Precious by sorrel

Precious

By: sorrel_rowan

CATEGORY: Humor

WARNINGS: None

AUTHOR’S NOTES: For the elucidation of Kath Pup, who doesn't really like Friends except Ross so wasn't familiar with the reference, and for hariboo_smirks, for a few days ago and in the hope that you like Friends.

AUTHOR’S WEBSITE:

http://www.fanfiction.net/~sorrelrowan

"Daniel!"

'Daniel!' dropped his glasses and blinked, muttering multi-lingual and intergalactic curses as his elbow slipped off of the table.

He shook his head violently and took a sip of his coffee. Then he glared at its cold existence and at Vala, grinning insufferably and standing 'at ease' on the other side of the desk.

"Can I help you?"

"Is that any way to talk, Daniel," Vala almost purred, "To the person holding a refill of warm coffee for the sleepy, grumpy person?" She grinned again and brought the coffee out from behind her back.

He held out a hand, eyes on the coffee.

Vala grinned a little wider and sat the coffee obediently on his hand.

Drinking it and joining the land of the waking, Daniel looked at her suspiciously.

Vala simply stood there, grinning.

Daniel looked at the book in front of him - that I didn't fall asleep on - and then at Vala. He then closed the book and sat down the pen.

"Go on then."

"Whatever can you mean, Daniel?"

Eyes wide. Hands behind her back in a gesture of I'm-not-here-to-fidget-or-thieve. Standing, silently, in one place for over a minute. Speaking only when spoken to. Grinning like he'd handed over his American Express and said he didn't mind how much she spent. Staring at him like he'd been given a lobotomy. Actually, the last two would be pretty similar, Daniel thought.

"The coffee. The... the... the being-nice."

"I've been watching Friends box sets."

Oh, she's going somewhere with this, the little voice of sense in Daniel's head whispered as a sinking feeling threaded into his gut.

"And I just," she walked around the desk, "wanted to inform you," she leaned on the desk next to him, "that you're my lobster."

Daniel turned his head to her very slowly, raised an eyebrow and spoke quietly. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know, and that's the best part."

She patted him on the head. Then kissed his cheek. And when she'd grinned one more time, bounced out of the room. She left Daniel still sitting, staring at the space where she'd been and unconsciously lifting a hand to his cheek where she'd kissed him.

And try as he might, he couldn't find anything manipulative, seductive or deceptive in what she'd just done.

There was only one thing to be done.

* * * *

"Hey, Sam, you got a minute?"

The blonde physicist looked up with a smile and waved him to a seat.

"Did you give Vala those Friends DVDs?"

Sam looked faintly puzzled and shook her head, briefly turning from the computer. "I don't like it that much. I can't get over the fact that there's no way they'd ever get an apartment that size on their salaries."

"So... not you?"

"Not me," Sam answered, "You might try Carolyn, though."

Daniel nodded and left.

* * * *

"Carolyn, you busy?"

"Very," the brisk doctor replied, looking up with a smile, "But it's paperwork for the IOA so I'll take any distraction at this point."

"Thanks," Daniel retorted ironically, "Just wanted to ask if you gave Vala any DVDs of yours."

Carolyn paused. "No, not since the last movie night we had with Sam."

"Not even Friends DVDs?" Daniel asked.

"Nah," she responded, "Never really watched it. I was a med student when it was on TV, so I was a little busy for sitcoms."

"Thanks." Daniel began to leave when she called him back.

"Dad did mention he'd bought some for me as a Christmas present, back when we didn't talk so much, though," she continued thoughtfully. "He offered me them when I came here but I turned them down. He might have given them to Vala instead."

* * * *

"Dr. Jackson, what can I do for you?"

Daniel ran a hand through his hair. "You didn't give Vala Friends DVDs, did you, sir?"

"Not me, doctor," came the reply. "Carolyn's mother claimed them the last time she was in town. Jack did send a parcel to Teal'c not that long ago, though."

