Stories of a Giraffe from the Cutting Room Floor
By: natalia5345
CATEGORY: Angst, Episode Related
SEASON/SPOILERS: Season 10
WARNINGS: None
AUTHOR’S WEBSITE:
http://natalia5345.livejournal.com/ and http://www.fanfiction.net/~natalia5345
TAG 1: Security Blanket
After Morpheus
Three quarters of SG-1, along with Vala,
had assembled at the elevator, ready to head out for their team dinner. It
hadn’t taken much prompting on Vala’s part to convince
them to take a night off, especially with Cameron’s help. He was always bucking
for team nights whenever he could convince the others to join in. However, they
were still waiting to head out because one team member remained unaccounted
for.
Cameron’s stomach gurgled loudly. “Where in the heck did
His exclamation halted Vala’s wandering train of
thought and she looked over at the rest of the group leaning casually against
the wall. Well, to be precise, Samantha and Cameron were leaning against the
wall. Teal’c was standing straight and tall, hands clasped behind his back,
stoic expression – as well as black toque – firmly in place. He granted
Cameron’s outburst a raised eyebrow but nothing more.
Vala turned to the others. “If you like, you could go
now and I’ll find Daniel,” she offered helpfully.
“He’s most likely caught up with something in his office,” Samantha looked at
her with a smile, “and he’s probably lost track of the time completely.”
“Well then, I’ll go get his attention, shall I? You all go ahead and we’ll meet
you at the restaurant,” Vala replied.
“Sounds good to me,” Cameron said, his stomach rumbling again. He was already
on his way to the elevator. “
Vala arrived at Daniel’s office and paused, leaning
against the doorframe, observing him. The desk lamp shed the only light in the
room and it cast soft shadows over him as he worked steadily, flipping through
the pages of several books and making notes in one of dozens of notebooks
strewn about the room as he attempted to translate the scroll that lay before
him. She had missed this while she was gone. Simply watching
him work. She had of course spent much of her time bothering him while
he attempted to work during her last stint on the base, but there were times
when she had just sat off to the side and watched him as well, no interrupting,
no sexual advances. He probably hadn’t even realised she was there. She was intrigued by the intensity
with which he engaged in his work – he threw himself into it, his focus
powerful. His passion for learning, for solving the newest mystery, for
protecting the planet and his friends, was an overwhelming force. When he
focused on his work everything else seemed to fall away. The similarities in
the strength and form of her own feelings towards Daniel struck her then, as
she observed him with the same focus and unique, undivided concentration with
which he studied the scrolls in front of him. He was important to her, he
consumed her attention, her thoughts always came back him; he was her Daniel. She longed to be the centre
of his attention the way the dusty books scattered over his desk seemed to be.
She started when she noticed that he was no longer staring at his desk but at
her. “Hello, darling” she said simply, trying to both distract him from the
emotions that had surely been flickering across her face moments before, and to
hold his attention so that she could get him out of this office and off the
base. He continued to look at her, his gaze travelling
over her body as he noticed her clothes, which she had borrowed from Sam until
they could go shopping for some outfits of her own. She wore a pair of jeans,
rolled up at the bottom so that she could walk without tripping, and a plain
navy sweater that was slightly too large for her slim frame. It was hardly her
style, and in her opinion less than attractive, but Daniel seemed to like it.
At least that’s what she thought she saw in his eyes as he paused to look her
over. She had missed those eyes – displaying emotion so readable sometimes, but
so mysterious at others, a challenge to be overcome, a puzzle to be deciphered.
“The others got tired of waiting for you and left without us. I told them I
would come find you while they went on ahead. That’s all right, isn’t it?
Cameron said you knew where we would be eating, was that correct?” she asked,
uncertainty creeping into her tone.
“I do know. But I had wanted to go home and change, maybe take a shower. What
time is it anyway…” He looked at the clock and trailed
off, cringing as he realised how late it had gotten.
From what Sam had said, or more specifically the way in which she had said it, Vala was certain this wasn’t the first time he had gotten
so wrapped up in his work that he had missed an engagement, and he seemed
honestly guilty about having done it again, so she decided not to tease him, at
least not this time. “It’s no bother darling, we can
go to your place first. I hardly mind waiting for you.”
Daniel glanced up quickly, looking like he had some sort of sharp retort on the
tip of his tongue, but he seemed to immediately recognise
the sincerity she held in her features and his own face softened. He nodded his
agreement as he gathered his things from around the room. They walked in
comfortable silence to the elevator and promptly left the base.
Arriving at Daniel’s apartment Vala waited quietly in
the hallway as Daniel unlocked the door and then followed him inside, curious to see where he lived when he wasn’t on the
base, to see his home. She began to walk around, touching the artefacts and pictures that were scattered around the main
living area.
“Just don’t break…or take anything,” Daniel blurted out. The look on his face
when she turned towards him gave her the impression that the comment was more
of a knee jerk reaction at the sight of her moving about the room with such
interest than an honest worry that she might actually cause trouble.
“I wouldn’t dream of it, darling,” she reassured, looking at him
straight-faced. “Hurry and take your shower, and try to find something
attractive to wear tonight – do you have any leather pants?” she added with a
wink and a wide grin. He said nothing but simply shook his head slightly with a
sigh, turning and heading for the shower, leaving her looking through his
framed photographs of SG-1.
Vala heard the water begin running as she moved from
the living area through the kitchen. Nothing interesting here, the cupboards
and refrigeration unit were actually quite empty, but considering how much time
he spent on base, this was hardly surprising. Her gaze landed on the bedroom
door, slightly ajar. She was curious and despite her better judgement
she couldn’t help herself, so she moved back across the apartment and pushed
the door open farther to enter Daniel’s room, closing it behind her. Looking
around she saw more relics scattered around the room, hanging on the walls, and
sitting on the large bookshelf. The bookshelf was, of course, stuffed full of
large, dusty-looking volumes. She smiled, thinking to herself that it wouldn’t
be Daniel’s room without an inordinate amount of boring reading material. She
eyed the large bed in the middle the room, it looked comfortable but she wasn’t
about to jump in and test it, he hadn’t seemed to enjoy finding her in his bed
the last time she’d tried that. She did see another door next to the bed and
approached it, opening it slowly. It was just a closet, nothing thrilling, not
that she had really expected anything else. She glanced uninterested at the few
clothes that hung there. As her gazed shifted downwards a box on the floor
caught her eye. More specifically, what was sticking out of the box caught her
eye. Odd tuffs of gold fur poked out from under some old shirts. Vala dug the object out and held it in front of her for a
closer look. It was some sort of animal, soft and furry, with a long neck and
spotted fur. She turned it over and over in her hands, attempting to discern
its purpose and precisely why it had been buried in the bottom of Daniel’s
closet.
Vala was so intrigued by the little creature that she
didn’t notice the water had stopped running, and she looked up only when she
heard the creak of the bedroom door opening behind her.
Daniel came in – dressed in jeans and a turtleneck sweater – still drying his
hair with a towel. Vala froze, caught red-handed
going through his things. She hung onto the soft animal tighter, not saying a
word, and waited for his reaction. It wasn’t what she expected. Daniel looked
at her with a slight smile, similar to the one that had graced his features
when he had congratulated her in the gateroom
earlier.
“Where did you find that, Vala?” he asked, his tone perfectly calm.
“I was just…” she motioned towards the open closet. She couldn’t think of a
proper explanation for rooting through his closet so she let her sentence trail
off without conclusion.
Daniel simply looked down at the object she held in her hands. “It’s called a giraffe, it’s a toy version of an animal that lives here on
Earth. My parents gave it to me when I was a baby. I carried it around with me
all the time when I was younger. Like a security blanket.”
Vala stared first at the creature then at him,
confused. “This little animal protected you? From what?”
Sighing, Daniel tried again to explain. “It didn’t actually protect me, it just made me feel safe, at night, or in new places,
especially if I felt alone.” He moved towards her throwing the towel on the bed
and shoving his hands in his pocket. “My parents travelled
a lot when I was small. It was a piece of them I could hold onto when they were
away and I couldn’t go with them. I was very attached to it.” He paused before
continuing. “Over time it also became attached to some difficult memories and
it got harder to have it around…especially after they…died.” He looked away at
that point, emotion heavy in his voice. It seemed as though this was something
he hadn’t thought about, or at the very least talked about, in a long time.
Vala gazed steadily at Daniel for a moment, surprised
at how open he had been just then, how much he had told her and the emotion he
had allowed to creep onto his face. She stared at him, still turned slightly
away from her, his eyes unfocused. Vala let her own
gaze wander off over his shoulder, thinking of her own box of secret treasures
that she kept hidden under her bed; her own memories, her own bit of security.
Pieces of her father and her childhood that she too kept tucked away for
comfort’s sake, but which also served as painful reminders of what she’d been
through and lost.
“I understand,” she said, looking back towards his face that she saw now was
observing her own with interest. She tore her eyes from his and carefully
placed the giraffe back in the box in the bottom of the closet, moving to shut
the door.
“Wait,” Daniel said, stopping her from closing the door completely. “Maybe it’s
time he came out of there.” He picked up the giraffe and turned, looking around
the room. He moved then to the other side of the bed and gently placed the toy
on one corner of his bookshelf. She looked on, confused about his change of
heart. He saw her expression and simply said, “Sometimes you need to make
changes in your life Vala, move on from the past
instead of hide from it.”
Vala was still slightly confused about Daniel’s new
attitude, but seeing that he wasn’t going to elaborate further, she was unsure
what to do next. She fell back on old habits, quickly disrupting the quiet moment
that had settled around them as they stood, now slightly awkwardly, across the
bed from each other. Mustering up what Vala hoped was
one of her more flirtatious grins, she sauntered over
to Daniel, looping her arm through his.
“Well, darling,” she chirped as she looked up at him, “the others will be
waiting. How about we move on right now?” She flashed him another grin
accompanied with a suggestive wink. He rolled his eyes and sighed, sounding
exasperated, however he didn’t remove his arm from hers, instead he let himself
be pulled towards the door, stopping only to grab his jacket and keys as they
headed out to meet the rest of the team at the restaurant.
