What Time Forgot
By: Kamiikiteiru
CATEGORY: Angst, First Time, Romance
SEASON/SPOILERS: Season 10 “Unending”
WARNINGS: None
AUTHOR’S WEBSITE:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1238716/
CHAPTER 1: Beginnings
“What are you doing?”
Daniel turns toward her. He can’t believe she is doing this now. Why
couldn’t she let a moment be? Why did she always have to play her stupid games?
“Something we should have done along time ago.” She walks toward him and her
hands start to undo his belt.
“Don’t do that.” His hands move towards hers, but he doesn’t stop her at first.
He is in awe of her absolute lack of maturity right now. He had been trying to
have a serious moment. To lay out a little of what he was thinking to her
because they had gotten closer over the year. But no, not with Vala. She
couldn’t let it be and the fact that she was trying to play this now, when he
was actually letting her in to his world for once, was complete disrespect.
“Why not?” She sort of laughs as if it was such a silly question. She can’t see
them not going through with this. It is the perfect moment to seize what she
has always known was there. She thought he could see that too.
He pulls her hand up away from his pants and throws them back, making her
stumble back a bit. He turns around, leaving her staring at him in disbelief.
But he doesn’t care. He is tired of being on the ship, he is tired of fighting
to save something no one else seems to care about and he is in no mood for her
to make something fun out of him.
“We’ve been here three months Daniel. Three…months!” And then a thought hits
her. Did he? Surely not Daniel, but this isn’t the first time she has tried to
start something and it isn’t the first time he has pushed her away. “You do
like girls?"
“Yes!” Oh, here she goes. If he doesn’t want her than something has to be
wrong. Of course not wanting to have sex with someone like her meant he was
gay. The idea that she could even think that after how much time they had been
forced to spend together was absurd. That shows him just how well she really
doesn’t understand him.
She smiles, glad that that is out of the way. But then what is wrong with
him? “Well, I don’t see many other options around here, do you?”
He only folds his arms and makes that face of his that tells her he doesn’t
think of her as an option.
“Unless…you really…don’t find me attractive.” Could he really think that? She
knows she has a self-inflated image of herself, but there has been moments
between them when she could swear he showed her there was a mutual attraction.
He is always the first to try and console her, doesn’t that mean something? It
does to her. It means the world to her and now he is saying, no…there is
nothing between them?
“You want an honest answer to that question?”
He says it in just a way that makes her entire body turn cold. The answer is
obvious. He hasn’t said no, he hasn’t taken her in his arms and said of course
he does. He asks her if she really wants to know, which means she isn’t going
to like his answer. And that suddenly makes her feel very vulnerable. She feels
like running out of the room. Anything that is going to keep Daniel
from saying what she fears. “No.” She turns and picks up her shirt quickly. She
wants out of this conversation so badly and she knows she is about to get a
truth she doesn’t think she can handle.
“No seriously, you started this. Do you want an honest answer to the question?”
He approachs her, corners her. If she wants to play the sex card on him he is
going to let her know exactly once and for all that it is never going to
happen.
“No, don’t worry about it.” She smiles, and tries to do anything to build up
that wall as quick as she can. She can't let him get to her. She has
to keep it playful. She can’t let him see her like this, but she does feel it
boiling beneath her skin. An overwhelming ache that she has seriously tried
with him and he has rejected her.
“Do you believe that I could have any kind of serious feelings for you?” The
idea is senseless. Has she not been paying attention the last two years? If she
couldn’t tell by his demeanor he had actually verbally told her how much she
annoyed him. So how could she stand here and think that? She can’t. This has
nothing to do with feelings and everything to do with her own amusement.
She turns toward him. Does he think she wants them to exchange the “L” word? “I
wasn’t suggesting you have serious feelings, Daniel.”
“Oh, oh-what so we just sleep together once? Than what? We work together! You
know even saying that part out loud sounds unbelievable.” He laughs, thinking
of when he was her hostage. And now, now they were co-workers. She had shot
him, kicked his ass and jeopardized an entire crew and yes that was then, but
how could any relationship that started like that even exist? It's funny,
actually. “Come on!” He motions to her, almost as if giving her a cue to
agree with him and laugh at her own ludicrousness. “I mean I can’t even imagine
what-what a relationship with you would be like?” Now, it's getting down right
hilarious. He’d kill her. That’s all he can imagine anything between them
coming to.
She turns as he speaks, no longer able to hold that smile for him. She sits
down on the bed and now that he can’t see, her smile disappears. She feels the
first hot tears run down her cheeks. She has been berated by Daniel before, but
this is different. This is him laughing and making fun and not just at the
thought of him and her, but of any guy seeing in her what she had hoped Daniel
had learned to see.
