass out the airlock... it's the only one we have."
Janet still knelt at her wife's side, holding her hand to her chest as she sobbed, her body shaking violently and Diane sat behind her, her arms wrapped firmly around her. Sam sat limply against the wall; her face and neck were tear-streaked, but now she spoke in a flat monotone and Diane asked quietly,
"And then what happened?"
"An alarm went off..."
And the father reached
to snatch the remote device from his son, releasing Sam's wrists from the restraints
and she fell heavily to the floor as they ran from the room.
Slowly, deliberately,
Sam bit her swollen and blood-caked lip in an effort not to groan or cry out as
she strained to pull her pants and underwear back up over her bloodied legs and
backside and around her waist, although she lacked the strength to fasten the
button or zip the zipper. She lay there, her breath coming in painful gasps as
willed herself to get up and go home to Janet when she heard the sound of
distant gunfire, faint to her ears. Suddenly, the father burst back into the
room in a rage, and after stopping to scream obscenities and kick Sam
repeatedly, he rushed to the wall of weapons and yanked her sidearm from the
holster.
"YOU!" He
screamed at her, "It's all because of you!" He roared and when she
turned her head minutely, she found herself staring down the barrel of her own
gun.
"There was a bright flash," she whispered breathlessly and suddenly slammed back against the wall, making both women start. She had yanked her hand away from Janet's, both hands now clutching the unseen wound on her chest, "I couldn't breathe..." Sam slumped to the floor, curled in a fetal position, her hands clutching her chest, "I couldn't breathe..." she gasped painfully.
Janet crawled, scrambling, to get to her wife, "Oh no," she begged, "Oh please, Sam," she begged as she crawled to her and gathered her in her arms, "Oh please, sweetheart," she whispered as she rocked the gasping woman, "please don't leave me."
But Sam couldn't hear her as she gasped and choked and Diane felt panic rise within her as she watched Sam's face turn an awful red-purple color, "and then I..." Sam struggled to breathe as she rasped, "and then I..."
Janet lifted her eyes to Diane's, tears streaming down her face, "Get them." She begged, desperate, "Diane, please..."
Diane inched forward and shakily smoothed damp bangs from Sam's brow,
"And then what happened, Sam?" She asked quietly.
Sam suddenly slumped in Janet's arms and released a long, slow breath. Janet froze, a look of utter horror crossing her features as she stared down at Sam's limp body. The horrible moment finally passed and she pulled Sam close against her and began to rock, her shoulders quaking as she wept silently.
Diane's throat had gone dry and she hoarsely whispered again, "And then what happened, Sam?"
Sam's limp form lay still in Janet's arms.
"And then what happened, Sam?"
"Oh, Jesus, Diane, please," Janet moaned, "she's not breathing..."
Mustering all her willpower, Diane softly cupped the petite woman's face in her hands and looking steadily into desperate, red-rimmed eyes, asked,
"And then what happened, Sam?"
A long moment passed in silence between them until Janet's eyes finally closed in anguish. Diane silently stroked her face, fingers smoothing over cheeks and eyelids as hot tears spilled from her eyes and over Diane's gentle hands.
"And then I woke up."
The words were whispered so quietly Janet felt more than heard them against her shoulder,
"There was light... It hurt my eyes and I could feel fingers stroking my hair...my face." Sam turned her head slightly to look up into her wife's eyes, "You were there." She whispered wonderingly, and reached a trembling hand to touch Janet's tear-stained face, "It was the most beautiful face I'd ever seen... It had been so long... I had missed you so much...and yet, it seemed as though I had only been away for a moment..."
Janet was absolutely still, holding her breath as she looked down at her.
"I thought, I must be dreaming...or maybe I died and I was in heaven." Janet finally sniffed, trembling. Grunting softly with the effort, Sam struggled to wrap her arms around her wife and tucked herself under Janet's chin, "Turned out I was right." She murmured against her neck.
A sound that was half-sob and half amused snort erupted from Janet and she pulled Sam tight against her. Diane sat with them for a long time; her arms wrapped around both women as she silently rubbed Janet's back and shoulders while the petite woman rocked her wife in her arms and wept.