TAG 2: A Giraffe Named Daniel
Sometime between Morpheus and Momento Mori
As Daniel organised snacks and
drinks in the kitchen, he could hear laughter in the other room as team night –
this time movie night at Daniel’s place – got into full swing. When Daniel
entered the living room, holding a tray full of drinks, he was greeted by the
sight of Vala sitting cross-legged in the middle of
the floor with his old stuffed giraffe tucked neatly in her lap. She was
playing with its hair while she watched the black and white comedy that was
currently playing out on the television screen. He didn’t know how she had
managed to get into his room without him noticing, but it hardly surprised him.
She might have changed since her time in the Ori
galaxy but she was still the Vala he knew, with a
mischievous streak running through her and stubborn to boot. If it had occurred
to her that she wanted it, she would have found a way to get it.
He really did see a change in Vala though. He had
only just begun to learn what she had been through during the past year. She
wasn’t incredibly forthcoming about the whole experience, but small pieces of
her story slipped out now and again. He wasn’t sure of the details, but
spending almost a year surviving in that village and giving birth to the Orici had certainly had an effect on the former space
pirate. Her recent, honest, attempts to fit into Stargate Command had shown an
entirely different side of Vala that he had only
glimpsed once or twice before they had lost her through the Ori
beachhead. She was indeed still Vala Mal Doran, wily
and sometimes out of control, but now when she did something unexpected or
slightly inappropriate, it didn’t seem to grate on his nerves as much it once
had.
After he passed out the drinks and settled back in his chair, Daniel continued
to observe her as she stroked the small plush creature, her attention divided
between it and the television. Her hair lay loose on her shoulders tonight
instead of tied back in those silly ponytails. He grudgingly admitted to
himself how much he liked her hair the way it was now, spilling down freely.
She looked quite nice tonight actually, in her fitted, off the shoulder, black
top and jeans that were her own size instead of Sam’s hand me downs. He was
brought back to reality – startled from his not so subtle and mildly
inappropriate staring – by Mitchell’s low drawl as he addressed Vala during a lull in the movie.
“Vala, where did you get that little critter?”
Mitchell inquired.
“It’s not a critter, Cameron,” she replied indignantly and turned to face him.
“It’s a garaffe – ”
She looked up at Daniel for confirmation and he gently corrected her, “giraffe, Vala.”
“Yes a giraffe, and it was Daniel’s security blanket– ” her gaze flicked in
Daniel’s direction again as she checked her terminology, he nodded in
confirmation, though his cheeks reddened slightly at the discussion of his
childhood habits, “when he was small. It is very important, so please don’t
call it a ‘critter,’ ” she finished with a huff.
Sam hid her laughter behind her hand and Daniel couldn’t help but smile as well
at the childishness of Vala’s response, the innocence
that she embodied as she looked up at them from the floor where she sat, still
patting the toy.
Mitchell chuckled as well, “All right, Princess, it’s not a critter. What would
you like me to call it? What’s its name?”
Vala looked to Daniel,
clearly realising she had never asked him this
question herself. “Does he have a name?” she asked curiously.
Daniel ran a hand through his hair and replied, “You know, I don’t think I ever
really gave him a name. If I did I don’t know it now. Why don’t you name him
for me?” he offered without really thinking.
Her excitement at the idea of naming this little toy flashed in her eyes and
Daniel had to wonder just how much of her childhood had been stolen away by Qetesh. He was catching glimpses now of the innocent child
who had been taken, and broken, by an evil sex goddess. This was a look at Vala before that terrible experience – a young girl,
clearly as stubborn and strong willed as the Vala he
knew, but also openly emotional with a flicker of innocence. She sat quietly
for several long moments contemplating an appropriate title for the giraffe,
obviously treating this responsibility with great importance. The rest of the
group waited quietly while she pondered, the movie
still in progress the only sound in the room.
“I think I’ll just name him Daniel,” she said finally.
“How unique,” Mitchell snorted quietly.
Vala fixed him with a glare, “I think it suits him.”
She went back to stroking the animal’s back thoughtfully. “Besides, I can call
him Danny for short. That way you won’t have to worry that you might confuse
your teammate with a little stuffed animal, if that’s what you’re
worried about,” she added with a roll of her eyes.
At the mention of the nickname ‘Danny’ Daniel – the person – groaned, “You’ve
been talking to Jack, haven’t you?” he said to Vala.
“We may have had a quick chat last time he was in the area,” she replied,
winking in his direction but not offering any more details.
The group went quiet again after that as they turned their attention back to
the screen. Vala moved from the middle of the floor
in front of the television to settle back against Daniel’s armchair, still
cradling the newly christened Danny in her lap. Daniel had to consciously
resist the urge to run his fingers through her hair, which in its loose state
had fallen dangerously close to his lap as she rested back against the front of
his chair, her warm body leaning against his outstretched legs. This was going
to be a long movie…
To Daniel’s combined relief and disappointment, Vala
moved up onto the couch next to Sam after the first movie ended. Another movie
began and Daniel paid little mind to what it was: something with a lot of
screaming, blood and stabbing that Mitchell was adamant about watching.
Daniel’s attention was divided between trying to follow the fairly pathetic
plot of the horror film and observing Vala once
again. She seemed completely engrossed in the action playing out on the
television. As the suspense of the movie grew, Vala
pulled her knees up to her chest hugging little Danny tightly between her legs
and her chin. Archaeologist Daniel found himself just a little too jealous of
Giraffe Daniel, which he knew was ludicrous, but he
felt it all the same. She ducked behind the toy as someone else was viciously
stabbed on the screen in front of them and her gaze drifted over to Daniel. He
quickly looked towards the screen hoping she hadn’t seen him staring.
* *
Vala clung to the toy as the movie grew more
frightening, bringing her legs up off the floor and wrapping her arms around
them, she held the animal under her chin taking in its musty scent. Daniel. It
was quite possibly the most comforting thing of all about the little giraffe.
Not that Vala had had many toys like it, so she
didn’t have much to compare it to when it came to comfort level. The very idea
of having a little creature to cuddle was not an entirely familiar one. She was
much more likely to be out wandering the fields and climbing trees as a child
than playing with any real toys. Vala’s mother had
done her best to give her what she could, but homemade rag dolls weren’t really
the same as the little creature she held now. And they had never had enough
money for anything more, certainly nothing new. Any extra cash that found its
way into her father’s hands was generally spent on some new scheme, doomed
project, or to pay off one of his many debts – unless he thought to pick her up
some trinket or piece of jewellery during his
travels. Something with resale value though. Not some silly stuffed creature to
cuddle. After her mother died, and Adria moved in, Vala’s chances at new toys grew slimmer again – her
stepmother was hardly one to provide her something to play with and much more
likely to provide her with a mop or a washcloth. And of course, even though she
had been fairly young when she was taken by Qetesh,
Goa’uld weren’t the fuzzy animal type either. Her toys from then on had been
villagers to torture and men to have her way with. She shuddered at the
thoughts and images that streamed into her mind then and forced them back to
her subconscious as best she could. The less she remembered about those times
the better. Sufficed to say her experience with ‘security blankets’ and soft
fluffy toys was limited. But she definitely liked this
one. Vala wasn’t sure what drew her to it more, the
toy itself or the fact that it was special to Daniel.
Lost in thought Vala was surprised by the sudden
scream and stabbing along with the subsequent gush of blood that assaulted her
senses from the television screen. She automatically ducked behind Danny,
covering her eyes for a moment. She turned her gaze to the side and thought she
saw Daniel, the real Daniel, watching her. His head jerked quickly to face the
television but she caught the expression on his face – it looked like one of
guilt, as if she had caught him doing something he thought he shouldn’t do. Had
he been watching her the whole time? A grin spread across her face at the thought.
She lowered the giraffe from her view and returned to the movie, a small smile
firmly in place despite the cinematic blood and guts being spilled out in front
of her.
By the end of the movie, Vala was having difficulty
keeping her eyes open. She was curled up in the corner of the couch, the time
between blinks getting longer and longer. She was almost asleep when she heard
Cameron next to her trying to get her up and moving.
“Come on Vala, time to get you back to the base.” He
shook her shoulder to wake her as Daniel said goodbye to Sam and Teal’c. With
some difficulty, and a hand from Cameron, she stood up and groggily made her
way towards the door where Daniel was standing.
“Thank you for letting me use your security animal,
Daniel. I felt very safe and protected during that last movie.” She yawned,
handing it back to him.
“The term is security b- ” he started to correct her
but with one look at her sleepy expression he instead simply replied, “You’re
welcome,” with a slight chuckle.
“Don’t forget to put him back on the shelf where he belongs,” she added as
Cameron led her down the hall. “You wouldn’t want to lose such a valuable
item…” her head dropped to Cameron’s shoulder then and she nearly fell asleep
on the way to the car.
*
*
Daniel shut the door behind his team and moved around the room cleaning up. He
put ‘Danny’ down on the coffee table and picked up some glasses, taking them to
the kitchen sink. When he was finished tidying, he turned out the lights and
headed to bed. He was drifting off to sleep when he remembered the giraffe
still sitting out in the other room. Without thinking he immediately got up and
padded softly across the bedroom and out to get it, stubbing his toe on the
coffee table when he neglected to turn on the lights in the living room. Why was he doing this again? he wondered as he hopped back to his room, clutching his
foot in pain. As he placed the toy carefully back on the bookshelf where it now
belonged, he couldn’t come up with any other reason for his actions except that
Vala had told him to do it. Unbidden, the enticing
image of a drowsy Vala, hair mussed from sleep, came
to mind. This image then became slightly amusing at the thought of her
reminding him to put away his toys so he wouldn’t misplace them. He smirked at
himself and climbed back into bed with a sigh. What kind of crazy influence did that woman have over him anyways? His answer came in the form of a
throbbing toe as he rolled over and promptly fell asleep.
