Inside
By: hariboo_smirks
CATEGORY: Angst, General
WARNINGS: None
AUTHOR’S WEBSITE:
http://hariboo-smirks.livejournal.com/
Inside
She had been in there for days.
Captured on P3X-696 but Kali’s remaining forces. The ambush had caught them all but surprise, but no bigger than the fact they had just wanted her.
She had been taken from them. From him. Mitchell, Sam and Teal’c had to practically drag him back to the gate. When they had gotten back to the mountain and explained the situation Landry had of course sanctioned the rescue mission. Vala was important to all of them. To him. But it had taken too long to get back to the planet.
She had been in there for days.
She had been beaten, tortured and killed only to be put in a sarcophagus and have the process begin all over again. Daniel had fuzzy flashes of Jack in Baal’s fortress. But unlike Baal, who preferred to be more psychological with his torture, Kali liked her captives to bleed.
The whole time she had been in there Daniel kept on telling himself that she’d be okay, he had lost her and gotten back not once, but twice before. And then he’d remember Jack and how desperate he had gotten, how he had begged for Daniel to help him, and it was then Daniel prayed, hoped, wished that they wouldn’t be too late.
There had been no reason for her capture, no reason at all except Kali’s desire for revenge on Quetesh for some reason they still didn’t know. And Vala had been the one to bear to the brunt of Kali’s vengeance.
She had been in there for days. She had died for days and when they had found her: unconscious, weak, bloodied and broken with barely a pulse Daniel had felt a rage like never before. Kali had been lucky that he had gone with Teal’c to find Vala instead of going with Sam and Mitchell.
She had been unconscious, and when Teal’c had gone to pick her up she had struggled like a wild animal; even in her unconscious state she could not bear to be touched. It made Daniel wonder just what Kali had subjected her to.
So he had gone over to her. Gently he moved his hand over her cheek and brushed her bloodied hair out of her face; Vala had calmed almost immediately. He had picked her up and with Teal’c covering them they had left Kali’s palace.
She had been gone for days.
When they had gotten back to the mountain she was taken to the infirmary, but to everybody’s distress she had not regained consciousness.
For three days she had been laid up in that hospital bed that Daniel hoped he would never see her in again. Carolyn had said that they had fixed all that was physically wrong with her: three broken ribs, two bruised ones, dislocated shoulder, several cuts and bruises that ranged from needing stitches to bandages, and a couple of burns. Yeah, Kali was really lucky that neither Daniel nor Teal’c had gotten to her. He was even pretty sure that now Sam and Mitchell wished she hadn’t gotten away.
But Vala still remained unconscious and Carolyn insisted that she’d wake up on her own.
She had been back for days but it was all different now.
After she had woken up (thank god!) it became obvious that she was still not okay. She sparkled less, flirted less, hung back more, and stood closer to the team almost as if she wanted them to hide her from the world. She also touched less. Before she would always find ways to touch him, from the smallest brush of their fingers and hands to cupping his cheek and taking his arm. Now- nothing, no “accidental” brushing of her hands with his arm-- just nothing.
He missed it- her small touches, and he hated that he missed it-- missed her, his Vala.
She had been gone for days, been back for days, and now she stood at his door. She was stand in her purple pig pajamas, that Sam had bought her, her giant pillow and blanket. She looked so small and so broken.
She had been gone for
days.
So now that she came to his room in the middle of the night with tears flooding her slivery eyes; eyes full of fear of being alone and falling victim to the demons that haunted her dreams Daniel felt his heart clench.
She had come to him looking for solace and Daniel let her in.
Vala
She remembers too much and too little about those days.
Blood.
Pain.
Fear.
Laughter that is not hers.
Red.
Laughter that is hers.
Anger.
Blood.
Blood.
Endless pain.
And she remembers him. His eyes.
His voice.
We’re coming.
We’ll find you.
Vala.
She’s not waking up.
We’re coming.
I’m here.
I love you.
I got her.
I got you.
She remembers too much about those days.
Red.
Blood.
Pain.
Laughter; sometimes it’s hers, sometimes it’s not.
When it is hers it sounds gurgled, like she’s laughing underwater, expect the water is red. Blood.
She always thought it’d be Adria and the Ori who would eventually kill her, not Kali who always hated Quetesh for fickle reasons like beauty, power and stolen lovers.
She remembers too little about those days.
We’re coming.
We’ll find you.
His eyes.
Vala.
I’m here.
After she tries to be who she used to be. She can’t.
She wants to fade away.
She wants to sleep forever, but her dreams are all nightmares.
She wants to laugh, but when she does she never hears her own.
She wants to flirt and touch him again, but all she sees are red and blood.
We’re coming.
I’m here.
She can’t anymore.
She wants to, but she just can’t.
When she finds herself at his doorstep she doesn’t even remember how she got there.
All she remembers is:
I got you.
Lines in the Dark
She was currently curled up on the other side of his bed.
For someone who normally filled every inch of space she occupied she looked surprisingly small at the moment. But then again, she hadn’t been ‘normal’ in some time. Ever since they got her back.
She was clutching her pillow, wrapped in her blanket, with her back to him. She didn’t even try to touch him; they weren’t even sharing the same covers. Even so, he knew she wasn’t asleep, just like she knew he wasn’t either. They were both pretending, both too afraid to stop.
He wanted to reach out and touch her, but couldn’t…part of him still held back. Reaching across the dozen or so inches that separated them, meant crossing a line he had told himself (albeit unrealistically) that he would never cross.
Back when he saw her as a flirt and thief it would have been easier to maintain the space (although, honestly, he probably would have never let her in the first place). But now it was different, he knew her; he understood her better. He now saw past the space vixen and saw the woman she hid. The incredibly fragile, caring, strong and beautiful woman she hid, because for a long time in her life most of those things had been weaknesses.
Turning his head carefully, as not to startled her or give away his wakefulness, he let his eyes wander over her as she tired to make herself as small as possible. He let out a careful sigh. She was still healing from her ordeal with Kali, but he also knew it was much more than that.
Kali had just been the straw that broke the camel’s back so to say. Athena, Tomin, Adria, the Ori, the fake memory (which he knew still bothered her), everything that had been building up broke in those days. It was too much for even the most seasoned warriors to handle, but she had. She was so much stronger than anybody (himself included) gave her credit for.
And now that she had come to him looking for solace he couldn’t bring himself to do or say anything.
God, he was a coward. He stared at the ceiling.
He was disgusted with himself. He wanted to help her, he just couldn’t. It meant crossing a line. And there would be no going back after it was crossed. He hated to admit it scared him.
Then he felt it. Shaking. The bed was shaking…no…not the bed- she was. Turning to look at her he saw the small racks of her body made under the blanket. She was trying not to let him know. And he understood: she too, was hiding from what this moment could bring.
He made his choice.
He reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. He had been expecting her to tense or flinch but she managed to surprise him (like she always did) and instantly relaxed. Without another thought he brought her body flush to his. His chest spooned against her back as he tried to offer his comfort and support. Her shaking subsided, but only a little, and now he could hear her quite sobs. She was letting herself break in front of him. Instinctively he pressed a gentle kiss on her shoulder.
She let out a wet sob as she moved in his arms to bury her face into the crook of his neck while her arms wrapped around him and her legs tangled with his.
She clung to him like a child, like a friend, like a lover.
He let her, embracing her just as fiercely.
She was alive, warm, broken and in his arms. But he wasn’t whole either.
She fit with him and him with her, two broken pieces of glass to be melded together and become stronger.
He then realized that he had crossed the line long ago; he just needed to recognize it.
** The End **
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