* * * *
Diane moved the couple to the couch and after checking both women's vitals, left them to rest while she went across the hall to dismiss the crash team, then called Daniel and Vala. Without going into explicit detail, she summarized the events of the previous forty-eight hours leading up to the outcome of the morning's session, explaining that the emotionally drained and bone-weary couple needed comfort and care at home until Diane could see them again the following morning. While they waited for them to arrive and ferry Sam and Janet home Diane encouraged both women to drink some hot tea. When she saw how hard the small woman's hands were shaking Diane sat on the coffee table and helped steady the mug.
"I'm fine." Janet insisted.
"Just let me help, okay?" Diane muttered, making Sam grin exhaustedly,
"She's a horrible patient."
"Doctors usually are." Diane smiled back at her, "I've asked your friends, Daniel and Vala to come ferry you and your car home. I've also asked them to spend the night with you..." Diane hurried as she sensed Janet's rising objections, "and I will brook no argument from you, Janet. I am not circumventing your role as Sam's primary caretaker, but right now I am physician to you both and neither one of you is in any shape to drive let alone make dinner tonight..." Sam reached to clasp Janet's hand in her own and Diane took the other, "You're not, Janet, not today... I am sending you home to rest, then tomorrow morning I need you both to come back..." Panic flashed in their eyes and Diane reached to clasp Sam's hand as well, "Your therapy isn't over, Sam. But I promise you," she spoke intently as she squeezed both women's hands firmly, "It will get easier after today, alright? Your sleep and appetite will improve and you will begin to heal, Sam." She turned to look deeply into red-rimmed, brown eyes, "You both will."
* * * *
After getting their permission to explain Sam's integration of the Tian memory in greater detail to Daniel and Vala, when the couple arrived Diane took them to the office across the hall. Sam sat slumped on the couch and Janet sat her now empty tea mug on the coffee table,
"Will you stay in therapy with me?" Sam asked bluntly, her voice soft.
Janet had slipped off her shoes and sat with her legs tucked under her, "Yes, sweetheart, of course I will." She pulled Sam against her, tucking her head under her chin, wrapping her arm around her and holding Sam's hand against her heart,
"Good," Sam sighed and closed her eyes, "Cuz' I think I'm gonna' be coming here for a while."
Janet squeezed her eyes shut tight even as she pulled Sam tighter against her, "I know."
"I wish it hadn't taken me so long to finally get to this place."
Janet sniffed, "Considering everything you've been through, I'm just... I'm just..." her voice wavered and her eyes brimmed once again and Sam pulled her down for a deep, lingering kiss. Both were slightly breathless when they finally parted,
"I can take it. I can take all of it, Janet. I can face anything as long as I have you."
Tears spilled from her eyes and Janet pulled her close, "I know sweetheart, I know."
* * * *
Diane was gone for nearly half an hour, both Daniel and Vala were so upset she had to comfort and calm the couple, explaining that their friends were on the road to recovery, but what they both needed, for that night, was not to be left alone. Both had readily agreed and collected themselves only to burst into tears again the moment they entered Diane's office. Diane watched quietly as the one couple tearfully hugged and kissed the other. She wasn't entirely certain she had made the right decision calling them until she saw Vala firmly wipe the tears from her eyes and take command of the group, her husband included. After asking Diane for specific instructions for both women's care and Diane's business card and cell phone number she herded the group to their cars, assuring Diane that she would deliver both patients to her the following morning.
* * * *
Once home Daniel and Vala led both women to the couch, removing their jackets and shoes. Vala tucked a comforter around them both while Daniel prepared soup and crackers and more hot tea.
Vala sat on the coffee table and clasped both women's hands in her own,
"How awful for you, Sam." She murmured, and then turned to Janet, "How awful for you both."
Sam nodded, her eyes closing, "I'm glad it's over."
"Your Doctor Rayne did say it should be easier tomorrow." Vala added hopefully.
"It will be." Janet gave her a tired smile, her eyelids drooping.
"Well," Vala slapped her knees as she rose, "we had better get the two of you fed before you fall asleep out here." and trotted off to help Daniel serve lunch.