“I mean, yes, yes you have proven yourself to be trustworthy on a professional
level and for that I am very proud of you, but on a personal level? Vala, come
on give me a break!”
She can hardly listen anymore. She has had more than her take on what he
really thinks of her. She wants to tell him that is enough, but she is afraid
that if she moves her lips then she won’t be able to stop them from
quivering. She wants to leave, but she feels weak in her knees. No, she is
going to sit and listen and if he doesn’t see her face or see her falter
than maybe he will never know how broken he has just made her.
“I mean at best you’re an emotional unstable wreck. And I’m not saying I’m much
better. I’m not saying I’m much better. There was a time when I thought I would
never…get over my wife. I mean the idea of…” he sighs, letting a little of the
momentum he has been building fade and sounding a little calmer he finishes his
thought “getting hurt that way again. But I have finally gotten to a place.
I’ve finally for the first time in a long time have gotten to a place where I
actually feel I could get close to somebody again.” His hands wave fiercely
through the air as he speaks, accenting every word and thought. He had let up
for a moment, but here he raises his voice again. “But not in a million years,
a million, million years would I ever possible consider that person being you!”
She closes her eyes as he speaks that last sentence and finds herself fighting
something she can’t hold in anymore. How can she have been se wrong? How could
she have seen a chance at something, wanted something that repulses him so
much. There is no hiding now, there is no wall to hide behind left. When he
finishes he will see and she wonders if he will even care.
“I mean we are so completely opposite and wrong for each other it's not even
funny! And the worst part! The worst part about that is you know that. And this
whole flirty sexual thing-” He gestures toward his chest. “-that you do that’s
just your way of having a laugh at my expense.” There he had said it, what they
both know. This isn’t really about what she made it look like she wanted. It's
for a joke. It is her crazy way of putting herself in his face just asking for
him to fight with her. “So I’m so sorry I’m not more appreciative of that and I
am so sorry that you’re bored! But don’t you pretend its anything else!” He
stares at her back for a second, waiting to see if she is going to push this
further, but she doesn’t. She only slightly nodds. He turns away from her, so
angry with her for doing this yet again.
For her part, Vala has never felt like this in her entire life. So open and so
crushed, she never in a million years, even with all their arguments and little
tangles, thought he would ever make her feel like this. Cheap and worthless is
what she is to him. Never had any man made her feel like this before. And if
any had she could have shrugged it off. But not Daniel. Not her Daniel.
She wipes the tears that are falling down her chin and lets out a
quick sniffle.
Daniel turns at the sound, annoyed. Here they go. Some sob story of how she
wasn’t always like this. A lie, to make him feel bad. Well, not this time. She
has played that card once. Besides she did ask for it and he dished it
out. “Don’t act like your hurt.”
Act? She wishes she could. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even think she
can form words right now. She just pulls her shirt over her head, suddenly
feeling very bear in front of him in more ways than one.
Her silence catches him off guard. No laugh, no smile, no little speech about
how he must think he has some enlarged worth within her for that to make a
dent. She would usually turn something like that back on him, but she doesn’t.
He turns to look at her and suddenly the extent of what he has just done hits
him. Did he hurt her? No. No! He can’t have? Could he? He walks over to her
trying to think of some stupid something to say that might comfort her.
He sits on the bed facing her, but she turns away. He just stares at the back
of her head stunned. He has done something. What exactly he doesn’t know, but
suddenly he is very angry at himself. Vala is a lot of things, but
maybe…maybe even for her that had been too much.
She won’t let him see her like this. He has made it perfectly clear where she
stands and since she obviously means nothing he is no longer allowed to
see this side of her ever again. She pulls her sleeves down where they are
bunched at her elbows, maybe to do something normal, maybe because she doesn’t
want him to see her hands shaking.
“Hey.” He moves his hand to touch her back, to get her to turn toward
him.
The faint touch of his hand, which just moments ago she would have gladly
invited, now sends chills through her. It is pity, and after what he has
just said he is the last one she wants pity from. Still his touch breaks
what little will she has left and her hands cover her face as she breaks
down completely. “Just give me a minute.”
He is completely thrown back. All he can think is why the hell did he let
himself say those things? Okay, he truly meant some of those things, but he
never intended to make her cry. Why out of every time they had gotten into it,
what is different now? She never really takes anything he says to heart. That
was Vala. So what is different? Had she actually thought…no! She couldn’t. They
would never…she would never. Right? “Look at me.” If he can just see her eyes.
He has learned to read her that way, usually to see if she was lying. He knows
she isn’t now. She wouldn’t go this far, unless he had actually hurt her. What
he needs to see, what he has to see is if there is something there for
her.