TAG 3: Memento Vivere
Memento Mori
General Landry had insisted Daniel go to his apartment to
rest. But how could he rest now? Vala was out there
alone – or dead. He shuddered inwardly at the thought. The explosion at the
safe house, the witness reports and the lack of contact all seemed to indicate
she hadn’t made it out, but he wasn’t willing to give up on her yet. He had to
do something he had argued, he wouldn’t be able to rest without answers – they
had sent him home anyway.
Daniel paced around his room trying to think of something else that could be
done. They needed to get more information, he wasn’t
willing to accept that Vala had died, not yet.
He had expressed that much earlier when he was talking with Mitchell. He hoped
that the autopsy reports would reaffirm his hope, but the possibility that they
would show that Vala had died in the explosion loomed
over Daniel like a dark, heavy cloud. He needed some answers. Soon. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of Danny
sitting on his shelf. It was funny that he automatically referred to it by Vala’s nickname now, despite that fact that it had gone
unnamed for years and years before she had gotten her hands on it. He
immediately went over to it and picked it up, attempting to distract himself
from the idea of Vala dying yet another fiery death.
As he looked at the little creature Daniel realised
how many new memories had become attached to the giraffe in the last few
months. Happy ones. It made him think of team nights,
of Cameron and Vala bantering and teasing, of Vala’s innocent demeanour as she
stroked the little animal, of Vala’s grin, Vala’s presence. From Daniel’s perspective all of these
things were attached to this little stuffed animal now. But with Vala missing – and perhaps dead – the sight of the animal
became just as bitter and heart wrenching as it had once before; the first time
it had been locked away in a dark closet. After his parents’ deaths the memories
that he held of them haunted him through the presence of the little giraffe,
and as he grew older the toy stopped bringing him comfort and only reminded him
of the void they had left behind. He couldn’t bear it and eventually buried the
giraffe along with as many emotions and memories he could fit in with it. And
now here he stood, realising that the same thing was
happening in Vala’s absence – he could almost hear
the sound of her laughter, and he expected her to come bouncing into the room
any minute, grabbing the toy from his hands with a winning grin. He couldn’t do
this again, his parents, Sha’re – it seemed like
everyone he reached out to, who he allowed himself to love, was taken away. He
felt cursed. And now he was finding himself in the same position again. Wait. The same position? Since when had he felt so strongly about Vala? Vala was just….Vala, nothing more. Wasn’t she? He could admit that her
chatter had become less of a nuisance, and he did notice when she was absent
from his office as he worked, but that was of course out of concern for who
else she might be irritating, not a desire for her presence. He certainly
didn’t feel more than the beginnings of a tentative friendship with Vala. Did he? Daniel’s confusion, his fear, his anxiety, his
grief, all came to head as he gripped that small innocent toy. He moved towards
the closet, his frustration building, emotions running high.
He had the giraffe in his hand ready to throw through the open closet door but
something stopped him. Vala was always so careful
with the toy – ensuring that it was returned to his shelf after every visit –
it was easy to see that she treasured it. He could hear the echo of her voice
as it chirped, ‘don’t forget to put Danny away!’ Her voice, her face filled his
senses. As frustrating as she could be, now that she was in danger, missing,
gone, he had to admit her absence was troubling to say the least. What’s more,
this toy was slowly becoming Vala’s, what right did he have to toss it aside, lock it away, before he knew
her fate. He could just imagine her face if she found out that he had thrown it
back into a box buried under old sweaters and socks. He wanted to believe that
he would see her face again – and that wasn’t the expression he hoped her
features would be holding when he did. Daniel returned the giraffe to its place
on the bookshelf. As painful as it was to see the little creature sitting there
serenely, reminding him of his parents, of his losses, and of Vala, Daniel couldn’t throw it back in the dark closet. Not
now. Probably not ever. He could avert his eyes,
pretend he didn’t see it but he could feel it. He knew it was there. Always.
With a sigh Daniel turned and picked up his jacket from where he’d thrown in on
the bed. moving to put it away in the closet. As he
crossed the room something fell out of his jacket pocket and landed without a
sound on the floor. Daniel bent down to grab it. The soft petals of the flower
caressed his fingers as he picked it up. His thoughts drifted to how beautiful
the white rose had looked perched over Vala’s ear,
contrasting against her raven hair. She had looked gorgeous at the restaurant.
Not too flashy, not overstated, just…Vala. Bringing
the flower to his nose he could smell the perfume of the flower mixed with the
lingering scent that was Vala. He couldn’t put his
finger on just what it was, but he would recognise it
anywhere. Daniel gently placed the flower on his nightstand. The calm and warm
feeling that had settled over him was suddenly shaken when logic and reason
took that moment to butt in to his thoughts.
What was he doing, thinking about Vala like that?
This was insane, she was totally wrong for him. And it wasn’t as if he could
pursue a relationship with her in their situation even if he wanted to…could
he? Did he? Daniel shook his head again. That stupid dinner.
That was the root of the whole problem, not just Vala’s
kidnapping obviously, but this whole inner struggle he was now putting himself
through. What had he been thinking? Taking her on a date like tha- No! It hadn’t been a date he told himself. Not a date.
They were just friends. Friends can become more that friends his own
consciousness taunted him. But he wouldn’t hear it. Not now that she was
missing. It hurt too much. He couldn’t lose someone he cared about that way
again. She was a friend, a coworker. That was all. Just
friends.
* * * *
After they had eaten their fill of ribs at the new place by Mitchell’s
apartment, team night had ended up at Daniel’s place, something that had
recently become general practice. It would have been logical to go to
Mitchell’s place, but the group had silently agreed that Vala
would be more comfortable, and might remember more, if they were to go to
Daniel’s. Daniel hadn’t minded at all. It just was good to have the team back
together Daniel thought to himself as they relaxed in front of the television.
Then he questioned when he had started counting Vala
as an integral ‘part of the team’. He again reminded himself that she was no
more than that – a co-worker, a member of the team, a friend – as his thoughts
started to drift in a direction he was not interested in exploring just now. He
had been mentally distancing himself from her since she returned, concerned with
where his thoughts and emotions had almost taken him during her absence.
For all his efforts to distance himself from her, as they watched television
Daniel couldn’t help but notice Vala still seemed
uncomfortable, sitting alone on the floor. Her normal commentary on the scenes
playing out on the screen was notably absent, and he wondered when he had
become so accustomed to her chatter. Suddenly Daniel had a idea – he couldn’t
pinpoint what made him do it, and he wasn’t sure why he wanted to, but he stood
up immediately and moved across the floor to where Vala
sat against the coffee table, legs curled up, arms crossed across her chest. A posture of defence and uncertainly if
he ever saw one. She looked up at him with a questioning expression.
“Vala, would you come with me for a minute?” He said
quietly, attempting to ignore the others sitting on the couch. She continued to
look at him with hesitation, not moving, so he reached a hand down to help her
up. She took it cautiously and allowed him to pull her to her feet. He headed
out of the living area and Vala followed silently. He
looked behind him to ensure she was following and then continued towards the
bedroom door. Neither looked back after that, but if they had they would have
seen three very curious faces looking not so discreetly at them over the back
of the couch.
She followed him warily into the bedroom. He went directly to the bookshelf,
taking Danny down off the shelf and handing it to her. “You should have this.” Vala’s face lit up in recognition, and then she looked up
at Daniel with a glimmer of confusion in her eyes.
“I thought you might want to take it with you – I – well – if you felt – lonely
or something on the base.” He stumbled over his words. “I thought maybe when
you’re by yourself, if you had someone- something! – to hold on to you wouldn’t
feel so….alone.” This was turning out to be harder than he had thought it would
be. “I just thought - well it would be nice for you to have something that
was…familiar,” he finished with a last ditch effort, continuing to avoid
looking into her eyes.
Vala hadn’t made a sound the whole time he had been
speaking, and when he finally looked at her to see her reaction he was met with
her steady grey gaze. He wanted to look away again but found himself trapped by
her eyes. Daniel realised he had missed those eyes,
the way she laughed, the looks she shot his way over the briefing room table
when no one was looking. Her expression was open to him now, all the
flirtatiousness and innuendo stripped away in the moment. No walls, just as he
had seen when they met in the warehouse earlier – focusing
only on each other and nothing else. Vala finally
broke the trance that seemed to hold them both in place when she reached up to
give him a soft kiss on the cheek, just a ghost of a brush from her lips. The
hand that wasn’t clutching Danny came up to rest on his shoulder. As she slowly
moved back she caught his eyes again and a small smile spread across her lips,
the first real smile he’d seen since she had returned to the SGC.
“Thank you Daniel”
TAG 4: Lonely Nights
After the Quest through After the Shroud
The base was silent. There was little movement in the
corridors; the only people who were supposed to be awake were those who were on
duty in the control room. It was late and everyone who didn’t have to be up was
either at home or in their quarters, presumably in bed. Well almost everyone.
In the gym Cameron Mitchell dribbled a basketball back and forth, hand to hand,
completely lost in thought. The sound of the ball’s bounce on the concrete
floor filled the quiet room. Everyone else on the base was resting. But he was
wired. Too wound up to wind down.
Cameron bounced the ball in front of him, once, twice, then
lined up for a foul shot.
He still couldn’t believe how things had gone down, back on that planet. He had
never felt so out of control. Adria’s icy stare as
she looked down on
Sitting down Cameron let his head rest against the cool concrete wall.
Cameron got up again and started to run lay-ups, hoping to tire himself out.
This was the third night in a row he hadn’t been able to sleep at all. His
frustration and guilt had grown as the situation stretched out unresolved,
keeping him wide-awake. He’d given up lying in bed running the mission over and
over in his head searching for a way he could have changed things. He’d left
Cameron wasn’t cocky enough to think losing a member of his team hadn't been a
possibility. Heck the stuff these people got themselves into, that he’d gotten
into himself since he’d been a part of SG-1, was
deeper than any shit he could have imagined. He knew they would continually get
themselves into these messes, and that if history was any indication they would
claw their way out of it – most likely by the skin of their teeth. But he
couldn’t suppress the guilt that this had happened at such a crucial time, and
with
He was jumping up to bounce the ball off the backboard again when he noticed
her by the door – not quite in the room, not quite out – hovering, uncertain.