"You okay?" Janet murmured, her eyelids heavy as she peered exhaustedly at her wife's closed eyes.
"Um hmm." Sam murmured back, but Janet had already drifted off.
* * * *
Vala and Daniel gently woke the couple, insisting they both eat before tucking into bed for the afternoon. Vala assured them she and Daniel would only let them sleep a few hours before waking them for dinner, then sent the pair off to bed. Sam wearily shut their bedroom door and mirroring Janet as she undressed, shed her clothes as she shuffled to the bed, leaving her jeans, shirt, socks, bra and underwear in trailing heaps on the floor behind her.
They climbed under the covers and Janet wrapped her arms around her wife, tiredly entwining her legs with Sam's. As weary as she was, she couldn't shake the image of Sam struggling to raise her battered body from the floor of the Tian ship.
"You okay?"
Janet nodded, pressing herself close, "I can't stop picturing you on the floor of that ship." She shuddered slightly, "I guess that's why we need to keep seeing Diane for a while."
Sam hugged Janet tight against her and mumbled against her hair, "I just wanted to come home to you." She inhaled the scent of her shampoo, "I just wanted to come home to you." She repeated.
"You did, sweetheart."
"I'm so grateful, Janet... I'm so lucky."
Janet felt her eyes brim, "Lucky." She snorted and pulled back to gaze in her eyes, "Why, Colonel honey," she drawled and sniffed, "Afta' all you have been through..."
"I am lucky, Janet," Sam insisted, "I'd gladly endure anything to be with you."
Janet sniffed again and placed a trembling kiss against Sam's mouth, "I know. I love you, Sam."
Sam smiled and yawned, "Mmm, I love you too." She blinked sleepily, "Can we still go to PeredaVoy?"
"Yes," Janet entwined her fingers in blond locks, "I think we're really ready now... I also want to see what procedures they have for scar reduction and if they can help resolve the nerve pain in your shoulder."
"Really?" Sam asked, curious, "Maybe they can get rid of the scar on my face." She reached to finger the scar through her eyebrow, "I hate this one; it makes me look like Jack O'Neill."
Janet pulled the fingers to her lips and smiled, "Whatever you want, sweetheart." She said, massaging the fingers, "Sam?" She asked hesitantly.
"Hmm?" Sam's eyes had drifted closed.
"Are you okay with me touching you, being so close?"
Sam's eyes opened, the deep blue reassuring her even before she spoke, "Of course, why?"
Janet paused to take a deep breath, "I guess part of me is afraid you'll feel the hands of the Tian on you now..."
Sam closed her eyes and smiled, placing Janet's right hand against her breast and the left against her cheek, "My first sense memory has always been of your touch, Janet. Always." Sam pressed her palm briefly against her lips before she continued, "There has never, ever, in my whole life been anything more familiar than your touch...the feel of your hands on me." She slid her hands down and around Janet, stroking her back, "Of my hands touching you." She tucked Janet under her chin, murmuring, "Nothing has ever healed me, or comforted me more."
* * * * * *
She smiled as she snuggled under the covers. It was going to take some time but it would be worth the wait...and when she finally made the jump her dream would finally come true. Ironic, after all her study and listening, it would still come down to recognizing and seizing the first opportunity she had to kill Sam and take her mother through the gate to a new life together. She really didn't care about the particulars of how she would kill this other Sam, whatever she could get her hands on she'd be happy with.
Cassie hummed softly, when she stabbed the Sam of this reality the sensation had been overwhelming, she felt so good, so alive. Her head swam dizzily and she felt tingling sensations all over and...and throbbing...
Cassie nearly giggled with the memory, it was like sense memory; how the knife felt in her hand, the feel and sound as the blade impacted and sunk into Sam's body. The sounds of pain as Sam screamed in agony, the gurgling sounds she made when Cassie finally stabbed her in the throat. The sensuous feel of hot blood as it flowed over her hands from the wounds on Sam's body.
Cassie squeezed her legs together under the covers, her
smile beatific as she remembered the beautiful, oddly exciting sounds of Sam
screaming and screaming...
To be continued…
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