She shakes her head. She doesn’t want to look at him. She wants to preserve
whatever dignity she has left and if she looks at him, if he looks at her with
that concerned crinkle right between his eyes then that is going
to be it.
He pulls her hair back away from her face. Not wanting to push or pry, but
there is a strange urgency within him to confirm what he already knows. She
feels something for him? Since when? Since how? Suddenly what he thought he
knew is turned upside down. Everything is different. He had said those things
knowing he is just a game as always. He had meant it, he is pretty sure he had
meant it. He feels bad, but come on…him and her…it’s…it's crazy. He doesn’t
feel like that. He doesn’t think he feels like that. Oh, God does he
feel that way for her? Suddenly knowing someone has feelings for him makes him
feel strange. Or is it not someone, but because she feels for him? He is having
trouble thinking clearly at the moment.
Finally her hands fall from her face and she raises her head. She wipes at her
nose and looks straight in front of her. She turns just for a moment to look at
him, to make him happy she supposes. To let him see the extent of what beating
her down has done and then she looks back ahead.
She closes her eyes, but still he sees it in her in that moment, plain as day
and right in front of him. She had seriously meant something and he had just
stepped all over her. He secretly curses his pride for letting him go off on
her like that.He puts his hand softly on her cheek and pulls her head so she
has to look at him again. This isn’t for her anymore, it’s for him. He needs to
look at her. Really look at her and see if he does in fact, if he can in fact
feel that way. He has been alone so long he has forgotten what it was like. And
looking back he can see moments where he should have paid more attention to
her. He can see she has shown him how she has made it to this point. How her
feelings have grown for him. And looking back he suddenly realizes how blind he
is. Does he love her? No, not in that way, but he can. With her sitting right
in front of him suffering from bearing her soul and being rejected. He loves
her for that. And that is a start. It could turn into something real, something
deep. It could be something he has yearned for for so long. It was true, never
in a million years would he consider this with her. But something inside
him is thinking otherwise.
He lets his thumb graze her cheek and suddenly he feels an attraction, a tug to
her. It’s no longer anger at himself or sadness that she is hurt. It’s canon
and it is natural. He remembers this.
He pulls her toward him and kisses her, softly at first and then a little
deeper. It feels right and it feels good. The kiss was turning what he thought
impossible into reality. It’s one moment that is suddenly feeding a need to
know her more in every way possible.
Vala falls into it with him. She can’t even think at all. What has just
happened? Why is he kissing her? Wait, she doesn’t care.
They pull apart slowly. With her eyes still closed she feels breathless. She
has kissed many men, mostly to get something from them, but this is different.
She had felt it. It wasn’t just her kissing him, he had kissed her and not just
kissed her. He had really kissed her. Like a man who knew how to kiss her. As
if every other kiss in her entire life has never meant something like this one
did. She suddenly knows what Scarlett felt in that overly long and boring movie
Gone with the whatever when that hot man had said something about being kissed
and by someone who knew how. Daniel knows how and now all she needs is for him
to keep doing it.
As Daniel pulls back he can’t help, but smile. It isn’t like what he thought
kissing Vala would be like. It wasn’t harsh and superficial. It wasn’t
something to get sex or an involuntary thing to do with sex. He has been wrong
about her in so many ways. The kiss had been like coming home. As if she has
been waiting for him all along. She feels for him and now in turn he realizes
he could love her like that and he wants to. “You better not be messin’ with
me.” And for the first time since Sha’re he knows he can let himself love
someone again. This of course is slightly scary. Vala now holds a way to really
hurt him and he is asking her not to. She responds by kissing him again. At
this the rest of his thoughts and worries fall behind a deep need for someone.
And not just anyone, but for her.
Everything else seems to fade away for her as well. His words don’t matter
anymore. Someone had once told her actions speak louder than words. Well,
whatever he is doing he is damn near screaming at her.
They fall back onto his bed kissing each other deeper with each passing second.
They don’t know what it means and where it puts them exactly. They can talk
about that later, but they both have a feeling this is going to be something
big. Most relationships have that feeling, but it only takes one to do it and
win in the end. It has been a long time, but Daniel has that feeling again. He
wants to win.
CHAPTER 2: Comfortable
He doesn’t know if it’s early or if he just can’t sleep. Living in space meant no light came through any windows. So you usually had no idea what part of the day it actually was without a clock. He had a clock on his wall, but his glasses are out of reach on the nightstand due to someone sleeping next to him.