She wasn’t giving off her usual playful, energetic aura, but she still drew his
attention, maybe more so now than before. The emotion emanating from her was
almost palpable. Before she could say anything Cameron put the basketball down
and headed over, grabbing his towel on the way wiping the beads of sweat off
his face.
“What’s up Vala?”
She didn’t meet his eyes. Instead she absently shifted the bag she had over her
shoulder and then fixed her gaze at a point in the distance behind him. Cameron
noticed a distinctly familiar furry-looking creature peeking out of the open
zipper, but he said nothing. Instead he just finished toweling off and waited
patiently for Vala to speak. Her face was pale and it
looked like she hadn’t slept for days. Hell, she probably hadn’t. Cameron
obviously wasn’t sleeping so well either; he was, after all, playing basketball
alone at
“You’ve got a key to Daniel’s apartment right?” she asked finally in a quiet
voice, still refusing to look directly at him, shifting her gaze to study her
feet.
“Yeah I do,” he replied, thinking he might know what she was getting at. “Did
you…leave something there that you need?”
“No I just…” she lifted her head to meet his gaze for a moment then looked away
again.
The pain in her eyes mirrored that which he had seen back in Merlin’s cave,
when she had turned to him for help, trying to stop
Vala was uncharacteristically silent as they walked
through the hallways, stopping while Cameron grabbed his keys and jacket from
his quarters. As they signed out at the elevator she pointed at the box for
overnight absence and with one look at the dark circles under her eyes he
checked it, no questions asked. The drive was as silent as their journey
through the base. He wasn’t much with words, especially when it came to
offering comfort; he’d done his best earlier, for both her and himself, trying
to explain that Adria would surely keep
Cameron snuck a glance in Vala’s direction as he
pulled the car into a parking space and turned off the ignition. The light that
usually sparked in her eyes seemed to have gone dark. They were not the eyes
that had winked at him while she teased Daniel the first day Cameron had met her, nor were they the eyes that had held so much
emotion as they watched over Daniel in the cave just a few weeks ago. He’d seen
the way she’d held him when he passed out from the device, her eyes filled with
tears and concern, pressing a kiss into his hair when she thought no one was
watching. He’d also felt how strongly she had pulled against him as he dragged
her through the gate leaving Daniel behind to battle Adria,
to sacrifice himself for them. When he’d caught her eyes in that moment they
had been fiery with anger and determination, fighting to get back to Daniel
every step of the way. In the weeks to follow, her eyes had held a glimmer of
hope mixed with the ache of helplessness and frustration. Hell she wasn’t alone
in the pain that she felt for leaving him behind, but Cameron couldn’t help but
notice that it seemed to cut her so much deeper. Her eyes were lifeless now.
Empty. And it shook him up, bad, to see the transformation she had undergone in
the archeologist’s absence.
When they arrived at
She looked at him for a long moment and asked, “Would you come back for me
tomorrow, before the briefing?”
“You got it,” he answered quickly, glad to be able to help her out in some way.
She just nodded, no smirk, no catty comment or
flirtatious wink. She shut the door without another word. He heard the lock
click into place. Cameron stood in the hallway for a long time. As much as he
might tease Vala, she was part of his team now, and
just as it pained him to lose
* * * *
Vala walked around the apartment
much the way she had the first night she had been there. Touching, looking,
holding. Daniel’s things, Daniel’s home. She moved
throughout the living area picking up one object after another, hoping to get a
hold of some sense of him, to prove to herself that he wasn’t gone completely,
lost forever. She didn’t noticed the tears streaming down her face until one of
them dripped off her chin onto the picture frame she was holding. The water
blurred the photo behind the glass, making Daniel’s face disappear. She quickly
wiped it away. The picture was from a recent team night, the one they had had
here after her experience with Athena, when she was still recovering her
memory. She sat on the sofa to examine the photo more closely. That had been
the night he had given her Danny as well, she remembered with a small smile, as
she noticed the small creature propped up on the coffee table in the photo.
They’d taken a few pictures throughout that evening, but Vala
had never seen this one. It had been placed at the back of the group of frames
on Daniel’s shelf, she probably wouldn’t have seen it if she wasn’t
methodically examining each one, looking almost desperately for any glimpse of
Daniel’s face. In this shot everyone was looking at the camera, everyone that
is but Daniel. In the instant the picture was taken he had glanced over at her
instead of straight ahead. Vala was laughing at
something Cameron had said. She looked completely happy sitting on the sofa
between Sam and Daniel. Cameron was beside Sam, smirking at whatever the joke
had been, and Teal’c behind them all, letting a smile that was almost
unnoticeable slip past his usual stoic façade. The camera had caught Daniel
smiling too, but he wasn’t laughing at the joke, his eyes were soft, focused
solely on her. She put the picture down and headed for the kitchen for a glass
of water.
She turned on the tap and placed a glass in the sink, her mind wandering for
what felt like the thousandth time back to that day, the day that now separated
her life before from this shadow of a life she'd been living for the past few
weeks. ‘I’ll be right behind you!’
That was what he’d said, and she had waited for him anxiously on the other side
of the gate. She had waited and waited and he never came. The gate shut off
with the habitual energy surge, flashing brightly, and she had just stared in
complete disbelief. He had said he would come through. He had said he would.
Where was he?
She didn’t recall much about leaving the gate room that day, though Sam had
told her later that she wasn’t too happy about it. Sam had explained that
Cameron had had to drag Vala to the infirmary with
the rest of them in much the same fashion as he had pulled her through the gate
earlier. She had fought the whole way, determined to go back through the gate,
to get back to help Daniel. She couldn’t be convinced that they didn’t know the
address to get back to the planet. Sam said that she had continued to try and
escape the infirmary, until Teal’c’s strong arms closed
around from behind, holding her still as Carolyn injected her with some sort of
sedative. Teal’c had then placed her on an infirmary bed as she dropped off
into unconsciousness. That at least explained her last memory from that
afternoon: Sam’s face looking down on her with a look of concern, brushing her
hair aside as Vala’s vision blurred and darkness
overcame her.
Vala stared, her eyes unseeing, down at the cup in
the sink. The water was still running, the cup completely full, the flowing liquid continuing to run over the sides, while
she remained totally lost in her memories. Eventually she noticed the
overflowing glass and turned off the tap, taking her drink back to the living
room. Curling up where she had been sitting earlier, she pulled down the
blanket that was thrown over the back of the sofa and wrapped it around herself. Danny came out of her bag then, and she wrapped him
in her arms, holding on tightly.
Her mind sifted through the past couple weeks, since that first day – it felt
like a lifetime. In the beginning her fear and pain had been masked with
frustration and anger. The others had been patient with her. They had all been
working together in Sam’s lab to try and find a way to get him back, to get
back to the planet were they had left him battling Adria
to save them. Vala could tell by the intensity and
urgency with which they worked – or in Cameron’s case, looked on silently while
the rest of them worked – that they were worried and upset as well. They didn’t
make much progress though, and Vala quickly grew
tired of achieving nothing. Cameron had done his best to console her, telling
her that Daniel was still alive and there was still hope. She had appreciated
his effort then but if she were to be honest it had been little comfort to her.
When they finally had returned to the planet, she had been left with more
questions and no answers. No comfort, just more uncertainty. She had hoped
here, away from the base, away from everyone else, surrounded by Daniel’s
things, she might find a little bit of solace. So far she had just found more
memories and more pain.
Vala moved to the bedroom, stopping again to run her
fingers along the rough spines of the ancient tomes that filled the bookshelf,
picking up an object here and there, still looking for Daniel. But he wasn't
there. Not tonight. She thought again about the first night she had been here,
when she inadvertently found the little creature she now clutched in her hand.
She had found a bit of Daniel that night that she hadn’t known before. He had
been so open with her, sharing a piece of his past; it had been unexpected, but
welcome. Those moments of clarity and intimacy with Daniel were few and far
between and Vala treasured them. Her mind wandered to
another such instance, their confrontation in the warehouse only a few weeks
before their last mission. She’d seen a similar sort of openness in his eyes
that day as she had seen here in this room, months before. His walls were
cracking; he was beginning to show himself, the real Daniel, to her. They had
hit a stumbling block after her recent return though. Daniel seemed
uncomfortable and slightly distant around her now, it had cut her deeply but
she couldn’t make herself completely give up hope that he would return her feelings, take what she was offering him. It was a lot
harder to hold onto that hope however now that she was here, alone, with him
possibly dead or at least trapped somewhere with her maniacal daughter
submitting him to whatever torture or whim her mind could conjure up.
She moved to his dresser, opening a drawer, searching for one of his t-shirts.
Changing out of her own clothes, she pulled the
t-shirt over her head and crawled into his bed. She slipped between the cool
sheets, settling on the pillows, still grasping Danny tightly. She wished, not
for the first time and now perhaps more than ever, that it was Daniel himself
she could hold instead. As she curled up in the bed Vala
was surrounded by his scent, both comforting and painful all at once, as more
tears began to trickle slowly out of the corners of her eyes.
Cameron had told her that being part of this team meant watching her friends
take chances with their lives. This was what being part of SG-1 meant? This
pain and worry, the anguish of losing, of potentially
losing people, she had allowed herself to care for? Well if this was what being
part of a family was like, she didn’t know if she could do it for much longer.
She thought about leaving. Moving on. It was what
she’d always done before, why not now?
She knew that that was giving up, abandoning everything she had begun to build
for herself here – And as that thought crossed her mind she heard Daniel’s
voice: “You’ll run and make yourself disappear, it’s almost second nature to you.” Well
wasn’t that the truth. She’d seen a lot of crap in her life and her first
impulse was of course to flee when things got to be too hot, too dangerous, too
much. She’d never had the safety of an environment that allowed her to draw
into herself the way she had over the last few weeks. Since Qetesh
she had always been on the move, scrounging for food, scrimping and stealing to
get by. No time to feel sorry for yourself, to worry
about what might happen, and what it might do to her. No time to grieve her
losses or let pain set in. It felt weak somehow, to allow herself to shut down
this way, because her instincts told her to take action, forget the negative,
move on, escape what you couldn’t control.