* * * *

Daniel raised a hand to knock at the door when it opened.

"Daniel Jackson. How can I be of assistance?"

"Did you...." Daniel trailed off and sighed, before taking a breath and rolling out the question again. The sarcastic little voice in his mind asked why he hadn't lifted his dictaphone on the way out of his office.

Teal'c didn't answer. Daniel shook his head, "Not you?" He inclined his head. "Not you," Daniel affirmed, patting his arm with a thanks and a sigh.

"Daniel Jackson."

"Yes?"

"I do however believe that Colonel Mitchell is in possession of such items, as he believed I should be aware that things can 'smell like feet' and gave that television show as the source of this information. Do you know to what he was referring?"

"I have no idea," Daniel replied, perplexed, "And I don't think that's even possible. I mean, they're two completely different senses. How can something taste like something else smells?"

"I was also unaware of this," Teal'c intoned.

"What was Mitchell talking about?"

"The meatloaf in the commissary, which I agreed was not appetising. I did not, however, compare it to feet."

"But the meatloaf tastes like chicken," Daniel protested.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "Daniel Jackson, you believe many things taste like chicken."

* * * *

He found Mitchell in the gym.

Closing the door and standing in front of the colonel with a somewhat forced smile, Daniel waited until Mitchell noticed him.

"So," Daniel began brightly, "I hear you've been giving Vala Friends DVDs."

Mitchell looked around between Daniel and the empty room. "Nice to see you, too, Jackson. And yeah, I did. I like it. It's funny. And it lets her see some cultural references that might help her seem vaguely normal off base, like the whole Monica thing."

"Monica thing?" Daniel repeated.

Mitchell blinked.

"You know, the obsessively tidy thing. And the competitive thing," he explained, gesturing, "Don't worry, Jackson, you'll never have to worry about 'doing a Monica.'" He paused. "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

Daniel looked at him and shook his head, dislodging his glasses. "Well, no, I was on digs or on tenure and I was way too busy to watch some sit-"

"Oh no way," Mitchell laughed, "You've never seen Friends?"

Daniel glared and pushed his glasses back up his nose.

Mitchell stood and grabbed a towel, hitting Daniel's upper arm on the way past. "You've got to watch it. It's got some cultural references in it that might help you fit in out there, and seem vaguely normal."

"Like 'lobsters'?" Daniel asked sharply, stopping.

Mitchell just grinned and shook his head. "What'd she say?"

Daniel was distinctly bemused. "Apparently I'm her 'lobster.' She was even nice about it, which makes me even more suspicious."

"Oh, that's precious," Mitchell replied, laughing. "And you have no idea why, do you?"

Daniel took a deep breath and waited for his friend - remember he's your friend - to stop laughing.

He sighed, "Show me the episode, then."

* * * *

"Hang in there, it's gonna happen."

"So the blonde ditzy one. She sings, right?"

"Oh, not the word I'd use," Mitchell cautioned and tossed him the bag of chips.

"But then why-"

He shushed him with a grin. "This is the part that you wanted to see."

"C'mon, you guys.... It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws like ..."

Daniel ignored Mitchell imitating the claw-action because he'd just noticed someone standing by the door. Arms crossed, smiling softly, leaning on the door frame, he hadn't even heard her come in. Mitchell didn't notice, or pretended not to, when he stood up and walked over to her.

"You meant that?"

She smiled and made mock-claws with her hands.

He kissed her.

Mitchell looked at them, then at the television, having seen the episode and the endless repeats more times than he'd admit to anyone in the military who wasn't Sam. Sometimes life imitates art, sometimes... He grinned and looked back at them, then away again. About time.

He didn't say that, though. He threw popcorn. "Do the claws again!"

The door shut behind them.

"See, he's her lobster!"

** The End **

Feedback to: sorrel_rowan@yahoo.co.uk

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