He is still in awe over what had changed from yesterday to today. Yesterday had been normal and routine, the same sickening routine that had taken over all of their lives of late. And then she had come to ask him something. He can’t even remember what now, but hearing something in his voice she had asked if he was all right. Next thing he knew she was sitting on his bed while he spilled out his frustrations. He had had no idea how that night would end. And now here they were, her legs intertwining with his and a mess of raven hair all over his pillow. Not to mention a lack of feeling in his thighs and dare he say, a feeling of contentment? But he is, strangely. How did this woman beside him…this crazy woman who could send him to his wits end make him feel like this?
His head turns to look at her. Her head fits nicely against his shoulder and
chest. He leans in and kisses her forehead as gently as possible so not to wake
her. He smiles at a very different Vala he has only seen a couple of times.
Vala always worries about looking nice and what is beside him was a mess of
hair. Still, she is beautiful. A part of him can’t even fully comprehend what
she sees in him. Well, a part of him can’t fully comprehend what he now sees in
her, but he figures if what he feels now is any indication, that part of him
won’t be there much longer.
She is indescribably different and he is ‘for lack of a better term’ a book
geek. Still, here they are in his bed and for once he doesn’t want her to
leave. He suddenly misses the sunlight more than ever. He wishes he could look
at her with light coming through his window and watch her sleeping against him.
That would be too normal for them, he guesses.
He kisses her softly once more before letting his head fall back onto the
pillow and closing his eyes. Immediately the night before runs through his
mind. The things he had said to her, and how he had hurt her, are things he
wished he could take back. Of course, he knows they wouldn’t be here if he
hadn’t of seen her so broken and he had been the one doing the breaking. He was
a little surprised she hadn’t brought that up later between tumbles, but then
again he knows he is going to have to be the one to say they need to talk about
that. That’s Vala. She’s good at protecting herself and he knows even though
things have changed between them, her need to keep any hurt bottled up will
not. They will talk, because if this was going to go anywhere and really turn
into something then they couldn’t leave that loose end hanging. Even if it has
worked out for something better.
It worked out for something much better, to be exact. Okay, yes as a man going
all the way with any woman there’s a physical effect, but he wasn’t prepared
for what Vala made him feel. Something he has only felt before with his wife.
He can’t explain it exactly, but there is this feeling with certain women that
the next morning or some morning she or he would leave and that would be it. He
doesn’t feel that with Vala. Yes, they are so different and somewhere deep down
he knows there is an absence of a voice that should be telling him how absurd
this all is. But thinking back on last night he feels it had been natural for
them. As if everything has been leading up to it and neither of them had seen
it coming.
* * * *
“Daniel, if I had known it was going to
be like that I would have skipped all that cat and mouse crap and just mounted
you.”
He laughed despite
still trying to catch his breath and pulled her closer to him.
She smiled seductively
at him and then let her head rest on his chest. “So…does this count as a second
date?”
“I think we just
skipped the first couple of dates altogether.” One of his arms slinked beneath
her naked body and curled around her back so that he could hold her.
“Fine by me. Never
liked dating anyway. It’s not as fun as this part. And no matter what you say
Daniel, interrupted or not, our dinner was a date.”
“If you say so.”
With that she pinched
his side playfully.
“Ow! Okay, okay it was
a date.” He turned slightly so that they were facing each other. “ To tell you
the truth I don’t care.” He took his free hand and brushed her hair away from
her face. “I don’t have anything to hide anymore.” Back then he had cared about
what his teammates thought about him and Vala. Now he didn’t care. And if
subconsciously he hadn’t realized his feelings for her before now, maybe it did
count as a date. It just didn’t matter anymore. He pulled her to him a little
more, embracing the feeling of having that warm body beside him.
Vala only stayed like
that for a moment before she lifted herself up. She had to look down at him now
and her hair cascaded down in such a way that he found himself completely taken
in by her.
“Daniel, can I ask you
a question?”
“You always scare me
when you ask if you can ask a question and since I know you’re going to ask it
anyway, yes.”
She took a moment
before she spoke. Studying his eyes. “Are you sure about this? If you are going
to regret this later…”
He put a finger to her
mouth to quiet her. “I don’t…regret this.”
She smiled softly,
that typical Vala smile he had come to know meant she was showing him something
she wasn’t sure she should be. He brushed her hair again, this time behind her
shoulders and let his hand slide behind her neck and pull her down to kiss him.
Their lips met with a fiery appetite that he hoped would answer any questions
as to how he felt. When they parted she kept her eyes closed for a moment and
giggled.
“Good, then it’s my
turn.”
“Your turn?”
“Uh-huh.”
“To do what?”
She lifted herself up and
flung a leg over him so that she was straddling his upper thighs. “To show you
what none of those silly books of yours will ever teach you…though usually this
works better with a whip...”
Daniel put a finger up
to her lips to quiet her. “You don’t have to prove anything to me.” He
understood this is who she had been for a long time. Learning that she didn’t
have to be that way with him anymore would take her awhile.