Daniel’s voice echoed in her mind again though, continuing the dialogue that
had stopped her in her tracks with in the warehouse that day, “But you made the decision to stop running.” With a sigh she admitted to herself once
again that, yes, she had made that decision. She should stick with this. Daniel
wasn’t lost for certain; there was still a chance. Like Cameron said, Adria wouldn’t kill Daniel, she needed him, needed what he
knew. A shiver went up Vala’s spine at the thought of
what her daughter might do to Daniel to get that information. But she couldn’t
focus on that; she would focus on doing everything she could to get him back,
to bring him back into her life. She wouldn’t stop worrying but she couldn’t
run away either. She had to do everything in her power to find him. That was
what Daniel would do, what he had done for her already. It was what her new
instincts – those she was developing with these people, in this new place –
quietly prodded her to do. Don’t give up.
SG-1 never gives up. With the beginnings of more positive outlook unfurling
in her mind, Vala hugged the little giraffe closer,
curling up cocooned in the comforting scent of Daniel, and finally, with a new
determination and a long sought after sense of comfort, she slept.
Vala woke the next morning feeling refreshed, having
finally slept properly for the first time since Daniel had gone missing. In her
rush to change and meet Cameron she hurriedly made up the bed. A small lump
under the covers, shoved to the foot of the bed, went unnoticed as Vala changed, then threw her possessions into her bag and
went to join Cameron by the entryway, ready to prepare for their next mission,
a mission she firmly reminded herself, that might help
them find Daniel.
By the time she had a moment to realize where she had left the small toy,
Daniel had returned.
* * * *
Once he had satisfied the barrage of tests and the observed
bed rest in the infirmary that Dr. Lam had forced on him, she had ordered him
off the base for 48 hours; no work, just recovery. She wasn’t willing to deal
with him in the infirmary any longer, his constant pleas to be allowed to work,
to go to his office, to get out of his bed, but Carolyn had not been satisfied
that he was fully recovered either. Not that she was sure what ‘fully
recovered’ in Daniel Jackson’s case meant, no one was really sure. That man had
been through more than any one person’s body should be capable of surviving. Again.
He had work to do, he complained continually and fought her decision, but
General Landry agreed he needed at least a couple days to recuperate. He had
had an ancient being in his head, battled the Orici,
been held prisoner on an enemy vessel, been turned into a prior and then
finally turned back again. It was more than anyone should be able to handle,
and even if he claimed to be fine, he wasn’t any good to them if he wasn’t
truly recovered or at least as well as he could be under the circumstances.
Jack had told him that if they had to ban him from the base to get him to rest
they would. Daniel continued to protest. He found himself being escorted home.
Daniel arrived at his apartment and flicked on some lights. He noticed a glass
on the coffee table that he didn’t remember leaving there but then again his
head had been screwed with quite a bit over the last few weeks – he picked it
up to drop off in the kitchen on his way to bed. To be fair, sleep sounded
pretty great, and if he couldn’t work it was the next best thing. He entered
his bedroom and changed into a pair of pyjama pants.
His bed looked a bit rumpled, as if he’d forgotten to make it properly the last
time he was here. It was something else that didn’t feel quite right, but his
fatigue overcame his interest in wrinkly sheets and he slid into the bed
without another thought on the matter.
They might have banned him from work but his mind wouldn’t shut off. In the
dark with nothing else to distract him his mind worked at full speed. Had the
weapon worked? The Ori soldiers were still coming.
They knew that much. Whether the Ori themselves were
dead or not they still had the priors and their followers to deal with. He
shivered at the thought of what would happen when the Ori
battleships finally reached earth. Well,
he thought, that train of thought wasn’t
going to let him get any rest. He
pushed it to the side as best he could, though it continued to lurk in the
shadowed corners of his mind ready to reemerge if he let it. As his eyes closed
of their own accord, eyelids and limbs heavy with fatigue, Daniel admitted to
himself that Jack and the others were probably right. He did need to rest if he
was going to help overcome the Ori threat – or if
Merlin’s weapon had worked, the threat of their
followers and the Prior’s that still remained to be dealt with. And his head
did feel a bit fuzzy still – understandably since Merlin had been suppressing
his consciousness for the majority of his time on Adria’s
ship he had been a bystander for a large part of the goings on. Merlin was gone
now though, he knew that for sure and it boggled his mind to think of all the
knowledge that had been lost with him. His mind felt empty now, when before it
had been overflowing almost to the point of agony. He idly wondered about the
side effects and permanent damage of having one’s consciousness pushed to the
side like that. He winced a little at the throbbing headache he was currently
experiencing which was certainly one such side effect. He supposed he could ask
Sam about it. Or Jack. Jack was right,
SG-1 really had had their heads screwed with a lot over the years he realized
with a smirk.
Daniel rolled over, attempting to clear his mind and
sleep for a few hours, which he hoped would at least get rid of this headache.
His foot brushed against something under the covers. Something…furry.
Visions of what could have crawled into Daniel’s apartment and under his sheets
while he was away flashed through his mind. He was about to jump out of the bed
when he realized it was – a familiar furry. He reached down and pulled out the
stuffed giraffe. Danny. He felt his mouth twist into a small smile at the sight
of it, then his face changed to an expression of
confusion. He’d given this to her. He knew that for certain. He’d given it to Vala weeks ago, and she’d had it on their last mission
together. He was sure of that. He rolled over the rest of the way settling on
the other side of the bed, head resting on the second pillow. He breathed in a
scent that was not altogether unfamiliar, but unfamiliar in his bed for sure.
No, that was a lie. He’d smelt it once on his pillow before when he’d found her
in his bed on the base last year. Vala. It was faint but it was there. She had been there while he
was gone. He could only imagine how she’d gotten there, but he admitted to
himself, with some resistance, that at least part of him was happy she had. The
smell was oddly comforting, earthy and otherworldly, spicy and sweet, all at
once. Full of contradictions, just as she always seemed to be. He shook his
head; he wasn’t about to get into another mental argument with himself about Vala, about how he felt, about how she might really feel. This was not the time; he was tired and no closer to
any answers. Besides, he had bigger issues to deal with, intergalactic issues.
As usual, the fate of the galaxy hung in the balance, and that seemed to
overshadow anything else he might want to wrestle with in his conscious mind.
His ability to sleep at all in these situations was a testament to his past,
and how often he had faced problems of apocalyptic proportions. However,
tonight, he did feel just a little calmer than usual. Taking another deep
breath, inadvertently inhaling another whiff of Vala,
he allowed his body to relax. For the first time in decades the small giraffe
took its habitual place in Daniel’s arms and eventually, as he always did when
he clutched the furry little creature, he fell into a deep sleep, preparing
himself to face whatever would come next.
TAG 5: New Shelf, New Life
Unending – the Morning after The Night Before
Vala stirred slowly, pulling closer
to the warm body next to her under the covers. It had been a long time since
she had woken up this comfortable, this warm, this safe. She snuggled her head
against Daniel’s chest, one leg thrown over his. Vala
felt his arms tighten around her instinctively as she shifted positions. She
sighed with contentment. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked up into Daniel’s
face. He was still asleep, his features calm, younger looking, in his relaxed
state. They had collapsed in each other’s arms a few hours before, emotionally
and physically exhausted and had promptly fallen asleep. It occurred to Vala that they hadn’t really talked; she had barely said a
word last night. And neither of them had said much at all after they fell back
onto the bed, grasping, reaching for each other desperately, heatedly. But he
had had a lot to say before that, which she remembered quite clearly. Much of
what he had said continued to trouble her, echoing in her mind. His face from
last night, filled with anger, flashed before her eyes as she gazed as his
peaceful sleeping features and she looked away, out the window. His words
sliced through her again. An
emotional, unstable wreck. That’s what he’d called her. He’d said
that never in a million years would
he want to have a relationship with her. Yet here they were, here she was in
Daniel’s bed, in Daniel’s arms. Confused, Vala pulled
out of his warm embrace, careful not to wake him. She pulled on a shirt to
fight against the chill of the room. She realised it
belonged to Daniel, tossed aside onto the floor the previous evening. She
breathed in deeply, wrapping her arms around herself
and began pacing the room.
Never in a million years. How much of
what Daniel had said last night had he really meant? It was true she had been
acting a little more like her old self last night, going for his belt like
that, but she was scared; scared they wouldn’t get out of this mess, scared
they would remain frozen, stuck on this ship forever. And when she was frightened
or unsure it was easier to fall back on her old ways. She was hurt by what he
had said whether or not she might have deserved it. She was going stir crazy
that was certain, but there was a lot more than boredom behind her pursuit of
Daniel – there had been for a long time. She had been seeking comfort the night
before. Comfort for herself, for him. Life was too short. He said it himself.
She had thought maybe he was ready to move forward, that he would see how she
felt about him and that he might finally allow himself to feel the same way.
Now she didn’t know how she felt. She looked at Daniel again, still asleep in
the bed, his arm unconsciously reaching out to where she had been laying,
searching for her warmth. Reaching out to her. Her
bare feet padding back and forth against the carpet remained the only sound in
the room besides Daniel’s light breathing. She took a few steps towards the
bed. After what they’d done last night she knew for certain that a one-night
stand with Daniel wouldn’t be enough for her, she wanted more. But did he really want her. Shaking her head she stepped back again.
