More by Lionchilde

By: Lionchilde

CATEGORY: Hurt/Comfort

SEASON/SPOILERS: Season 10 “Counterstrike”

WARNINGS: None

AUTHOR’S NOTES: From an idea by teddibear, written for scifi_five with impossibly fluffly dialogue by litergylitany.

AUTHOR’S WEBSITE:

http://so-out-of-ideas.livejournal.com

Daniel lowered himself tiredly onto the edge of the bed, holding the old framed photo with gentle hands. His eyes slid closed, burning with both exhaustion and the inevitable hint of tears. As his throat began to tighten, though, he quickly opened them and forced a smile. He tilted his head, slipped his right hand down to trace the contour of her cheek, and tried not to think about the fact that there were times when Sha're's face was a blur to him.

It had been ten years since she was taken as host to Ammaunet--almost seven since she died. His rational mind knew that it was perfectly natural for his memories to lose their clarity, but that didn't stop the tightening in his chest as he found himself having to look at the picture to recall exactly what she looked like. She was his wife. He'd come back to Earth, joined SG-1 for no other reason than to save her. How could her face fade when he still felt her arms, heard her laugh, tasted her lips?

Abydos was gone. Aside from the picture, which would in time fade as well, he had nothing left of her to touch. He needed his memories. He depended on them. Sha're had been the key that unlocked those memories when he returned from his brief time as an Ascended being. The dream he'd had of her had given him his first real hope of remembering who he was. If he couldn't hold the image of her face, what else would he lose?

Sighing, he carefully set the picture on the nightstand, laid his glasses beside it, and pulled his legs into the bed. The sheets were stiff and scratchy, and he suddenly wished that he'd driven home after all. Everyone had been exhausted, though, by the time they returned from Dakara. Sam and Mitchell had both decided to crash on base tonight as well.

It was for the best anyway, Daniel told himself as he pulled the covers up and turned onto his side. If they were all here, they could get an early start in the morning--and, he added firmly, his decision to stay overnight had nothing to do with his proximity to Vala. Pushing her from his mind, he propped his head on his elbow, studied the photograph for a few minutes longer, then finally turned out the light.

"Goodnight, Sha're," he murmured as he settled back on the pillows.

Despite his weariness, he laid awake for some time, and was still only half asleep when he felt he felt the covers move back. His eyes popped open in confusion, and he lifted his head partially off the pillow, but Vala quickly slid in behind him, cutting off the chill of the night air against his back. Her arms had slid around his chest before he could offer a coherent objection.

"What are you--what are you doing?" he whispered as her chin came to rest on his shoulder.

"I thought you could use a hug, darling," she replied close to his ear, and he fought a shiver at the feel of her breath on his neck.

His head flopped back down in disbelief. "You thought I could use a hug," he repeated.

"Mmm-hmm," Vala's chin moved against his shoulder as she nodded. "I know it must've been difficult for you to tell me about Sha're today. Despite what you may think, Daniel, I'm not completely insensitive…"

"I don't--think that," Daniel replied, then frowned as he tried to pinpoint exactly what he did think now. Vala had changed profoundly during the time she spent in the Ori Galaxy. In fact, if he'd been paying attention, he probably would have seen her changing even before the Beachhead. Oh, she was still ambitious and conniving--probably always would be--but she certainly had learned to care about more than lining her pockets or finding some fabled fortune in stolen treasure. He knew he'd seen genuine empathy from her about Sha're as well--but Daniel wanted more.

"You don't?" she asked hesitantly.

"No," he replied, resisting the urge to pull her arms tighter around him.

"Oh," Vala said flippantly, already attempting to mask the show of vulnerability. He winced, wishing he'd made some gesture after all.

"Relief," she'd snapped at him today. "That's what I feel. Relief…"

Even the admission had been painful for her; he'd seen it. He'd understood it, too, which he supposed was what had prompted him to answer her questions about Sha're later on. For him, there had always been a measure of comfort in knowing that someone--even partially--understood how he felt, but if she still couldn't share her emotions with him now that the initial crisis had passed…

Then what? he asked himself suddenly. If she won't share her feelings with me, what?

"Vala," he sighed aloud.

"Hmm?" she asked, and he could almost see her forehead pucker in a frown.

The answer was simple. He wanted more.

He turned, trying hard not to notice the warmth of her thighs as their legs tangled. "Thank you," he said, his arms tightening around her. She held him closer in response, and he let his eyes close, allowing himself to finally enjoy her warmth, the softness of her skin, her scent around him.

"Tell me about Sha're," she said quietly.

Daniel's eyes reluctantly opened. "What?" he asked, frowning in confusion.

"Well, how did you meet her?" Vala asked.

He sighed again. There was almost no one he talked about Sha're with--and as much as he might want more from Vala, she hadn't given him any indication that she was ready to trust him with her real feelings--about Adria or anything else. Her admission of relief aboard the Odyssey had been a defensive instinct--an attempt to scare him off, not a show of trust. Finally, though, he decided that she probably wouldn't trust him if he didn't open up first.

"Never mind, darling," she said, starting to pull away. "I'll go."

"No," Daniel said quickly, tugging her back against his chest before he'd even realized he'd done it. Somehow, his hand found its way to the back of her head, and he stroked her hair awkwardly. "I--uh--I'm sorry. It--it's just that I don't--there aren't many people--um. Okay. Well, when the Stargate was first discovered on Earth, Jack O'Neill and I were part of the first expedition to a planet called Abydos…"

"That's where you met Sha're?" she interrupted.