Vala’s smile faltered
for a moment. “I didn’t mean to-”
Daniel put his finger
up to her lips again. “I know.” He placed his hands on her hips and lifted her
to his side. He turned and raised himself up so that he was above her. He took
one of his hands and lets his fingers caress her cheek. “I’m right here. You
don’t have to do that anymore.” He bent his head low and kissed her deep and
hard. Their arms wrapped around each other as they both felt the familiar burn
in the pit of their stomachs.
For once she let him
lead.
* * * *
They were drifting to
sleep. They both knew it from the lack of talking from both of them. They were
wiped out and it was pretty late or pretty early depending on how you wanted to
look at it.
“Daniel?”
“Hmm?”
“Should we tell the
others?”
“Eventually.”
She was quiet a moment
before she continued.
“Daniel?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you think they
will be able to tell…you know…without our telling?”
“Eventually.”
He felt her sigh beside
him and then she went silent. He was almost asleep when she spoke out again.
“Daniel?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you asleep?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want me to
go?”
He opened his eyes at
this and pulled her closer to him. “Never.”
* * * *
He feels her move beside him and he is pulled out of his thoughts. She opens one eye, looks at him, closes it and then snuggles closer to him.
“Good morning,” she mumbles into his chest.
“Morning.”
“How long have you been awake?”
“Not long.”
“You’re not one of those men that stares at girls while they sleep, do you?”
She pulls the sheet over her head. “Because we don’t particularly like being
looked at when we haven’t prepared for it.”
“You’re beautiful when you’re sleeping.” He pulls the cover down so that he can
see her face.
“My step-mother told me that once, but I think that was because it meant I
wasn’t talking.” She smiles and kisses his soft bare skin.
“No, that’s what I meant too.”
She glares at him and pinches his side playfully.
“Ow! Kidding…I was kidding.”
“Good. That should teach you not to mess with me before I’ve had coffee.
Especially when you kept me up rather late.”
“Aha, hey I was done after take two. Don’t blame that on me.”
“Well, someone had to make up for lost time, Daniel.”
And then it hits them. At the same time both their minds go back to the words
he has said. He feels her stiffen beside him just slightly and he knows he has
to bring it up.
“We should discuss some things.” He looks at her seriously trying to coax out
of her what they need to say about the night before.
“Oh, not now Daniel? It would only spoil things.”
“Just as long as you know we will need to at some point.”
“All right, fine, later then, but all I need at the moment is this…and maybe
some food.”
“Are you hungry?”
She nods her head as her answer. “But that involves moving and dressing and all
sorts of things I don’t want to do at the moment.”
“I know, but they are going to send someone to look for us eventually.”
“Fine, but I do it under protest…especially my legs.”
* * * *
It’s quiet except for the soft thud his sneakers make when they hit the floor. Hallway after hallway looks the same as he sails down them every day. He has gotten a later start than usual this morning and probably should have skipped it, but his days never feel quite right if he doesn’t jog. Or maybe it’s just the only thing he feels he has control over at the moment. It doesn’t matter. Every morning it’s the same song and dance.
Well, except for that. He stops his jogging right outside
CHAPTER 3: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
The Asguard knowledge base illuminated the room all around him, but he paid no attention to it. He had spent a lot of time in this room by himself, learning what he felt he had to to preserve a race that had saved them on more than one occasion. This was his work for the time being and the only thing that kept him sane some days. It just wasn’t doing that at the moment. He had done nothing since turning the console on. Nothing, but think about her. He had been sitting on the floor with his back to a wall for the last hour or two trying to understand his own feelings. That morning he had felt incredible, waking up with her, the late breakfast they had had alone. For once since he had been stuck on this stupid ship he had felt content. Still, something bothered him.
His entire life had been consumed with understanding and defining what others
did not. It was his passion to uncover the secrets of the past and understand
the way of others lives. Cultures and why people thought and acted the way they
did was his forte. So why was he completely stumped by his own emotions?
He had been trying to pinpoint a moment or a time when things had changed
between them. Did he have feelings for her before last night or did it just
kind of happen? And what about her? When had her games stopped being games? He
would have never said any of that had he known she was serious. He didn’t think
he would have ever let her into his bed either. He had surprised himself last
night just as much as she had.
*
* * *
Having had a late
breakfast he wasn’t surprised to find himself alone for lunch. He had thought
about finding Vala, but had decided not to. He had always felt comfortable
being by himself. It gave him time to think. Usually he was knee deep in
Asguard ideology and today he hadn’t even touched it. He would have to make
himself after lunch to be at least halfway productive today.