Vala moved towards the window to look out on the
frozen star field. Her foot brushed against Daniel’s duffle bag on the floor
and she looked down as she moved to avoid it. A familiar tuft of golden hair
was poking through the zipper. She reaching down and pulled Danny out of the
bag, wondering how he had gotten himself packed with Daniel’s things for the
Odyssey. She was pleased to see the little creature again no matter how he had
gotten there. Since Daniel had returned from his time on Adria’s
ship she hadn’t found a moment to ask him if he had found the little giraffe,
or to try and get it back herself, and she had missed cuddling its warm fur for
comfort each night. She hugged the animal to her now, needing the security and
solace it so frequently brought her. Perching on the window ledge Vala rested her back against the side of the window, one
foot resting on the ledge in front of her, the other hanging down near the
floor. She wrapped her arms around Danny as she rested her head against the
cool glass and shut her eyes. His voice filled her mind again I mean come on! I can’t even imagine what a
relationship with you would be like! Was she really so broken, so twisted
that a relationship was so unimaginable, so impossible? She had thought he had
seen how much she had changed, had grown. How much she was trying; trying for
him as well as herself. But he apparently still thought they were so wrong for
each other. He still believed she was flirting to tease, to have a laugh his expense, that it was empty. Or at least that’s
what he had said. Later his body and his eyes had seemed to tell a different
story; as they kissed deeply, passionately, again and again, as he looked down
into her eyes so intensely while he moved over her, as he grasped her hands in
his, entwining their fingers on the pillow next to her head, as they had
embraced, falling into a deep, comfortable sleep. But the way he had spoken,
with so much emotion and passion, he had to have meant some of it…hadn’t he?
Insecurity filled her again. She hated what this man could do to her resolve,
to her walls, to her emotions. She wasn’t supposed to fall apart; she wasn’t
supposed to bruise this easily. Just as they had hours before her eyes filled
with tears, and she buried her face in Danny’s fur. It had hurt last night,
thinking that she still wasn’t good enough for Daniel – that she still didn’t
deserve him – and the cruelty of his words had cut deep. But they stung even
more now, after spending the night with him and knowing what she could have and
could lose. She wasn’t able to remain silent now and one choked sob slipped out
of her throat into the small animal’s back.
“Vala?” she heard Daniel call from the bed, his tone
filled with concern. She looked up at him, taking a deep breath and attempting
to blink back further tears.
* *
Emerging slowly from a deep sleep Daniel turned over, reaching to pull Vala closer but found the bed next to him empty, though
still warm. He rolled over at the sound of sobbing to see her leaning on the
window ledge her head buried in her arms. Both confused and concerned in his
semi-conscious state, Daniel called out to her, “Vala?”
When she moved to look at him the pained expression on her face mirrored that
of the night before and it tugged at Daniel’s heart in the same way, waking him
up fully. He noticed that she clutched Danny in her arms. He realised he shouldn’t be surprised that she’d found the
little giraffe on her own. Again. If anything it was
easier this way. He had been trying to find a moment to give it back to her
months ago. He had wanted to give it to her after Adria
had ascended. She seemed to need the comfort then more than ever. He had asked
her to come to his apartment and he had planned to return it to her, but they
had received the call from the Asgard and those plans
had been postponed. It had been short notice so Daniel was in a rush to pack
for the Odyssey, throwing things into his bag haphazardly. He was on the way
out the door of his bedroom when something made him to turn around. He caught
sight of Danny sitting in his habitual place on the bookshelf and moved to add
it to his overflowing duffel bag. Having the little creature around again had
been oddly comforting, though he wasn’t sure if it was for the same reasons it
had once been. The creature carried a bit of Vala
with it now, not only in its name, but also in its scent and the memories and
thoughts it automatically drew out in Daniel. Each time Daniel passed the
creature on the shelf his thoughts jumped to the space vixen turned valuable
SG-1 member, and friend. He wasn’t entirely sure what he hoped to accomplish
bringing it along on the mission, but he was short on time and didn’t have time
to engage in yet another argument with himself, so he had stuffed it into the
bag figuring he might get a chance to return it to Vala
during the trip. However the right time hadn’t seemed to present itself. Between
Vala throwing fake-birthday parties and seemingly
making every effort to drive him insane on the long journey to the Asgard home world he had not felt the urge to pull Danny
out of his duffle and return it to her. Since they had gotten stuck in the time
dilation field he had been a little preoccupied, mostly with the Asgard knowledge base, and the
little creature had honestly slipped his mind until now.
Another solitary sob from Vala brought Daniel back to
the present and he moved towards the window. Her face had returned to her arms,
her shoulders shaking slightly with further silent sobs. “Vala
look at me.” When she didn’t lift her head Daniel moved a finger under her chin
and lifted her face to look up at his. The streaks of tears on Vala’s cheeks glistened silver in the steady starlight from
the window and he moved to brush the trail on her cheek away with his thumb.
“Vala what is it?” He asked softly.
She looked deep in his eyes, searching. She quietly spoke, her eyes pleading,
“Tell me what you want Daniel. I have to know. Last night, what you said– but
then what we did–” she shook her head. “I don’t know what to think or what to
feel. I have to know –” another sob escaped her throat cutting off her words.
Daniel tried to catch her eyes and he began to speak softly. “Vala, …what
I said –“ He paused searching for the words to express the jumbled emotions he
had been experiencing. “I was afraid you would end up hurting me I suppose –”
Vala’s eyes flashed and she interrupted him, “so
you’re saying you don’t trust me? After everything we’ve been through,
everything I’ve done that should have proved to you –“
Daniel reached up and silenced her by resting his hand on her cheek, his thumb
running over her lips. “Vala please let me try and
explain.” He began to walk back and forth in front of her much as he had the
night before. “I was afraid, not because I assumed
that you would hurt me but because I realised that my
feelings are strong enough that I could
be hurt by you, deeply; if you left, or if something were to happen to you the
way something happened to…my wife.” Daniel paused for a moment looking out the
window and running a hand through his hair. After a moment of silence he
dropped his gaze back to Vala’s. “Getting closer to
you only increased the possibility that I would be faced with that pain again,
so I built up arguments with myself against a relationship with you – and when
you acted the way you did last night I blew up, it gave me an excuse, you
acting the way you used to, and I took the out, pushing you away again.” He
stopped moving and approached the window where she still sat. “And then when
you looked at me…I could see it in your eyes. You weren’t playing. Not this
time. Vala I’m not saying this will be easy but…I
think I’m ready. I want to try. Don’t you?”
Vala answered not with words but with a desperate
kiss, much as she had the night before. Her lips pressed against his, both
confirming her own desire and seeking a final confirmation of his as well. And
Daniel did not disappoint, his hands moving into her hair pulling her
impossibly closer. He ran his tongue along her lips seeking entry and as she
gasped for breath he moved inside her mouth, his tongue stroking hers gently. A
soft moan rose from her throat into his mouth and he pulled back, opening his
eyes to look into hers. The passion that had ignited in Vala’s
eyes was mirrored in his own and he paused, restraining himself, to stroke a
finger down her cheek once more, wiping away the last remnants of tears. With a
smile playing on his lips he curled his fingers around Vala’s,
pulling her to her feet, and moving towards the bed.
Vala paused momentarily. “Wait,” she said quietly,
squeezing Daniel’s hand before letting it drop to his side. Vala
bent down to retrieve Danny. He had fallen on the floor when she had thrown her
arms around the real Daniel’s neck moments before. She picked up the small
creature, stroking his back thoughtfully as her eyes scanned the room. Daniel
settled on the bed and watched her as she moved to the bookshelf, carefully
setting the giraffe on the top shelf. She turned then, a small smile playing on
her lips. Daniel simply reached his hand out inviting her to join him in bed.
Her smile turning into a trademark Vala smirk as she
slowly reached one hand up to avert the little animal’s eyes away from the bed,
her own eyes smouldering with passion as she crossed
the room to join Daniel under the sheets.
* *
The small plush giraffe had found a new home on a new bookshelf, but he would
no longer look out onto a room where a lonely man slept alone, nor would he be
cuddled by a lonely woman who wished he was another Daniel altogether. In this
new room two people had finally found one another. They didn’t have to depend
on his comfort any longer – for better or for worse they had each other.
TAG 6: Unwritten
Unending
Vala looked up from the toilet to
Daniel. “I’m pregnant, aren’t
He brushed her hair back off her face and smiled. “I’d say so Vala”
She had thought as much. Vala had recognised
the changes in her body from the last time around, including the morning
rendezvous with the waste facilities, but she had been worried about Daniel’s
reaction and forced herself to hope it was stomach flu instead. But as the
weeks had passed it became clear that this was no flu. They were going to have
a baby. She looked up at Daniel again and saw a grin spreading across his face.
She soon had her own to match and he pulled her up off the bathroom floor into
a tight embrace.
“You’re happy about this aren’t you darling?” she asked, snuggling into his
neck, needing his verbal assurance as much as the nonverbal.
“Yes Vala, of course. I’m not saying that this is
going to be easy in our situation, but you carrying my child is a miracle in my
eyes,” he pulled her up to look into her eyes, “a happy one.”
Finally, knowing she had his support, she allowed the joy that she had been
suppressing the last few weeks to fill her completely. “Let’s go tell the
others!” She said with bright laugh pulling him towards the bedroom.
“Can I put on some pants?” He asked with a smirk gesturing towards his boxers.
She had already been awake and dressed by the time he had woken up to the sound
of her emptying her stomach in the bathroom early that morning, but he had
still been asleep and hadn’t stopped to pull on his pants when he moved to
check on her.
“I suppose not everyone enjoys seeing you this way as much as I do darling; yes
you should put some clothes on. But hurry!” Excitement filled her voice and the
grin remained plastered to her face as she crossed her arms, tapping her foot
impatiently. He had barely done up his pants when she pulled him from the room
towards the dining area.
The reactions had been mixed. The automatic response of congratulations and
happiness had waned to reactions of worry and doubt. Would Vala
be all right having another child after what the Ori
had done to her? Sam insisted on a medical examination as soon as possible. As
they discussed the pregnancy, a bigger question, the scarier one, hung over all
their heads, left unspoken. Could they really bring a child into this
situation? Stuck on this ship for an indeterminate length of time? Perhaps to live out much if its life alone? Vala could see the worry in their eyes, and she had
certainly been thinking the same things, but she refused to let it get to her.
She wasn’t about to give this baby up now that it existed. She was still
hopeful that they would find a way out of their bubble. Vala
had pulled Sam aside after her check-up – which had shown that everything
seemed to be in order so far – and asked her in a calm tone, eyes pleading
desperately, whether she thought she would be able to get them out of this. Sam
had told her simply that she hadn’t given up yet. Vala
refused to focus on Sam’s eyes that, to anyone else, would have expressed Sam’s
worry; she was running out of options.