"Yes," Daniel nodded. "The Abydonian people were enslaved to Ra, and we…eventually… sort of helped them stage a rebellion…"

"And she married you out of gratitude?" Vala asked.

"Not exactly," Daniel replied.

"What do you mean 'not exactly'?" she wanted to know.

"Vala, I'm trying to tell you," he sighed in exasperation.

"Oh, right," she nodded, settling her head on his chest. "Sorry, go on."

He shook his head, feeling a fond smile tug at his lips, and began again. It was surprisingly easy once he found his way past his initial shyness. Vala did interrupt occasionally, but her questions quickly came to be less distracting. He soon found himself able to anticipate which details would interest her and which would illicit a bored yawn. Before long, questions from her only came during the lulls in his story, and always managed to draw him back out again when he hesitated or lost himself in some memory.

She seemed perfectly at ease, her cheek resting softly against his heart. One arm was draped lightly over him, the fingers of that hand moving idly along his shoulder. The rhythm of her breathing was deep and even, and he slowly realized that she was enjoying the closeness of his body in a way that had nothing to do with sex or even romance. Gratified, Daniel cast about for more to say when he finished with burial of the Abydonian 'Gate, but Vala supplied it for him.

"That's a wonderful story, darling, but you haven't told me one thing," she said.

"What's that?" he asked.

"You had a life here, although from what you've said it does sound rather dull," she pointed out. "So what was it about this woman that made you want to stay--give up everything and spend the rest of your life on another world?"

A wistful smile touched Daniel's lips, but as he drew a breath to reply, he began to feel uncomfortable again. He became suddenly and acutely conscious of what he was doing--lying in bed late at night, whispering with another woman--with Vala--about Sha're. He realized his hand was moving slowly up and down her back, that it had been for some time…and he didn't want to stop.

"She--made me realize a lot of things," he said evasively. "About life--about myself."

"Like…?" Vala asked.

He closed his eyes against the tears that sprang up and felt her hand slide down his arm, her slim fingers lacing through his. Slightly surprised, he gave them a grateful squeeze and said slowly, "She made me realize how little I knew about really living. That it wasn't just books and languages. Sha're's life was about people. She taught to appreciate people and who they were…but more than that, she helped me learn who I was.

"Abydos was the first place I really remember feeling like I fit," he went on. "But I guess it wasn't Abydos, really; it was Sha're and her family, and eventually all their people. They accepted me in a way I don't think I ever really had been."

"Hmm," Vala said noncommittally, her body tensing against him.

"Are you okay?" Daniel frowned. She relaxed again, but he could tell it was forced. His stomach knotted with regret as he realized that he might have inadvertently brought the unexpected intimacy to an end.

"Fine," she lied. "Tell me more about Sha're."

"No, really…"

"Daniel, please tell me more about Sha're," she interrupted.

He sighed and nodded. "What do you want to know?"

"What was it like after Jack left?" she prompted.

"Well, there was…truthfully a lot of hard work," he related. "Days were long; desert nights could get really cold. We actually spent the majority of them doing this."

Her grin at the statement warmed him, and he fell quite easily back into the role of storyteller. Somewhere along the way, the mood shifted, though he wasn't really sure how he had gotten from the idyllic year he'd spent on Abydos to Jack's return. He'd certainly had no intention of telling Vala anything about Ammaunet or Apophis--or about returning to Abydos to find his wife pregnant with a Harsessis
child.

She listened patiently, offering gentle questions when he needed them and comfortable silence when he didn't. When his voice grew ragged, she quietly shifted onto her back and drew him with her, cradling his head on her chest. Daniel's arms wound tightly back around her as he told of watching Sha're leave--the pain of having had her back and yet knowing all along that he would lose her once the child was born.

Vala stayed quiet for a long time. When she did speak again, her voice was rough and husky with emotion. "She never got to hold him, did she? The baby?"

"No," Daniel cleared his throat and tried to keep his own voice from shaking. "As soon as the delivery was over, Ammaunet took control."

She nodded, falling silent again. Slowly, his breath began to come more evenly, and he raised his head to look at her. He thought he saw her lashes flutter, and expected her to stiffen or turn away, but she made no attempt to hide the tears.

"You…didn't get to hold Adria, either, did you?" he asked gently.

"I know it's ridiculous," Vala sniffled as she shook her head. "She never really was 'my baby', after all."

"Of course it's not ridiculous," Daniel murmured, cupping her face in his hands. "No matter what she is, Adria is still your child, the--the same way Shifu was still Sha're's."

"Shifu?" Vala asked.

"The Harsessis boy," explained Daniel. "It's…a long story, but he was…more…than what the Goa'uld wanted to make him, Vala."

Vala smiled a little--tremulously, but he could see that it was genuine--and slid back against him. "I…guess you weren't the only one who needed a hug tonight," she admitted.

"It's okay," Daniel assured her, smiling as her head came to rest on his shoulder.

Neither spoke for a while, and Daniel finally began to drift off to sleep.

"Do you really think I might reach her?" Vala asked, jolting awake suddenly.

"Yes, I do," he told her thickly.

She seemed to accept that, slipping into silence again, and he closed his eyes.

"Daniel?" she asked again, fearfully.

"Mmm?" he mumbled.

"You're not just--saying that?" she persisted.

He dragged himself awake and turned to press his lips against her temple. "I'll never lie to you, Vala. I promise."

"Thank you," she whispered, closing her eyes.

** The End **

Feedback to: lionchilde@msn.com

Stories by Title

Stories by Author

Stories by Rating and Category

DV Archive

Home