He finished what was left of the sandwich he had made himself and was about to
leave when Sam walked into the galley.
“Hey.” She smiled at him and pulled a bottle of water off the shelf.
“Hey.” He answered, returning her smile.
“What happened to you this morning? I was thinking about starting a search
party when you didn’t turn up for coffee.” She sat down across from him, opened
her water and took a drink.
“Slept in a bit I guess.” He momentarily looked down at his empty plate.
Which made Sam sit up and study him for a moment. “Daniel?”
“Sam.” He knew if he said anything else he would be getting himself into
trouble.
With that she slammed her bottle down and leaned across the table. “You slept
with Vala!”
“What?!” How in the world had she just come to that conclusion?
“Oh come on Daniel. I’ve known you for years. You are a horrible liar and you
have that guy look.”
“What guy look?”
“The look! The look that says you definitely weren’t alone last night. And
Since I know where I was…”
“I have no such look.” He looked away and tried to suppress whatever vibe he was
giving off that told her what he had done the night before.
Sam in turn just stared at him with that trademark grin of hers.
In the end he couldn’t take it. “All right...yes.”
She picked her water back up and hit him with it playfully. “I tell you
everything and you don’t tell me that you like Vala?”
“In my defense I didn’t quite know myself. Not until I kissed her.”
“When did you kiss her?”
“Just before we…”
“Uh-huh. So you just all of a sudden decided you had feelings for her and
kissed her?”
“I wouldn’t exactly call it a decision. We had a fight, I said some things I
shouldn’t have and hurt her feelings. I didn’t think I could hurt her feelings
and then when I did…I don’t know all of a sudden I just kissed her.”
“Wow.”
“Understatement of the year believe me.”
“So does that make you two…”
“I think so.”
“I always knew she had a thing for you, but never did I think you would have
one for her.”
“Wait, you knew she liked me?”
“Of course. Vala and I talk and it’s not hard to see how she acts around you.”
“Acts? She acts like she does with everyone else.”
“No, you just never seem to notice how much she has always needed your
attention. Believe me Daniel.”
“Since when?”
“That I don’t know, but I definitely knew something was up after Adria captured
you.”
“And you never thought to tell me.”
“I would never betray her confidence, Daniel, and besides did it really matter
before yesterday?”
“No, I mean obviously a part of me must have been feeling something.”
“Well, you obviously don’t waste time.”
“I know and it kinda scares me. We both jumped in headfirst and it felt great,
but we certainly weren’t thinking. We slept together before we even verbally
acknowledged that we had a relationship. It’s crazy.”
“Yeah, but you’ve known each other for years, so it isn’t exactly like you
needed a first date. She has always liked you, you obviously like her, so
what’s the problem?”
“The problem…the problem is what if being stuck here has built op this heat of
the moment kind of thing. What if in a
week or a month one of us or both of us realize this isn’t working or that
these are special circumstances that made us act irrationally or-”
“Daniel, stop.” She put one of her hands on top of his and smiled. “ Welcome
back to the world of dating. You don’t know and that is the point. Maybe it
will work and maybe it won’t, but don’t get ahead of yourself and worry about
what you can’t change. Think about the now. Are you happy right now?”
He sighed and let go of all the thoughts that had been running through his
mind. “Yes.”
“Do you want to be with her?”
“Yes.”
“Then be with her. That is all you need to know. Don’t over think everything.”
“That’s my job.”
“That’s why they say don’t take your work home with you.” She squeezed his hand
and stood up to leave.
“Thanks Sam.”
“No problem, just give a girl some warning next time.” She smiled at him again
and left him to his thoughts.
* * * *
The sweat on her body made her skin glimmer under the
lights. This wasn’t her natural way to work up a sweat and it certainly wasn’t
as fun, but what else was there to do? Running seemed to keep
“Don’t usually find you here.” The southern drawl from behind her caught her
off guard and she faltered slightly. Hopefully Cameron hadn’t noticed. After
him catching her exit this morning she had feared a little chat with the leader
of SG-1 was going to come at some point.
“Hey.” She slowed the machine down to a
brisk walk and took a quick drink of water. “Did you need something?” Quick and
to the point as she hoped he would be since she wanted to be alone.
Cameron folded his arms across his chest and slowly walked over to her
treadmill. “Naw, was on my way to a chess game when I passed by and was
surprised to find you. Usually only Teal’c and I clear the dust in here.”
“Oh, yeah, well I guess I’m running…no pun intended…out of things to occupy me
as you put it.”
He didn’t say anything as he leaned on the seat of one of the bikes and watched
her. Pursing his lips in that way he did that told her he wasn’t just stopping
by.
She turned the machine off and turned toward him, wiping the sweat off her face
with a towel. “What?”