Vala wanted this baby. Badly.
This was her second chance at motherhood and she wasn’t willing to give it up.
She wanted it for herself, and for Daniel. They would figure something out. She
told herself that every day, whenever doubts clouded her thoughts. And in the
meantime she threw herself into being the best mother she could be. Daniel was
there for her all the way, and for that she was eternally grateful. His support
was indispensable. If she was going to get this second chance she would do the
best with it she possibly could, and that meant having Daniel’s help and
support. That wasn’t to say there weren’t days where they frustrated each other
to no end anxious about the situation. But this was Daniel. They would always
fight, disagree, but in the end she knew – and this was something she was still
getting used to knowing – that he would stay with her, and help her no matter
what. That steadfast love frightened Vala at times,
still uncomfortable depending on others, leaving herself so open. He hadn’t
been completely wrong when he had called her an emotional wreck however, and
the hormones didn’t help. There were days when she wondered if she deserved
everything he gave her, but this baby might be just what she needed to give
something back to him. In the meantime she focused on producing the healthiest,
happiest baby she could. Vala had Sam download all
the information in ship’s database pertaining to pregnancy and children and
read it nightly with Daniel, making plans for rearranging their living
quarters, for baby names and baby clothes. She gave up coffee,
and made sure to get lots of sleep and even turned her roller-skates over to
Daniel for safekeeping.
“I’ll need them back of course” she explained as Daniel put the skates in a box
on the top shelf of the closet, “and Sam will have to make another pair for the
baby when it’s old enough. Someone has to show the little darling how to drive
their Uncle Cameron absolutely mad” She laughed with a quick wink and Daniel
just rolled his eyes. Some things would never change.
* * * *
About a week later Vala decided that the proper thing
to do as a mother-to-be with a lot of free time on her hands would be to make
some clothes for her baby. Daniel had tried to persuade her that this wasn’t
necessary, but she wouldn’t hear it.
“Vala you don’t need
to make clothes, just ask Sam for whatever you want…” Her heated glare made him
drop his argument immediately.
“I can DO this Daniel. If you’re not going help, don’t bother me” She picked up
the knitting needles again and tried to continue where she had left off on the
small sweater she was attempting to create. As he left the room she heard him
mutter something about ‘women’ and ‘hormones.’ Vala
exerted all of her self control in order not to throw one of her knitting
needles after him – mostly because she knew she was a good shot and would
probably actually hit him with it, causing considerable pain.
She sat on the bed, night after night for over a week, with a lap full of
tangled yarn. Despite Sam’s attempts to show her what to do – mostly based on
what little experience Sam had had with this sort of thing as a child – Vala was not getting anywhere. She might not be a natural
at this she told herself, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t try. And try she
did, to Daniel’s agony. Not only was she extra moody due to her continued
frustration, but she also insisted on working on this project on their bed.
Daniel woke up more than once with knitting needles digging into him, often in
places he’d rather not discuss. Every time he protested Vala
merely fixed him with a glare that said if he kept up his whining she’d start
doing it on purpose. Eventually though, she was forced to admit that while she
had many talents, knitting was not one of them. Frankly the sweater looked a
lot more like a twisted lumpy scarf, with a small piece off one side that she
assumed had been her valiant attempt at a sleeve. Finally, accepting her
domestic failure, Vala threw her knitting tools and
the lump of yarn that had never really taken sweater form into a box and put it
in storage to be recycled.
A few days later Vala returned to their room one
evening after dinner to find a small white sweater lying on the bed. She picked
it up and examined it. It was beautifully knit, soft and warm but with just
enough imperfection to convince her that it was clearly hand made, not
replicated. She picked it up and turned it over hoping for some indication of
where it had come from. Looking back at the bed she saw her knitting needles
and a small note. Don’t give up so quick
Princess, it’s harder than it looks but it’s not impossible! It wasn’t
signed but she had a pretty good idea who was behind this. She marched back to
the dining area, sweater in hand.
“Anyone know where this came from?” She asked as she entered the room holding
up the little white sweater.
Daniel looked absolutely shocked “You didn’t make that, did you Vala?”
She frowned at him. “No Daniel I didn’t. But someone did, because as far as I
know, even in your backward earth mythology, there is no sweater fairy. So, who
did it?” Everyone smiled at her comment, but no explanation came forth.
Despite her prodding and poking over the next few days no one ever did say a
word about where the sweater had come from. Vala was
almost positive she knew who had made it for her. She never could get him to
admit to it, however the twinkle in Cameron’s eye
whenever she brought it up said it all.
* * * *
Not long into the pregnancy Vala had pulled the old
stuffed giraffe down from the shelf, excitedly telling Daniel how they could
give it to their child, put it in its crib at night so that it wouldn’t be
scared in the dark. He had grinned, her excitement infectious, and giving her a
kiss on the nose told her that it was a great idea and suggested maybe she
should try and clean it up a little. The little guy had been through a lot
between the two of them and the wear and tear was starting to show. She had
washed it as best she could and taken the toy to Sam asking her to replicate a
small green ribbon – she hadn’t wanted to know the sex of their baby, so green
would have to do – which she carefully tied around Danny’s neck, trying to
dress up the old toy as much as possible for their child. She had then set it
back up on the shelf, ready for it’s new owner,
petting it lovingly on her way by each day.
* * * *
When Christmas came that year, Vala had requested her
gifts be for the baby instead of herself, and her friends had all agreed. As
they sat around the dinner table Vala’s glass was the
only one that stood empty – no wine for the expecting mother – but she didn’t
mind at all. She sat happily on Daniel’s lap opening gift after gift for their
baby. A toy airplane from Cameron, and meditation
candles from Teal’c – for mother and child he explained with trademark Teal’c
nod. Sam and General Landry had replicated all sorts of baby clothes for her
and, most beautiful of all, Daniel had had Sam replicate a gorgeous red baby
blanket. She had thanked him with a soft kiss, holding the warm blanket on her
lap for the rest of the evening. He rested his hand on her stomach, which had
just begun to grow, rubbing slow circles as they both looked on as their thrown
together family enjoyed their holiday celebrations. Vala
felt that with these people they could bring this child safely into the world
no matter what the odds and consequences. In that moment nothing seemed out of
reach to Vala, a feeling of warmth spread out from
her heart right down to her toes. They would find a way out of here, and Vala and Daniel would have a life together, a real life, no
Ori prophecies, no accelerated growth, just a normal
life with their baby. She laughed at herself realising
that with their occupations their lives would, of course, never be totally
normal – whatever normal was – but the thought of coming back every night to a
real home, with Daniel and their child made everything she had gone through
recently seem worth it.
For a few short months Vala was as happy as she could
be, considering she was trapped on a spaceship going nowhere. But then in a
single moment everything changed. The room was dark and quiet in the early
hours of the morning and both Vala and Daniel were
fast asleep. Suddenly, Vala sat up straight in bed a
sharp pain in her abdomen. She suppressed a cry as the pain came again. It was
too soon. She knew that for certain. Gasping in agony Vala
shook Daniel to wake him. She looked at him with fear in her eyes when he
turned over to face her.
“Something’s wrong”
* * * *
Vala lay on the floor at the foot of the bed. She was
curled on her side, knees pulled up tightly to her body, as the tears from her
earlier bout of sobbing dried on her cheeks. She clutched Danny, the giraffe,
to her chest, cradling it like a child, slowly stroking his back hoping to
soothe herself, as she had in the past. She drew no
comfort from it. Not this time. Her child – their
child – would never cuddle this little toy as it fell asleep, would never look
up at her with Daniel’s lopsided grin. She would never be able to caress her
baby’s hair the way she caressed this animal’s fur now. Their child would never
run through the hallways of the ship, would never learn about ancient cultures
from its father, would never see the sky or the stars.
Their child would never be born. She
untied the green ribbon from the little creature’s neck and crumpled it in her
fist, no need to for it. No baby. No little Daniel with shining blue eyes, no
little Vala with raven pigtails. No child of their
own. Tears began to roll down her face for what seemed like the thousandth time
that night. As she began to weep again, a shaft of light fell across her body,
the door to their bedroom opening with a soft hiss. Daniel stood there. He had
gone to get some food, to talk to the others. She had refused to leave the dark
bedroom.
Vala sat up when she saw him, pulling her robe around
her as she tried to catch her breath, but the tears only came faster, turning
quickly to loud gasping sobs. Her sorrow mixed with rage now, as she thought
about Adria, about everything that had happened to
her already. Vala had paid her dues. She hadn’t lived
an easy life and she had had one baby taken away from her already. What had she
done to justify more suffering when she had for once, finally, been happy? Her
anger grew. She stood and began to pace back and forth in front of the bed. She
let the crumpled green ribbon fall to the floor but she still gripped the small
stuffed toy in her hand. Tears continued to stream down her face unopposed. He
watched her from the doorway, saying nothing.
“WHY?” She suddenly screamed at him in desperation, turning towards him, fury
finally boiling over. “We DON’T deserve this Daniel! We…we don’t…I don’t…I
wanted to…” Her sobbing overcame her ability to speak, but she was still
furious. She looked down at the small innocent creature in her hands and was
overwhelmed once again with grief and sorrow over what she had lost. What they
had both lost. She threw the toy as hard as she could across the small living
quarters. The giraffe bounced off the wall and fell behind the low dresser, out
of sight.
Energy completely expended she let out a low moan, a sound of pure anguish that
only a mother in agony could know, as she sank to her knees, her head in her
hands. Daniel approached her then, she felt his warm
presence move to sit down beside her and pull her into his arms, leaning back
against the bed. At first she clutched at him, hands on his shoulders,
desperate to be sure he was still with her, that he too hadn’t been stolen
away. As more emotions rolled through her she tried to move away from him,
disgusted with herself, with letting him down, with
how she was acting. How could he possibly want to be near her now. But he held fast, pulling her back to his chest,
placing kisses in her hair as she cried until she had no more tears. Daniel rubbed
her back and held her close as the dry heaving sobs slowly diminished. As her
breathing grew more regular she began to speak.
