Quiet

By: AngelQueen

CATEGORY: Angst

SEASON/SPOILERS: Seasons 9 and 10 (especially stuff up for S10)

WARNINGS: None

AUTHOR’S NOTES: is a Spoilerh0r

AUTHOR’S WEBSITE:

http://angelqueen04.livejournal.com/

He had wondered many times over the past year what it would be like when – if – she came back. Though he would have rather shot himself than admit it, he had grown used to her presence on the base, had grown able to sense her when she sashayed towards him, a teasing smirk indicating she wanted to play. When she was suddenly torn from them – from him – by that black hole, he’d felt more than the trademark dizziness that marked the physical distance between them. He felt completely and utterly alone, even when his friends rallied around him.

Sam, he knew, was rather bewildered by their reactions to losing Vala. Returning to the SGC, she found things were not completely as she left them. Sure, Jack was still gone and General Landry was firmly entrenched in the office many of them still often thought of as General Hammond’s. But when she came back, she found a new and different SG-1. Mitchell may have been the head of the team, but it was Vala that seemed to hold them together. Granted, she annoyed the hell out of them almost constantly – especially him – but she also gave them reason to laugh. For all that she was talking constantly about the monetary worth of everything from her scarf to the naquadah generators, she was always eager to learn anything and everything. She especially took to basketball. Enough that the moment she understood the rules, she insisted on a game and demanded that she play with Teal’c against him and Mitchell. It was just…different.

But once Vala was gone, that sense of combined fun and insanity that ran through the base vanished. He buried himself in his work, trying to pretend like it didn’t bother him as much as it did. He knew Teal’c and Mitchell missed her too – Teal’c’s grief was almost palatable, once the reality of it set in. She may have been alive in the Ori home galaxy, but in practical terms, she was as good as dead to them.

They were able to move on, to re-forge their bonds with Sam and bring her back into the folds of the team. And it was when the four of them were out on the missions that the other woman’s absence was the least felt. This was not the same team as when Vala had been there. It was alarmingly easy to separate the two in his mind.

But even with all the chaos they had endured over the year, she was never really far from his conscious thoughts. He even dreamed about her. Sometimes he saw her burning again, crying out for him to help her. Sometimes he saw her sitting in a cage like the one on P8X-412, staring at him sullenly with a dead look in her eyes. It was dreams like those that had him waking up in a cold sweat.

And other times, he only saw her standing a small distance away, wearing a simple white outfit, her hair in those silly pigtails she’d put in during the Beachhead mission. She’d simply smile at him, saying absolutely nothing, and then turn to look at something off in the distance. She never moved, but then, neither did he. He just stared at her.

But now she had come back. And it was nothing like it was before. Instead of her flouncing around the base as though it was her own personal palace and they were all there to worship her, she most often sat quietly in her quarters, content to leave the SFs guarding her door alone. She came out only to attend her daily check-ups with Doctor Lam, or if the General had someone who wanted to question her further about the Ori and the massive army they were using to invade the galaxy.

He knew it was foolish to think she would be completely unchanged from her year so far from home. She had been married for God’s sake, married to a man who had, from what he’d seen, obviously adored her and didn’t know what to think of her truly standing up to the Ori and trying to get her daughter, their Oracle, to stop and truly think about what she was actually doing.

He visited her whenever he could; trying to coax her out of the shell she had built around herself. Sometimes he’d see that familiar mischievous look flicker into her eyes, or that sardonic, mocking smirk he remembered so well, but all too soon it fell away, unable to stand in the face of the grief that had been brought upon her by her being torn from her daughter’s side, where she thought she could develop her daughter’s human conscience.

Teal’c and Mitchell sat with her as well, trying to get her to come out and watch them play basketball in the gym or even just go to the commissary for ice cream or Jello. The result was usually the same with them coming to his office looking depressed, looking almost like two puppies that had been tossed out into the backyard for chewing on the good rug.

Of course, she wasn’t always quiet. There was the one time she erupted at all three of them, yelling at them for not telling her about Darth Vader, throwing them out of her quarters and refusing to let anyone other than her female guard or Doctor Lam inside. That had probably been the longest three days they’d spent in a long time. Apparently, she’d asked someone about Darth Vader and how the SGC’s interactions with the other immaculate conception had turned out. That had prompted a rather awkward explanation about Darth Vader and Star Wars, which had prompted her little outburst.

At one point their inability to comprehend the changes in the woman they’d known had sent them to Doctor Lam, asking if there was anything to medically explain her current behavior. The result hadn’t been pleasant and had left Daniel wondering if perhaps some part of Janet still remained in the infirmary and was channeling herself through the no-longer new CMO. He certainly wouldn’t put it past her and they left the infirmary with no more answers than when they came in.

And now the General was holding some sort of hearing to discuss Vala’s position within the SGC, if she was to have one at all. Daniel, Mitchell, and Teal’c were adamant that she stay, and Sam was certainly supportive, even if she didn’t completely share their zeal. They all maintained that Vala had the most up-to-date information on the Ori, not to mention Adria and what abilities they could expect from the child. That alone made her an invaluable asset.

Vala came out of her room and sat through the hearings. She didn’t say a word, not even reacting to some of her own past actions which, once upon a time, would have earned everyone an earful about survival methods and her mocking of their manhood. Instead, she sat stone-faced, barely even twitching when she shortly answered the questions posed to her.

It frustrated him to no end, which would have been funny under any circumstances but these. She just sat there, seemingly willing to let General Landry and the rest of the Air Force to decide her fate for her. She didn’t seem to care at all whether she stayed at the SGC or was tossed through the Stargate tomorrow with nothing but the clothes on her back. She refused to fight for herself, no matter how much he sat in her quarters and tried to cajole, plead, or even shout at her.

After one particularly bad moment in her quarters, he’d stormed out after saying that if she was so eager to leave, then he wouldn’t stop her. But now as he sat in his lab, looking morosely at all the books and tablets before him, he realized that was a lie. If she were to leave, he’d do anything he could to prevent her. He didn’t think he had the strength to let her be swept out of his life again. He’d beg her if there was no other choice.

He didn’t understand how she had managed to become so important to him, but she had nonetheless. He had promised when they had been forced to watch Adria and Tomin depart from Chulak that he would help her find them. Just as Jack had promised to help him find Sha’re, he had in turn made the same vow to her. And he would do all he could to keep it. But he didn’t want her to leave.

Ever.

** The End **

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