“Nothin.”
“Oh, don’t nothing me. I know exactly what you are up to, mister.”
“Really? Enlighten me.”
She stared at him for a minute and then folded her arms across her chest as he
had done. He may be her superior in some ways, but she wasn’t in the mood to
take his intimidation today. “Oh, don’t tell me you haven’t been practicing
that little ‘leave
“What you and Jackson do is none of my business.”
“You’re right, it’s not.”
“But…you both are a part of my team. I need us to work and relationships can
make that difficult.”
“Right, because Daniel is your golden boy and I’m a distraction.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You don’t need to.” She paused a moment, she tried to turn her thoughts into
what she wanted to say. “I know I’ve caused problems. I know you probably don’t
completely trust me, but you don’t have to worry about Daniel-”
“So what’s the problem, then?”
“I’m worried about you.”
“Me? Why me?” Now that caught her off guard.
“You…are not as tough as you want us to think you are.”
She tilted her head to one side and raised an eyebrow. “What do you kn-”
He interrupted her. “Will you shut up and let me say this.” He glanced at the
floor and then back up at her. “I know first hand what something like this does
to a friendship, especially one that you may rely on. You can’t ever go back.
So watch yourself. I’m not trying to pretend to understand what happened
between you two. But I do know that he’s been alone for a looong time and you
feel more lost then you want us to know.”
She raised her eyebrow again, but he didn’t give her a chance to interrupt him.
“I read every mission report you write. Reports differ depending on the writer.
Teal’c, Sam’s and my reports are more military based. We keep it straight to
the facts and the action.
Her eyes met the floor, uncomfortable that he was closer to the mark than he
even knew.
“You depend on him a lot. So I don’t want to see you lose the only thing you
feel you have…the only tie you think you have to us. Make sure this is what you
want before either of you get deeper into this. If you are going to jump you
better be damn sure that he is going to catch you, because if this goes
south…you won’t have him to pick up the pieces this time.” He raised his hand
as if to pat her shoulder, but didn’t. His hand fell back to his side and he
sighed. “And that…is all I’m going to say about that. Now if you’ll excuse me I
have a chess game to go lose.” He didn’t wait to see if she was going to look
back up or say anything. They both were out of their comfort zones with each
other. He just stood back up and started to walk away.
“Cameron?”
He turned back and glanced at her.
“Thank you and…Daniel isn’t the only one I feel I have here.”
“You’re welcome and…I wouldn’t have given Landry my permission for you to join
SG-1 unless I completely trusted you.”
They stared at each other for a quick moment, a silent understanding passing
between them. Then he nodded and left her to herself.
She stepped off the treadmill and stared in the direction of where he had been.
Just when she thought the men on this team couldn’t surprise her anymore; Cameron
Mitchell had just in not so many words told her he cared for her. She didn’t
think she could take any more surprises so she would see if she could avoid
Teal’c for the day. As for what he had said, she felt more uncertain of what
she thought about Daniel now than before, but she knew she had to figure it
out. The next time she saw Daniel things would be different one way or another
whether it meant they were a couple or not.
* * * *
She felt him move next to her and she
shifted to give him a little more space. He in turn situated himself and pulled
her back to him. She laid her head on his shoulder and smiled pleasantly at how
well she fit. It was sweet and it was simple. Just as she thought it would be.
Still, as she listened to him sigh next to her and fall back to sleep she
wondered what they had gotten themselves into. Not that she wanted to think
about it right now. They would deal with that later. Still in the back of her
mind she wondered if he would still love her just like this tomorrow.
* * * *
She wasn’t answering her earpiece and she wasn’t in her room. He had checked all her usual haunts and a couple more he thought she might have been hiding in, but the ship was too big. If she didn’t want to be found then she wouldn’t be. She was avoiding him and that scared him a bit. He had had time to think everything through and he knew what he wanted. What if she had done the same and they hadn’t come to the same conclusion? He knew Sam would scold him for worrying about something he couldn’t change, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted this, as strange as it may still sound. And apparently she was going to make him wait for whatever was going through her mind.
Or maybe not. He opened the door to his room and there looking out his window
was Vala. She didn’t turn at first even though he knew she heard him enter. He
shoved both his hands in his pockets and walked up behind her. “Should I ask
how you got in here?”
“I could always get in, Daniel. I just knocked to be polite.” She turned her
head toward him and he bent his head down and kissed her softly. “Plus if you
want to be left alone, anywhere you like to hang out is a good place.” She
flashed him a quick smile and turned back to the window.
“Bad day?” He was afraid to ask.
“Other than the little detail that we are stuck in a time dilation thingy, not
really. Though I should warn you Cameron knows.”
“About us?”