“I wanted this baby Daniel, so desperately. I wanted to have something that was
ours together.” Vala whispered quietly. “But what I
wanted more was to have this baby for you.” She paused. “I wanted to give
something back to you, for the trust you had in me, the faith, for everything,
I just wanted to…” she trailed off.
He moved one hand under her chin and lifted her face so that his eyes looked
straight into hers. Tears still swam in her own eyes
but she saw those tears reflected in his blue depths, the streaks on his face
showing that she had not been crying alone just now. “You’ve given me
everything already Vala. This isn’t some deal that
you have to complete, to break even on. I’m not keeping score. And neither
should you. We are in this together.”
He didn’t have to say anything more. Between his words and his eyes she knew
everything she needed to know. She fell back against his chest with a sigh and
fell asleep in short order, emotionally and physically exhausted, but secure in
his arms. He sat there cradling her against him for a long time, each finding
comfort in the presence of the other.
* * * *
Across the room a stuffed giraffe lay trapped between the wall and the dresser,
its black eyes looking up towards the stars that remained frozen, unmoving
outside the window. And it remained there in that dark space. They never pulled
him out. He was a symbol of something they had loved and lost,
a part of their lives they couldn’t get back, no matter how hard they tried. So
he remained hidden, and they did their best to move on. They took comfort in
each other, but never again in the small animal that they had both treasured so
much. The years passed, the coat of dust filling his fur grew thicker, the colours drained and faded from the fabric. They would
hardly recognise Danny by the end if they had ever
pulled him out of the small tomb he occupied. However, when the time came, he
too was enveloped in the bright flash that sent everything back to the way it
had once been; brighter, alive, with chances left to be taken and choices left
to be made. The future was still
unwritten.
TAG 7: Epilogue – Paths That Cross
Post-Unending
Daniel was standing in his room, arms folded, squaring off
with a small stuffed giraffe. Eyes narrowing he stared at Danny, sitting on the
shelf. He had been meaning to give it back to Vala
for weeks – but there it sat. Still. He couldn’t exactly put his finger on what
was holding him back. Daniel had even taken it along on their last mission but
the opportunity to return it to her hadn’t presented itself, not that he was
sure exactly what the right opportunity would be. He defended his continued
possession of the small giraffe, reminding himself that their time on the
Odyssey had been fairly eventful and not overly long, at least from their
perspective. He was sure Teal’c would beg to differ on that point though.
Ever since they had returned to the SGC from their time-bending trip on the
Odyssey, Teal’c had been giving Daniel and Vala odd
looks every once in awhile – a glance out of the corner of his eye or a flicker
of a smile that was never there before when they bickered or when they sat next
to each other at briefings. It felt almost as though they were the punch line
of a joke that they hadn’t been let in on. Most of the time the looks were
unintentional and fleeting but Daniel shied away from them all the same, not
acknowledging them outright, unsure that he was willing to consider what they
might mean. Vala on the other hand seemed to take
them as an invitation to pepper Teal’c with questions, hoping to dig up some
dirt on what had happened during their extended time on the ship. She hadn’t
gotten anywhere yet with the resolute
Vala.
His thoughts were always returning to Vala these
days. He knew he needed to give Danny back to her – she needed the comfort and
support it offered right now as the reality of Adria’s
ascension set in. He was certain she’d been burying her true emotions about her
daughter all along. He had tried to confront her in the corridor while Adria underwent surgery but they had been interrupted.
Despite all her talk of incubators and shipping crates Daniel believed he knew
hiding when he saw it – he was well acquainted with that defence
mechanism; hiding his fears behind a near hopeless quest to save his wife,
hiding the guilt and sorrow of her death behind books, dust and sarcasm. Daniel
knew hiding. It occurred to him that his and Vala's
experiences on SG-1 were far more similar than he might have first imagined.
Both joined SG-1 while working to save someone they loved – or wanted to love. His wife, her Ori-given daughter.
Both their battles had ended in having the ones they were searching for, trying
to rescue, being torn away right in front of their eyes before they could be
saved. He shook his head – she might not want others to see it but her change
in demeanour, the pain that was set in her eyes,
showed that she was affected by it all, and he could at least offer her Danny
if no other comfort.
Daniel called out for Vala to come into the bedroom.
He wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to say but he figured he should at
least try. Vala paused when she arrived at the door
before entering slowly. She saw Danny in his habitual place on the bookshelf
and immediately went over and wrapped the small creature in her arms. Daniel
felt the guilt clawing at his gut seeing how much she had missed the animal,
knowing he could have returned it to her weeks ago. Vala
moved to sit on the end of the bed, petting the giraffe absently while
observing Daniel with an expectant look in her eyes. As their gaze locked he
could see her strength wavering – she was fighting to hold onto it, but it
seemed to be yet another losing battle.
He broke the heavy silence in the room, clearing his throat and then beginning,
“Vala, about Adria, you
know there’s nothing you could have - ” at his words Vala’s gaze dropped to her lap. “It wasn’t your fault you
–” her fingers clutched tighter around the toy in her hands, her hair masking
her features from view. But her hunched shoulders said it all – she had already
heard these lines from the rest of SG-1. They hadn’t helped then and they
wouldn’t help any more coming from Daniel. Daniel clamped his mouth shut,
unsure of what to do next. Suddenly Vala’s own voice
echoed in his head, something she had said months ago came floating back into
the forefront of his mind.
Daniel moved to sit next to her on the bed. She looked away, not wanting him to
see her upset, her hair still hiding her from him. “Vala,
look at me” She wiped her eyes and raised her head to look at him. He could see
the pain she was still feeling over Adria, the pain
she had refused to acknowledge in the corridor of the Odyssey, written all over
her face.
“You know, someone once said to me, ‘There's nothing to be gained by second
guessing yourself. You can't remake the past, so look ahead, or risk being left
behind.’” He paused for a moment and added “Life is too short.” He wasn’t sure
why he added it but it felt familiar somehow.
As Daniel spoke he could see the flash of recognition in her eyes, and she
considered what he said for several long moments – and then she smiled at him
through watery eyes, “I agree.” The tail end of their exchange left her with an
odd sense of déjà vu.
Neither expected it to happen but in the moment it just felt…right. He reached
out to brush her hair out of her face and found himself leaning in closer,
catching her lips with his. Somehow it felt more familiar than it should have
as well. For every ounce of sorrow and pain Daniel felt in Vala’s
kiss he tried his best to return the same amount of comfort and support. One
hand moved into her long hair while the other cupped the back of her neck
holding her close as his lips pressed against hers, moving away only once to
kiss away the lone tear that had fallen on her cheek. Vala’s
hands moved upwards as well, one resting on his shoulder while the other moved
to cup his face. She drank in everything he had to give. When they leaned back
to catch their breath Daniel caught Vala’s gaze with
his. The emotion Vala saw in Daniel’s eyes sent shivers
up her spine followed immediately by doubts creeping into her heart. Out of
instinct and experience Vala’s mind immediately
questioned something that felt this good.
“You better not be messing with me,” She whispered, her voice quivering as she
ventured to stroke a thumb over his lips, touching his face, trying to make it
real to her. She had been thrown off balance by his actions, questioning his
intentions, but as she caught Daniel’s gaze again he didn’t even have to speak.
His eyes told her everything she needed to know. Vala
had stopped playing around a long time ago and as she rested her palm against
his cheek, the emotions flitting across Daniel's face told her that he wasn’t
playing with her now.
Vala initiated the second kiss, but it wasn’t forceful
or demanding. It was sweet and, while passionate, it was not filled with lust
but with promise. Her lips moved over his slowly, caressing, tugging a little
but she didn’t demand entry. He granted it anyway and they explored each
other’s mouths slowly, languidly, passion simmering slowly, close to the
surface, ready to explode.
At the sound of Sam and Cameron calling out from the entryway, Vala and Daniel broke off the kiss. Dinner.
They had both forgotten the rest of the team would be arriving soon. Their
foreheads rested together for a moment before Vala
looked towards the bedroom door and then rose from the bed. As she put her hand
on the doorknob Vala turned back with a soft smile,
then walked out of the room to meet the others without another word, Danny
clutched in her hand.
* * * *
Dinner was a success – with most of the cooking having been done by one Colonel
Cameron Mitchell whose ‘lending a hand’ quickly turned into a promotion to head
chef. And no one was disappointed; the guy really could make a mean pasta
sauce. Vala absently wondered what other unexpected
domestic skills the colonel had up his sleeve. After dinner the team collapsed
in the living room, full to bursting and as the night wore on they dropped off
one by one into an exhausted post-repast slumber. Everyone except Teal’c, that
is, who remained ever vigilant, watching over his
friends as they slept while enjoying Star Wars on Daniel’s satellite.
No one stirred until Sam was jolted from her sleep by a sudden outburst of snoring
from Cameron whose head had found its way onto her shoulder. She gave him a
shove, jostling him awake. The two colonels exchanged a silent look, and after
catching Teal’c’s eye, the three of them quietly
stood to leave, seeing that Vala and Daniel were both
sleeping peacefully, curled up together on the couch.
Sam and Cameron left first, but Teal’c paused on the way out, looking back at
the couple. Vala was curled up with her head against
Daniel’s chest, her legs having moved across his lap in her sleep, still
holding onto the stuffed giraffe tightly. Daniel’s head had fallen forward, his
face buried in her hair, one arm falling from the back of the couch to support
her back while the other wrapped around in front of her, holding her to his
chest. Teal’c observed the ease with which they fit together; falling asleep in
each other’s arms so naturally, cradling the small toy like the baby they would
never know they lost. They couldn’t see what lay ahead of each of them, what
remained to be discovered in their lives together, but in an odd sort of way
Teal’c knew he could. The twists and turns of the journey might be different
but the ultimate destination would be the same – and he hoped they would reach
it with fewer potholes this time around. He knew that when it came to Daniel
and Vala, no matter what their unique paths might be,
they would always inevitably cross; all roads led to each other. Teal’c closed
the door quietly behind him, allowing a slight smile to grace his normally
stoic features.
** The End **
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