“Mm-hm. He saw my exit and didn’t waste much time in giving me his opinion.”
“What did he have to say? It’s not any of his business.”
“No, but he made some good points.”
“Why do I feel like I’m not going to think they are “good” points?” He took a
step back and sat back on his bed. He leaned forward and folded his hands in
front of him.
She turned toward him and sat back in the chair that was below the window. “:I
have no regrets about last night. I want you to understand that. And whatever
you may think, I have never done that before. No matter what I felt about the
man I had a relationship where there were always some other reasons I was with
him. There was always a scam or a job or a…ori pregnancy or something. I was
always the one to walk away at the end when I got what I needed. Last night was
something completely different. I wanted it for no other reason than that I
wanted you, Daniel. And I don’t know what to do with that exactly. I need time
to figure all this out. I don’t want to
hurt you and I am not looking to be hurt.” She took a deep breath and let it
out slowly, looking down at the floor so she didn’t have to look at him.
He took one of his hands and gently placed it under her chin and made her look
up. “I would never hurt you. I don’t know what changed last night, but when I
said those things to you you were the person you’ve always been to me. You
drive me absolutely crazy, but…I’ve spent all day today figuring out that I
want crazy. I cannot apologize enough for saying those things. I was angry and
frustrated about everything and you were my outlet I thought you would shrug it
off like always. That isn’t an excuse. I’m not trying to give myself any. I
crossed a line last night and I’m sorry.” He got off the bed and kneeled in
front of her. He took her hands in his and squeezed them. “I was an ass. And I
promise if you give me a chance I will never hurt you like that again. I don’t
know what happened last night and I can’t tell you where my feelings came from,
but they’re there. I don’t care if this is crazy. I don’t care if we are
opposite. I need to see if this will work. I can give you as much time as you
need, but don’t believe anything I said last night. I couldn’t have meant it.
Did I believe that I could have any kind of serious feelings for you? I didn’t,
but I do now. Last night I really couldn’t have imagined what a relationship
with you would be like? And since I kissed you… all I can think about is having
a relationship with you. I haven’t been sure about a lot over the years, but I
am sure about this. Please just give this a chance.”
The corners of her mouth curved into a sad smile as a single tear fell down her
skin. She slid the palm of her hands down his cheek. “You sweet and naïve man.”
She slid down onto the floor in front of him. Their bodies were close enough
that she could feel the heat come off of him and his breath on her face. “I’m
not breaking up with you, if we could actually break up. I have wanted this for
so long and I didn’t even know how much until last night. I’m just saying we
need to take it slow for awhile. I want to do this right. Cameron was right
about one thing. I’ve always needed your friendship and I can’t lose that.”
“You will never lose me. I’m yours.”
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart.” He ran one of his hands through her hair and leaned his
forehead against hers.
“Then there is nothing to forgive.”
They laid on his bed for hours just talking about their pasts as they tried to understand each other in ways they never had. He told her about his parents, Sha’re, Janet and Sarah. How the loss of each affected him. How his own deaths had shaped him into the man he was.
She told him about her childhood. She told him about the man she had been
engaged to when she was taken as a host and how Qetesh had made him her first victim.
How when years later she went back home the people she had grown up with had
thrown stones at her. She explained how the man who would have been her
brother-in-law chased her for a year or so vowing he would see her dead and how
in the end she had played a part in his death. He had taught her the art of
running and after that it was all she knew to do.
It seemed easy to talk to each other, effortless. What had once been memories
they tended to leave hid behind old wounds came out in a flow of words they now
couldn’t stop. Yesterday they had been only colleagues and now they were
spilling their deepest secrets.
.
He walked her to her room at the end of the night, part of the decision to take
it slow. He kissed her deep and hard as they said goodnight and lingered as
long as they could not wanting to leave the other’s company. He knew the
feeling well, the ease of talking to someone you cared about and not wanting
the moment to really end. For her, it was her first. Not even Tomin had quite
been this easy to be with. It was natural as if they should have always had
this relationship between them. They both wanted more and knew they couldn’t.
He kissed her again and let his hand fall out of hers. She stepped into her
room and right before the door shut her foot stopped it.
“What?” He flashed her a quick smile and all her reasoning was gone.
“You’ve never listened to me before, Daniel. Why start now.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked into her room as the
door slid shut behind him. They didn’t need to go any further than that. He
just held her all night. That was all she needed from him. They had expended
enough passion the night before. Tonight was just what they wanted. They both
needed nothing, but to feel the other behind them as they fell asleep together.
It certainly wasn’t like any other relationship. One step forward and then
three steps back. It wasn’t a normal relationship at all, but it was just what
they needed. And it was theirs
To be continued…
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